Irulan II The Journey Continues
by Darma Druid
Summary: This story is a sequel to 'Irulan' and would make absolutely no sense to those who have not read that one first. For further info, check out 'Irulan'.
1. The Walk of Love

  
  


  
_This is the third day and the following night. We are still following the timeline of the movie. Unknown to the company, this night the Uruk-hai camp by the Fangorn forest and meet the Rohirrim. Which means, Eomer is coming up in the next chapter. Actually did you ever check the map to see the distance between the Fall of Rauros and Isengard? It is a LONG way. I don't care if they run or DRIVE there - in my opinion it would take much longer than said. And I have no idea why the Uruk-hai are not running directly to Isengard, but following a rather needless path by running towards Fangorn Forest. But alas, we'll remain true to the movie._

  
On the third day, they were still running towards the borders of Rohan, home of the horselords. And yet the chase continued - although they were gaining on the Uruk-hai and that fact alone gave them speed.  
  
"I have to grant Saruman credit for those beasts," hissed Irulan. "He did a fine job!"  
  
"Something is at play here," was Aragorn's mumble of a reply. "Something gives these creatures speed."  
  
"I sure hope so. Otherwise I will begin to doubt myself! We have been running and walking and yet running again for the most part of the past three days and yet the distance is astonishing!"  
  
At that moment Legolas passed by her and after throwing a warm glance in her direction, jumped ahead on some larger boulders. Irulan felt herself blush again. That elf was really beginning to get on her nerves! Little did she know that Legolas had barely begun with the process! Even now, she was feeling quite uncomfortable of constantly meeting his gaze or finding him next to her. At least now she was not jumping at that as much as she used to - for she very much suspected that he would be near. His attitude had changed drastically since the night before, after... Irulan blushed again. 'I have to tell him not to EVER kiss me again! I don't care if he dies or not, that HAS to stop!' she thought bitterly. All this intimacy was really too much for her. And too fast. She had a mission to concentrate on, damn it all! She was here for a reason! Besides, no matter what Legolas believed, the risk of her death in the upcoming days was just too great and probable. And if that wasn't enough, Irulan was having the dark feeling that Aragorn and Gimli, too, were looking less and less like a threat to her life. They were the only ones whom she could trust to kill her now, and yet...why was she feeling like they had as much intention of doing that as Legolas did?  
  
"Three day's and night's pursuit! No food! No rest! And no sign of our quarry but what bare rock can tell!" protested Gimli behind her. A smile crept up her lips - to tell the truth, the dwarf had turned out to have much more stamina than she thought he would.  
  
She glanced back at Aragorn, who was leading the group. She had not gotten the chance to talk to the man again and his pain was gnawing at her own heart. Irulan knew how much Aragorn and Arwen loved each other. As a matter of fact, she had admired that love so much that she found it hard to believe that it had ended now. And most probably for some stupid reason too! That love was a sign that there were things in Middle Earth worth fighting for! That love existed in the first place! That the Darma Druid interpretation of the world was very likely to be wrong!  
  
'Oh, so those are your REAL sentiments about the issue!' whispered an amused voice in her head. Irulan's heart sank. That voice, the dreams, Legolas and Sauron were just going TOO FAR! However, once again, she was brutally ignored. 'So you feel mad at Aragorn for doing that to Arwen, but you are perfectly comfortable with what you are putting another elf through? Is it me or are you just plain blind to the parallelism here?'  
  
'That's different,' whispered Irulan back mentally.   
  
'I don't see a difference.'  
  
'Well...all right. First off, Aragorn and Arwen both love each other truly and deeply and madly. Legolas loves me...or so he says. I will take his word on this, although I still find it a little hard to understand how a creature like that could possibly love me. But you see...' she meant to go on, but suddenly did not know how to finish. A frown settled on her features.  
  
The voice in her head chuckled. 'Let me guess...but you don't love him.' Irulan remained silent. The confusion in that area of her mind was just too overwhelming. It was like a jungle with strange beasts and foreign fauna. She dared not walk in there looking for answers. 'Then I assume that it's compassion that makes your heart explode when he kisses you? It's probably friendship that burns your skin when he touches you? And most certainly you only feel like fainting under his gaze because you are so concerned for him!'  
  
Irulan gritted her teeth and ran faster, unconsciously wishing to outrun the voice. She had no answer and she did not want one. She was running so fast, she almost ran into Aragorn. Seeing him at the last moment, she quickly stepped aside and prevented them both from falling on their faces. Aragorn gave her a very surprised look. Irulan deftly smiled back. "How are you feeling?" she managed to say a moment or two later.  
  
He did not answer for a while. Aragorn had always been reserved. But in time he had relented to the warm atmosphere of the Fellowship, and ever since the breaking she had sensed that he had truly tried to pry open his shell to revive the dark atmosphere that had settled on the four of them. Their past was painful, their future clouded. It was obvious that nobody needed dark thoughts concerning the present. But since their embarrassing realization concerning Arwen and Legolas yesterday, Aragorn had once again shrunken back into his shell. Although she could see no reason as to why, Irulan felt oddly guilty and ashamed about that. She was so caught up in her own thoughts, she almost did not hear his reply: "I don't want to lie to you, Irulan. So don't ask." 

Irulan cast him a sidelong glance and swallowed softly. He was pushing her away! He had never pushed her away before. "Aragorn, we can still prevent it. You can not give up now!"   
  
Once again, his answer was reluctant. "We have other things to think about at the moment." 

True as it was, she knew that he was lying and pulling a distance between them. She glanced at Legolas who once again was sprinting ahead. All right, maybe the tactics of the elf that involved never quitting and never stepping back, were worth a try. "Don't tell me that!" she snapped, and the man gave her an astounded look. "I know it as well as you do! And I have even a few extra things to think about on top of that!" She felt a satisfaction at his confused expression. Aragorn looked taken aback by that. He frowned and tore his gaze from hers. "But," she continued in an urgent, yet softer tone, "this is a part of you, Aragorn! If you make this mistake, you will have it on your conscience forever and you will be unhappy till the ends of your miserable life. And being unhappy like that, you can never be the person you will have to become for the good of all. So...if you won't do it for yourself, do it for the future of Middle Earth, king of kings!" 

Irulan exhaled in relief. She had no idea where all that had come from. And her habit of calling him 'king of kings' was probably not a good move at a time when it would only remind him of his future responsibilities. But things just seemed to be slipping out of her mouth uncontrollably more often with each passing day.  
  
Aragorn actually slowed down and so did she. They once again resumed a walking pace. After all, they were only human and how long can anybody in this state run with the same pace? They had been tracking Merry and Pippin for three days now, without decent rest or food and it was obvious that -even though they were gaining on those creatures- the exhaustion was catching up with them. Silence hung between them. Legolas was a long way ahead, Gimli was still trying to catch up.  
  
"Irulan...you still have a chance," was his sudden statement. A very grave expression was on his face, as if he was not talking about a trivial matter that concerned Irulan's private life, but a critical battle. "Use it. Use it wisely." 

Discomfort washed over her and Irulan hastily looked away, not wishing to meet his piercing gaze. "So have you," she said finally, trying to divert the issue back to him. 

Aragorn shook his head in reply. "Arwen is probably on her way to take the ship," was his late comment. "She is beyond my reach now." A long silence prevailed. Then he suddenly added "I only wanted to spare her the suffering! I was stupid to think I could do so by ending it at this point. I was stupid no to see that it was too late to turn back."  
  
Irulan pursed her lips for a moment, giving his tired profile a good look. His sadness and regret spoke books to her. "Arwen won't go," was her soft reply. "I know her. She is not like that!"  
  
Aragorn only looked back with a very sad smile. "Then you do not know Elrond," he said with a low voice that spoke of loss of hope.  
  
Unconsciously her eyes tore away from his. Elrond! He would most probably do anything in his power to send Arwen away! He loved his daughter dearly - his concern for Arwen was so great that even Irulan -who was not really an expert in reading elven expressions or sentiments- had observed it. And such an open display of emotions was not a common thing amongst the Firstborn. But Elrond was half human. Although he had chosen to remain an elf, his human side could not be completely erased. Many said it was his human side that made him weak. To Irulan there was no weakness in his actions.  
  
"Aragorn, you truly are stupid!" was her final burst of anger. The rangers's head snapped around at that and Irulan almost winced. 'Call him king of kings and then call him stupid! Very good move, Irulan!' But the man needed to wake up, for Heaven's sake! Aragorn slowed even further, his eyes never leaving hers. "Did Elrond approve of your relationship with Arwen?" She did not wait for an answer (not that he looked very conversational at the moment anyway). "No! Did anybody else approve? No! And did Arwen give up because of that? No!" He frowned for a moment and it was this sort of confusion she had been waiting for. Irulan decided not to give him the chance to cloud his mind again: "In all your time with Arwen, what exactly makes you think that she will give in now?"  
  
The silence that followed held hope for her. But his reply was not what she had been expecting. "Because this time I, too, have rejected her!" The tinge of anger in his tone made her swallow softly. Not to mention that his reply was rather...plausible. 'Damn!' she thought, feeling her attack too easily blocked. 

Not that she had any intentions of giving up at this point! If she did, Aragorn would think that it was truly hopeless and she would never give him that satisfaction. "Like she doesn't know what sort of a brainless man you are!" she snorted. A part of her wanted to fall to her knees and beg Aragorn for forgiveness. She admired him! She adored him! He should never think that she really meant to insult him! But another part of her, the woman part especially -which also happened to be Arwen's friend- was very fearless of the consequences at the moment. Besides, she only had to think about the revelation of Aragorn and Gimli yesterday to go on further with the harshness: "But then...you are a man. You don't understand women." Making sure that she the last sentence sounded overly dismissive, Irulan finally looked away, pretending to have lost interest.  
  
Aragorn was silent for moment again. Then spoke up and the tone of anger in his voice had disappeared. "What do you mean, 'we don't understand women'?"  
  
Suppressing the grin of satisfaction that threatened to bloom on her face, Irulan kept her gaze on the horizon. "You know Arwen much better than I do," she said instead, with a shrug. "You know elves much better than I do. Yet, you obviously do not understand the most basic thing: Arwen is a woman. She will NEVER give up on you. She will NEVER give in to others. I don't care whether it's Elrond or Galadriel or the Dark Lord himself. I trust her judgment. She will do the right thing."  
  
"And what might that right thing be?" was the slightly amused question.  
  
"Why...it's...to be...with you, of course," she said, having an eerie feeling where this conversation was going to.  
  
"Are you saying that to choose love above everything else, no matter what, is the right thing to do?" asked Aragorn, scratching his chin. That damnable twinkle was back in his eyes again!  
  
Irulan almost groaned. To say "yes" would be her doom, for she was sure that Aragorn was planning to give her a long lecture concerning Legolas after that; but to say "no" would make her deny everything she had been saying about Arwen and Aragorn. "I have better things to do than strolling here, repeating myself to you," she groaned finally and began to run ahead.  
  
"Like what?" he said from behind her, picking up the pace as well.  
  
"Like saving Merry and Pippin," was the dry reply, spoken without looking back at him, in fear that he might see her discomfort.  
  
Suddenly Aragorn was not running by her side any longer. She turned around in time to see him kneeling and picking up something from the ground. It was an elven brooch like the one she had pinned on her cloak right now. Unconsciously her hand went up to touch it. 'It must belong to one of the hobbits!' she thought, her heart beating faster. They were obviously leaving a trail - although with such fabulous trackers such as Legolas and Aragorn in the company, the quartet had successfully tracked the Uruk-hai party for the last three days. "Not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall," he said softly, holding it up.  
  
"They may yet be alive," Legolas suddenly said from behind her. She had no idea since when he was standing there. He was constantly running ahead and then falling back to them. His energy was tiring to watch alone.  
  
"Less than a day ahead of us now," Aragorn groaned and without further conversation, resumed the chase.  
  
"Come Gimli, we are gaining on them!" shouted Legolas to a Gimli who seemed to be falling behind further and further. 

Irulan was really starting to feel bad for him. Running around with all that heavy armor and on such short legs must indeed be cumbersome to say the least! She sighed and turned around to join the ranger once more and halted right before she ran into Legolas. He was standing with a very amused look on his face, smiling down at her. Giving him an uneasy glare, Irulan tentatively walked around him and began to jog at an easy pace. It was not very surprising that the elf kept perfect pace with her, still not diverting his gaze. It went on for several moments before Irulan mumbled an annoyed "What?"  
  
Legolas smiled back in reply. "Nothing. You look very beautiful today, Irulan."  
  
Irulan rolled her eyes. This sort of thing was most irritating. Especially when it was not true - at this moment she she was sweating like crazy, tired and dirty. But she didn't dare to object, afraid that it would give him the perfect opportunity to go on with the complimenting. Besides, he was dying! As annoying as he was becoming, Irulan would not give in to the urge to yell back at him. At least for now.  
  
"I can not decide whether your hair looks more beautiful under the light of the Moon or the Sun," he said, reaching out and parting a strand and gliding his fingers down it. Irulan quickly took two steps to the right to evade him, not slowing down her running pace. Legolas, though, only smiled and moved gracefully next to her again, keeping the pace. 'How come he doesn't even need to look where he is stepping?' she thought bitterly.  
  
"The braid is coming apart," he continued, unaffected by her uncooperative state. "We will have to braid it again."  
  
Irulan stiffened to that. "I think I will keep it unbraided for a while," she said.  
  
"But it looks beautiful on you," was the soft reply.   
  
Irulan rolled her eyes. "Yes, but I grew tired of it."  
  
"You are right," said Legolas matter-of-factly and since that was the least expected response, Irulan's head snapped around to him. "I know exactly what to do. It is a little more intricate but it will look perfect on you. As would anything else, of course."  
  
Irulan stubbornly resisted the urge to moan. "Legolas, I think..."  
  
"We'll do it tonight when we camp," he cut her off and ran ahead. Her eyes shut with the need to keep the desperation as well as the string of curses inside and naturally Irulan stumbled on the terrain, almost falling on her face. She quickly resumed her balance and decided to slow down a little to fall back with Gimli. Not to mention, to put distance between herself and that accursed elf! 'Oh no! Not another braiding session!' was all the terrified thought she could muster at the moment. 'There is NO WAY I can endure that! Especially with this new Legolas!'

  
  
***  


"What?!" boomed Gimli, looking up at her, "Are you serious?"  
  
Irulan shook her head with irritation. "I'm not exactly in the mood of playing around here! Unlike SOME, I have better things to do in life!"  
  
"Why, that cruel Aragorn has not spoken a single word about this to me!" he protested.  
  
"Under normal circumstances, I should do the same thing. It is kind of...private after all. But...I don't know what to do!!" she almost yelped.  
  
Gimli slowed down and so did she. "Don't know what to do!" he scoffed. "I know what you can NOT do - you can't let him die!"  
  
"Well thank you very much for the help. I KNOW that already you dwarf!"  
  
"I am not finished! Which means...you have to do what he wants you to!"  
  
"What?! Are you insane?"  
  
Gimli looked up with impatience. "I am on this quest with the lot of you, am I not? Yes, I am insane. Grow up already, woman! This is getting tiresome by the day!"  
  
"Gimli, you have to help me!" she whimpered, not caring how desperate that sounded right now. "He is always around, always looking at me in that frustrating way, like looking into my soul!" she whispered with urgency and hastily looked around, lest Legolas might be close nearby. "He is touching me for the most stupid reasons! He is always making up some excuse to be with me!" She threw up her hands. "I have had some very persistent admirers, but this is beyond me! I understand that he means to help...but I did not ask for this kind of help!"  
  
The dwarf was looking up at her with a blank expression. "What's the matter with you woman?" he said finally, and it sounded much softer than his usual tone. "Why, although he is an elf, the lad is a dashing sight. He is a good man, too." There was an annoyance in his tone for saying such things about an elf, but it was easily dampened. "What is the matter?"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW!" she yelled, then hastily lowered her voice. "I don't know! I wish Chemarit was here. I have no idea what is going on! I am a complete stranger to myself! And I can't talk to Aragorn cause...well...he has some of his own problems in that area. I'm so lost!" She covered her face with her hands, letting out a frustrated exhale. 

Gimli sighed. Irulan was so young! She was going through this for the first time, obviously, and being surrounded by a handful of warrior men was not helping much. "Irulan, why won't you let him help you? Is that such a bad thing?"  
  
"No..." she whined. "And yet...yes. Everybody seems to keep forgetting that I am doing my very best to focus on the mission at hand. And that I...that I will most probably...die soon enough."  
  
"All the more reason to loosen up, if you ask me!"  
  
Irulan sighed with desperation. She felt so torn! Everybody seemed to make so much sense, yes, and yet...she felt this resistance in her, and she did not know why that was. In fact, it was the frantic survival instinct of her shell. But unfortunately Irulan had no knowledge of that.  
  
"Don't you trust him?" said Gimli suddenly.  
  
"Of course I trust him," she replied with a tinge of impatience.  
  
"Then you must trust him to do the right thing for you."  
  
"But what if he..."  
  
"Irulan, listen to me," grunted the dwarf, his voice betraying a sudden insight. "We dwarves have a very, very old custom. It used to be a test of some sort."  
  
"A test?" Irulan had always been a childishly curious person. Always. It had been this curiosity that had made her an annoying little girl and a child that had known no fear. The same curiosity had planted the seed of longing inside her when she was merely a young woman and had made her desire things that were denied someone of her age, gender or status. Over the years many things changed, but her curiosity remained and dragged her from the Darma Druids to the men of Gondor, from the life of a housewife to the deeds of a warrior in disguise. And no matter what, it would always remain with her till the end of her days, and stir to life with the slightest nudge or push. A nudge such as the one that Gimli was performing this day.   
  
"Yes. Only for those willing to take it, that is." He sighed for the sake of sharpening her interest even further, then cleared his throat leisurely. "There is a very intricate maze of caves in the Misty Mountains....In old times, before the marriage, the couple to be married would be lowered down to this maze with ropes and left there to find their way out in the far end of the maze." Gimli waited a moment. She looked at him and it was obvious that he was lost in memory, recalling probably the very maze. He continued a moment later, his voice soft and distant: "It is utterly dark in there and very dangerous, Irulan, for the rocks are hard and sharp. And it is unique, for it can only be traveled by two. One person alone can not find the leverage to climb out the recesses, to jump over the large distances or to haul himself up to the higher parts that will lead him or her out that cave." He turned and looked up at the young woman who was was watching him with deep interest.  
  
"It is a very old custom. Most dwarven communities do not practice it any longer, and the young fail to see the wisdom in it," he continued several moments later and sounded almost sad. "But I believe it holds true value. Because, imagine Irulan...there you are, in the darkness! Surrounded by probable falls and cuts and breaks...and you completely depend on the other person to lead you out, as she does depend on you!" Irulan bit her cheeks and tried to imagine such a state. It sounded utterly terrifying. Not only would you have to trust the other person with your life, but you would also risk HIS life by making a mistake yourself.  
  
"Many couples have failed and died down there. And yet, others would try anyway. Because it's not actually coming out of there that means anything. It is the willingness to go in there with another! It means for you to put both your own and his life in danger. But it also means that you trust your union enough to overcome the task. And believe me, my young friend, when I say that such a journey makes a huge difference! I was lucky enough to meet a couple who had walked through the maze, many years into their marriage. I tell you, it means a lot, that sort of trust."  
  
Irulan turned and looked into the distance. 'Would I let them lower me down to a maze like that with Legolas?' she thought suddenly. And to her utter demise, she realized that she would. Even though she would most probably regret it about ten minutes later and torture herself till the end of the incident, constantly thinking they will never make it (probably more because of herself than him)...yes, she would. She shook her head slowly. 'I don't understand myself anymore,' was the frustrated thought.   
  
"The Walk of Love," sighed Gimli, lost in memory. A moment passed before his head snapped to lock eyes with her. "I tell you, I do not care if I survive it! If I find a dwarven woman who would take my hand to go in there, it would be worth the death!"  
  
Irulan held his gaze, and underneath all his pretense anger and excitement, she saw the sadness in his eyes. Who knows what stories Gimli held in bay in the matters of the heart? A sudden urge to hear those tales bloomed in her. She knew, of course, that her desire was foolish - Gimli would never share such things. Unless he was in the proper mood and very, very drunk, like Chemarit. 'Maybe one day we'll see to that,' she thought with amusement.  
  
"Forget about death or survival, Irulan!" boomed Gimli, taking a hold of himself again, "Just walk through the damn maze and make sure to have a good time, I say!"  
  
Irulan laughed out loud at that, and it was the best thing either of them had heard in a very long time.  
  


  
***  
  


  
"The Uruks are turning northeast. They are taking the hobbits to Isengard!" said Legolas from where he was poised.  
  
"Saruman," whispered Aragorn, and her heart took a leap. Of course, where else?! After all, they were HIS creation. Yet...an Istari! There was no way they could free Merry and Pippin once they reached their destination. Even Gandalf was defeated by the White Wizard - to think that three mere hunters with no magical powers stood the slightest chance, was nothing but folly. She had never seen Saruman, but she imagined him to be a man of terrible power. After all, he was considered to be the most powerful of the five Istari.  
  
Irulan turned an Aragorn whose worry mirrored her own. "How much longer to Isengard at this pace?"  
  
"It is still a good distance away," he sighed after a moment of contemplation. "We should have caught up with them a long time ago...but obviously Saruman is speeding their voyage.  
  
She looked into the distance again and then bowed her head, panting. 'I can't run any further,' she thought in frustration. 'Heavens, I have to, but I can't! They should just leave me and go!' The sun of the third day was setting on them. Her eyes wandered back to the ranger. He, too, looked terrible. But then, Aragorn always looked terrible, but somehow always found the strength to continue.  
  
"We are closer than we ever were," he added. "No matter what evil force is at play here, we are gaining on them. And we will catch them." His eyes fixed the horizon once more. "But not today. Legolas, run ahead and look for a camping spot. The night is setting swiftly and we can't run on this terrain in the dark."  
  
Irulan felt instantly glad and then a heartbeat later ashamed for feeling so. She thought about Merry and Pippin, but no matter how much her heart reached out to them at the moment, she failed to find the strength to continue the pursuit. She simply lacked the physical stamina. Even if she continued to run and reach them, she knew that she would never be able to fight or Shift against the Uruk-hai in that state. And she suspected that the others were not too different. 'Just a little more time!' she thought with desperation. 'A couple more days!' The frustration released itself with a sigh before she turned to their leader once more. "At least we know now that they will not harm the hobbits until they reach Isengard. The man merel nodded in agreement.  
  


  
***  


Irulan's heart sank when she saw Legolas walking towards her. 'Oh darn!' she thought. 'Just please, please, please don't!' But of course she wasn't blessed with such luck and the gods cared nothing for her fears or her wishes. Her eyes followed his approach and finally met his when he came to stand before her, a fabulous smile on his lips. "Come Irulan, let me braid your hair," he said softly.  
  
"Legolas, does the word 'tired' mean anything to you at all?" she moaned.  
  
"The river is nearby," he replied without missing a beat. "You will only have to sit still."  
  
She looked over to Aragorn and Gimli, silently pleading for help, but her so-called 'friends' just grinned back. 'I'll be damned!' she thought ruefully, 'How the hell am I supposed to reject him without breaking his heart?!' A sidelong glance at the elf revealed a man that didn't seem too fragile, truth be told. As a matter of fact, ever since Legolas had revealed his true feelings to her, he seemed to have receded back to this odd distant state. He looked completely unaffected by anything that she did or said.  
  
"I'll...I'll have to...mend that water bag!" she finished with obvious relief. It was true after all - the bag was torn.  
  
"Don't worry about it," said Aragorn, "I'm on it."  
  
Irulan's eyes widened and it required a considerable amount of control on her behalf to keep her mouth shut. Why, that snake of a man! Her hand flew up her face, eager to massage the frustration out of it as she breathed deeply to calm herself. Aragorn was sad. Legolas was dying. 'All right Irulan...Take it easy. Breathe and let it go,' she thought.  
  
"Legolas," was her final reply, several moments later, "I swear I can't." It was only true. As a matter of fact, she felt so tired, she had turned down the meal, knowing she wouldn't find the strength to chew. "You could possibly NEVER imagine how truly tired I am this very moment."  
  
"Oh....." was the soft reply, his voice betraying both disappointment and confusion. The elf glanced over his shoulder to the oher man for a moment and Irulan was naive enough to think that he would understand and step back. She almost shouted out loud with surprise when merely seconds later he swiftly picked her up with ease and began to walk. "Very well," was his calm statement, "I'll carry you."  
  
"Legolas! Let me down this instant!" she hissed, and tried to push herself off him. Argorn and Gimli broke into amused chuckles. Irulan's head snapped around to glare at them as she tried kicking herself free - but note to nature of elves: they were much stronger than ordinary humans. Which meant A LOT stronger than a human women. "Aragorn! Gimli! Do something, damn it!"  
  
"Don't hurry, Legolas!" shouted Gimli. Irulan's mouth dropped open at that. BETRAYER! That dwarf would pay so dearly for this!  
  
"We won't wait up for you!" came Aragorn's laughter and he did not sound sad AT ALL.  
  
"Legolas! I'm serious! Let me down!" she squirmed again, but the elf had already put a good distance between himself and the camp and was leisurely standing on an overhang, trying to determine what route to take.  
  
"Irulan, you can't walk on this terrain anyway. It's too slippery and dark."  
  
"I don't care! Let me DOWN!" she screamed and the Legolas she knew would instantly lower her down and take a step back in unease. However, Legolas gave no reaction whatsoever, and having found his route, began his descend to the stream.  
  
"We're almost there," he said softly, as if she had not said anything at all. Irulan just moaned and put her head on his shoulder. Then realizing what she was doing, quickly snatched it back and once again began the torturous task of trying to free herself.  
  
"What you are doing is very, VERY rude!" she yelled finally, failing again.  
  
He looked at her, slight amazement on his features, and because their faces were so close when he did that, she turned her head towards the river that was lazily running under the dull glare of the moonlight. "But you said you were tired," was his soft question, betraying his confusion.  
  
Irulan moaned again and once more laid her head against his chest and once more quickly took it back. There was simply no point in arguing. She might as well save herself the energy. After what seemed like centuries to her, Legolas found the 'perfect spot' and gently lowered her down. She instantly took a step back from him and was about to say some of the things that had come to her mind during their descent to the river just moments ago, but in her hastiness, stepped on a wet part of the boulder and almost fell back into the river. If Legolas had not snatched her by the waist, she most certainly would have, too. And as a matter of fact, she would have preferred that option.  
  
"Are you alright?" was his gentle and amused question.  
  
"I'll be better if you let me go," she seethed and broke his embrace. This time she LOOKED back first, and finding a dry and rather flat boulder, stepped back on that. Just as she was turning around to give him that said piece of her mind about the whole issue, Legolas darted by her like a swift shadow and grabbing her hand during the process, tugged her along.  
  
"Good. Let us wet your hair then."  
  
Irulan put her free hand on her face. 'This is so WRONG!' her mind shouted. 'How can he be so rude and keep dragging me around?! I swear, one more incidence, and I'll just tell him off no matter if he dies or not!' The thought hit her like a slap on the face and strong shame echoed in her as a reply. 'No! NEVER say that again, you stupid woman! I'm not going to give up that easily!' It took her a moment to suppress the red hot embrassment that she felt for being so selfish. 'Gimli was right,' was the calmer addition. 'The few days I have left, I might as well be nice to him.' 

Thinking in that line was definitely an improvement. Why, she was not doing it for herself! She could refuse his advances any moment, if she wanted to. But she had to resist the temptation. For Legolas, mind you, not herself!   
  
Legolas was surprised when Irulan walked the last few steps without much resistance and crouched down by the water. He watched her remove the hairpin and try to unbraid the little intricate braids that were holding the hair back. "Let me do it," he said when she failed at her attempt and took a graceful step behind her. To his joy, she did not object.  
  
Legolas, of course, knew very well how discomforting this intimacy was for Irulan. But that was EXACTLY why he had no intentions of changing his ways. She had to overcome that discomfort! She had to stop running away from herself and her feelings, and face them. He was not expecting Irulan to feel anything for him. She would probably never love him. And yet, her state would prevent her from loving anything and anyone else for the rest of her life. He would not allow her to shut herself off like that from the rest of the world.  
  
Besides...try as he might, he could not make himself turn away from this path. This whole issue of breaking her shell had given him the perfect opportunity for minimizing the distance between them and not feeling selfish about it. Being with Irulan was a pleasure like no other - even if it meant dragging her, forcing her and facing her sharp anger. For the first time, Legolas had a task that seemed to be both worthy and immensely pleasant. Why, he would willingly serve her in this matter for the rest of her life. Although she would probably overcome her limitations and fears a long time before that, and would no longer need his assistance. He felt a sharp pain at the thought. Eventually Irulan would leave him behind and ride off. It was only natural and Legolas had to remind himself one more time that he was only a pasing stage in her life. A terrible feeling of emptiness and frustration hit him at the thought, but he forced it down, not wishing to cloud his precious moments with her with future concerns.  
  
"Are you angry with me?" he sighed finally, and, having removed the braid, crouched down by her side to look at her face. She looked back at him with a tinge of anger, but a moment later waved it away. "No, not really. I'm just really tired."  
  
Legolas smiled warmly and gently lowered his hand into the water, then brang it back up to run it down her hair. Irulan looked down, not wishing to meet his gaze. It became oddly silent and she began to feel uncomfortable again and decided to fumble with the hairpin. The elf stood up and knelt behind her, repeating the process. "I could do this every day," was his almost inaudible murmur.  
  
"You know...considering the delicate nature of the matter, I think it's not really a good idea for you to braid my hair," was her amused comment. The mock anger in her voice helped to hide the unease she was feeling at the moment.  
  
"Why? Would you rather kiss?"  
  
Irulan stiffened instantly and he broke into chuckles before he took her hand to lead her away from the river. "No!" she stammered, "I think the elvish way is...better," she finished with a whisper. She sat down on a boulder, dangling her feet as he resumed his place behind her and a short moment later began to comb her hair. A silence issued between them and it was not an unpleasant one.  
  
"What will you do when this quest comes to an end?" he said finally.  
  
"Well I..." Irulan stilled for a moment. The idea of saying 'I don't think I'll make it that far,' suddenly bloomed in her, but she swiftly stuffed it away. The truth was, she had been so convinced that she would die before the end of this quest that she hadn't spent too much thought on the other option. "I don't know, Legolas," she added a long moment later. "I guess I'll be doing what I like doing most - traveling through Middle Earth."  
  
"You mean not to return to your kingdom?"  
  
"No." She had thought about that many times and finally come to the conclusion that she had no desire to resume her duties as a princess. "I might visit my family, but I would not stay."  
  
"Very well. There are a lot of places I have not seen in Middle Earth, yet. As a matter of fact, I have seen very little of this world. But this journey has sparked the desire to travel in me. I wish to see so much more. Where would we go first?"  
  
"WE?" was her horrified and amused yelp. "Legolas, I don't know about any 'We'. I said *I* will be traveling."  
  
"Then I shall just come along."  
  
"No you can't!" she protested with irritation.  
  
"I will take you to Mirkwood if you let me travel along," he whispered slyly.  
  
"No! Er...Mirkwood?"  
  
"Yes," was his lofty confirmation. A grin spread on his lips but Irulan didn't see it, since he was sitting behind her. "You would never be allowed to pass the border as a stranger. But I could take you into the heart of the city. And Dol Guldur. And the mountains of Emyn Duir..."  
  
"Oh..." was her late and uneasy reply. A silence followed.  
  
"Of course, you might be reluctant to come...Considering we might run into giant spiders."   
  
"Giant spiders?!" That damnable curiosity again! She remembered reading about them, but she did not think Legolas had really seen any. "There are giant spiders in Mirkwood?"  
  
"Too many, actually," was his mock frustrated reply as his grin broadened further.  
  
"Oh..." she said again and another silence stretched. "Well...I always wanted to see Mirkwood," was the reluctant addition.  
  
"Then it is a deal?"  
  
"I don't know. You look like the cheating type."  
  
Legolas laughed a beautiful laugh at that. "What do you mean?"   
  
"I mean you are pretty vile and sly for an elf. I don't want to agree to travel with you and then end up getting married or something!" Irulan stopped and swallowed. 'Whatever you do, under no circumstances whatsoever, never ever slap yourself on the forehead now!' she seethed silently. 

Legolas had stopped combing her hair and stood perfectly still behind her. A long moment passed as she did not dare to move a muscle and he remained unnaturally silent. "You would marry me?" he said finally.  
  
"No, of course not!" she yelled. 

Another long moment passed during which Legolas resumed to comb her hair and began the braiding process. "Why not?" he said finally.  
  
"Legolas..." she groaned.  
  
"I just want to know what makes me so repulsive in your eyes."  
  
"Repulsive? You are not repulsive you fool of an elf!"  
  
"But you detest me."  
  
"I do NOT!" she yelped.  
  
"But you do not like me."  
  
"I DO like you Legolas."  
  
"But you do not love me."  
  
"No, I love you!"  
  
"But you are not IN love with me."  
  
"Of course I am!" she said without thinking. Barely an instant later Irulan had jumped up and quickly turned around. She took another small step back and remained standing at the edge of the boulder. Legolas was sitting where he had been. He had the most peculiar expression o his face, but Irulan did not look long enough to come to a conclusion. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "Legolas," she began, her voice raspy and hoarse, "I think I will go now."  
  
Very slowly he rose to his feet and took a few steps towards him. Irulan glanced over her shoulder, and realized that there was no room for her to step back. She inched further back and remained standing, looking towards the river and not knowing what else to do. 

He came and stood in front of her. He was looking at her, she could tell that, but she refused to meet his gaze. "Irulan," he softly began, "I am no fool. I know you did not mean it. Please...don't leave." Her head snapped around and she could not help locking eyes with his crystal blue orbs. A gentle smile was on his lips, but for the first time since their rather unpleasant conversation at the beginning of the journey, when she had broken his heart and a cold war between them had followed, he looked sincerely hurt and sad. 

Irulan felt awful. She wanted to say something, but she had nothing to say. Legolas was going to die. Because she was a horrible person and she lacked the simple talent of being kind to him. Because she failed the strength and courage to walk through that jungle and see what her feelings for him really were. Because, against her all might and skill, Irulan was still a simple, worthless coward. And a weakling on top of that! Because, behold, she was on the brink of tears again!  
  
This whole quest was pressing down on her. It was constantly pressing and pressing. Everything demanded her attention and her involvement, but she failed to juggle so many things at once. She had expected it to be so much simpler. She would come out here, fight, lead them to Barad-dûr, fight some more and then die. Nothing, NOTHING went the way she had expected it to! And it looked like every other step she was taking was only bringing more failure for the ones around her. Aragorn should have let her go by the River Anduin that day. No! Gandalf should have sent her back to Rivendell right at the very beginning!  
  
"Why are you crying?" whispered Legolas, deep confusion and concern etched into his voice. He did not understand her, but he was sincerely afraid that he had brought this upon her.  
  
Irulan just shook her head and wiped her tears. She slowly walked up to him and leaned on his chest. He was so confused that it took him a moment to slowly embrace her back and then another before her pressed her to himself. "What is the matter?" he whispered, true worry blooming in his heart. She just shook her head in reply and leaned further into his chest. 

A moment later Legolas gently picked her up and went back to sit on the boulder with Irulan in his arms. He continued to caress her hair and her back until she slowly began to relax. 'This is so frustrating!' he thought, 'I do not understand mortals! How can I help her when I don't understand her?'  
  
"Legolas?" she sniffed a long string of minutes later. He looked down at her. Her head was resting on his shoulder and given a chancee, Legolas would have chosen to remain like this till all eternity. He gently brushed away a strand of hair from her cheek. "I think this whole braiding thing is not good for me."  
  
He sighed as a deft smile of amusement tugged at the corner of his lips. "Indeed. We should go back to kissing."

****


	2. Little Thorn

My lovely reviewers! So we are united again! And Irulan's story continues. And by the rate, it is not about to end yet. Lovely Egyptian Queen, I never said I won't kill them, I only said I will torture the first (insert evil laugh here). Scene Eleven, I almost died reading your mail. I was drinking coffee and I swear it went the wrong way, and I almost laughed myself to death. Ha ha..you SHOULD write! Mae Noelle, the immense support you are showing is incredible. Tara, Kira, Kirjava, Silmarien Forever, Evenstar, Shakiya, Iluvlegolas, Rina, Desdemona, Dove, Tasakapeotkauu, aga_xris, spaceman, beloved Stella, Lucy, Christina, Elleth na Illivren, Donna, mokona and ALL others....you don't tire complimenting me, thus I won't tire thanking you! It's only fair!  
  
TTT was an incredible movie but the action was mounted towards the very ending, for all three parties of the Fellowship (excluding the Warg scene). So if there is not sufficient blood and sweat in the upcoming chapters, it's really not my fault. Sigh...I'm afraid I will have to fill that gap with cruel romance now, won't I?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Why Irulan, your hair looks astonishing!"  
  
"Aragorn, I swear I will kill you if you make one more comment!"  
  
"I'm sure it was worth all the time it took to braid this intricate piece of art," he said, still grinning.  
  
Irulan threw him a killer look. "That's ENOUGH! I should never speak with you again! Ever since I have joined this quest, you have been nothing but vile to me!"  
  
Aragorn looked baffled. "VILE?" he said in astonishment.  
  
"Yes! You hid the truth of Legolas' feelings from me, you played me ruthlessly in that little braiding issue by the River Anduin, then you hid another, and this time LETHAL truth about Legolas from me, and you betrayed me countless times!!" Irulan was about to scream, but managed to keep her voice low till the end, knowing that Legolas might pop up any minute from behind a rock.  
  
"Oh......that......" said Aragorn, still grinning! 'And that is the future king! Why if HE is the little boy he is, how can I blame the rest of his gender? Middle Earth is doomed anyway, I might give up this minute!' she thought bitterly. "But.......you can not deny that it helped to do some good in the end!" He continued a moment later, amused. "Legolas is obviously much better than I have seen him since Rivendell......and even better since I have seen him in many years. And........" he grinned again and Irulan felt the strong urge to cover her ears, ".......your hair looks indeed astonishing!"  
  
She turned around, about to give him a real lesson, when he suddenly slowed down and then completely stopped. 'If this is a game, I'm not falling for it!' thought Irulan, but Aragorn's face had changed once more. He looked very serious now. He bent down and touched the rocks on the ground. Then he waited a moment longer before he slowly said "Riders.........coming this way," he swiftly stood up and grabbed her arm. Both Legolas and Gimli were close by, and he motioned them to follow quickly.  
  
They all huddled behind some rocks and waited a few moments. Indeed, Irulan began to hear a faint noise of hooves.  
  
"You will stay here Irulan," said Aragorn, he motioned to the others, "We will go out and talk to them."  
  
"Why the heck am I staying?" she protested in a whisper.  
  
"Because it might be dangerous and because you look quite........unique," he said looking her up and down for an instant.  
  
Irulan gritted her teeth. Alright, so maybe a woman clad in her clothing was not a very common thing and might stir unfriendly or suspicious thoughts. But dangerous! Now that was truly ridiculous! However, she would not object Aragorn in decisions such as this. He was the leader, after all.  
  
Soon a group of Rohirrim riders galloped by them, not noticing the hunters among the rocks. Irulan knew them by their armor and the flags they were carrying. Aragorn beckoned to the other men in the group and they moved out with them, walking down the small hill the riders had passed a moment ago.  
  
"Riders of Rohan!" he shouted, holding out his hands, "What news from the Mark?"  
  
Irulan remained perched in her hiding spot. The leader of the riders signaled the group to turn around and moments later her friends were encircled tightly, spears menacingly pointing at them. She swallowed hard. Rohirrim were not really very hospitable people. They were living in harsh lands, with constant threat of orcs this close to Mordor. They were only second to harshness and hostility to the men of Gondor.  
  
Finally the leader of the group dismounted and approached the trio. "What business does an elf, a man, and a dwarf have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly!" he said with a commanding voice. A silence followed.  
  
"Give me your name, horsemaster, and I shall give you mine!" said Gimli in his usual arrogant tone. Irulan closed her eyes and barely kept herself from wincing. That stupid dwarf! Even in his current position he was arrogant and rude!  
  
Everybody seemed to be as baffled as she was and the leader hesitated a moment before he dismounted his horse and approached Gimli on foot. I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground," he said with a menacing tone.  
  
Legolas in a lightning fast move pointed an arrow at the leader instantly and said "You would die before your stroke fell!" with even a more threatening voice. Irulan seriously considered Shifting and running out of her hiding place. 'I certainly can not stay here and watch!' she thought and felt her pulse quickening with her body's anticipation of the coming fight. 'These stupid men are going to kill each other any minute now!'  
  
She saw Aragorn pushing down Legolas' arm and making introductions in a cool voice. Thank the Heavens for that man! If not for Aragorn, the company never would have made it this far! They would have never made it past Haldir in the first place, she was absolutely sure of it. He introduced them and added: "We are friends of Rohan and Theoden, its King."  
  
The leader hesitated a moment longer, but then said "Theoden no longer recognizes friend from foe," with a bitter tone. He took of his helmet........and Irulan could not help herself from softly whispering "Eomer".  
  
"Not even his own kin," the man added with a low voice. Her heart missed a beat! Eomer! It seemed like ages she had seen him. Eomer and Eowyn were some of her best friends and some of her best childhood memories concerned the duo. Eowyn was of course closer to her, being the crazy girl that she was. Eomer had always been the mature one. The just and wise one. Even at that age, he had been constantly running after the two girls, trying to prevent them from getting into trouble. Trying to save them when they did. He had been dismissive and cold towards Irulan in the beginning but then, when she was around 12, he had written her a poem and even to Irulan it had been obvious that Eomer had a childish crush on her. Eowyn had almost laughed herself to death and Irulan literally had to kick her a couple of times before she gave in and promised never to tell.  
  
Irulan and Eomer remained friends, of course. And best friends they were. Why, now that she thought of it, Eomer had been her best friend amongst the boys. He was annoyingly royal and gentlemanly at times, but his heart was pure gold and he would do anything to protect her. Eomer never understood why the girls were as crazy as they were, but that did not stop him from following them around, making sure that they did not die. The last time she had seen him was......when she was......18......or was it 19? In any case, he was the most welcome sight at the moment. And.....he had grown into the most handsome young man! 'Irulan stop it! Unbelievable what you can think about under the current circumstances!' she scolded herself. Eomer had always been good looking. But now.......he looked nothing like the older brother Eowyn and Irulan would play ruthless tricks on. She tried to shake off her thoughts and concentrate on the present. Something not so nice was going on down there again.  
  
"Saruman has poisoned the mind of the king and claim lordship over this land," Eomer said to the trio with a bitter voice. "My company are those loyal to Rohan. And for that, we are banished. The White Wizard is cunning. He walks here and there they say, as an old man, hooded and cloaked. And everywhere his spies slip past our nets." He threw a very unwelcome look at Legolas who had drawn a bow on him a moment ago. And Legolas looked back as if he meant to draw that bow again. A grave tenseness settled in and even though Aragorn was trying his best, things were going downhill too fast. Irulan stepped out of her hiding place.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous Eomer! They are with me," she said, and began a leisure walk towards them. She could see her friends stiffening and hastily looking at each other.  
  
The rest of the company too was startled and swiftly a dozen spears were pointed at her. She pretended not to see though, and kept walking until the reached a comfortable distance. She made eye contact with none but smiled deftly at Eomer who was looking at her with angry and suspicious eyes. His eyes swiftly scanned the rocks she had left, searching for others, and then settled on her again.  
  
"Who are you?" he boomed, pushing aside some spears and moving towards her with menacing strides. Aragorn and Legolas tried to follow but found themselves encircled again.  
  
"Eomer," she said, her smile widening, "don't you recognize me?"  
  
Eomer looked her up and down and resumed his rather unnerving approach. 'Have I changed that much?' she thought with surprise. But just when he was only a couple of steps away he abruptly halted and his handsome features twisted slightly. Then his eyes widened and he slowly took another step towards her. He looked her up and down again......then again......and his mouth dropped open. "Irulan?" he whispered with disbelief.  
  
Irulan smiled (with relief, she had to admit) and pushing her chin up, clasped her hands behind her back. She remained still other than that and let him take another step towards her, now completely oblivious to anything else.  
  
"It IS you," he whispered and swallowed soflty. His eyes locked with hers. "You are alive!"  
  
Irulan's smile widened into a grin, but she still refused to break the spell and would not utter a word. She was enjoying this too much. Eomer! After all these years, it was like a glass of cold water offered in a desert. He looked her up and down again. She must be looking incredibly different and shocking to him right now and Irulan was enjoying this too much to disturb the process. Everyone else had fallen silent as well. For once she thanked the threat of spears that were probably holding back a very anxious company now. She had no doubt that Aragorn, Gimli and especially Legolas were squirming with the wish to run to her and 'save' her.  
  
"Irulan!" exclaimed Eomer finally with a louder tone and a spark ignited his eyes when he decided that he was not dreaming and that this was no spell.  
  
"Your one and only," said Irulan but kept barely herself from screeching in delight when Eomer embraced her so tightly that she thought she would surely suffocate.  
  
"Irulan! By the Heavens!" he was laughing, "I can't believe it!"  
  
"Eomer, you are killing me!" she protested and he hastily moved back, still holding her by shoulders. Then he looked into her eyes again with childish enthusiasm and once more hugged her till her bones protested. "Irulan!" he yelled in delight.  
  
"Enough already!" she said, mocking anger, and pushed him away. He laughed louder and stepped back a little.  
  
"You can not know what this means to me!" he said and his eyes seemed to shine with pleasure, "Especially in these dark days, to see the face of someone so dear!"  
  
"Eomer, I never thought I would say this, but.......I feel EXACTLY the same way!" she yelled and this time she jumped up to hug him. Eomer heartily returned her embrace and they both laughed a moment too long until they both remembered their situation and reluctantly stepped back once more. Eomer cast a glance at his men, but then turned back at her with a wide grin.  
  
"You crazy girl! What happened?"  
  
"It's a long story," said Irulan, waving her hand, "and we don't have time for that right now."  
  
He was still looking at her with bright astonishment in his eyes. "I heard about that cursed Endor," he said finally and slowly shook his head, still looking at her. "Eowyn cried for weeks. Everyone was devastated, Irulan."  
  
"Not everyone, I bet," he said, raising her brows and looking him up and down. "You were probably glad to have one crazy girl less to worry about!"  
  
"Well......." said Eomer, trying hard but failing to hide a wide smile.  
  
Irulan drove her elbow into his ribs softly and he mocked pain. "My lady has lost nothing of her temper!" he said with open amusement.  
  
"I even gained some more," she said, giggling now. Then she saw that the Rohirrim had moved away from her friends and a surprised Aragorn, an oddly proud Gimli and a very, very sour Legolas were walking towards them with wide strides. "You have met my friends," she said.  
  
Eomer turned to look at the trio. "Yes. I must admit, they are a very curious company, even for you, Irulan."  
  
"Eomer, we have been chasing a band of Uruk-hai," she said, her voice serious again. At that moment the three men arrived and joined them. Legolas of course stood by her side and looked like he meant to kill Eomer no matter what. Irulan looked up at him, but he was too concentrated looking at Eomer and did not even see her. She knew he was not as hasty as men and had good control over his emotions and temper. At least, usually. 'Let's just hope that this is one of those moments,' she thought and swallowed softly.  
  
"They have taken two of our friends captive," added Aragorn.  
  
"The Uruks are destroyed," said Eomer, "we slaughtered them during the night."  
  
'Well at least we won't have to worry about running all the way to Isengard now,' Irulan thought with relief. The whole running thing was a real battle on her body. And then another and much darker thought occurred to her, but it was Gimli who said it out loud: "But there were two Hobbits! Did you see two hobbits with them?"  
  
"They would be only children to your eyes," said Aragorn with an urgent, but soft voice.  
  
She held her breath and a darkness gripped her heart when Eomer looked down and then up, into her eyes. He looked away then. "We left none alive," he said slowly and pointed to the distance. "We piled the carcasses and burned them." She followed his arm and saw an idle smoke rising in the distance. 'This can't be happening!' she thought and her mind went blank for a moment. A moment of shock and silence engulfed them all.  
  
"Dead?" whispered Gimli finally with disbelief.  
  
Eomer sadly shook his head and looked up at her again. "I am sorry."  
  
Irulan gripped his shoulder, "Eomer.........none survived? None at all?" He shook his head again and looked back with concern. "Don't you look where your sword strikes?!" she hissed suddenly, low enough to prevent his men from hearing, but unable to keep her emotions at bay any longer.  
  
He looked up again with sorrow and then away once more. "Forgive me Irulan, I had no way of knowing."  
  
She closed her eyes. Merry and Pippin! Oh no! Her hand went up to cover her mouth again, her eyes pools of sorrow. 'Please......not them too! So many......so many dear to me.........dying........falling one by one!' Her other three friends seemed devastated, too. They exchanged tired and embarrassed glances, no doubt, thinking that they could have run faster and prevented it. It was a stupid thought - but the mind would do anything in moments like this to torture the soul.  
  
'Oh no!' she thought again and not aware of what she was doing, unconsciously turned to lean on Legolas. He gently embraced her with one arm and held her to himself. Eomer glanced up at Irulan and his features expressed utter surprise and disbelief. He slowly looked up and locked eyes with Legolas, who was staring back at him with plain elven coldness. Eomer pushed his chin up and looked back. While the rest were mourning silently, crumbling inside and trying to keep a solid facade from the outside, the eyes of the two men locked and green human fire met blue elven flame. It was only the beginning of a battle of a different kind that lay yet a long time ahead of them.  
  
A tense silence set in for a moment. Then Eomer whistled and throwing one last but very intense look at Legolas, called out: "Hasufel! Arod!" Irulan looked up to see two riderless horses coming forward. The horses of Rohan were infamous of course and these were very beautiful indeed. "May these horses bear you better fortune than their former masters," he said. Irulan walked up to the white one, patting her neck and looking into Eomer's eyes with obvious pain.  
  
"Irulan, you should come with me," he said softly, leaning towards her.  
  
She threw him a disbelieving look and then shook her head. "Don't be foolish, Eomer. I am bound to these men."  
  
Eomer threw a black look at Legolas and a suspicious glare at the others. "It is safer. I will protect you," he said with a low voice, trying to persuade her. A moment later he added: "Those you look for are dead." Irulan looked up to him and he reached out to touch her cheek. "Come with me," he said again, softly.  
  
"Do not worry yourself," said Legolas from behind her suddenly, "she will find better protection with us."  
  
Eomer looked up at him with flashing but controlled temper and opened his mouth to reply, but Irulan quickly interrupted him: "Eomer, no. These are my true friends. I will stay with them until the end of the road. Legolas is right, I am safe with them." He looked down at her and then back up and then his gaze held her for a moment during which he debated with himself. Finally he nodded reluctantly.  
  
"As you wish. I know better than to argue with you, my little thorn," he said, a smile touching his lips. Irulan could not help but smile at the hint. It was a code and joke between them ever since Eomer had called her his "little thorn" in his poem for her. He had said that all roses were meaningless without her and therefore, being the thorn, she was more precious then all roses in the world. Irulan had believed that to be the greatest compliment she ever received. And even though it was a silly poem and she was only 12 and Eomer not too much older himself, she could not remember a greater compliment ever since.  
  
"Baron!" he called out and another gorgeous chestnut colored horse came out. "Then ride him at least. He is a fine horse," he said. "We shall meet again, Irulan," he said and with one last smile, walked up to mount his own horse. Replacing his helmet once more, he said "We ride north!" to his men and they took off as swiftly as they had arrived.  
  
Irulan stood looking after him. 'I hope so,' she thought.  
  
"My little Thorn?" hissed Legolas from beside her and she came back to the present. Curse his sensitive elven ears! Thankfully he made no further comment and mounted Arod, pulling Gimli up to sit behind him. Irulan rolled her eyes and mounted Baron, riding with a sinking heart towards the smoke behind the hills. 


	3. I Hate You All

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone! It might be shocking to know that I actually thought about killing Irulan in this chapter. I thought "Why not? People die for the most stupid reasons and not everyone gets to have a glorious death...but then...still too much good stuff ahead...so she stays.  
  
Is Legolas out of character? Hmmm.. Maybe. But I realized that he is not the cool elf like others, at all. That scene in the council proves him to be a rather emotional elf who expresses his emotions openly, if you ask me. In TTT too, I got that impression. Besides, he is in love - and we know that acting silly is a part and proof of that. Sigh....those are my two cents on the matter.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Irulan was listening to the elvish prayer Legolas was softly whispering for Merry and Pippin. She was trying hard to trick herself into believing that the sting of tears in her eyes was because of the smoke, not the pain. 'To come this far, only to lose them not even to orcs, but to Rohirrim! What kind of fate is that?!' she thought with bitter sadness and swallowed hard. Everybody seemed devastated. And no surprise - not only did they love Merry and Pippin as much as she had, but this task was the last haven for them. They felt responsible. After all, they were the great warriors and yet, they had failed taking care of their weaker brothers. They felt lost. The Fellowship was broken, they could never find Frodo and Sam again, and they did not know what to do with themselves now.  
  
Irulan massaged her face and slowly walked up to Aragorn. He was kneeling on the ground, a heap of pain and shame. She stood behind him and gently squeezed his shoulder. He did not look up, but only shook his head like a curse to himself. He looked like he could face Sauron right now in a one-on- one fight and actually make him pay for all this. Irulan looked into the open plains of Rohan. 'We have failed this mission,' she thought. 'We have failed it in every possible way.'  
  
Just at that moment Aragorn said "A hobbit lay here," and she turned around to look at him. He was crouching on the ground, touching the dirt, softly pushing aside patches of grass. Then he took a few steps and knelt down again, looking at the tracks. "They crawled........their hands were bound," he said. Irulan walked up behind him, and watched intrigued. Everyone knew that Aragorn was the best ranger in Middle Earth. Even Gandalf had called him the best hunter and tracker of his times. He could read nature like people read books. She looked at Legolas and he looked back smiling, hope twinkling in his eyes. They joined Gimli and began to follow Aragorn from a comfortable distance, to avoid crowding his space and messing up the tracks.  
  
By the looks of it, the two hobbits had cut their bonds and then ran.......were followed by someone.......ran some more.........and finally ran into.......  
  
"Fangorn Forest," said Aragorn. The company halted and stood amazed by the border of the forest.  
  
"Fangorn Forest? What madness drove them in there?" whispered Gimli and Irulan felt the hair on her arms rise. The little hope in her heart suddenly diminished drastically. Those two hobbits in..........Fangorn Forest? 'Certainly they had a higher chance with the Uruk-hai' she thought, and then instantly slapped herself mentally for thinking so. 'Don't you have faith, Irulan?' she scolded herself. 'Even a little bit?'  
  
She looked at Aragorn. Once more everyone looked at Aragorn. 'Good thing he does not get tired of leading,' she thought suddenly. It was not an easy task at all, to take the responsibility of so many. But Aragorn did it without thinking - he just walked his path and as many leaders, others naturally followed, glued to his magnetic pull. She never heard him make a claim, saying he knew better, or that he had the right to decide, or anything of that sort. And yet, even though he insisted to remain 'one of the others', Aragorn was destined to be great man and even the finest ranger of Middle Earth was not fast or clever enough to escape his destiny.  
  
Aragorn looked at them and saw open surrender to his lead. He turned around and walked into the forest and the others followed without the slightest hesitation.  
  
It was the strangest forest Irulan had ever seen. It was both oddly enchanting, and at the same time intimidating. Again, there was that stagnant air......and that odd feeling that there were others here with her, although she knew there were not. Like when one stands in a room and feels someone enter, and one is absolutely sure of it, only there is noone there when he turns around to look. She shuddered slightly and instinctively moved closer to Legolas.  
  
"The air is so close here," said Gimli nervously with a low voice. For some reason, they were all whispering, although it was certainly unnecessary.  
  
"This forest is old," said Legolas softly, looking up to the trees, "very old." 'I wonder how he sees or feels this,' she thought suddenly. It was another curious quality of the elves. She had always wondered how they perceived their surroundings, for they seemed to be very intimately connected to everything around them - especially in nature. 'It is like we are walking around blindfolded when their eyes are uncovered,' she thought. 'Who knows how much of this world is flowing by us, unnoticed!'  
  
"Full of memories.........and anger," continued Legolas softly. 'Anger?' thought Irulan and unconsciously scooted closer to him. It was odd really and she certainly would stop herself from doing so if she was aware of it, but as her shell was becoming weaker and weaker, Irulan felt pulled to the protectiveness of Legolas more and more. Her change was plain to see from the outside, but she herself did not (thankfully) stop to analyze it -at least yet- and therefore saw no oddity or harm in seeking shelter in Legolas. Besides, he was too wise to make her realize her metamorphosis. She would move closer and he would naturally throw an arm around her waist, comforting her. Or she would reach out and he would naturally hold her hand. It was so flowing with him, most of the time she was not even aware how curious that looked between an elf and a woman like Irulan.  
  
"The trees are talking to each other!" he said finally and Irulan stepped up to his side a little nervous.  
  
"What are they saying, Legolas?" she whispered, looking up herself.  
  
He smiled down at her and sensing her timidity, gently took her hand. Irulan was so busy trying to listen, she did not even realize it. She only felt the comfort and like a baby feeling its mother, she remained in that state. "They are jealous of your sight," he whispered to her. Irulan looked up at him with open annoyance on her face. "Very funny indeed!" she whispered back and shot the grinning elf a dark look. But she did not remove her hand.  
  
"Gimli, lower your axe!" whispered Aragorn. Indeed! Irulan almost laughed out at his expression. Running around with a raised axe in a forest like this was certainly very Gimli-like. He hastily lowered it down.  
  
Suddenly she felt Legolas stir, then he took a few steps, pulling her along and remained still. Irulan held her breath and looked up at him expectantly. Aragorn and Gimli approached as well. Legolas said something in elvish and Aragorn replied in elvish. Speaking elvish at a time like this! Irulan felt like screaming with desperation and she was about to ask bitterly for a translation when Legolas said "The White Wizard approaches," with a very low voice.  
  
A tenseness fell on the company. Irulan very slowly removed her hand and drew her sword from the sheath tied to her back. She dared not take out the staff and extend it now. She looked at Aragorn and he looked back with the open expression of a sinking heart. 'So this is how it ends,' Irulan thought suddenly. 'Come all this way and die at the hands of Saruman'. She swallowed softly.  
  
"Do not let him speak, he will cast a spell on us," said Aragorn. Irulan felt like the spell had already been cast - she felt numb and unable to move with fear. Her throat was dry and her hands cold as ice. Saruman the White! 'I'd rather face Sauron,' she thought suddenly, knowing that that made absolutely no sense, but feeling scared beyond anything at the moment. She looked up at Aragorn and he nodded ever so slightly. She would Shift. There was no other way. And even if there was, she would never take the chance against an Istari. Irulan closed her eyes and felt a moment of fear when her nervousness blocked her way to calmness. But then, she reached again and calmness came swiftly and she stood ready.  
  
She saw the white light stretching her own shadow in front of her and all four turned instantly. Irulan Shifted. She was a single blade from head to toe now, yearning to kill, moving with the irresistible passion of slaying. She took three steps around the frozen company. An unbelievable white light was in front of her and she could make out the outline of a figure and a staff. Three more steps and she would be in a lethal range. She raised her sword and moved forward.........only to be thrown back in the void. It happened so fast, her brain did not even register. The only thing she felt in the void was the odd feeling of running into a wall with all her might. One moment she was taking a step towards the light, the other moment she was at least ten feet further away, kneeling on the ground, thrown out of the void, clutching her stomach which seemed to be the source of an unbelievable pain. With the world and the immediate pain came the ability to think and the first thing that popped up in her mind was 'You seriously didn't think you could take out an Istari of the White Order that easily, did you?' She moaned as breath left her and refused to return with the immense onslaught of pain. 'How did he know that I would Shift? How did he know I knew how to Shift?' asked a part of her brain, but it was a too distant part to be given serious attention at the moment.  
  
Legolas shot his arrow but it was deflected by the White Wizard, as was Gimli's axe. Aragorn did not even get as far as the others - his sword turned a deep crimson in his hand and he barely had time to let it fall before it burned his hand. The light washed over them and over their hearts like shadow itself. It took them moments to realize that Irulan was nowhere to be seen. Aragorn and Legolas were the first to feel her absence and hastily looked around, while trying to block out the blinding light. Aragorn saw her under a tree at least ten feet away, bent over double, her sword gone from her hand, in obvious pain, but he failed to react for lack of understanding how that could be possible when Legolas dashed by him and was standing before her in an instant.  
  
Irulan felt dizzy with the lack of breath. She felt her eyes stinging with tears and her head throbbing with an odd pulse, probably because of whatever happened during the Shifting. She barely saw Legolas arriving by her side, and did not even feel his hand on her back. Legolas instinctively placed himself before her for protection. In his mind he knew that that meant nothing against the Saruman, but his body reacted on its own. He was trying to understand her state and at the same time, glancing back to the light, trying to see what is going on.  
  
Irulan finally managed to inhale just a little bit after what seemed like ages, only to realize that inhaling made the pain even worse. Yet she inhaled again and deeper the next time and only wished for a swift death at the moment. The light seemed to get brighter and brighter, until it covered everything in sight.  
  
"You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits," a voice echoed from it. It was as mighty and threatening as she had imagined Saruman's voice to be. Oddly inhuman too. She knew that the Wizards were not human, of course, and yet because of Gandalf, her brain often failed to make a distinction. 'Gandalf!' she thought with sad amusement. 'Saruman has won. I am so sorry.'  
  
"Where are they?" yelled Aragorn. He actually sounded challenging!  
  
"They passed this way, the day before yesterday," came the reply and it sounded amused. Irulan breathed again and the world seemed to swim. 'Maybe my perception at the moment is not at its best!' she thought ruefully. Once again Legolas swiftly leaned down to her, trying to see if she was badly wounded or not, but Saruman continued: "They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?"  
  
She tried to get up and stubbornly removed her hand from her stomach and put it on the ground. Legolas knelt down by her, "Don't get up, Irulan," he whispered. She only obeyed because she could not get up anyway. As a matter of fact, she was barely keeping herself from falling flat on her face at the moment. He softly touched her head, once more glancing over his shoulder to the Wizard, and Irulan felt like crying in frustration.  
  
"Who are you? Show yourself!" shouted Aragorn again. 'Well thanks to that man, at least we won't die looking like cowards,' she thought and looked up, swallowing hard. She tasted blood in her mouth, but had no idea whether it was coming up from deeper inside her, or whether she had bitten her tongue or her cheeks.  
  
The light dimmed. And a man in white appeared. Only it did not look like she thought Saruman would. As a matter of fact.......it looked a lot like............ 'I am dying for sure,' thought Irulan suddenly and could not help to moan. She felt like laughing suddenly. 'Gandalf has come to guide my soul!' And it felt oddly good. As a matter of fact she felt relieved and glad. She felt a tear gliding down her cheek and knew that it was not really because of the pain, but because of a happiness swelling in her. 'I will go and remain with Gandalf!' she thought and suddenly she was 6 years old again.  
  
A fleeting thought of Legolas came back to her then and she felt such sadness for leaving him behind. He was looking away again, frozen in surprise and she wanted to touch him and say goodbye. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry. That he should not die in grief. That he should travel through Middle Earth to fulfill her wish. That he should find another to heal, since it seemed to do him so well. She also wanted to tell him that she loved him. More than anything and anyone.  
  
But her body failed her. 'Gandalf, I have so much to tell you!' she thought with distant enthusiasm as even the bright light of Saruman faded softly into black, 'Did you know that I was in love with Legolas?' Blackness took her and for some odd reason, she thought about her mother and that was her last coherent thought. She surrendered willingly.  
  
Legolas was so surprised by Gandalf's appearance he did not hear Irulan until she collapsed on the forest floor beside him. The world stopped. He forgot all about Gandalf and Saruman, Aragorn and Gimli, the Fangorn Forest and The Ring, Sauron and Middle Earth. Suddenly his mind stopped and he felt himself being torn off from his own body. He saw his own body hastily picking Irulan up and gently lowering her back in a sitting position to the bark of the tree, but it was so much like dreaming..........so distant and impossible that it was actually beyond dreaming for sure. He felt nothing and thought nothing. Irulan was not moving. Her eyes were closed and she looked as if she was resting. In his numbness he thought of nothing at all while looking at her. He just stood there, frozen in a timeless fragment, oddly stupefied.  
  
Centuries later an invisible slap landed on his face and Legolas blinked. A sudden onslaught of pain and fear suddenly took him and swept him away. Legolas had feared a lot in the past. Many times in battle he had felt fear and concern for himself and others. He had faced magic and evil and that, too, had sparked fear in him. But this was beyond anything he had ever felt before. He felt something horrible taking hold of him and twisting his mind, bending it and squeezing it. 'Irulan is dead,' it hissed and it was Legolas himself. Then another Legolas sprang up instantly and he bolted 'No! She can not die!'. 'Oh but she is.......she is gone.......for all eternity,' hissed the first one, and a third Legolas appeared, confused 'What is death? What does that mean, 'gone'?' he said. 'She can not die!' screamed the second one and a fourth Legolas responded with a scream that echoed through his head like a knife. 'She is gone,' cried another Legolas and yet another one shouted 'She is alright! She is sleeping!' and then all chaos broke lose in his head. All Legolases screamed and yelled and hissed and spoke and cried at the same moment and the world swam around him. He fell back into his body like falling from a great height.  
  
He heard voices behind him but did not turn around to look. He crouched to her side and gently touched her cheek. She did not respond. "Irulan," he whispered. Nothing. "Irulan, wake up!" Nothing. He slowly shook her shoulder. Nothing. Suddenly a man was standing next to him, his eyes wide with disbelief and horror. "Legolas........." he said, and Legolas remembered his own name, "........oh no!"  
  
***  
  
"I think she is coming around........"  
  
"I knew she would Shift. But I did not know that my shield of protection would have such a drastic effect on her!"  
  
"What is happening to her? She is bleeding from the inside!"  
  
"I am not sure, Aragorn. I think she ran into my shield with such force, it reverted the action and tore something apart inside of her."  
  
"Gandalf........will she live?"  
  
"Of course she will! I will not let her die. Move away, all of you; give us some room."  
  
Gandalf moved closer by Irulan's motionless body and sitting on a large root next to her, slightly touched her forehead. Nothing happened for a moment. Then suddenly her eyes flickered open and she inhaled softly but deeply. Irulan could still not focus, for the world was a combination of colors and blurs. The only thing that made her self-conscious was the pain inside. She closed her eyes again.  
  
"Irulan, open your eyes."  
  
"Gandalf?" she moaned.  
  
"Yes, I am here, child. Open your eyes."  
  
She tried and indeed succeeded, but the world was still just colors and blurs. She swallowed softly. "Where........are you?" she croaked. She felt a touch on her forehead and suddenly the pain was pushed further to the background and the teary view of the world disappeared. Gandalf was right in front of her. "Gandalf!" she said and tried to reach up to him. But pain seared through her instantly like a blade.  
  
"No, remain," he said, "it is too early yet."  
  
She slowly lied back again. He looked so wonderful! "Gandalf," she whispered again, and smiled against all odds, "I missed you so much!"  
  
"And I you, Irulan," Gandalf replied softly.  
  
"Gandalf!" she yelled suddenly and moved as if to sit up again. But Gandalf pushed her back. "Gandalf, it was Saruman! He killed us. He killed all of us!"  
  
"Saruman?" said Gandalf with amusement.  
  
"Yes! That evil snake of a Wizard!"  
  
"Now now, Irulan....."  
  
"I don't care if he is an Istari or not! I am dead, Gandalf, what more can he do?! He is the lowest rat that walked on Middle Earth, I swear!" Gandalf shifted uncomfortably, but Irulan did not see it, she was talking very fast now, lest something might happen and she would lose Gandalf again. She had to tell him everything! "Vile worm, that lurking, nasty old bundle of a rotten man! He killed me, Gandalf! He is so powerful!" Suddenly she clutched Gandalf's hand. "Gandalf, were you ever jealous of him in life?"  
  
Gandalf was truly taken aback. "Jealous?" he boomed.  
  
Irulan slightly nodded and then suddenly stopped, because it made her dizzy.  
  
"Of course not!"  
  
"Stop it Gandalf! Why do you choose to look dressed like him right now, then? But I meant to tell you - it is okay! I mean it's perfectly understandable. He truly is beyond you, Gandalf! Don't feel bad about it, really!" Aragorn and Gimli chuckled lightly, but Irulan did not hear them of course. Gandalf threw them a bleak look.  
  
"Gandalf! Oh Heavens, Gandalf! I killed them!" she shouted suddenly and began trashing again.  
  
"Irulan, stop moving, you killed whom?"  
  
"Them! They died because of me. I failed them Gandalf! I Shifted and I failed and they died because of me! Oh Heavens.....I killed Aragorn!" She began to cry and Aragon made a move towards her, but Gandalf motioned him back. "I killed the king of kings, Gandalf! Oh no........I will be remembered as the woman who killed the mightiest men on Middle Earth and sealed its doom! ARAGORN, Gandalf! What will become of Arwen? What will become of Gondor?" Tears were rolling down her face uncontrollably. "Why, you said he was the best ranger and hunter of his times. You were wrong, Gandalf! He was the best ranger of ALL times. Such a mighty man, I swear, I adored him! He was beyond any mortal man I have ever seen. I doubt I would have seen anyone outshine him even if I lived!" Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas exchanged glances. Aragorn's brows shot up and a grin crept up to his face.  
  
"And GIMLI! Oh Heavens! I killed Gimli! Oh dear....and I wanted to tell him how much I loved him! I even thought about walking the Walk of Love with him! We could make it out of the maze, I know we could!" The other three men looked at Gimli who was grinning with pleasure now. He waved his hand in a way as to say 'I can't explain to you right now!' and kept leaning on his axe, bloating by the second. "Why, I wanted to tell him that I would go to the depths of Khazad-dûm with him, if he asked - forget about the maze!" Gimli chuckled lightly and kept on grinning, unable to stop now.  
  
"Oh no! Oh no!" Irulan began trashing again and this time even Gandalf could not persuade her to stop. "I killed Legolas!" she shouted suddenly.  
  
"Irulan stop! You didn't kill anyone!"  
  
"I did Gandalf! I should know, I was there! Oh my........I will miss him so much, Gandalf! I will miss him so much!" She began to cry again. Legolas looked truly baffled. "I should have told him. Remember when you told me that I'm a stupid girl? I thought you were being cruel, but it turns out Gandalf, you were so right! I was really stupid! Legolas was the most precious gift of all times to me on this world and I did not see it until I died!" Legolas' eyes widened with disbelief and he looked at the others who were grinning back at him. He looked back at Irulan with utter confusion and astonishment.  
  
"Gandalf! I failed them all," she said and began to cry again. "Actually I realized something really strange about me and Legolas. Did you know....."  
  
"Irulan! Wake up already, you are not dead, woman!"  
  
"Gandalf, let me speak, will you? You know, you have not changed at all. Even in death you are the impatient Wizard that you were, I swear." Suddenly she stopped and her eyes widened. 'It was about time that she realized!' thought Gandalf ruefully.  
  
But Irulan had realized nothing, of course. "Gandalf! Where is Chemarit?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Chemarit? Is he here? Oh, I missed him so much! And Boromir!"  
  
"Boromir?" said Gandalf with surprise and looked over to the trio. They nodded gravely.  
  
"And Merry and Pippin? You must get me up, we must go see them! I have so much to tell you, Gandalf!" She tried to get up again and again the pain made her lie back down. "I don't understand......." she said a moment later, "why am I feeling pain?" Gandalf looked down at her with a mixture of amusement and impatience. She looked back at him with astonishment. "And why do I still have a body?"  
  
"Irulan, if you don't gather your wits, I will have to hurt you. And I mean truly!" Irulan looked back at him with utter confusion.  
  
"Irulan, you fool! You are not dead!"  
  
"But you are!" she yelled a moment later.  
  
"No, I am not dead either," he said, trying to remain calm, looking into her eyes.  
  
A silence stretched between them. "Gandalf," she said finally with a low, soothing voice, "you must believe me when I say this.....you are dead! DEAD! You MUST believe me! I am so sorry to be the one to tell you but I swear! But fear not, because so am I! You are not alone, Gandalf."  
  
"Irulan, I did not die. I defeated the Balrog," he said finally and looked again threateningly at the chuckling trio.  
  
Irulan looked at him for a long moment. Then she snorted "Yeah....alright Gandalf!" and waved her hand. "I mean.......at your age.......you would think all sorts of inferiority complexes were behind you! Why can't you accept defeat?"  
  
"Irulan," tried Gandalf again, "would you want me to hit you with my staff? That always seemed to put you in your place. I won't have second thoughts just because you are wounded, believe me!"  
  
She looked at him with an uneasy look. If she still had a body and he still had a staff.....it might actually hurt. "Gandalf.....we have all eternity before us together. And you can't even stand me five minutes. How will this work out?"  
  
"That's it! I will either kill her for real or walk out of here now! I think the latter is a better option! Legolas, pick her up!" he said and walked off. Instantly Legolas was by her side, holding her hand. Aragorn and Gimli ran up to her as well. They all grinned down to her.  
  
"Oh........so you've arrived as well..I am so sorry!" she said, her eyes tearing again. And, against all her pain, jumped up, when they boomed with laughter.  
  
***  
  
"I HATE YOU ALL!"  
  
"Why, whatever happened to the.....what was it Gimli?"  
  
"The most astonishing and adorable man of all times, Aragorn."  
  
"Thank you. Yes, what happened to that?" he grinned.  
  
"You wish!" she yelled back and instantly clutched her stomach. 'I have to stop yelling,' she thought.  
  
Legolas looked down at her and smiled warmly. "Irulan, lie still. It is not too much further now," he said softly. Irulan leaned on his shoulder. It felt good to be carried actually - even though she would prefer death itself at this moment.  
  
"You are such cheaters! Foul! All of you! Good thing I did not die after all. I would die believing in a lie! Now at least I know how cruel you really are."  
  
"Irulan, we did not put the words in your mouth," Gimli chuckled and threw her a bemused look. "I could not think such nice things about myself if I wanted to!" A moment later he boomed "And especially about Legolas!" and the other two joined his laugh.  
  
Irulan just moaned and buried her face into the elf's shoulder. "I was delirious! I made no sense!" she protested with distaste.  
  
"I thought you made a lot of sense, actually," said Aragorn with amusement. "More than you make most of the time."  
  
"I am dying here! Will you be quiet and let me pass over in peace?"  
  
"Dying? Does that mean that you have other nice things to say about us now? We're ready to hear the rest, come on Irulan!" said Gimli with open amusement.  
  
"Legolas do something!" she said with frustration. Legolas looked down at her with the most beautiful smile. "Why, Irulan? I felt honored to hear those things from you. I never thought you saw me in such a way. Why are you ashamed of your feelings?"  
  
"Well Legolas, if I had called a Wizard of a White Order a rat.....not to mention a liar, I would be a little embarrassed too," said Aragorn, unable to keep from laughing.  
  
"Did you see his face? I thought he would kill her that very instant!" boomed Gimli. All three men began to laugh uncontrollably.  
  
"I HATE YOU ALL!"  
  
***  
  
Irulan embraced Gandalf so hard, it hurt both of them. The old man could not help laughing at her enthusiasm. To her utter horror, she began to cry and clutch to him even harder! He patted her back and tried to comfort her, but as soon as she let go, she turned around and hugged him again. It took them several minutes to finally persuade Irulan that Gandalf was not going anywhere soon.  
  
"You know...what I said back there..I..did not really mean it, Gandalf!" she said, blushing a deep red. Aragorn grinned and she threw him a killer look.  
  
"I know Irulan, I know," he laughed softly.  
  
"Good. And good you joined us again. I swear Gandalf, these men were so cruel to me!" she complained like a little girl. It was common for Irulan to become a little girl around Gandalf. She had grown up with him and to her, he would always remain the beloved grandfather, no matter what order his wizardry.  
  
"Is that so?" said Gandalf with amusement and turned to the men who felt no need to hide their grins.  
  
"I have no idea what she is talking about, Gandalf," said Aragorn and looked down at Gimli. "What about you, Gimli?"  
  
"No...er...Your Astonishing Majesty," -he even bowed to that- "I don't know anything about the matter!" Irulan groaned and turned around to hop towards her horse.  
  
"Do YOU know what she means, 'most precious gift'?" she heard Aragorn chuckle behind her.  
  
Legolas grinned with obvious amusement but dared not answer, fearing Irulan might change her mind about him now. Why, he felt like he had really died and awoken in the Halls of Waiting. That she would think all those lovely things about him! Legolas felt like nothing could touch him from now one. A vitality like no other was surging through him like a wild river. He tried to keep calm on the outside but his heart was beating frantically. It was the happiest day of his entire life. He dared not think that there would, COULD ever be a happier day for him again, so amazing was the glare of this moment. Irulan thought he was a precious gift! No..the most precious gift of all times! Legolas quickly looked into the distance, afraid that his eyes might betray his inner tumult.  
  
Irulan mumbled something under her breath, but only Legolas' sensitive elven ears picked out a few curses. She was trying to mount Baron. He quickly ran up to her and picked her up again. "No, Irulan, you can not ride alone. We will ride Arod. Baron can run along," he said and mounted the horse easily with her still in his arms. Irulan looked around with astonishment. 'How the hell did he do that?' she thought, amazed.  
  
"I can't ride like this," she protested finally. This was embarrassing as it was. She changed her position and sat properly on the saddle. Legolas moved a little back and then held the reins in one hand, carefully encircling his arm around her waist with the other. He was afraid to hurt her wound, but he had no idea that at the moment Irulan was too frustrated and distracted to feel the pain.  
  
"Gandalf, why can't I...."  
  
"For the last time Irulan, no, you can not ride Shadowfax!"  
  
"You could ask HIM, you know."  
  
"I did, Irulan."  
  
"Oh...that's a cruel horse."  
  
"Then he fits his rider!" he said with impatience and rode ahead.  
  
"Let me know when the ride becomes painful," Legolas whispered in her ear and gave Arod a soft push with his heels.  
  
"I trust you, you adorable man of all times!" said Gimli from behind Aragorn.  
  
"Do not worry, master of love! I shall ride fitting to my title!" he said, still laughing and shaking his head, and followed Arod and Baron. 


	4. Lean On Me

Thank you everyone! You amazing lot! I have received an immense amount of reviews for the last chapter and all were kinder than the other. I know that Aragorn and Gimli did not look their true selves in that part, but I am assuming that having such a young and 'lovable' girl with them gives them the opportunity to become more and more her 'older brothers' by the day. Being together for so long turns people into families, does it not? Finally we are going to Edoras. Not yet though. Conversations and changes are taking place before the Rohan city. Anyway, as to the issue concerning who could play Irulan's part if she ever made it to the movies: I really don't know but I'll kill the first person who says Angelina Jolie.  
  
I know a perfect Elton John song that goes with this part: That's Why They Call it the Blues.  
  
Hopefully you'll like it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"How can that be true?" she thought in confusion. "I am IN LOVE with Legolas?" She grimaced as another soft wave of pain began to creep up and emanate from her stomach towards her outer limbs. She stiffened unconsciously and Legolas felt it of course. He gently held her against himself and made her tilt back a little further.  
  
"Lean on me, Irulan," he whispered softly.  
  
"No, I'm fine," she hissed and resisted his pull, but of course Legolas was not taking "no" for an answer ever since that accursed day in that valley of rock. He removed his hand from her belly and encircled her shoulders and pulled her harder to himself until she relented. Than he brought his hand back down to her waist again and held it on her stomach with a comforting touch.  
  
"That's better, is it not?" he said softly into her ear. And of course it was not better at all. His hand felt awfully comforting on her stomach and she actually felt an odd warmth emanating from it, dulling the pain. He felt too close and she tried to move forward a bit, but Legolas followed and they remained rigidly and uncomfortably plastered to each other.  
  
'I can't believe this elf. This borders on naughtiness and indecency, really!' she thought, her body still tensely tilted forward in its current position.  
  
'So? It feels good, does it not? Just give in to him,' whispered her alter ego.  
  
Irulan swallowed softly. Indeed, why not? He loved her. He was an incredibly magical creature. She loved him........ 'No.....I'm only confused, I can not love him!' she insisted.  
  
'Irulan,' sighed her inner voice, 'stop it already! Why won't you relent?'  
  
'Am I the only one with the brains here?' she hissed back. 'We are in the middle of war! Besides, I will DIE! As a matter of fact, I already am dying!' she thought ruefully as another wave of pain fluttered across her body.  
  
"Irulan, shall we stop?" Legolas asked, concerned.  
  
She shook her head and only lay her own hand on his that was lying on her abdomen, not knowing what else to do with herself as the pain seemed to grow within her. Legolas sighed softly at her touch. 'Irulan,' he thought, 'how can you give me so much pleasure, and yet so much pain?'  
  
"When you were wounded back in the forest," he said softly, and once more Irulan felt like leaning forward completely again because of the sensations that rushed through her at the feeling of his warm breath on her neck; but once more, Legolas felt her intention and gently held her back, "I feared the worst. I felt as if I died over and over again, Irulan."  
  
Irulan swallowed softly. "Legolas," she managed finally, "what will become of us?"  
  
Legolas was baffled. 'Us?' he thought, and another wave of hope and pleasure hit him. Could it be......that she would relent to a relationship, even though she would not return his feelings? His heart did a flip and he clung to her even a little stronger.  
  
"Whatever you wish of us to become," he said softly.  
  
Irulan sighed with frustration at that. She looked into the distance. 'I seriously am the only one with the brains,' she thought bitterly. "Legolas," she tried again, "It is not what I wish. It is what the world wishes."  
  
"I don't care about the world," he whispered, "I only care about you."  
  
"Why don't you understand?" she said finally with a tinge of frustration. "Why are you evading reality?"  
  
"What reality might that be?"  
  
"The reality in which you are an elf - no, an elven prince, actually, and I am.....I am.....a.......human nobody," she finished, annoyed at being pushed to speak it out loud like that. But this conversation had to take place. Irulan did not know it consciously, but as her shell gave in further and further, it was her that was forced to face reality and, being the human, she always had the natural tendency to try understanding things with her mind, not her heart.  
  
Legolas was taken aback. He was silent for a moment. "A nobody?" he said finally, his voice clearly expressing disbelief. "Is that what you think of yourself?"  
  
Irulan rolled her eyes. "It is what I KNOW of myself, Legolas."  
  
"Irulan, the seal on your heart is stronger than I thought. How can you think so of yourself?"  
  
Irulan hissed in anger and tried to lean forward again, not caring about the pain. Legolas held her back again and not very gently this time. "No, you will remain!" he said with a tinge of anger himself. Irulan was surprised at that, she actually stopped moving. Now, anything worse than the persistent and patient Legolas would probably be the commanding warrior Legolas. She swallowed softly and stood stiff but still.  
  
"I will not let you belittle yourself so," he said with that tone of voice again and Irulan felt oddly nervous.  
  
"You have to stop acting so harsh and ruthless to yourself, Irulan. You have to stop blaming yourself for everything. And you most certainly have to stop being blind to your worth."  
  
"I don't know how to do that!" she protested finally, still nervous about speaking up to him. All of a sudden she remembered that Legolas was actually royalty. It was obvious that he had been spoiling her and this had once again blinded her to his true identity.  
  
"I shall teach you," he said softly a moment later. "But you must trust me."  
  
"I do trust you, Legolas."  
  
"No you do not. You don't trust anyone, and you trust yourself the least."  
  
"What would you like me to do, Legolas?" she said with a tired sigh. 'How much longer will I live to endure this torture?' she thought bitterly. She almost wished for another orcish threat anytime soon. Unknown to her, her wish would be fulfilled even beyond her imagination soon enough.  
  
"Stop running, Irulan. Because you should know by now that I will not stop chasing," he said softly and gently pulled her to himself again.  
  
Irulan closed her eyes and tried to suppress the sensations in her as she once more fell towards him, but remained stiff nevertheless. 'This whole riding thing is such a bad idea!' she protested in frustration.  
  
"Give in to me," he whispered and her heart took a leap. She actually felt like jumping off the galloping horse at that moment, but forced herself to remain still. Legolas, of course, felt her tension.  
  
"I don't know how to give in!" she said finally, truly nervous now.  
  
Legolas laughed at that. "Indeed!" he said softly. It was only true. Irulan had so many edges. And yet no matter how sharp the cut, he loved each and every one of them.  
  
"Do you think that I would use you?" he said suddenly, not really with curiosity or anger, but rather matter-of-factly.  
  
"Use me?" replied Irulan surprised.  
  
"Take advantage of you in any way?"  
  
"No, of course not!" she said with disbelief. Legolas taking advantage of her! The chance of that happening the other way around would probably be stronger! Legolas using her! Yeah, right!  
  
"Then why do you recoil at my touch?"  
  
"I do not-" she begun, but Legolas cut her short:  
  
"Irulan.......stop running. Be honest to yourself. Why do you recoil?"  
  
'I do not recoil!' she thought stubbornly. Alright, maybe sometimes. But then, it was only normal! After all, it was a bit too intimate at times! "I am not used to it, I guess," she said finally, thinking it would be the safest and wisest answer at the moment. Of course Legolas was interested in neither the safest nor the wisest answer, but only in the true answer.  
  
"No," he said curtly, "you evade it because you fear that if you give in to it, I will eventually do something that will leave you in discomfort and regret."  
  
"No way!" she said, and a silence followed. It went on for so long, Irulan felt like she had to say something. "Well.......maybe. Maybe a little bit. It is only normal, is it not?"  
  
"Perhaps under normal circumstances it is. Perhaps for mortals it is. I am no mortal man," he said finally and odd enough, he sounded unhappy about that. "And I am no elf like any other. I am an elf who loves you," he said with that regal tone again.  
  
"Irulan, until now, I have accepted your lack of trust as a way of mortals. And honestly, seeing the mortal men around you, I can only understand!" he said bitterly. Irulan thought he would bring up the Little Thorn or the past Boromir issue any moment now, but Legolas thankfully avoided both.  
  
"However, Irulan, you must see the difference now," he said and his voice softened again. He even gently stroked her stomach and Heavens, that felt so good! Irulan tensed again, but stubborn to prove that she was not going to be nervous about it, she forced herself to relax. She was doing an awful job of it......but she was trying, was she not?  
  
"I have opened my heart to you," Legolas continued, "I have offered it to you, have I not?" Irulan remained silent. She did not how to respond to that. Besides, it did not sound too much like a question. "I have told you the truth and only the truth and I have given my heart to your mercy. You could break it. You could throw it away. You could resent it. You could mock it. And yet, I did not hesitate in doing what I did. My hesitations were of a different nature," he said. And it was true. Legolas had not told Irulan earlier, firstly because he was not in complete understanding of his own feelings; and secondly, because he had feared disturbing her, rather than not trusting her. He had not wished to put it on her already crowded mind. He had never doubted Irulan. He had never thought she would break it, use it or throw it away - even though there had been a high chance of that - Irulan being a human, after all.  
  
"Because I trust you," he continued a moment later. "And even if you did any of those things, I would love you anyway, and I would think that you only did what you had to do."  
  
He waited a moment longer and then added, "I am only asking the same in return. And I am aware that it is very difficult for mortals, because your relationships are so........harsh and dangerous. I have observed deceit and lies among mortals in the matters of the heart. I have observed you saying things that you do not mean; make promises you can not keep; play with each others feelings as if it was a game. It is your way, I know that."  
  
The truth was, humans were selfish, but Legolas did not wish to say it out loud like that. They only cared for their own end and their own satisfaction in a relationship. Not the ones who felt true love, of course, for there were exceptions in everything. And yet, it was such a rooted habit in their world, it included a very large number. 'Maybe it is because they have so little time on this world,' Legolas had thought. 'Maybe they yearn to live as much as they can while they have the time - perhaps it is this rush that makes them so selfish and so ruthless.' No matter what the reason was, he had admired their passion and strong will, and yet had found their hypocrisy and the tendency of their feelings and ideas to change so fast during a relationship, disturbing. He knew that Irulan was probably only acting normal and understandable under the circumstances, but he felt the urgent need to explain to her that he was not human and thus, not like that at all. She needed to see him for what he was, before she judged him.  
  
"We elves are very different in the matters of the heart," he said after the silence. "We do not say things that we do not mean, Irulan. And when we offer our heart, it is final."  
  
'Arwen,' thought Irulan deftly. She would die, grieving for Aragorn, and never lay eyes on another. Why, now that she thought about it, it truly might be the human side in Elrond that was clouding his judgment in the matter. Suddenly Legolas made a lot of sense. Of course, he always made sense......but.......anyway.  
  
"I am an Eldar. You are human. It is beyond my capabilities to change that. But........it is my strongest belief.....that we can find a common ground in our hearts, Irulan. I know that you can find it in you to trust me, if you only try."  
  
He was silent after that and let her think. 'How can I argue with that?' thought Irulan. All her insecurities, all her fears and doubts crumbled under the light of Legolas. He was so perfect in every way, it was intimidating.  
  
"How do I do that?" she said with a tired sigh a moment later. Legolas could not believe his ears! She was actually considering giving him a chance! He looked into the distance over her shoulder, trying to silence the tumult of his feelings. He felt like laughing. But then, he also oddly felt like crying. As a matter of fact, ever since he had met her, he felt a lot of EVERYTHING and it was such a unique experience for his fine elven senses that were actually not used to this much intensity!  
  
"Let me guide you," he said, trying to sound calm. And due to some blessing, he did indeed sound calm.  
  
Irulan watched the sun slowly preparing for a descent in the distance. 'Maybe it is time to say farewell to some things now,' she thought suddenly. 'I was always good at saying farewell and not looking back, was I not? Can I throw another part of me away now, like I did so many times in the past? Why should it be harder than any other time in the past?' Her shell rustled and shook with frustration. 'You have brought me so far,' she thought, 'but you must be shed now.'  
  
"Lean on me, Irulan," Legolas said softly. She sighed with frustration. 'If I am going to die, I'd rather die a more decent person,' she thought suddenly. She forced herself to shake off the rigidity and very slowly leaned backwards again. There was a slight hesitation when their bodies touched, and she felt a tinge of fear. But she denied to give in to it and just kept leaning. Legolas made no attempt to pull her this time - his hand remained around her waist, but other than that, he made no move to pull her any closer. Finally she leaned completely on him and fought the last remnants of rigidity in her body. It was not easy, mind you. A part of her still wished to keep a comfortable distance and felt very disturbed at such a touch. But another part of her knew that it could only be cowardice to relent to that. Finally she closed her eyes and let completely go.  
  
Legolas accepted her like a sheath accepts a sword, and it felt so perfect to ride with him like this, she instantly thought that she had been stupid to resist till now. Why, she had simply denied herself a much more pleasant journey! Legolas felt soft and warm behind her and she felt.........protected like she had not felt for a very long time. As a matter of fact, during all her time as a princess, and especially during her years alone in Middle Earth she had never felt protected, and certainly not like this. She had always been alone and forced to depend only on herself. Now she could take a break from that and depend on someone else for a change. No wonder her shell was trashing inside her silently - it was such a delicate thing, trust. But if she could not trust Legolas, than she certainly could not trust anyone else. And she did not want to die a person full of mistrust and paranoia.  
  
Legolas slowly encircled her waist and held her for a moment. He closed his eyes and tried to engrave this moment into his memory, to make sure that it would never fade even if thousands of years passed. He never wanted to forget even the tiniest detail - he wished to remember how Irulan smelled, how her hair shone under the late afternoon sun, how it was whipping in the wind. He wished to remember how Arod felt beneath him, how the breeze felt to his elven skin, how Irulan's warmness flowed out of her and engulfed him. And though he did not know it yet, this memory would indeed stay with him. He would remember it many, many times in the future, and every time he would fell a soothing touch on his heart.  
  
Irulan once more placed her hand on his and Legolas leaned down to place a soft kiss on her neck. She felt all her feelings tumbling downhill head over heels at that and swallowed hard with the effort not to tense again. 'Let go Irulan, let go,' she kept repeating to herself. Who would have thought that a simple act like letting go could be this difficult? Being human was truly frustrating! And it would continue to be frustrating in the upcoming days. For a day had set and a new era was dawning. Nothing and no one changes overnight. There was yet a lot of struggle and fighting to do. But it was a step. Tiny and timid, but a step nevertheless.  
  
"I think at this moment, there is no elf with greater joy in his heart than me in Middle Earth," Legolas said finally. Irulan smiled to herself. 'Because I leaned on him?! Amazing!' she thought. And as amazing as that was, it was but the simple and plain truth. 


	5. I have Nothing to Hide

The support I am receiving for this story is incredible. I had NEVER imagined that it would become like this. Amazing how people like Irulan and became so used to her, they demand that she won't die. Sigh..she will die, my friends. I mean, sooner or later. She is mortal, right? Actually when I started this story, I had a very definite death for her. But as time passed, new ideas about that matter became to dawn on me. Let's see which one to apply.  
  
So we are finally in Edoras. Like I have said before, TTT is a little poor in inter-personal relations. Which gives me perfect opportunity to establish the relation between our famous duo. So don't complain about the lack of action these upcoming chapters. As a matter of fact, the heat is boiling up here and I am having a difficult time in inserting the passion into the relationship without messing it up. Besides, once they have a wonderful relationship, Irulan's death will hurt even more! Ha ha..anyway...did I give anything away? I hope not.  
  
It takes the company actually 4 days to get to Helm's Deep (Gandalf arrives on the dawn of the fifth day, does he not?) I may not stick to the timeline too much, I will just go with the story. As a matter of fact, I may not stick with a lot of details. Irulan's introduction to the story should have changed a lot of things in the line of destiny..so...it is only understandable! In the part below I have skipped the whole healing of Theoden thing..I mean not skipped it, but not dwelled on it too much. I don't want to stagnate the story by repeating what everyone already saw in the movie or read already in the book.  
  
I was hoping to say a few personal things but I decided to post this part first and do that in the upcoming chapter. Forgive me my lovely readers - but never forget that you are always on my mind!  
  
I don't know how you guys will like my Eowyn. Just imagine her a lot like Irulan. So much alike in some ways, they are a threat to each other.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"You will stay behind, Irulan," said Aragorn as they dismounted to enter to meet King Theoden.  
  
"What?" she snapped, unable to keep from doing so.  
  
"You are wounded, remain here," he said with concern.  
  
"And forget about Shifting!" mumbled Gimli from below.  
  
"I have no intention of Shifting!" she hissed back. "But if you think that I will sit here and wait, think again!"  
  
"She may accompany us," said Gandalf with a low voice, "but Irulan, remain aside. And I mean it!"  
  
She nodded in agreement. 'I am not stupid, I know I'm no use in this state,' she thought ruefully and pushing her chin up, looked at Aragorn with defiance. He, of course, relented to Gandalf's wish and stepped back. 'Suits you right!' she thought with sick amusement. 'I've had it with them keeping pushing me around like that. Thank the Heavens for Gandalf!' Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli exchanged glances again and then remained silent. She unconsciously moved closer to Gandalf, in case they might snatch her away or something. 'Enough of that 'we will protect you' nonsense! I'm going in,' she thought with dark satisfaction.  
  
And in they went. The guards removed all their weapons on orders of Grima Wormtongue -'I can't believe that creature is still alive and here!' she thought with astonishment- but foolishly decided that Gandalf's staff is not a threat. They should have asked Irulan in that matter. 'That staff is a danger to all life in Middle Earth,' she thought and swallowed softly, remembering the pain it could cause in the hand of a very cruel Gandalf. Gandalf, Legolas and Aragorn entered first and began their walk toward the throne at the end of the room. She followed along with Gimli by her side and then fell even further behind, as the pain in her abdomen grew stronger the longer she remained upright. Finally she ended up leaning on one of the columns that lined the hall, resisting the temptation of gliding down and sitting on the floor.  
  
That's when Grima approached Gandalf. 'He has not changed a bit!' thought Irulan with distaste. 'Well.......maybe grown even uglier'. Grima of course cast a swift glance at her, but failed to recognize her in such a short moment. He was too busy with keeping his end of a verbal duel with Gandalf anyway. Gandalf dismissed him soon enough and continued his approach to Theoden and Irulan could not help to gasp at the king's appearance. Why, Theoden had always been a regal and good looking king. He looked absolutely NOTHING like Irulan remembered he did. He looked almost inhuman. Irulan shuddered suddenly and the world began to swim around her. 'Oh no,' she thought bitterly, 'don't you faint, woman! Not now! Especially in this company!' She gritted her teeth and clutching her abdomen, stood upright by pure stubbornness.  
  
She literally felt something tearing up inside her. 'I think I need another session with Gandalf,' she thought, 'and I mean, fast.' Moments passed during which she simply closed her eyes and tried to resume her integrity again. The riding had not been too kind on her body, either, of course and no matter what, her strength was leaking out of her after the many restless days of pursuit. Next time she looked up, her friends were kicking and punching the guards that Grima had set out on them while Gandalf continued his approach to the creature on the throne. Gimli had Grima nailed down on the floor and their eyes locked for a moment. She could see by his features that he had recognized her finally and he was so surprised by that, he actually remained glued like that for several moments. Meanwhile Aragorn and Legolas were doing a fabulous job, and Gandalf had finally free access to Theoden.  
  
Right at that moment Eowyn came dashing out from somewhere and made to move to the king, but was grabbed by the arm and held back by Aragorn. Against all her pain, Irulan had to smile. Eowyn! The one and only! Always beautiful, always fair. Unlike Irulan, Eowyn really looked royal in every situation and every outfit. She was as naughty and rebellious inside, but it took much longer to see through her disguise. Irulan had always tried to mimic her, but Eowyn was definitely the better actress. And she was the best girl one could have as a friend. She had all the virtues of Eomer, but none of his annoying maturity and common sense. She was loyal, helpful, supportive, brave, true to her word.......the perfect princess in many ways. Irulan many times had wished to contact her.......but of course reaching Eowyn without alarming Eomer, Theoden, Theodred or Grima was not possible. Being the better princess, Eowyn had also unwillingly relented to their wishes to protect her as men should protect women. She had lived a much more secluded life compared to Irulan, whose parents had decided to turn a blind eye to her improper hobbies a long time ago - as long as she did do it in the open, it was alright. But then, Irulan did not have a brother like Eomer, a cousin like Theodred and an admirer like Grima around her. She sighed unconsciously. Indeed, with so many men around her and being the single girl, Eowyn had led a much more secluded life.  
  
And with that thought, Irulan realized that she had almost missed the entire scene between Gandalf and Theoden! 'Irulan! Damn!' she thought and the world swam again. 'Alright....take it easy,' she thought to herself. 'You faint and I swear I'll kick your ass! Everybody is looking forward for something like that in the first place! Aragorn will never let you even walk without holding someone's hand if you do!' But no matter how hard she tried, everything seemed to become blurrier and darker by the moment. She leaned her entire back to the column then and tried to take deep breaths.......in hope that it will stop the darkening. And it did help......a little.  
  
Irulan had no idea how many minutes she remained like that or what was going on outside her. The next thing she heard was Eowyn by her side: "You seem to be hurt........my.......lady," she said, finally deciding that it would be the proper title - even though the woman before her was dressed fairly odd for a lady.  
  
Irulan felt the world swimming drastically when she raised her head, but she could not help smiling nevertheless. "My lady?! Seriously Eowyn, I am anything but that,' she said and even grinned during the process.  
  
Eowyn kept looking at her for a long time and Irulan actually would have laughed if she did not feel so terrible at the moment. "Irulan?" whispered the blonde woman finally, serious doubt in her voice.  
  
"That's 'my lady' to you," she replied.  
  
"Irulan!" Eowyn said with a trembling voice and clutched her shoulder.  
  
"Ouch! Eowyn, keep your paws off of me," she said, laughing, and once again fighting the settling darkness.  
  
Eowyn actually stepped back and brought both her hands up to her mouth, her eyes widened with disbelief and the distinctive light of hope. "Eowyn, don't you dare attack me, because I swear I'll collapse on you," she said and tried to keep her eyes open.  
  
Eowyn, of course, attacked. She dashed ahead and embraced Irulan so hard, it literally knocked the breath out of her and the thing she feared most happened - they both tumbled to the ground, rolling around in the most inappropriate manner. Thankfully everybody had followed the king outside, watching him kicking Grima out of his kingdom. Eowyn was laughing, trying wildly to control herself and even Irulan was giggling, although she had a bad feeling where this was going to. She tried to sit up but failed of course and tilted back until she collapsed again. Another attempt proved that she had absolutely no chance of getting up from the floor by herself.  
  
"Irulan! You evil witch! I knew you would not jump off a cliff without dragging at least Endor with you!" she said with a voice that was very close to a shriek. Her eyes were exactly as Irulan remembered them to be - full with life and excitement. The love for Eowyn bloomed in her. All those years there had been moments she had missed talking to Eowyn while walking in waist-high fields of corn, like missing life itself. She had missed their silly sword-practices in the woods (Eowyn had always been a 'sword- person'), ending mostly with one of the girls kicking the other until she relented (and then maybe some more). She had missed their flights from Eomer, who seemed to have nothing better to do than chasing the girls, and playing some very nasty tricks on him. If nothing else, this quest had re- united her with some of the people she had loved above anything else in her life. It was indeed worth dying for.  
  
"Eowyn, I swear I'll be kicking you once I find the strength to get up," she said, laughing. "And once I can see you again," she added a moment later. Her vision was really darkening now.  
  
At that moment Legolas and Aragorn appeared beside her. "Irulan, we leave you alone for a minute and you roll on floors!" said Aragorn and a very concerned Legolas once more swiftly picked her up. "Irulan, stay with me," he whispered and just the way he said that made Eowyn look up in surprise. She herself was helped up to her feet by Aragorn and only then realized the dashing man in front of her. Well......terrible looking, but dashing nevertheless. Eowyn did not know where to look - at the elf who was clutching at Irulan dearly, or at Aragorn's handsome features. She looked from one to the other and back, until finally Aragorn released her hands (she had not even been aware that he had been still holding them) and spoke up again: "My lady, would you please be kind enough to show a room for Irulan? I'll get Gandalf immediately."  
  
By this time Irulan could only struggle to keep conscious. But she nevertheless saw Eowyn's look at Aragorn and she immediately thought 'I hope I won't forget that part when I wake up.' "Aragorn, she grabbed me and pushed me. I was fine, really. Minding my business and staying out of trouble," she managed to say and Aragorn just gave her one of those looks and walked away. A dazzled Eowyn looked after him, then back at her, then at Legolas, then back at her again.  
  
"My lady?" said Legolas with a tinge of impatience and broke her trance.  
  
"Oh, of course, follow me!" she said and began to run ahead, with Legolas not running, but somehow still keeping perfect pace right behind her.  
  
"Irulan, does it hurt?" said Legolas with an anxious voice.  
  
"You bet it does," she said, clutching her stomach again. "If I die, you must revenge me by kicking Eowyn senseless, Legolas," she said.  
  
He smiled despite himself. "Gandalf will be with us in a moment, my love," he said.  
  
'My love?!!' thought Irulan and she felt like jumping off his lap. Good thing she lacked the energy. Legolas saw her expression though and grinned down at her.  
  
"Very funny indeed!" she shot up and that was the last coherent thing she remembered.  
  
***  
  
"Do not worry my friend, by tomorrow she will be as fine as she ever was."  
  
Legolas swallowed softly and barely fought down the urge to sigh with obvious relief.  
  
"It is earlier than I would expect, really. But," the Wizard said and looked up at Legolas with a twinkle in his eye, "I see a different light in her that was not there before."  
  
"I was healing her," Legolas said and looked down at a sleeping Irulan again, "Her heart was ill, Gandalf."  
  
"Indeed? Well....I must say you have been doing a very good job. Probably better than you think," he said and smiled at Legolas' slight confusion.  
  
A moment of silence settled in. "Irulan has a very precious heart. I would have been disappointed if it had gone out to another," he said slowly.  
  
Just when Legolas was about to ask him what he meant, the door opened and Aragorn and Gimli came in, deep concern written over their faces, and walked up to the bed. "How is she, Gandalf?" said Gimli with a low rumble.  
  
Gandalf smiled with amusement. "She is fine, Gimli. You four seem to have become.......very close," he said with a deft smile and glanced at Legolas. Legolas did not see though; he was looking down at Irulan. Aragorn and Gimli exchanged glances and then glanced away. Aragorn began scratching his chin and shrugged looking off into the distance. "Well......we spent a lot of time together," he said matter-of-factly.  
  
Gandalf chuckled lightly and stood up to leave. "Irulan has a habit of growing on people, very much like vine grows on stone buildings. You feel constricted and itchy at first, but before you know it, you are so used to her, you feel naked and incomplete without her." He looked at the uneasy men again and suppressed another chuckle. "Let us go now.........I wish to accompany Theoden to the grave of his son."  
  
"I wish to remain if you don't need me," said Legolas and they nodded, leaving him alone with Irulan.  
  
***  
  
Irulan opened her eyes and frowned slightly. The first thought that came to her mind was 'I actually passed out!' and she felt like rolling her eyes. Only that was not a good idea at the moment, of course. She was obviously lying on a bed - there was no way she could confuse that pleasant sense of comfort with the hard floor of open nature she had been sleeping on for weeks now. She tried to lift her head. "Lie still, Irulan," whispered Legolas from beside her. She turned to her left and found him lying next to her, above the covers that were drawn up to her waist, propped up on an elbow and looking down at her. He smiled and added, "How are you feeling?"  
  
Irulan closed her eyes and swallowed to overcome the dryness in her throat. "How long?" she managed finally.  
  
"Just a few hours," whispered Legolas. "You must continue resting."  
  
The world began to come back to her, softly and slowly this time. It was warm and pleasantly dark. She was in a small room with a high ceiling, the drapes were drawn but it was obviously nighttime. A door to her right was the only entrance to the room. A few candles were softly burning in the corner of the room and a vague but comforting herbal smell was in the air. Then she realized that she was not in her usual garment any longer. She looked down and saw that she was wearing a pretty white gown in Rohan fashion. The thought of Eowyn came back to her then. She also realized a warmth on her belly and realized that Legolas' hand was lying on it, giving off that comforting warmth again. The pain was almost completely gone; she could only feel the down weighing tiredness now.  
  
"Gandalf was here. He healed you," Legolas said, guessing her line of thought.  
  
"Are you never tired, Legolas?" she whispered, looking away with irritation.  
  
Instead of answering he leaned over and gently kissed her on her jaw line. Irulan immediately tensed, but also instantly remembered their new 'deal' so to say, and forced herself to remain still instead of moving away. Legolas smiled inwardly at her fight. It was a tremendous battle, no doubt, but he gave credit Irulan for trying so hard. He moved to her neck and kissed her again and she tensed even further, but apart from that, remained completely still. He glided down a little and placed another kiss on the artery of her neck, feeling the pulse underneath his lips. A part of him wanted to go on forever and ever, but he would never push Irulan into discomfort - not while he still had sense in him, that is. He treasured her trust more than anything and would not abuse it.....although the temptation was frighteningly strong - even for him.  
  
Irulan, on the other hand, was truly fighting the fiercest battle of her entire life. Fighting orcs was nothing compared to this! She held her breath and pursed her lips with the effort. She tried to imagine herself to be somewhere else, but every kiss just crashed her back into reality. And that funny feeling in her stomach, along with Legolas' hand on her abdomen! She felt a flame spreading on all her body from head to toe and it was burning her up with such intense heat, she was sure she would feel immense pain any moment. However the pain never came and all her awaiting body felt was just the unbelievable pleasure of another kiss. Just when she was about to scream and roll off the bed, certain that there was no way she could control herself any longer, Legolas stopped and moved back up again to look down at her. And the funny part was, she did not know if she felt happy or incredibly sad that he finally stopped. 'Irulan, if you had ANY doubts about your feelings, this should be your answer,' she thought, resisting the urge to bite her lower lip and close her eyes.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Legolas asked again and brought up his hand for a moment to caress her cheek.  
  
"Right now?" said Irulan and thereby exhaled for the first time in a long time.  
  
Legolas nodded softly and placed his hand on her stomach again.  
  
"I think I'm burning," she said before she could think. Not that she had a brain left to think any longer. She was absolutely sure that her brain had melted away into a useless heap a long time ago.  
  
A smile spread across Legolas' perfect lips and he stood looking down at her for a long moment. Then he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "How about now?" he whispered once he has resumed his former position again.  
  
"Legolas.......if you don't stop, you will have to call Gandalf back," she said, barely keeping herself from shuddering. Legolas laughed softly at that. 'I should just throw a towel and quit now! There is no way I can keep up my end of this trust deal!' she thought. 'I will die! Survival instinct is certainly stronger than that sort of a promise!'  
  
"What happened to Theoden?" she said finally.  
  
"Gandalf has set him free," Legolas said softly, then a moment later added "Grima is gone," in a more bitter tone.  
  
She looked down at herself again. "Lady Eowyn bathed you and dressed you," he said softly. "She looked very concerned. You are close friends, yes?"  
  
Irulan nodded. "Ever since childhood. Her and Eomer have been close friends of mine." Then a silence settled in and Irulan looked up to see him looking down at her with that blue fire in his eyes again. He remained still and expressionless other than that. Irulan looked away and decided to change the subject instead of going through the difficult process of explaining. "I can't believe I'm wearing a gown after such a long time. It feels better than I remember it to be, actually."  
  
"It looks wonderful on you," he whispered back, still that blue fire in his eyes. 'Damn! I had no idea elves were this jealous!' she thought ruefully. Suddenly she felt a very slight tenseness emanating from him. Legolas looked alert for a moment and then smiled down at her, "Somebody is coming," he said. He moved as if to get up, but Irulan placed her hand on his, and stopped him. Legolas looked back in surprise.  
  
"Don't," she said. And a moment later she added: "Stay." His confusion deepened even more and so did Irulan's. 'Why the heck should he stay?!' she thought suddenly. 'This is highly inappropriate. He should get up!' But then another thought invaded her: 'Why not? It is not a secret any longer. Nor is it something to be ashamed of, is it?' Suddenly she felt bad for Legolas and ashamed of the way she treated him. He had remained by her side for hours -not to mention devoted to her for weeks now- and she had constantly slapped his hand away in a metaphorical sense. She had pushed him away and pretended like nothing was going on between them when others were around. 'Why do you try proving to others that nothing is happening - at the cost of pushing him down?' she thought and wondered why this has never occurred to her before. 'Irulan, you REALLY need to wake up!' she thought.  
  
Legolas was still looking at her with confusion. "I have nothing to hide," she said finally and managed a warm smile. He looked at her with a blank expression that slowly changed into astonishment and adoration and she felt him relaxing and resuming his former position. His smile was so warm, it was a true sight to see - it spoke books. They both looked up to the door and a moment later Eowyn walked in with a large bowl full of water in her hands.  
  
She looked up and suddenly such surprise washed over her face, Irulan felt like giggling. Eowyn's eyes widened considerably and she froze at the threshold, everything else forgotten. She looked at Irulan, then at Legolas, then at Legolas' hand on her stomach, then back at Irulan. 'Not princess-like at all!' thought Irulan with open amusement and grinned. "Come in, Eowyn," she said with a normal tone, although it took a lot of effort to do so.  
  
Eowyn did not move for another moment, and then suddenly broke the gaze and hastily walked in, closing the door behind her. She walked up to the bed, still quite nervous and placed the bowl on the ground. Then she stood up and remained like that, obviously unsure what to do next. Irulan decided to have mercy on her and turned to look up at Legolas who was grinning back at her. He immediately got up and gracefully stepped away from the bed. "I should go now," he said with a warm but regal tone. He turned to Eowyn who was still staring at him with a persistence that bordered on rudeness, and bowed his head lightly, saying "Lady Eowyn," his eyes never leaving hers. Then he cast a last look at Irulan and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.  
  
Eowyn looked after him until he was gone a good time, and then very slowly turned to Irulan who was grinning back at her. "Eowyn, did nobody teach you that staring is rude?" she managed finally, unable to hold it in any longer.  
  
Eowyn's mouth dropped open and her eyes grew even bigger. "Irulan!" she stammered and stopped. She looked back at the door and then back at her. "What are you doing, you witch?"  
  
"I am trying to recover from what YOU did to me actually, Eowyn."  
  
"Stop it!" hissed Eowyn and actually hit her shoulder, not caring whether it hurt or not. Eowyn was like that. "I meant with HIM!"  
  
Irulan looked at the door as if she had no idea what Eowyn was talking about. "Oh.......you mean Legolas," she said finally, even managing to look a little confused saying it.  
  
Eowyn pursed her lips and sitting on the bed, smacked her again in the shoulder, this time harder. "Irulan, he is an.......an.......ELF," she whispered and glanced back at the door as if Legolas could hear her even now.  
  
Irulan suddenly sat up on her elbows and stammered "What? Are you.......serious?!" with horror.  
  
Eowyn's eyes narrowed immensely and Irulan collapsed softly back, laughing out loud now. "Eowyn, please don't hit me! It HURTS, woman!"  
  
The other woman just shook her head in silence and immersed the cloth wrapped around her arm into the bowl of water. "You have A LOT of explaining to do!" she hissed and began to wipe Irulan's arms and face softly. "I saw the way he is looking at you, so spare me the 'I don't know what you mean' part, Irulan. And," she said and a sly smile spread across her lips, "I also saw the way you are looking at him." Her eyebrows shot up.  
  
Irulan sighed. "Well then you saw everything there is to see. You don't need my explanation any longer." Eowyn hit her shoulder again and it DID hurt. "I'll kill you! And this time they will have a body to believe it!"  
  
"I like him," said Irulan finally, knowing Eowyn would never let go. When Eowyn did not look away for a whole minute, she added "a lot."  
  
"Irulan, you can't be serious!"  
  
Irulan sighed and looked away. She knew that this would raise a of lot eyebrows, not to mention open resentment in both human and elven circles; but being far away from a social life for so long now, she had forgotten how difficult it was to explain herself to others. She felt that irritation creeping back to her - the irritation she had felt for certain explanations in her life as a princess. Like the matter of Chemarit. Or why she had never liked Endor. Eowyn was truly extraordinary, but she was still a human princess. And was spared the chance to go through the experiences Irulan had gone through. Besides, she had probably never even met an elf before and had no idea what gorgeous creatures they were.  
  
"I am very serious, Eowyn," she said finally in a low voice. "Legolas is an amazing person. I should be honored that he is even interested in me."  
  
Eowyn looked back at her with a mixture of amazement and disbelief. A moment later she began to wipe Irulan's face again. "I bet he is old," she mumbled finally.  
  
"Not really..........only around three thousand years."  
  
Everyone in the Hall of the king heard Eowyn shriek. 


	6. A Breach of Trust

I can hear a lot of people saying "Legolas would not act like that!" but....well my Legolas does. His love for Irulan is painfully strong at times and elf or no, no man should be forced to control and hold back his passion on such a short leash. Or better said, there might be moments of weakness if he is, and who can argue with that? Tolkien more than often said that elves were not perfect and I really do not imagine them to be the ever peaceful and wise creatures at all. They were in a lot of mischief and battle themselves. And there is a LOT of pressure on Legolas. He is in love with a mortal -like Irulan!- I mean..give him a break......the poor man is cursed! And honestly, I think Gimli is right - this sort of treatment is exactly what Irulan needs sometimes. She should be grabbed and shaken out of her wits every now and then. It works. Anyway, those are my two cents on the matter.  
  
I'm glad a lot of you liked Eowyn. I like her a lot. Though her more cunning streak is going to show up soon enough - and frankly, I like her even more for it. Mickie, you are right - there are differences between her and Irulan of course. An important one being that I imagine Eowyn much more feminine - I mean mentally. She is surely up to some mischief and she does not forget that she is a woman. I think Irulan often does.  
  
Zingara, Mickie, Mae Noelle, just2spooky, flipped, angel of the stars, kirjava, kiki, Tara, shakiya, syrenwytch, spunky, ginger, Fae, spiffy, mokona, Nienna, passion lover, elleth, evenstar, Dove, kaimelar, Chibi, Mystic Elf, saige, Brynn and tasakapeotkauu - and the zillions others, I am truly grateful. No matter how many times I say this, I mean it each and every time. I mean to write you guys separately, but forgive me if it comes slow.  
  
A lot of people ask me how I update so often - alright, I admit, I have sleeping problems and nothing better to do in life! There. For those of you who keep begging.ha ha.Irulan's not dying at least for some more chapters, so relax and enjoy the show.  
  
I like this chapter. It is one of my favorite. There are a lot of feelings at display here and I always like the battle of feelings. I like weaknesses and then gaining of strength. I also like the development and change of characters - the way they respond to outer stimuli and are not always super strong or super stubborn. Well anyway...let's see if you agree.....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Aragorn and Legolas came in crashing moments later. One had his sword drawn and the other was ready to shoot a deadly arrow. They ran into the room, looking around. Irulan threw an accusing look at Eowyn, who looked baffled but soon began to grin. The men slowly lowered their weapons, still quite anxious. "Lady Eowyn, what happened?!" Aragorn said finally, not looking at her, but scanning the room.  
  
"Nothing happened, Aragorn. Eowyn has a nasty habit of shrieking, that's all," Irulan said and waved her hand.  
  
Eowyn's eyes widened and she threw Irulan a warning look. "I......I am sorry......Master Aragorn," she stammered, swallowing softly. "I have alarmed you for no reason," and failing to come up with an explanation, she left it at that.  
  
The men looked at each other with looks that clearly said 'we will never understand women!', and then Aragorn sheathed his sword. "Do not worry yourself, Lady Eowyn. And......please call me Aragorn," he said, with a slight bow.  
  
Eowyn jumped to her feet and took a step towards him. She had a very peculiar ghost of a smile on her beautiful lips and Irulan suddenly remembered how she had stared at Aragorn before Irulan had fainted. Her eyes widened with realization as Eowyn looked up at the man and said "Only if you call me Eowyn," with the most beautiful voice. Irulan glanced at Legolas and he looked back at her, with a blank expression.  
  
Aragorn smiled back and bowed slightly again, then throwing Irulan a look that clearly said that he believed HER to be responsible of the shrieking incident a moment ago, turned on his heels and left the room. Legolas looked from one woman to the other, obviously failing to read the intricate human expressions changing with lightning speed in the room. Then he said softly "Will you be needing anything, my lady?" probably to look less absurd.  
  
Eowyn looked like she just came back to the present at his voice. She looked at him and stammered "Oh......I think.....actually I had prepared a herbal tea for Irulan......it should be in the kitchen," and then hastily added, "but I'll get it myself. No need for you to do that sort of thing. Forgive me, you are a guest."  
  
Legolas held up his hand. "Please.......I shall bring it. You are busy," and closed the door behind him before Eowyn could say anything else.  
  
Eowyn turned around to find a very sour Irulan looking up at her. "Eowyn?" she said between clenched teeth.  
  
The other sat by the bed and smoothed her dress, then immersed the cloth into the bowl again. "Yes, Irulan?" she said with an innocent expression.  
  
"Do you have something to tell me Eowyn?" Irulan said, trying to establish eye contact, but Eowyn was too busy with the bowl.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Cut it out Eowyn! Stay away from him!" Irulan hissed.  
  
Eowyn's eyes widened with innocence. "What? From who? What are you talking about?"  
  
Irulan rolled her eyes. "Eowyn, I'm serious." Eowyn pursed her lips and continued wiping Irulan's face. "And stop wiping my face already!"  
  
"Who is he?" Eowyn said with a voice that spoke of disinterest. And that's exactly why Irulan felt really threatened now and slightly sat up, leaning back on the bed board.  
  
"Eowyn, no! I am serious about this."  
  
"I only asked who he is. He has.......a commanding......air to him." The bad thing was, Eowyn had a very good taste in men and no doubt, Aragorn was an immensely attractive man. He had a good deal of charisma and he was both gentle and royal, and at the same time wild and fierce. A perfect combination, really.  
  
Irulan rolled her eyes. She considered lying for a moment but that was ridiculous of course. One, Eowyn was her best friend and two, she would most certainly find out from someone else soon enough. "Son of Arathorn," he said finally, her eyes fixed on the other woman, "heir of Isildur."  
  
Eowyn's head snapped up at that. "He is Isildur's heir?!" She looked back at the door again. "A king," she whispered.  
  
Irulan resisted the strong urge of grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her. Instead she added: "And......he is involved with someone."  
  
"Oh......." said Eowyn and it was obvious from her voice that her heart sank. She remained silent for while. "With whom?" she said finally.  
  
"With Arwen, daughter of Lord Elrond of Rivendell," said Irulan and hoped that she would ask no further.  
  
But of course it was not to be. Eowyn frowned. "Rivendell?" she said in confusion a moment later, and Irulan really wished she could spare herself this part. "Is that not......."  
  
"Yes, Arwen is an elf, Eowyn. AND she happens to be a good friend of mine," said Irulan still looking very lethal.  
  
"An elf?" Eowyn looked baffled. A moment later she said "Must be the new thing," with a bitter tone, throwing a dark look at Irulan, and the other crossed her arms and just stared back with raised eyebrows.  
  
Another silence set in. "Involved as in how?" said Eowyn finally with an expressionless voice again.  
  
Irulan sighed audibly. "Involved as in involved."  
  
"I saw no wedding ring or anything of that sort."  
  
"He is involved nevertheless, Eowyn."  
  
The other woman said nothing for a long time and Irulan felt very uncomfortable of the silence. 'Who knows what she is thinking?' she thought nervously. "Whatever happened to humans?" said Eowyn suddenly and she sounded angry. Irulan was so taken aback, she found nothing to answer to that. Her eyes widened at Eowyn's obvious protest concerning both Aragorn and herself. A long and tense moment stretched between them. "I heard you ran into Eomer," Eowyn said suddenly, pushing her chin up. There was a spark in her eyes that looked downright dangerous.  
  
Irulan, too, pushed her chin up. "Yes we did. So?"  
  
"Did he.......say anything?"  
  
Irulan twisted her face, mocking her voice, "Like what?"  
  
"Well......." said Eowyn, but she did not finish and they stared at each other as two very dangerous princesses when suddenly there was a slight knock on the door and Legolas came in with a tray. A single cup was standing on it. He remained standing at the door looking from one to the other woman, but it took the girls several moments to break the contest and turn to look at who arrived. He threw a look at Irulan but when she would not answer, walked softly in and offered the tray to Eowyn.  
  
Eowyn smiled at him with a cold smile and slowly took the cup from the tray. "Thank you Master Legolas," she said softly and suddenly Irulan saw her pausing, then an odd expression settled on her features. But she had no time to think about what is going on, for Eowyn quickly pushed the cup into her hand. It smelled horrible. 'I bet she did it on purpose!' Irulan thought bitterly and took a sip. She moaned despite herself. It tasted even worse than it smelled!  
  
Legolas moved towards the door to leave, but suddenly Eowyn spoke up: "No need for you to leave, Master Legolas. Please remain." Irulan looked up in surprise and confusion and she saw Eowyn turn around to meet her stare with a wide grin spreading over her beautiful face. 'Now wait a minute, what is going........' she managed to think before Eowyn spoke up with a very neutral tone: "So did he say anything?" and she looked up at a very startled and shocked Irulan with pure innocence plastered on her face.  
  
Irulan looked at Legolas, who had closed the door, but other than that, being the gentleman that he was, had remained on his spot. She looked back at Eowyn again, swallowed softly and murmured a very inaudible "No," before she resumed her drinking. Suddenly the tea did not taste that awful anymore.  
  
"Really?" said Eowyn and it came out so soft and long, Irulan almost shuddered. She swallowed her mouthful down and looked at Eowyn with pure threat. The other woman, though, pretended not to see at all. "I would assume Eomer to be EXTREMELY happy to see you, Irulan."  
  
Irulan closed her eyes. 'Eowyn, I swear I will kill you. I swear. I don't care about the ethics!' she repeated to herself. She dared not look at Legolas, and she dared not think where this was going. "I think I will sleep some more now," she said idly.  
  
"Nonsense; you have to drink all of it," said Eowyn and a small smile crept up at her face, now that she knew she was indeed on the right path.  
  
"Did you know," she began idly, and brushed Irulan's dress with her hands slightly as she continued, "that he leaves Edoras every year the day you 'died' to ride through plains and fields until sunset?" Irulan was baffled. Eomer was actually........then she suddenly remembered their present situation and swallowed two more gulps from that disgusting warm liquid.  
  
"Is that your brother Eomer you are talking about, my lady?" came Legolas' voice from her right. Irulan put the cup down on her lap and dared a sidelong glance at him. He was standing exactly in the same way, but she could only feel the sharpness emanating from him.  
  
"Yes, Master Legolas," said Eowyn with pure delight. "I believe you have met him."  
  
"We met at the Riddermark," Legolas said and he sounded as cold as the coldest winter day. Irulan hastily took another gulp from the cup, "it was our first meeting, but I believe Irulan and him have an older acquaintance." Irulan decided that she should act normal and idle at this point, lest it might give away her nervousness and that would really just seal her doom. She looked up at Legolas and he glanced back at her with such intensity, she wished she had not looked in the first place.  
  
Eowyn of course, missed none of this. She looked from one to the other and continued with a normal tone: "True. We three have been friends since we were very little." Irulan sighed with relief. She took another sip from her cup. "But the truth is, Eomer truly adores Irulan," Eowyn added and try as she might, Irulan could not help from exploding with a coughing fit. Both Eowyn and Legolas looked at her with a cool expression and she waved her hand, to say that she was alright.  
  
"Is that so?" Legolas said, now obviously feeling like he was invited to participate in the conversation. "I very much suspected when he called her.......his 'little thorn'." Those last words came out definitely colder, if such a thing was possible at all.  
  
Eowyn's eyebrows shot up and she turned to Irulan, beaming. "So he DID say something!"  
  
"Ah please," said Irulan, with a trifle too angry than normal, still trying to recover from the coughing, "he always calls me that, you know it!"  
  
"And may I ask why that is?" said Legolas. She turned to him but he was looking at Eowyn. Eowyn smiled a beautiful smile and explained the poem and the childish crush of Eomer. Irulan could not decide whether she should run out of the room or just remain and hide under the covers. She quickly drank the remaining tea and offered Eowyn the cup, cutting her off "Eowyn, Legolas, I really need to sleep some more."  
  
But they looked at her irritated, and continued as if she was not there at all. "Eomer always admired Irulan. Master Legolas, I only mean to..warn you so to say...I'm sure my brother will want to pursue that admiration now that he knows Irulan is still amongst us," Eowyn said, looking up at Legolas, and she said it in a tone as if she regretted that happening, but that it was just the way things were and that he should be on the watch (yes, Eowyn was so clever in this art of hinting, she actually managed to say a lot more just by saying things in a very specific way). He even managed to look away and sigh softly, shaking her head, and Irulan jumped up despite herself.  
  
"Stop lying, Eowyn! You know we were always friends!"  
  
Eowyn just looked at her with the disapproving look of a princess and continued in a cool voice: "I know that. But I also know Eomer, and I happen to know things that YOU don't know." Irulan's mouth dropped open, but Eowyn only pushed her chin up and looked back with defiance. A long silence stretched. Finally Eowyn stood up with the cup in her hands. "I should leave, I have others to see to," and taking the tray from Legolas, she cast a smile to Irulan and closed the door behind her.  
  
Irulan felt suddenly much more sick than she had been when she woke up. She massaged her face and glided down under the covers. A silence stretched. Finally she could not take it any longer and turned to Legolas. He was standing by the door, looking on the floor again with the cold fire in his eyes, grinding his teeth. Irulan rolled her eyes and moaned. 'This is so ANNOYING! I did not even do anything! What can I do if people are interested in me!' she thought with frustration. 'Eomer, interested in me?' she thought then, a little baffled. She tried to recall their meeting in Riddermark. True, he had been glad to see her....but that was normal, or not? And yet....'Irulan, stop it you stupid girl! He is your FRIEND!' She looked up at the elf who was still rooted to his spot. "Legolas!" she said finally, "Are you going to stay there all day?" He looked up at her and she almost winced with the intensity of his look. Then he looked away, not moving.  
  
'Eowyn, this is not funny! I swear I will kill you!' she thought. She knew exactly why Eowyn did what she did. She wanted Irulan to stay off her back and be busy with her own affairs while she would chase Aragorn around. That cunning fox of a woman! "Legolas," tried Irulan again, and against all odds, stood up to walk to him, "please, say something." The elf looked back at her but did not move aside from that. Irulan walked up to him and stood before him. The gown was very long and softly swished with each step and her bare feet felt cold on the floor. She even felt a little dizzy from standing upright, but managed to keep calm on the outside and not sway.  
  
"What is the matter with you?" she said softly, holding his hand. He did not respond to the touch, though. She waited a few moments, and deciding that he would not speak up, said "Are you angry with me?"  
  
He looked truly surprised by that. "Angry with you? No, of course not," he said with confusion and looked down at their hands. Irulan waited patiently.  
  
Finally Legolas sighed and said "I am.......I am only angry with myself."  
  
"With yourself?" said Irulan, truly baffled. "Why?" she added a moment later.  
  
Legolas only sighed again and looked down. Irulan moved closer to him, trying to catch his eyes. "Why?" she said again.  
  
"Because I am no mortal man!" said Legolas and it came out with such a furious tone of voice, she actually flinched. That cold fire was back again and Irulan could not think straight while she was looking into it. She hastily looked away and tried to gather her thoughts.  
  
"Because........wh-what do you mean?" she said finally.  
  
Legolas only took a deep breath and shook his head. "I am elfkind, Irulan," he said finally and he sounded very tired. "I am not your match. I love you with a fire many will perhaps never taste, and yet......you......you........might find....." he did not finish. Finally it dawned on Irulan. Legolas thought she did not love him. But he also thought she would finally walk off with a mortal, because she was a mortal herself. As much as he was not expecting her to love him in return, he also felt impaired by his race and for some reason had come to the silly conclusion that Irulan preferred mortals. It was so ridiculous, she almost laughed out loud. And yet, probably from an elf's point of view, it was a terrible thing. Irulan finally understood something really odd: Legolas' envy and jealousy was not directly to her - he envied humans, simply because they were a match for her. Legolas, envying a mortal man, when he was above and beyond any mortal man in Irulan's eyes!  
  
Yet.....she failed the courage to tell him that she loved him. Not that it would mean too much probably.....since he had told her earlier that mortals were deceitful and fickle in their relationships. He might think she loves him now but would love another when he showed up, who knows?! 'These things are so damn confusing!' Irulan thought suddenly. War is much easier! You run, you strike and kill or get killed yourself. It is much more preferable, indeed! She looked back at Legolas. Such a powerful man, breaking apart because of such stupid details!  
  
"And who are you to know my heart?" she said finally with as much anger as she could muster. Legolas looked up at her, surprised. He remained silent, though.  
  
"Who are you to think that you can be different but I am ordinary?"  
  
Legolas looked truly baffled. Then he looked a little ashamed and looked away, not sure what do. Irulan saw the perfect opportunity and took her hand back from him, crossing her arms on her chest. She took two steps back, careful not to step on the gown and fall on her face at a moment like this.  
  
"I assume that I showed true interest in the mortal men around me up to this point, haven't I?" she said with a voice like ice.  
  
"No....." said Legolas and swallowed softly. "That's not what I......" Irulan cut him short though:  
  
"I think I have been kissing mortals for the last few days! I must have been holding THEIR hands and returning THEIR embraces! I truly must have been letting mortals braid my hair, is that not so, Legolas?"  
  
Legolas looked absolutely stunned. A short silence followed. "Forgive me Irulan....I was foolish," he said finally.  
  
She turned around and walked away. A cruel part in her was indeed enjoying this. Why, Legolas had been bashing her defenses for weeks. Payback time!  
  
"I don't know Legolas. You act like this, you really break my heart," she said, her back turned to him, lest he might read her expression.  
  
"Irulan!" said Legolas and he sounded horrified, "You know that would never be my intention. You must forgive my imprudence."  
  
Irulan sighed and crossed her arms again, not turning around. "I think I will retire now," she said in a regal tone. Alright, maybe she was pushing it.........but Legolas had snatched her off and carried her to the river against all her protests, had he not? That was a very dirty thing to do, too.  
  
A moment later Legolas was before her, then against her and suddenly he was kissing her, and it was so unexpected, she literally lost her footing and would most certainly have ended lying on the floor if Legolas had not been pulling her to himself with his arms around her waist. Irulan instinctively tried to push herself off, but Legolas was incredibly strong and she was not much of a fighter anyway, since the kiss was truly stealing the last remnants of her coherent thoughts along with her breath.  
  
Irulan certainly had been kissed before, and some of those stood out in her memory, true. But never, even in the most intimate moments had she been kissed with such intensity and such passion. Neither could she have imagined Legolas kissing her like this before; and this side of him was both incredibly attractive and at the same time intimidating. She felt all sense and reason leaving her as Legolas pulled her even closer by the waist while his other arm softly moved up and entwined in the waves of her loose hair, holding her head. Irulan felt that fire in her bursting again, flowing out from her in waves, threatening to consume her with its heat.  
  
When he finally broke the kiss she was glad that he was holding her so tight, since she would most certainly glide to the floor as a useless heap if he did not. She looked up into his eyes and saw another and darker fire there. It made her shudder to say the least. Irulan had barely talked herself into a touch and an embrace - this kiss truly blew her away. She felt completely naked and defenseless. Legolas kept his arm around her waist, but moved his other hand to her face, softly touching her lips. "If you do not forgive me," he whispered, his eyes never leaving hers, "I must yet convince you to do so." Irulan felt truly stupefied. The Legolas she knew had touched her lips with his for a moment under a tree one summer day and had stammered for the rest of the day with embarrassment and confusion. Who was this elf holding her now?  
  
He leaned over and placed a much softer, but nevertheless intense kiss on her lips. "Am I forgiven?" he whispered. Irulan nodded numbly, still unable to move or say anything. Legolas smiled and with one last look into her eyes, he slowly picked her up, then carried her to the bed and gently laying her beneath the covers, tucked her in. He sat by her side again and held her hand. An incredibly tense silence settled in and a long moment passed during which he seemed to battle an inner conflict and, by the looks of it, losing painfully.  
  
The fire in Legolas from a moment ago was seeping from him and was slowly replaced by regret. The feeling that he had betrayed Irulan's trust took a hold of his heart suddenly. She had opened herself to him and he had taken advantage of that! No matter how intense his fear had been of losing her affection and interest, he should have never acted like that. Legolas closed his eyes and swallowed softly. His feelings were truly taking a hold of him, and alas, that had NEVER happened before. And today he had done something even worse than the day in the valley when he had hurt her hand - he had truly broken the bridge of trust that he had established between them with such pain and effort. This whole fragile relationship was based on his own control and decency and the fact that he was not like mortals, but a moment ago he had acted exactly like a mortal -and a very indecent one, at that- and thrown all his words into the fire. He wanted to tell Irulan how potent his feelings were and how impossible it became to control them from time to time, but she would probably not believe a single word he said, anymore. And who could blame her now? He was a disgrace to his upbringing and to his entire race. He was becoming more reckless and dangerous by the day.  
  
Finally Legolas sighed again and looking up at her, said "I would never want you to think that I am forcing myself on you, Irulan," and Irulan realized that the odd fire in his eyes had once more receded. "At the thought of losing your affection a moment ago.......I......" he looked up at her and smiled sadly, "I lost control once again." He looked away for a moment. "The more I try to prevent it, the more I seem to fall prey to it." He remained like that for a long moment. Irulan did not know what to think. To be honest, she was still lost in that kiss. She could see Legolas' discomfort and nervousness, for losing control like that was probably a great sin for an elf, but she had no idea what she could do about it. However, for the first time in their relationship she felt a new fear blooming in her: She did not want to lose Legolas and she did not want him to feel like she resented him in any way. Legolas had patiently and persistently fought with her temper and her own loss of control for so long - she owed him forgiveness at least this once.  
  
'Not to mention that you don't feel like there is actually much to forgive anyway, am I not right, Irulan?" said the voice in her head with amusement. 'Go on, deny that it felt wonderful.' Irulan remained silent and looked away herself. 'Is love like this?' she thought suddenly. 'How can a feeling be so strong and drive one to do such unreasonable things?' Then she suddenly remembered Chemarit and his beloved horrible romance novels. In her mind he was sitting in that armchair, the fire playing with his features, and he was saying "You will realize that you have been decent, mature, reasonable and careful...and therefore, wasted your entire life, Irulan."  
  
Legolas moved as if to get up and leave, and suddenly not wishing to be mature, careful and reasonable at least this one time, she found her voice again. "I....." she said and Legolas halted, looking down at her with something like fear, "I......was hoping that you would stay," she managed finally. The man looked back at her so silently and so still, she hastily added, "That is, if you wish to," and swallowed softly.  
  
He looked at her for so long, she began to think she made a mistake. Then slowly he raised his hand and touched her cheek. "Irulan," he whispered, "ask me anything, ANYTHING, I shall run out and do it for you."  
  
She sighed. 'What will I do with this elf?' she thought again. "Then I ask you to stay," she said and played with the linen bedcover for a minute. 'Actually that was a good offer he made me. Maybe I should have used it more wisely,' she thought suddenly. Next thing she knew, Legolas was lying next to her on the covers, gently holding her hand and looking at her. She turned sideways as well and they just lay there, holding hands and smiling at each other for a long time.  
  
'Irulan,' thought Legolas, and that was all he could think. 'Irulan, Irulan, Irulan,' he thought. That name seemed to include everything worth saying. All languages in the world were useless and pointless - her name was all there was to say. It meant forgiveness, it meant healing, it meant compassion. It meant everything ever felt, bundled up and reduced to a name. It meant the unthinkable things no one had ever thought of yet, compressed into a word. It meant a creation of such fine nature, that it surpassed everything in the entire universe. Legolas was blessed - he knew it with fierce certainty. He was blessed with the light of Valar, because he was lying here now, holding her hand when this goddess could have chosen anyone else to share this moment with her. All his years on this world were just a preparation for this moment alone. All his feelings, all experiences, all his sadness and joy had just been a simple training so that he could appreciate a creature like Irulan. She was no human. She was no elf. She was beyond any of those things.  
  
The world was breathing silently around him, pulsing with the life of countless creatures that had never set eyes on her and countless more who never would. And he pitied each and single one, for they would remain blind and never know it. For they would remain inanimate and dull without her touch, and never grow aware of it. He felt like dashing out of the room and running through all Middle Earth, spreading the word of her might and her beauty. He also felt like staying here, hiding her from every eye for all eternity, to keep her only himself. He felt like....Legolas sighed. 'A power so terrible, and yet so gentle,' he thought. 'We are all but faded and wasted images of her. If nothing else, my life shall be devoted to live in her shadow, to breathe her existence.'  
  
Love is such an incredible thing. For Irulan was none of those things. She was a young, confused and slightly lost mortal woman. She had no idea that at the moment she was being admired and loved so fiercely, that no other mortal and probably no other elf could have stood to face a feeling of such intense fire. In her ignorance and the natural blindness and unawareness her race was blessed with, Irulan had no way of understanding what Legolas was feeling for her. Her knowing about his love meant nothing - for her vision was inhibited by her own limitations. Irulan was standing below a single tree that she believed to be Legolas' love for her and admiring it, while a mighty forest with countless trees stretched around her. Irulan was standing by a stream, dipping her hand in the water, believing to understand his love for her, when she was but only crouching on an island in the vastness of a blue ocean. She was holding a single seed in her palm, adoring it and thinking that Legolas' love for her was truly mysterious and mighty, while countless of those seeds had sprouted around her into a dense and marvelous work of nature.  
  
A long but comfortable silence passed as the two lay there, looking at each other while whirling in such different universes.  
  
Finally Irulan said "Legolas, I have to ask for one more thing."  
  
Legolas blinked in surprise. "Just name it," he said slowly.  
  
"You have to help me with a delicate matter." He looked back with open curiosity, but remained silent. "It concerns.....it concerns Aragorn and Eowyn," she managed finally.  
  
Legolas looked baffled. "Aragorn and Eowyn?" he repeated in open confusion.  
  
"Yes! We must do something Legolas!" she said with sudden enthusiasm and clasped his hand with both hands.  
  
A slow smile crept to his lips suddenly. "Why do I feel like something inappropriate is about to be asked of me?" he said with narrowed eyes.  
  
Irulan smiled innocently. "You have to learn to think in human standards, Legolas. A LOT is appropriate in human standards."  
  
'Alas,' thought Legolas, smiling with adoration, 'your words are but the very laws of the universe. Who am I to challenge them?' 


	7. Sister For All Times

Okay, so on with the story. Oh, and crazybeautiful (Meryl), I really have nothing better to do, should I beg your forgiveness for my miserable life? I don't think so! Ha ha...but thanks for being honest at least. I REALLY doubt you will understand much without reading the epical 37 chapters of Irulan-I...but...sigh.what can I say? Do as you wish. And girl, really, I don't care if it is a mary sue or not. As far as I'm concerned, it is a matter of taste and there's not point in debating over something like that. I like marys-sue, others don't. I don't think this is a mary-sue, others think it is. The world keeps on turning and the sun keeps on burning out, as far as I'm concerned. Do you always hate everything first and THEN give it a chance? Ha ha...gotta love you.  
  
To my more patient and less cruel readers! Yes, I STILL can't sleep and the story goes on. I know you like it, and so do I. And I think that's all that matters. It's not a piece of art. I never said it was. It maybe is not too original. Never said it was, either. If I wanted to write something original, I'd be writing fiction, not fanfiction. It is meant for fun and sharing and I am only grateful that there are enough people out there who are willing to share it with me. Thank you again.  
  
Ha ha...I know, Eowyn is CRUEL! Like I said, I like that about her. Don't worry...their relationship is not so fragile that it will break in any way through such vicious acts. You know I told you in the beginning and I am yet telling it again - this is about Irulan. And indirectly about Legolas, because he is a part of her. So it dives into her inner world more than most fanfic. That's the way I like it and that's the way I'll keep it. I can only hope that you'll agree with me on the matter and like it that way.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Irulan was standing below the giant tree that was casting a soft shadow on Chemarit' hut. The silence and tranquility of Mirkwood forest was spreading around her like a soft blanket. It was an early summer afternoon -she could tell by the light and the warmth- and it was perfect; not too radiant and not too hot. The grass was a soft green, not yet shriveled from the heat. She looked down and realized that she was wearing the outfit of the Black Knight, without the headpiece. Her hair was flowing freely down to her waist, only the top strand held back and keeping it from falling down to her face.  
  
She slowly walked to the hut. She knew that it was a dream, but it felt oddly real. She could literally feel the soft earth underneath her feet. She could feel the smell of the forest around her and feel the warmth of the sun on her face. She arrived at the hut and tried the door, but it was locked. 'How can it be locked? It was never locked before,' she thought in confusion. She tried to look through the little window at the side of the hut, but it was too dusty and she could not see anything.  
  
"Irulan!" said a voice behind her and she turned around to see Hetaire leaning on the bark of the tree, in her local housewife outfit. Yet, there was a difference to her. Her hair was loosely braided and held off her face. And there were three large distinctive blue-black parallel paint stripes running down her face - one down her nose and her chin, the others down each eye and her cheeks. She was painted as if she meant to join a combat, no matter how absurd that sounded.  
  
Hetaire slightly bounced off the tree she was leaning on when Irulan turned to her. She stood upright, poised with her legs slightly apart and her chin pushed up. A faint smile was on her lips. Irulan thought that maybe Hetaire would attack her, but she knew that she would feel it if Hetaire enveloped herself in calmness. The woman did not do so, so she remained facing her, unsure of what will happen next.  
  
"You have deserted us," Hetaire said a minute later. And it sounded both like an accusation and an amusing fact. Irulan looked around. She did not like the fact that Hetaire was here - here of all places! It was a private place. It was Chemarit's and Irulan's place. Hetaire had no right to be here. She looked back at the woman and replied with a silent stare, then said "I have chosen my own way, Hetaire."  
  
Hetaire smiled one of those creepy cold smiles then. "Is your way so different from ours, Sister?"  
  
"I am Sister to you no more!" said Irulan and it came out with more emotion than she wished it would.  
  
Hetaire held up her hand and showed her wrist. "I carry your blood. As you carry mine. You are Sister to me for all times."  
  
Irulan looked down and realized with horror that her cuts where gently bleeding. She quickly wiped away the blood, but the wound remained and began bleeding softly again. She gritted her teeth and looked up; Hetaire had not moved.  
  
"Power has a price, Sister," said Hetaire and she said it leisurely, looking Irulan up and down with amusement. Then she looked away to the forest and added with disinterest: "You received the Power, yet you ran from the price. Like a crook running from his debts in the late hours of the night!" The last part came out with distinctive emotion and Hetaire diverted her eyes again to stare at Irulan. She looked very disturbing with that war paint on her face.  
  
"I paid my debts," said Irulan. "Power is not yours to give or to keep. You have no say over it. I acquired it and I owe nothing to anyone." Her heart made a flip. To talk like this to Hetaire! Nevertheless, as absurd as that sounded, Irulan was still mad at her for coming out here like this.  
  
"He does not love you, Irulan," said Hetaire suddenly and Irulan felt a terror in her growing. 'How can she know about Legolas?!' she thought suddenly. Even though a part of her knew that this was a dream and Hetaire probably knew everything that Irulan knew in this dream, another part of her felt once again a breach into her privacy. She did not want Hetaire talking about Legolas. It was.......tainting!  
  
"What would YOU know about love?" hissed Irulan.  
  
"More than you, for sure!" the other replied leisurely. "And enough to say this: love is not felt for another, but to oneself, Irulan. He loves a picture of you in his head. He loves a person he has created in his mind, and it is not the real you." She looked Irulan up and down again and another amused smile crept up to her face. "You, my Sister," she hissed and began to walk towards Irulan, who felt oddly glued to her ground, "are nothing like that image. You are a mask beneath a mask beneath a mask. So many, Irulan......you barely have a face anymore. Maybe you never had one," she said with open amusement.  
  
Irulan gritted her teeth and tried to keep her temper down. She dared not close her eyes, in case Hetaire would attack her in any way. So she just remained like that, her brown eyes boring into the green ones. "Do you seriously believe that an elf like that can love YOU, Irulan? You were smarter when you joined us."  
  
"I was fairly stupid, I would say," hissed Irulan, but refused to talk about Legolas, afraid that just talking about it with Hetaire would taint it.  
  
"Irulan," sighed Hetaire, and stood very close now, moving still closer, "what did you feel for Hasmir?" Hetaire waited a long moment in amusement, knowing that Irulan would not answer. Suddenly Irulan noticed something strange - the paint on her face was not paint...but dark orc blood. "Compassion, Irulan. And need. For a while, anyway. He was so kind, innocent and gentle. You needed to feel that childish innocence and you lived with him.......for a rather long time. But then, you grew tired of him. Your need diminished and other needs rose. I bet you never looked back, did you, Sister?" Hetaire was very close now, but Irulan still refused to move away, not wishing that to be taken as a sign of weakness by the other woman.  
  
"You told him you loved him.......you told him so many times.......and then never......looked........back," said Hetaire.  
  
"I THOUGHT I loved him!" shouted Irulan, amazed at her fury.  
  
Hetaire smiled softly. "Exactly," she whispered and stared back another moment before she slowly reached out to touch Irulan's heart. A pain like no other emanated from that gentle touch and Irulan felt her whole body being torn apart from the stitches that held it together. Her heart was pain itself, pulsing only more and more into her. Irulan felt her being crushed with such ruthless strength, tears sprang to her eyes at her own smallness and weakness in the face of such pain. She fell to her knees, feeling neither the fall nor the ground.......she was made of flesh and bone no longer - she was only pain on pain and pain......Hetaire was still standing before her, the two slender fingers of her left hand touching Irulan's breast, a smile spread on her lips, and her eyes as cold as the pain that was soaring through her. "Soon we shall meet again, Sister," she whispered and Irulan collapsed into a million pieces, exploding out from her into the universe.  
  
She woke up so fast, it did not register at all. Her body tried to jump up and away, reacting with pure reflex and instinct, but Legolas was holding her down with great effort. He was pressing her down and at the same time trying not to hurt her in any way. Which proved to be very difficult, since Irulan was doing her best trying to break free. "I hate you!" she screamed unconsciously, "I hate you! I hate you! I will kill you!"  
  
"Irulan!" commanded Legolas and held her harder. "Irulan, wake up!" She thrashed some more and Legolas did not know what to do, other than remaining as he was and trying his best not to bend or break anything of Irulan. Moments later she slowed down and finally, Irulan DID stop. The glaze in her eyes slowly faded and she blinked. Legolas did not let her go immediately though, in fear that she would slip away and run off. "Irulan," he said with a softer tone, but still anxious, "are you awake?"  
  
She blinked again. "Legolas?" she whispered. Legolas nodded and very slowly got off her. She remained lying for a moment, then slowly raised herself and sat with her back on the bed board, clutching her heart and looking down at her lap with a very confused look on her face.  
  
"Irulan," whispered Legolas and scooted closer to her, trying to see her eyes, "what is it?"  
  
A long time passed and her silence made Legolas very nervous, though he feared to break it. "Legolas," she whispered finally, and looked up to meet his gaze, "I can not be healed."  
  
Legolas was so taken aback by that, he just remained silent for a minute. "What are you saying?" he said softly and moved even closer. But Irulan flinched back. Legolas felt his heart making a flip at that. She actually recoiled from him! After all this time, after all the distance they had come, she looked very much like she did on day one. He swallowed hard and tried not to feel dizzy with the blow that dealt on him.  
  
"Irulan, it was only a dream," he said softly. Elves did not dream in the sense mortals dreamt, and because of that, he suddenly felt completely lost as to how to react. Although he had heard before that mortals could have very realistic and disturbing dreams and that they could be affected by those as if they were real happenings, he had never encountered such a thing before and did not know whether it was a good idea to even approach Irulan at this moment. What if a part of her was still captured in that dream? Would it be a mistake to shake her off it? Maybe he should wait? But what if it would take hold of her if he waited?  
  
"No, Legolas, it was not," she said and clutched her heart stronger, breaking his train of thought, "I am too far gone. You can not bring me back."  
  
Legolas swallowed again and gently tried to touch her cheek again, only Irulan quickly turned her head the other way. She could have slapped him in the face and probably that would have hurt less. He felt the frustration of not understanding her state rising up in him again. "Irulan, please do not shut me out!"  
  
She covered her face with desperation. "Do not waste your time on me, Legolas," she said finally and removed her hands. "I am lost. You can not find me."  
  
He clutched her hand then, refusing to let go, even though she tried to retrieve it. "Don't you talk like that!" he said, unable to control the fear and anger in his voice. "Look at me!" he said but Irulan turned her face away again. "Look at me, Irulan," he said, with determination. She was slipping away from him, but under no circumstances could he allow that. He clutched her chin, careful not to hurt her, but doubting that he was very much in control of his strength at this point, and forced her to look. She stared back at him with anger and defiance and tried to break free of his grasp to get up. But Legolas pinned her down.  
  
"Legolas, let me go!"  
  
"No! Forgive me, I can not!"  
  
She struggled a little, but soon gave up and remained still. He quickly embraced her tightly then and although she remained stiff, she stopped thrashing. A long time passed and Legolas felt her crying against his chest. He felt as if his heart was crying with her - so strong was his own pain at the sight of hers. He would rather go out and fight an entire battle than sit here, unable to reach her, unable to understand what she is going through and, consequently, unable to help her in any way.  
  
Legolas had spent a lot of time among mortals - more than most elves. As a matter of fact, many of his friends mocked him because of this, saying soon (that is, in a few millennia) he would become a mortal himself if he did not stop! But it was his curiosity rather than any other feeling that was pushing him again and again towards the borders of Mirkwood and beyond that; and this naturally brought him in contact with many other races and cultures. Legolas had always been proud of his kind and most of his acquaintances with others had only proved him to be right (so he thought, anyway). Of course there were exceptions and there were mortals he admired more than elfkind - like Aragorn. But those were rare. He had observed mortals and finally come to the conclusion that they were pretty much the same at every age and in every culture. They were like little children - passionate, curios and innocent, yes; but also cruel, filthy and unstable. He had found interest in their ways, but never found it tempting. He had been amused by their qualities, but never thought it was something to envy.  
  
Yet....alas, here he was, fiercely in love with a mortal woman and cursing himself for not observing and analyzing them better before, for he could not understand her. He should have been more observant and less prejudiced! He should have been more curious and less judgmental. Maybe if he had been, now he would know what to do!  
  
He stroked her hair and her back softly. "Tell me," he whispered into her ear, "tell me, please." Irulan did not move for a long time.  
  
"Legolas........you can't understand," she mumbled into his chest.  
  
He moved back a little and slowly brought up his hand, wiping away her tears.  
  
"Perhaps I can."  
  
"You can NOT understand, trust me," sighed Irulan.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Irulan sighed in frustration. "It is too......human."  
  
And that was definitely the answer he had been afraid of. Not knowing what else to do, Legolas leaned down and kissed her softly. And Irulan could hardly debate in that state. "Tell me," he whispered again.  
  
"Legolas....." she managed but once more he leaned in and kissed her gently.  
  
"Tell me, Irulan."  
  
Irulan sighed. Suddenly she didn't know which one was confusing her more - the kissing or the dream. A part of her wanted to pull away, push herself off. Another part just wanted to remain like this and let the world go on without her. She knew Legolas was truly doing his best to be there for her; to understand and help her. But breaking so many habits and so many walls in such a short time was just tough on her. She felt frustrated at his persistence. The elf was like a storm, banging on the gates of her fortress, demanding to be let in. And he would not take no for an answer. The only difference was that he was not breaking and thrashing, but kissing and mending - which was worse, actually. If he were violent that would give her the perfect excuse to be violent in return and just kick him out. But when he was like this...it was FRUSTRATING!! Irulan sighed again and looked up at him. He would NEVER let go. "I dreamt........" she said finally, trying to sound better, although she felt still as awful as she had when she first woke up. "I just dreamt," she finished curtly. "You were right, it was only a dream. I'm awake now. I was carried away a bit, that's all."  
  
Legolas kept looking at her for a moment and she seriously hoped that he would leave it at that. Of course that was never to be! "Alright....tell me about the dream."  
  
Irulan tried hard not to throw up her hands with desperation. She just gave him a sour look and looked away. Legolas once again held her chin and turned her face around. She rolled her eyes and wiping away the last remnants of her tears, added "I dreamt about Hetaire," with a tired sigh.  
  
"Who is Hetaire?" said Legolas.  
  
Irulan massaged her face and was silent for a moment. "A Darma Druid. One of the three who taught me," she said with as little emotion as she could. Legolas' face grew dark at that.  
  
"Very well.....and?"  
  
"Legolas, I'd really rather not," she said finally with frustration. It was just too intimate. A kiss was intimate, but this......was a window to the soul. It was beyond intimate. It was a taboo. It was....Irulan felt terrified by the idea.  
  
Legolas looked at her for a long moment. "I will not push you Irulan," he said finally and alas, there was his first lie to her and it felt terrible beyond anything. Yet, he could not think of any other way to approach the matter, for he meant to push, and push hard. The idea of those druids disturbed him more than anything. And her reaction to the dream had been terribly strong. He meant to push all the way, for sure, but he kept his face blank. "But you must breach this wall. It is harming you - more than you think. And......it is harming me," he finished, hoping that she might at least react to that - she seemed to care for him enough to consider that. Thankfully this last part was no lie.  
  
And Irulan did react, indeed. "What wall?" she said with surprise.  
  
"The wall between us," said Legolas with a careful tone.  
  
Suddenly Irulan remembered the whole grief issue and her heart did a flip. She had no idea of course that Legolas was not grieving any longer. The closeness and affection Irulan had granted him, along with his personal quest about her health had seen to that. Legolas, on the other hand, had no idea that she had knowledge about that issue in the first place. So, ironically, without being even slightly aware of it, he had pushed the right and probably the only button that could set her into motion. She quickly looked down and played with her hands for a while. Finally she sighed and said "Legolas.....I feel so.....naked!" she whined finally and felt like crying again.  
  
Legolas smiled at her embarrassment and discomfort and held her chin up once more: "I thought you had nothing do hide," he said softly.  
  
Irulan's eyes widened at that. "I meant....I meant......" she stammered.  
  
"You don't have anything to hide from others, but from me you do?" asked Legolas softly.  
  
Irulan's face fell at that, because she realized that she would have to tell him now no matter what. He would never understand if she tried to explain that. Or maybe he would, but refusing to, would take her words and twist them around so hard, she would end up cornered to confess even more than she was asked to confess at the moment. Irulan had long ago realized that Legolas had a cunning side to him and that he was more than willing to use it on her when he deemed it necessary. "Legolas, you really need to forget things every now and then", she sighed with frustration. "It's not healthy. So much stuff in your brain can't be good for you!"  
  
Legolas smiled, slightly sat back, and kept looking at her. "Alright, I'll tell you. Only this once, though," she said, just to make sure that he would not take this as a lifetime agreement of any sort. Legolas gave no reaction whatsoever and that was utmost annoying.  
  
Irulan sat back a little and rested her back to the bed board again. "I dreamt I was at Chemarit's hut," she began and slowly and timidly told her dream. But the longer she talked, the easier it became and soon she actually felt good to tell him. And soon after that, she was glad she did. Legolas listened intently and he never interrupted her. She found his silence unnerving in the beginning, but then became used to it and forgot about it. She kept looking up at his face for expressions, though, and his displeasure was obviously increasing with every minute. When she got to the part Hetaire told her that Legolas did not love her, just like she had not really loved Hasmir, she thought he would jump up and run to find the village the woman lived in and personally slay her. As a matter of fact, since Hetaire would not Shift, he probably would succeed and as embarrassing as that was, it did not sound too terrible at all. He looked absolutely terrified at her words and first Irulan tried to smooth the edges a bit, but failed to do so under his gaze and decided to tell it exactly as it was. When she was finished Legolas was staring at her with utter horror.  
  
"She touched you?!" he said suddenly and Irulan, who had drifted away in her own world suddenly flinched at the fury in his voice.  
  
"In the dream....yes," she said with discomfort. He looked at her for a long time.  
  
"She can not touch you," he said finally matter-of-factly. "Her spirit can not reach you. I know she can not, Irulan. But perhaps she wanted to," he said and looked away with pure anger. Legolas moved closer and sat, facing her, leaning on his left arm he placed on the other side of her outstretched legs. Irulan was still sitting with her back to the bed board.  
  
"She has no say over your heart," he whispered and slowly leaned down to kiss her chest where her heart was. It had no passion in it, and yet for some reason it was more intimate than anything he had ever done to her before. Irulan felt her breath catch and gasped slightly. Legolas leaned back again. "I shall protect it," he said, once more surrounded in that strange bluish-white misty aura that was reflecting in his eyes and made him look like a god. Irulan had never heard of an elf who would care to devote himself so much to another - especially to a mortal. Elves most certainly felt love, and Aragorn was probably right, they loved far deeper than mortals. But their relationships were balanced and tranquil. They were strong beings - strong in will and spirit and respectful to each other, which made them keep a certain personal distance that spoke of individuality. And their bond with life and nature was so strong, no elf was too easily willing to replace that completely with the love for another. Even if they were, it was most probably another elf they had chosen and that was not really a replacement, for they both felt the basic needs and pursued them together.  
  
And yet, Legolas seemed ready to push aside everything for her. Irulan very much doubted that he would turn around sometime in the future and decide that he needs time off. On the contrary; Legolas looked like he was more than willing to be her family, friend, kin, protector, teacher, student and partner than ever to return to his normal way of life. And that was not good at all. She felt the sudden responsibility of that. The fact that she was perhaps cutting an elf -not to mention, an elf with a status like Legolas- off from his normal accustomed environment and his people for an unknown amount of time, was more than intimidating. 'He is ready to give up everything for me. But I can not give up the most simple and worthless things for him,' she thought with more than a little shame.  
  
"And I shall kill anyone who intents to harm it," Legolas said suddenly, bringing her back to the present. And he meant every word of it.  
  
***  
  
Irulan was standing before Theodred's grave, looking into the distance.  
  
"He loved you very much," said Eowyn suddenly from behind her. Irulan smiled, but did not turn around. "I know. I loved him very much, too." She heard Eowyn approach her then, and moments later the blonde woman was standing beside her. They stood there for a long time, their long hair and their gowns softly rustling in the breeze, thinking of Theodred. He had been the most gentle and bright person Irulan had ever known. So full of life! Always smiling. The kind of person who would always remember birthdays and anniversaries of special days and even not so special days. The kind of person who would hear you talking about something that you wished you had -a book, a piece of clothing, a musical instrument or anything of that sort- and send it to you next week with a special note on it. Theodred. 'Another star has fallen' Irulan thought. 'I can only hope that my sky won't become completely dark and empty.'  
  
"I did my share of crying," Eowyn whispered suddenly. "I don't want to cry any longer."  
  
Irulan looked into the distance again. "And yet..you may..again." she said. Suddenly she remembered, "Eowyn, did they come to a conclusion?"  
  
"Not when I left," Eowyn said, still looking to the distance herself, "Gandalf tries to persuade uncle to fight..but I doubt that, Irulan."  
  
Another silence settled in and a colder wind rose to caress them. Yet, neither woman moved. "Irulan, I envy you so much!" Eowyn blurted out suddenly. Irulan, surprised, turned towards her. Eowyn was looking down, her beautiful features twisted with desperation and anger. Irulan thought about asking what she meant, but then decided against it and remained silent. "You are doing something with your life! Just like you always wanted to. You have rode out and seen the world. You are fighting for its rescue," she looked up and Irulan could see her blinking away tears. "Look at me Irulan! I will be trapped forever!"  
  
"Eowyn, you and trapped? Stop it!" she said, hoping to relieve her, but of course failed badly. She knew only too well how Eowyn felt. She had felt exactly the same way for a long time. Eowyn had it even worse than her. "Eowyn, I know you will break out. I did. And you were always stronger than me, so you will, too. I am sure of it," she said. And it was true. It takes greater strength to prevail under pressure. Irulan had never been too good at that.  
  
The other woman looked up at her with sheer hope. Irulan smiled back. "Just do me a favor and wait until I'm gone. Theoden will kill me if you do it now - most certainly I will be the 'bad influence' here".  
  
Eowyn grinned and shook her head. "Eomer would not like that too much, either," she said, again that twinkle in her eyes, "I think the only woman he likes headstrong, is you."  
  
Irulan rolled her eyes and began to walk back to the city. "Eowyn, I'm still mad at you for that. How can you do such a terrible thing?"  
  
"Did you guys make up?" she grinned and Irulan's eyes widened with horror. She blushed a deep red and literally tried to kick Eowyn, but failed because of the long gown.  
  
"It's not like that Eowyn!" she stammered with anger.  
  
Eowyn grinned. "I bet it is not!"  
  
Irulan just threw her a very angry look. "And you are going to get us all into some serious trouble if you continue! Now that the matter with Grima and King Theoden is solved, Eomer will return. What do you think will happen when he comes back?" she hissed.  
  
"Why...sparks will fly!" Eowyn grinned and Irulan felt like trying to kick her again. Instead she pursed her lips and shook her head.  
  
"Eowyn, I know why you did it. But it won't do you any good. For the last time, stay away from Aragorn!"  
  
Eowyn looked towards the city walls with a dreamy expression. "Irulan, I really like him," she said with a soft voice.  
  
Irulan rolled her eyes. "Eowyn, I understand. I really do. I mean, he is an incredible man," she said, and a moment later added: "Cruel at times, but incredible. Who can blame you? But..he is involved," she said and stressed the last word.  
  
Eowyn, of course, waved away her argument. "I'm not forcing him into anything, Irulan.  
  
"Eowyn!" hissed Irulan. "I will not repeat this. If you try messing with Aragorn, I'll be there to stop you!"  
  
Eowyn turned to her in surprise. "You have become cruel!"  
  
"No, my dear friend, I always was cruel. And I intend to become crueler," said Irulan sheepishly.  
  
"Then I will have to fight back, won't I?"  
  
"Eowyn, don't you dare bring up that Eomer issue again. You made a big enough mess already!"  
  
Eowyn stopped suddenly and looked up at her with a very serious expression. "Why won't you consider him?" she said.  
  
"Him?"  
  
"Eomer."  
  
Irulan's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me?"  
  
"You heard me," said Eowyn curtly. "I was not joking, you know. He does love you."  
  
"Eowyn! We are friends. Always have been. And if I'm not mistaken, you almost laughed yourself to death when he had a crush on me. Don't tell me that you seriously want me to consider Eomer now."  
  
Eowyn resumed her walk but remained serious. "Irulan, we were children then! All three of us have changed so much!"  
  
This time Irulan stopped in disbelief. "You can NOT be serious!" she protested.  
  
Eowyn grabbed her arm and pulled her along. "I AM serious. Why won't you at least consider? Are you involved with....with...HIM?" she said and Irulan shook her head, thinking 'She does not even dare to speak his name!'  
  
"Eowyn....."  
  
"Are you involved?"  
  
"What exactly do you mean by 'involved'? I feel closer to him than I have felt to any man."  
  
Eowyn waved her hand. "Does not mean you won't feel closer yet to anyone else. I mean involved.....as in...a relationship. Are you his lover, Irulan?"  
  
Irulan stopped in her tracks and Eowyn stopped with her, not pulling her along any longer. The first thing she thought was 'How dare she?!' and she felt anger towards Eowyn. Then suddenly she realized that it was not a weird question at all. Eowyn was her best friend, after all. And..'What are we, really?' she thought suddenly with pure confusion. All of a sudden she remembered Legolas kissing her and those kisses were certainly beyond any friendship. Even the embraces..and holding hands.... She felt a blush creeping up to her cheeks. She was becoming more and more intimate with Legolas with each day! And yet, they were not lovers. 'Lovers!' thought Irulan more than stupefied. 'We are not lovers. We can not BE lovers!' She knew he loved her and now she also knew that she loved him. Yet....she never thought that the love would bring a relationship along with it. Or better said, she never thought that, even though they loved each other, it would mean they would eventually become lovers.  
  
'I really am stupid!' she thought bitterly. In all her confusion about the druids, healing, the war, the ring, Merry and Pippin, Legolas' confessions and her own realization she had completely and utterly failed to see where this was going. She was beginning to lean on Legolas, which was nice and good but..lovers?!!  
  
Eowyn was still looking at her. "I thought so," the blonde woman said with a low voice. "Irulan, you must think this out. You are not...made for each other. He is most certainly very valiant, and....attractive. And I can see that he cares a lot for you. But...he is not RIGHT, Irulan."  
  
"Don't say that!" she protested suddenly. Legolas had done so much for her!  
  
"I am sorry, but it is the truth. There is a reason why they are elves and we are human, Irulan. There is a DIFFERENCE you can not just wave away. It's not like one of you is from Gondor and the other from Rohan - even that would be more understandable. You are two different RACES, Irulan." She stopped and gently squeezed a very confused Irulan's shoulder. "I know you like him. And there is nothing wrong with that. But....if you take this further, it will have some very serious consequences."  
  
Irulan looked away. She was desperately trying to find her way out of this. She wanted to tell Eowyn that they loved each other, that it did not matter what they were. But standing here in broad daylight with her best friend, under the threat of war, that seemed like a lame thing to say. It sounded like one of those romance novels Chemarit loved so much and she herself believed to be pure fantasy. Besides...the idea of being lovers...was..too bold for her at this moment. She tried to imagine herself and Legolas like she had been with Hasmir...Irulan quickly began walking again, so that Eowyn would not see her blush.  
  
"Eomer loves you, I am serious," the other one insisted. "And he is a wonderful man. I mean alright....he is a bit annoying at times....but he is wonderful, you know that. He has many admirers, but never had a truly bonding relationship. I know he would find that with you, Irulan."  
  
Irulan reeled back on her. "Eowyn, no! I don't want to talk about this. Not now, not ever. Eomer and I are and will remain friends. And you should be ashamed to stick your nose into matters of such delicate nature," she blurted suddenly, unconsciously reverting to royal speech.  
  
"Is that so?" said Eowyn softly and once more approached her, "Then so should you, Irulan." Irulan's eyes widened.  
  
"Eowyn!"  
  
"No, Irulan. Tell me now that you will stay out of my business and I promise to stay out of yours."  
  
Irulan was speechless. "You..you..." she stammered, but Eowyn cut her short: "Tell me now, Irulan!"  
  
Irulan pushed her chin up. For a moment an image of Arwen flashed in her mind. 'I will not let her die of grief! Aragorn will return to her, even if it means building his own damn ship and sailing to Valinor to bring her back - I will make sure of that!' she thought with utter determination. "You can NOT have Aragorn, Eowyn. He is taken, you fool of a woman!" she hissed.  
  
"Aha!" the other one said with dark amusement, "But you are not!" And with that, she lifted her skirts and ran ahead.  
  
Irulan picked up her skirts and began chasing after her. "Come here this minute, Eowyn!" That woman was so unbelievably fast with the gown! She began to run faster and then even faster. Just when she was close enough to reach out and grab her from behind, Eowyn crashed into a group of people that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and of course she herself crashed into Eowyn. They both ended up rolling on the floor once more.  
  
"Lady Eowyn?" sounded Aragorn's voice from above them. They both instantly looked up. "And Irulan, I see," he added with amusement.  
  
Gimli was lying between them, thrashing like a turtle turned upside down, his heavy armor preventing him from getting up. Irulan glanced at Eowyn with pure fury and then back at Gimli. She felt like laughing, but that would embarrass the dwarf beyond anything. Suddenly Legolas was gently holding her arm and pulling her up. Being the elf, he had managed to jump aside when the raiding party ran into them. Aragorn had simply taken the blow and not being affected himself, had sent the two women flying down on their faces. Gimli had obviously joined the floor party.  
  
She let herself be pulled up by Legolas and Aragorn grinned and stepped up to pull up Eowyn. "My Lady," he said softly, and Irulan just wanted to kick Eowyn for the look on her face. "Looks like I am always picking you up from the ground," he said and a moment later added "like a flower". Irulan, who was already on her feet snapped around at that. She gave Legolas a look and he just blankly looked back at her. They both returned to watch Eowyn actually blush and smile up to Aragorn, smoothing her skirts! Nobody was interested in a screaming and thrashing Gimli.  
  
Finally Irulan could not take it any longer. She cleared her throat and grabbed Irulan by her arm, pulling her along like a sack of potatoes. "Excuse me, Aragorn, I will just have to kill LADY Eowyn here," she yelled, not looking back. Elf and man stood looking at the two so called princesses, fighting and punching their way towards the Hall. They looked at each other and back again. "Amazing, is it not?" said Aragorn.  
  
"I was thinking more like..strange," said Legolas, and it was obvious that he had meant to say something else but decided to be polite. "Are all human women this...feisty?"  
  
Aragorn scratched his chin and kept looking. "No. But I think we are blessed with all the feisty ones." They both smiled at that.  
  
STILL nobody cared about a screaming and thrashing Gimli. 


	8. My Heart Says Yes

I actually slept last night! Unbelievable! Thankfully I had this written before so I can post it now. Don't know what will be up tomorrow - depends on my nightly schedule..ha ha ha...  
  
Alright. Nobody - I'll kill you if you doubt again if this story is about love. I mean, I wrote like zillion chapters to show what a marvelous love is developing between them and just because of a passionate kiss - it's gone!!! Ha ha.but passion comes along with love, I see nothing wrong with that. However, it is definitely about love. It is NOT passion without love.  
  
Mae Noelle and India..I have no idea about what the rating to this story should be. I changed it to Pg13 thanks to Mae's advice, but I have no clue if that is fitting. And yes, it means what it means. Hasmir was her lover in 'every' sense. Legolas has to do some serious effort to get there yet. I think Irulan is more shy about it now, because it is more intimate with someone you really love.  
  
Oh guys..don't hate Eowyn! I think she is a perfect character. Besides, she is really only doing what's best for Irulan. Or what she thinks is best. She does not know about the grief issue yet. And you have to imagine her raised very conservatively, among men in a hostile country. She is not as open minded about some things as Irulan is because, like I have said before, she lacks the experience. And she is not THAT cruel. She loves Irulan...so she will try to protect her in her own way. Sounds normal to me.  
  
Why do so many male characters fall for Irulan? Like I said in chapter 2 in Irulan I, she is very different, complicated and has a depth to her. And most of all, she is not running around trying to be attractive. Exactly that IS attractive to many men. I know so. I mean...we've been sharing the planet with them for so long now, right?  
  
I like the chapter below. But again, it requires some help. I am so stupid - someone sent me this beautiful mail, saying that Deliver Me by Sarah Brightman fits the story. I wanted to thank her so much! That song is awesome. And this song was written to both that and Eden by Brightman again. I'm serious folks..do not listen to it without your favorite romantic tune. And if you can, download said songs. I think it would help immensely.  
  
Hope you like it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Irulan, I truly think this is beyond me," said Legolas, looking off into the distance with mild distaste on his face.  
  
"Legolas, we have to do something! You don't know how Eowyn is. We can not let this happen."  
  
"But it seems very wrong to get involved in a matter such as this."  
  
"And it is right to stand aside and watch?" said Irulan this time her mild annoyance reflected in her voice.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Irulan looked up at him with disbelief on her features. 'Behold, another Eowyn!' she thought bitterly. "How can you say that? I thought you wanted them to be together again," she hissed.  
  
Legolas looked at her with a cool expression. "Of course I do. But it is their choice, Irulan. They are adults, are they not? Why, Arwen is only a few years younger than me. And honestly, I trust Aragorn's judgment more than I trust my own."  
  
"So this is how you were planning to help me?" she said, quite angry now. Mostly because he was so damn right again!  
  
Legolas blinked and threw her a sidelong glance. A moment later he sighed. "Whatever you say, Irulan. I will do as you say, though I still think it would be a mistake."  
  
That made her even more furious, mainly because he was being a gentleman. "Fine! I don't want you to help anyway!" she said and walked off towards the right, leaving the caravan of people. He looked stunned for a moment, then silently shook his head and increased his pace to catch up with her.  
  
"Irulan! What is it?" he said when he arrived by her side. Mortals were so difficult to understand!  
  
Irulan, though, was not in the mood to talk. She walked further off and began to climb one of the larger hills surrounding the path the convoy of the people from Edoras was following to reach Helm's Deep. The sun had set and a light bluish twilight was softly coming down on them. "What would you like me to do, just tell me," Legolas said again from beside her.  
  
She threw him a bleak look and he looked back in confusion. Irulan shook her head then and bit her lower lip so she would not laugh out loud. Elves were such naïve creatures! "Nothing, Legolas. As always, you are right," she said with exasperation. Not that it meant that Irulan was going to give up on this issue. She just realized that Legolas was truly more an obstacle than a help in these matters. It was foolish to believe that he could actually scheme along with her and then pretend, lie and act out a certain part. Irulan smiled at herself again. 'Irulan, how stupid are you to think he is capable of something like that!' she thought.  
  
"You are not angry with me?" said Legolas and grinned back at her.  
  
"No, of course not."  
  
He snatched her hand and kissed it swiftly. "I was worried, Irulan," he said with a bright smile. They walked in silence for a minute. Then suddenly he said "Tell me, why do you take this matter so dearly?"  
  
"Why, I just..." Suddenly she realized that it would be VERY wrong to tell Legolas about the grief issue. "I just....think they were a true match. It is not fair that they should part. It gave me hope," she said. Then her heart sank. 'Maybe I should not have said that last part' she thought ruefully. Once again, she had tried to run away from a certain trap only to run into another and even nastier one.  
  
And of course, once again Legolas picked out what he should not. "Hope?" he said, "What do you mean?"  
  
They were a good distance away from the line of people now, and Irulan looked down on it to buy time to find an answer. But finding none, she finally said "I will not answer Legolas," with a tinge of anger.  
  
Legolas looked stunned. "Why not?" he said slowly. He had not thought much of it when she said it and had only tried to make conversation, but now that she had shown such a peculiar reaction to it...  
  
"I will not!" snapped Irulan.  
  
Legolas once more began to do that unnerving thing - looking at her without blinking for minutes. Irulan hated it when he did that. But she remained silent, determined not to give in this time. No matter how persistent this elf was, he was not getting that out of her!  
  
"Very well. Then I shall ask Aragorn."  
  
"Aragorn?!" yelped Irulan. "He does not know anything on the matter."  
  
"I would like to ask him personally anyway," Legolas said with a cool voice. A moment later he looked into the distance and said "Of course I would have to tell him that we have been discussing the matter of him and Arwen. And then I will probably have to explain to him that this was because Lady Eowyn was interested in him and that you meant to stop her..what was it..at all costs, and..."  
  
"You dare not do that!" protested Irulan with disbelief.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"How can you betray me like that?"  
  
"Why, Irulan, I never promised that I would not tell him anything on the matter. I just agreed to do as you wish. I had no idea it was a secret from him."  
  
"Legolas don't be silly! I am very certain that you figured that part out yourself! It is common sense!"  
  
Legolas just looked at her for a long moment with one of those elvish expressions. Which means, his features were unreadable. "Legolas, promise you won't tell him!" she said finally, more nervous than she had meant to.  
  
"Only if you explain why this matter means so much to you."  
  
"I can't believe you! You cunning, cruel fox!" she hissed.  
  
Legolas looked at her baffled. "Irulan, after all the schemes you told me today, I seriously doubt that I can measure up to you in that title!"  
  
Her mouth dropped open. Elves were supposed to be wise and mature! They were supposed to be honest and trustable! This one was sure none of those things! She looked away with fury. Irulan was blistering now.  
  
"It gave me hope because it shows that elves and humans CAN be together, after all!" she said and it came out with incredible, intense fury. Then she turned away and quickly began to walk down to the caravan again. Legolas remained frozen for a moment. 'She hopes that...she actually thinks that..humans and elves?' he thought, amazed. Then he came to his senses and chased after Irulan, who was hastily trying to reach the caravan. He gracefully stepped before her and she barely halted before she ran into him.  
  
"Why would that give you hope?" he said, looking into her eyes.  
  
"Legolas, if you don't step aside, I will scream," she growled.  
  
Legolas' eyebrows shot up at that. Irulan knew as well as Legolas that that meant nothing. She would only end up being ridiculous. Nobody would do anything, since they would consider it an argument between two friends...actually between...'a couple' thought Irulan suddenly and she hastily tried to walk past Legolas, but of course he was faster. "Legolas, stop it!" she hissed.  
  
"Do I need to carry you away again, Irulan? Perhaps you would like to speak in privacy?" He said matter-of-factly. "I thought you were done running."  
  
She looked at him with disbelief. "You dare not!" she whispered finally.  
  
Legolas took a step towards her and stood very close, looking down at her with those unbelievably deep blue eyes. "I told you before," he said with a low voice, "As long as you run, I will chase you. Even longer, if necessary. You have to shed the things that restrict you!"  
  
"I did not know that it meant I have to tell you every secret!" she hissed, looking up at him in defiance.  
  
"Secret?" he said in surprise.  
  
"It's not a secret," she said hastily. 'Irulan, you are a FOOL!' she was screaming in her head over and over again.  
  
Legolas looked at her a moment and then matter-of-factly said "Well in that case you can share it, can you not?"  
  
Irulan closed her eyes. 'I will kill him. I certainly will' she thought. Legolas took her hand and she snatched it away. He looked down at her with a warning look and then took her hand again. Irulan closed her eyes and decided to count till 10..no - make that 100. He led her away from the caravan to their former position and began to walk alongside her. She remained stubbornly silent and frowning.  
  
"Irulan," sighed Legolas finally, "why do you mistrust me so? Why do you hide yourself from me?" Irulan did not answer. "Do you think I will judge you or belittle you for your thoughts?"  
  
Irulan looked away. Legolas of course had no idea that she feared none of those things, but rather the exhibition of a delicate matter that concerned her feelings for him. 'Damn! How will I explain this?' she thought with anger. 'Maybe I should just scream that I love him and end the matter,' she thought ruefully. 'Actually just go ahead while I'm at it and become lovers! What the heck, I'm so tired of him chasing me like this and exposing me bit by bit. At least that would save my pride!'  
  
Irulan sighed. "Legolas, why is that so hard to understand? I think it is a good thing that two people overcome their differences for love," she said, praying to all the powers of creation in the heavens that he would not jump to any conclusions in the matter.  
  
Legolas looked at her for an incredibly long moment and Irulan just kept walking, not looking back, fearing that she might give herself away. "Is that your true belief?" he said finally with a very soft voice.  
  
She swallowed softly. "Why..of course! You know I always appreciated other cultures and races," she said idly.  
  
Legolas was still looking at her. "Appreciate, yes. But..I did not know your thoughts concerning races in such a matter," he said softly again.  
  
"Well now you know," she said with a tinge of impatience and glanced at the caravan again. The darkness was setting in. The first night on their road to Helm's Deep was approaching. She scanned for Eowyn and indeed, she was far off, walking with Aragorn! 'That woman!' she thought bitterly.  
  
"Does your approval mean that you would relent to such a relationship yourself?" Legolas said suddenly and Irulan truly felt the air in her lungs leaving her. Check mate. Truly. There was no way she could answer that and not get herself in trouble. For the fraction of a time she thought seriously about Shifting and re-appearing next to King Theoden. 'Say no, Irulan,' said her brain. 'Say no. No. No. No!' Except that 'No' would deny her whole part in this conversation. 'Say yes,' said her heart. 'Are you insane?' she yelled back at it. 'Of course I am!' It screamed back at her. 'Then you have to say no,' said her brain. 'Indeed; only how will I sort my way out of that?' she thought ruefully and once again glanced down the convoy. Legolas would never let her run off now.  
  
"Be with me," whispered Legolas suddenly and her heart made a triple flip. He stopped walking and naturally so did she. She felt him looking at her, but unable to return the gaze, she hastily looked down at that the ground and felt all feelings hammering her down with incredible force.  
  
'Irulan, a fine mess you got yourself into,' said her brain. 'Congratulations....I don't know what you expect from me, but there's no way I can save you from this now!'  
  
Irulan felt bewildered. 'NO! Stay! You must think of something, fast!' Only she got no reply. It was almost dark now and still the caravan was passing from a distance. Irulan felt like moaning with frustration and still not dared look up at Legolas.  
  
"Irulan," whispered Legolas again and took both of her hands into his. She felt like a single flame but it must be an illusion, for her hands were cool against his skin. "I know you do not love me. I know the world is a wrong place for this. I know every race and every culture will resent it. Yes, there are abysses of differences between us and yes, it is perhaps also a very bad time, for you have many other things on your mind..." He sighed softly, then continued: "I know it is foolish in so many ways and there are countless reasons why you should not. And yet...be with me," he whispered. "You shall never regret that decision."  
  
"Say yes, Irulan," said her heart. 'Yes, yes, yes!'  
  
'Alas, I can not,' she thought with frustration.  
  
'Yes, you can. Say yes and step out of this shadow right now. Step out of solitude, Irulan. Step out of fear, anxiety, worry. Step out of yourself, Irulan, to become something better'.  
  
'I can not!' she protested and swallowed hard.  
  
'You can! You must! End it now! I am tired. I am done. I can not go on any longer. I am wasted Irulan. I fear. I fear an entire lifetime of what we have behind us. I can not, I will NOT go any further.'  
  
'I can NOT!' she yelled back at it.  
  
'Then I shall die. Then it was in vain - all hope you have given me was in vain. Then there is no rescue for me any longer. I shall die bitter and clutched like an angry fist. I shall stop, for I see no point in the effort of beating any longer.'  
  
'You can not die!' she protested, knowing very well that it was pure stupidity, but unable of keeping herself from doing so, 'What will I do without you?'  
  
'What you did all these years of course, Irulan! You will go and live with your brain. You will build those nice tall walls around you again. You will run faster than the fasted suitor, further than the closest friend. You will find another rock to lie beneath and sleep again. You do not need me. I am only an obstruction for that sort of life. I have hindered you before in your aims, have I not?'  
  
Irulan remained silent. She had run out of answers. She had not clue what to say.  
  
'You have broken oaths for me, Irulan. You have broken hearts of the ones dear to you for me. All was in vain, for you can not carry me any longer. You do not have the strength, Irulan. You do not have the wish. I shall leave you. Forever.'  
  
She suddenly realized that they were still standing, facing each other, hand in hand. She had not idea how long she had been standing there like that but if her eyes were not failing her, the convoy of people had moved ahead a good distance. She looked up at Legolas who was smiling warmly down at her.  
  
"I..." she said and swallowed. "I.." she began again but could go no further.  
  
Legolas slowly let go one of her hands and touched her cheek. "Tell me what your heart says," he whispered.  
  
'Now I am doomed for all eternity. I might as well surrender, and spare myself the struggle,' she thought bitterly.  
  
"My heart says..yes," she whispered with the softest voice, and not in her entire lifetime had any sentence been so hard to utter.  
  
Legolas remained solid and calm, but inside, he was pure joy and light. He was the essence of creation. He was not from this world any longer. His spirit was soaring in him, frantically banging on his body, wishing to be released out into the world. He had never felt such elevation, such fierce life in him. It was as if the whole life in Middle Earth had been stuffed into this shell known as Legolas and he would burst with it any moment. He would explode and roam over Middle Earth, animating everything that has been dead and waiting for his life-bearing touch. He swallowed and blinked away the tears.  
  
"But..but," said Irulan so softly, his fine ears hardly picked it up, "but...Legolas I need..some time," Irulan finished with incredible difficulty and almost moaned at her own inefficiency.  
  
"You shall have it," Legolas whispered, still caressing her cheek, his head slightly cocked, looking at her with a unique expression on his face. He looked very stunned and yet relieved; amazed and incredibly happy; very surprised but also oddly tranquil.  
  
She looked away and swallowed softly again. Another moment passed, slowly and torturous - like an entire century. "And I....I need," she began stammering again.  
  
"You shall have that, too," whispered Legolas.  
  
Irulan swallowed and bit her lower lip. Why was it so hard to breathe?! 'I possibly can NOT have agreed to this! I can NOT!' she thought over and over again, but the moment was incredibly real.  
  
"Legolas I..."  
  
"And that too."  
  
Legolas let go of her hand and closed the distance between them. He softly held her face between his hands and gently pulled it up. "And everything else you wish, everything you need, everything you ask. And anything beyond that," he said, caressing her cheeks. She realized suddenly that she was trembling like a little girl. Now that had not happened in a very long time! 'How did we end up here?' she thought, truly baffled. 'How did we get this far? I came here to die, only to realize that I have died a long time ago and to find someone who revived me. I came here to win a battle, only to lose another one. All hopes had left these ruins, and yet I found the seed and promise of a new life as I walked amongst them.'  
  
She looked up at Legolas, who was looking down at her with pure love on his face. He looked exactly like he did the night he had held her hand and told her that he loved her. The night the world changed forever. 'I might die tomorrow. My story might end as swiftly as it has begun, forgotten, washed away by the waters of time. Yet it was not in vain - for I have stirred a heart,' she thought with a deep breath of relief and contentment.  
  
Legolas leant down very slowly, fearing that she might take flight and fade away like some spell when his lips touched her. Never had he felt such contentment. Never had he felt so complete. He felt like he had been continuously walking for millennia, and had not been aware of it. A tiredness like no other fell down on him instantly, along with an incredible feeling of relief. 'I have come' he thought, 'I have arrived. I have survived this terrible march. I am here. I am complete.'  
  
Though they had kissed before, and would kiss yet again, the kiss they shared that day would always be remembered by both, for it closed the door of an era of confusion, struggle, defiance, and open another. It was a threshold in many ways and forms. It was the instant when two souls stopped their wild thrashing and turned to one another, for the first time realizing that if nothing else, they could continue thrashing in unison and together. And it was the first time Irulan actually kissed Legolas. Legolas would never forget it, for he could not remember anything more incredible happening to him before. If he was lost, now he was found. If he was dead, now he was revived. If he was fallen, now he was restored. He forgot about Middle Earth. He forgot about elves and humans. Those things seemed minor details in comparison to this moment. There was only Irulan and himself. There always had been and always would be.  
  
  
  
Irulan held his hand as she began her descent towards the camp that was visible in the distance with the fires that were flickering in the setting night. 'I have returned. I shall remain,' said her heart. She shook her head and smiled. 'I very much thought you would' she said, 'I very much thought so...'  
  
  
  
This phantasm  
  
Of falling petals vanishes into  
  
Moon an flowers....  
  
  
  
OKYO 


	9. Go With The Flow

No, there still is no action, though we are getting closer. But I like to establish the relationship between the many people here and show some of their thoughts and feelings on certain matters before we get into that whole war thing. I don't feel stagnated with these chapters....without them, I believe the story would be dull and meaningless.  
  
Dear Mae Noelle, as to why Legolas asks Irulan to be with him: First off, he knows that Irulan loves him. I mean, they have an intimacy on a certain level, don't they? She obviously trusts him and cares for him. He does not know that she is IN love with him, yet, and I don't think he would realize that on his own. It would be too much to imagine for him, I would guess. Anyway, all he does is to promise her to do anything in his power to make her happy. And I think in his heart, Legolas accepts the fact that Irulan might leave him if she falls in love with someone else. And yet, he is willing to take that risk and be by her side until that happens. So, he is actually the complete opposite of selfish. He does not expect commitment or anything in return on her behalf, but he offers to give her as much as he can.  
  
One thing I want to establish in this story is the difference between elves and humans - especially when it comes to love (as I believe it would be). Irulan is reserved, confused and indecisive. She is afraid to follow her heart and terrified of breaking her shell - that is, showing her true feelings to others. She is battling constant inner conflicts and constantly changing under the pressure of her emotions. And, on top of that, those emotions are not nearly as strong as Legolas'. Legolas, on the other hand is completely the opposite. He accepts his love and does not fear it. He sees no reason in hiding it, either. He understands neither Irulan's conflicts, nor her fear - for him, love is as natural a phenomenon as life itself. He does not doubt his heart and he has enough courage to face the consequences. And he does not sway - although his emotional pressure is much, much stronger. It never occurs to him to lie, deceit, pretend in the matter. He has a mighty weakness for Irulan and he sees no reason why he should present himself otherwise. So he is the stronger one, and yet, because of his gentleness and honesty about the matter, he might come across as weaker. In other words, kiki my beloved reader, it is not weak for him to be this open and subservient to Irulan - on the contrary, I think he is capable of doing that because he is so much stronger than her and other humans.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Legolas was lying behind Irulan, his arm encircled around her waist, not really sleeping, just enjoying the warmth of her body. He was surprised that Irulan had actually allowed this kind of closeness.......but he admired her determination in following a made decision. She tried to follow it to the point of being ruthless to herself, actually. Legolas would usually hold watch, since he felt little need for sleep. However, Aragorn had offered to hold the watch that day, saying that he was missing sleep himself and that there were enough of King Theoden's men to watch the entire convoy anyway. And he had accepted willingly. He would much rather lie with Irulan, watching her sleep or embracing her, than walk alone on the rocky hills of Rohan under the moonlight.  
  
He felt Irulan shudder and knew that she was dreaming again. His own elvish cloak was draped around her along with her own, so it could not be the cool air of the Rohan nights. He felt a tension in him then.......a fear that she would once more go through what she did a day before. A minute passed during which he remained alert and debated with himself as to whether he should wake her now or not. Before he could reach a conclusion though, Irulan flinched and woke up. He could tell that she was awake even though her back was turned to him. "Irulan, are you well?" he whispered.  
  
For one instant Irulan was surprised to hear his voice so nearby, and she looked around to understand where she was. Then it all came back to her slowly and she felt before she saw Legolas behind her, his left arm a comfortable weight around her waist. She carefully rolled back to face him.  
  
"Legolas, don't you ever sleep?" she whispered, smiling. She suddenly felt happy that he was here, with her; that she had woken up to find him and that she was not alone now when dreams and future thoughts were pressing down on her.  
  
He smiled back. "Of course I do. But I must tire first.....and well.....I never tire," he said grinning. Irulan grinned back and gently smacked him on the shoulder. They lay there, their bodies close, smiling at each other for no reason. Legolas adjusted the cloaks on her and softly caressed her cheek.  
  
"You were dreaming again," he said, and it was not a question.  
  
Irulan nodded.  
  
"Was it a disturbing dream?"  
  
She was silent for a moment. "I dream so often about the druids now, Legolas," she said finally, drawing little circles on the ground between them. "I don't know what to make of it." She looked up at him and there was distinctive fear in her eyes. "Do you think.......do you....." she said, but Legolas cut her off.  
  
"No," he said curtly.  
  
"But Legolas......"  
  
"No."  
  
Irulan was still for a moment, then began to draw circles on the ground again. "I am afraid," she whispered a long time later.  
  
Legolas held her hand then. "Irulan.......I think you should not attend this battle."  
  
Irulan looked up at him with disbelief. "And desert you all? No!"  
  
"Why do you think of it that way? There are many women here. They will not attend, either. Eowyn will not attend."  
  
"They do not have my skills. There is no way I am getting tucked in with the others while you are fighting for your lives!" She said with mild irritation. Legolas kissed her hand and kept it in his, softly playing with her fingers. He did not reply. "Legolas, if you were in my position......you would fight, too." He did not look up but sighed softly.  
  
"Alas, I would. And I know that it would be wrong to lock you away. Yet.......if I had the say or the power, I would not hesitate for a moment to do so."  
  
"Well good thing you have neither, then," she said matter-of-factly.  
  
"I don't think I can bear it if anything happens to you, Irulan."  
  
Irulan sighed and pulled her hand back, along with his, then placed a kiss on his, which made Legolas look up with the most peculiar expression on his face. She smiled at his shock. "I know," she said softly. "I wish things were different, Legolas.".  
  
He scooted closer. "I often thought how it would have been if you came to Mirkwood for the archery lessons," he whispered.  
  
Irulan could not help giggling. "That would be something!" She became silent then. "Legolas....." she said and paused, "do you think you would feel the same way.....about me.....if I had never left my life? If I had come to Mirkwood instead of running away?"  
  
Legolas scooted even closer and softly kissed her on the lips. "Do you doubt it?" he whispered.  
  
"I would not turn out to be the same person then," she said and shrugged.  
  
"Yes you would," he said softly and stroked her cheek. A long moment passed. "Do you know when I first felt for you, Irulan?" he said suddenly.  
  
She looked up at him. The soft light of the moon was swimming in his eyes and his hair, that was flowing down his shoulders and stood like some dull pool of sunlight around his shoulders. His head was resting on his bent right arm. His skin was like marble. But it was not these external things that made Legolas beautiful. He was a walking flame, giving off his light and heat wherever he went. He had not changed even a bit ever since Irulan had met him five years ago, although she probably did...a lot. Most would find that intimidating, but Irulan found it comforting - it felt like coming home after a long time and finding your own room exactly the way it was. She had no dreams of immortality. The concept itself evaded her human brain. However, she could imagine herself with Legolas for lifetime over lifetime. 'And anyone you deem worthy enough to spend that much time with, HAS to be someone special', she thought.  
  
"I did not know it then, though," he whispered, smiling. "I discovered it much later. Do you remember the first day we met? When you touched my shoulder to save yourself from Lord Endor?"  
  
Irulan smiled. "Of course I do! I was so glad you turned out to be a guest. And a man! But I never thought you would turn out to be an elf!" she giggled. "I was so embarrassed!"  
  
"I know," he said and laughed softly. "It was obvious. Remember when we sat down for dinner later on? You were sitting across me and towards my right." His eyes glazed with the memory. "I remember it very clearly. I remember everything about you - the smallest details about your dress, your hair, your face. The way a strand of your dark hair had escaped and was hanging lazily against your shoulder. The way you absent-mindedly caressed the goblet of wine. The way you cocked your head slightly to your left when you listened intently. The way a smile spread across your lips before you broke into a laugh...." He blinked and looked at her. She was staring back with astonishment. "But I remember best how you looked so..lost..and alone. You looked so different from everyone else. And I saw through you. I saw your light, Irulan, washing over yourself and everyone around you, though both you and them were completely unaware of it. I saw how your body was there, moving, talking, laughing; and yet your spirit was striding in some other world the whole time."  
  
Irulan was baffled. "You mean...when I was sitting there at the dinner table?"  
  
Legolas nodded softly and smiled. "Your difference was hard to miss. Though I doubt others saw it. And then....you slapped yourself on the forehead."  
  
Irulan's eyes widened slightly. "Oh...." she said and then started to giggle. "I remember! Oh dear..you saw that?!"  
  
Legolas smiled a wonderful smile. "I always meant to ask you what you were thinking about when you did that," he said.  
  
Irulan smiled. "You."  
  
Legolas blinked in surprise and very slightly lifted his head to look at her more intently. "Me?"  
  
"Yes." Irulan laughed softly, even though she had no idea why. It was all so funny. This moment was so funny. She felt light and careless since a very long time now. She felt protected and comfortable. "I had just found out that you were the Prince of Mirkwood, and I was thinking how you must believe me to be the most stupid woman in Middle Earth."  
  
Legolas looked for another moment in amazement, then slowly lay his head back down. "Then you were very far from the truth. For I thought you were the most peculiar mortal I had ever seen. I knew you right there..before I even saw you leaving for the games or after that. I knew you were different. I know now that you were the reason my path traveled through your kingdom then. I had to find you, and...well, you found me," he said, and caressed her cheek again. "I know now. And I often thought that if I had seen it earlier, I might have prevented your leaving. I might have changed everything. I should not have left you behind."  
  
Irulan frowned. "But....you had to return to your kingdom. And....well, you barely knew me."  
  
"No, my spirit knew you. I was deaf to it. I look back now and I see it clearly. My spirit told me right there, when you were sitting only a small distance away from me, both of us surrounded by countless people. I failed to hear it. I should have stayed."  
  
Irulan looked at him for a long time. "Maybe it was meant to be this way, Legolas," she said finally. "Maybe we were meant to meet later, just like we did. Maybe you were meant to heal me as you do now."  
  
The elf smiled the most beautiful smile. "Perhaps it is so. Yet....I failed to hear my spirit and I have lost five years with you, Irulan. I yearn for every day of those years. Every minute of every day. It could be a time I would share with you, but it is gone now, forever. I shall never make that mistake again," he whispered.  
  
Irulan scooted closer and leaned on his chest. Legolas softly embraced her and held her. "I think I was deaf to my spirit, too," she mumbled against him softly. A moment of silence passed. "I thought of you the night I left my life behind. And it hurt to think of you. The idea of leaving was painful, yes. And yet..the idea of leaving you was oddly more painful. I felt it, Legolas; I felt more regret for leaving you than anyone else. And yet..I rode off. Maybe I should have come to you."  
  
Legolas smiled and softly kissed her head. "But we are blessed, Irulan. For we have been given a second chance. You were returned to me. I shall never leave you again."  
  
Irulan closed her eyes and thought about it. 'Indeed,' she thought, 'I can spend lifetime over lifetime with Legolas. Yet..I have only one. And it is getting shorter by the moment.' She fell asleep thinking about it.  
  
***  
  
"Legolas, I have to admit, you are a true warrior, lad! I mean......to conquer Irulan!"  
  
"I did not conquer her, Gimli!" Legolas said and smiled warmly.  
  
"Yes you did! Did she not give in to you?"  
  
"She was kind enough to accept my true wish," said Legolas softly.  
  
"Hah! Kind enough to........hah!"  
  
Aragorn chuckled at the obvious difference between dwarves and elves. "Legolas, my friend, you can not know how happy I am for you. I really hoped both of you would reach this point. You have my endless support."  
  
Legolas smiled back at him. It was the second day of the voyage and a very slow voyage, at that. There were a lot of women and children amongst them......and that was slowing down the trip considerably. The terrain was not too friendly, either. Irulan was walking ahead with Eowyn. Legolas smiled at them. They had such a strange relationship. Just when he thought that they had offended each other beyond mend, the two women were together again, laughing about some old memory or one of Gimli's arrogant stories concerning the dwarven culture. And Irulan had such a beautiful laugh! He smiled and looked down. Life had never been so wonderful. All these years he had lived and thought he was living to the fullest. But now he knew that those were only dull and colorless times.  
  
"Alright! So when is the marriage?!" boomed Gimli. Both Legolas and Aragorn snapped around to him in shock.  
  
"Marriage?" said Legolas with disbelief. "Gimli, I most certainly don't think she agreed to that. I barely talked her into considering a relationship. She needs time."  
  
"Time?! What for?" the dwarf yelped.  
  
"Gimli!" said Aragorn with annoyance. "These are delicate matters. And we are not in the merriest of times here!"  
  
The dwarf looked from elf to man, then back. "What's wrong with the times?"  
  
They sheepishly stared back at him then turned around to look away. Gimli still looked from one to the other. "I don't know what the matter with you lads is! Times!" he mumbled. "Even more reason for a happy unison, I'll tell you. It strikes hope in dark times!"  
  
Legolas sighed softly. I am worried for her, Aragorn," he said with a low voice. "She is often dreaming about those druids. It is not a good omen."  
  
As always, Aragorn was most observant and had understood immediately that something special and unusual was going on between Legolas and Irulan when they had returned to the camp the night before. And thankfully, this time it seemed to be a good thing, as well. There was a peace to Legolas that he had not seen in him for a long time. Irulan seemed peaceful too, although there was still a slight confusion and restlessness to her. And it was only understandable. They were expecting an attack on Helm's Deep. Which meant she would have to Shift. Which again meant he would have to sit and once more think about what he would do. He sighed softly and looked away, scratching his chin.  
  
"I don't know my friend," he said finally and turned around to look at him. Legolas seemed disappointed at his answer. 'They always expect me to come up with solutions!' Aragorn thought with amazement. 'If I knew everything so well, I would solve my own problems!'  
  
"I say we tie her up and leave her to Lady Eowyn before the battle!" rumbled Gimli. He was on the horse that was walking between the elf and the man, trying hard to keep his balance while at the same time keeping track of the conversation. "I am sure Lady Eowyn would be very helpful in the matter."  
  
Aragorn and Legolas grinned at each other. "And who, dear Gimli," said Aragorn, "will face her wrath once she is untied again?"  
  
"There is only one who can walk out of that alive....and she is with her right now," he said, pointing with his head towards the two women walking in the distance. Elf and man chuckled at that. A silence followed.  
  
"I wish we could do that," said Aragorn with a lower voice. "However...I very much fear that we will need Irulan's help in this battle. I don't know what kind of force Saruman will unleash on us....but he is wise enough not to engage in a war he can not win. He knows Helms Deep is strong."  
  
All three remained silent after that, the graveness of the situation falling on them.  
  
***  
  
"I don't understand you two...you are so intimate...and yet you are not lovers? Is that an elf thing?"  
  
Irulan threw her a sidelong glance. "We don't rush it, that's all," she said. A moment later she mumbled "Though things are going a bit too fast for my taste."  
  
Eowyn looked at her with arched eyebrows. "Well..." said Irulan, and unconsciously played with the hem of her tunic. "I kind of..agreed...I kind of...a relationship," she finished.  
  
"Was that a sentence?" Eowyn asked laughing and Irulan shot her an angry look. "Let me guess..he asked you and you said yes."  
  
"At least you are smart," Irulan said.  
  
Eowyn laughed some more. Then a silence set in. "Why do you tell me?"  
  
Irulan sighed in desperation. "Eowyn..I have no one to talk to. I have been amongst men for years now - not to mention the present company. And most of those men are not really good to talk to in this matter," she said. Argorn and Gimli would only use the material to play other ruthless tricks on her to push her even further towards Legolas. Besides...she needed a friend, a woman to tell her mind in this matter. Even though Eowyn was obviously not too much in the favor of Legolas in the issue, she was still a friend and a good, honest one.  
  
Eowyn sighed and looked into the distance. She loved Irulan more like her own sister than a friend. She had thought her heart would erupt when she thought Irulan had committed suicide years ago. Now having her back was a true blessing. Irulan was the only one who understood her. The only one who would support her, listen to her without prejudice, soothe her and calm her. And she deserved the best in life.  
  
She turned around to cast a glance at the convoy and picked out Legolas amongst the crowd. She had never met an elf before and sure enough it would be wrong to judge an entire race by one person.......but Legolas.....seemed truly.......alright, so he was amazing. He was distinctively not human, and so much, that Eowyn found him very interesting. Most human men she had met were rude, brutal, heartless, filthy and very much used to pushing women to the background. Legolas, however, seemed the exact opposite of this. He was very masculine, and yet carried a gentleness that would look absurd on any human male. He was calm, careful and graceful. He had the most beautiful voice she had ever heard and most certainly the most dashing features which she found both odd and yet very attractive. It was hard to believe that this creature represented an entire race that was sharing Middle Earth with her. He seemed completely from another world.  
  
And the way he looked at Irulan.......elf or not, Eowyn had enough sense in her to detect someone in love when she saw him. And Legolas was very much in love with Irulan. Not that he gave away too much with his attitude or his features. He was as unreadable as a blank sheet of paper most of the time (which she found both unnerving and intriguing), and yet, maybe because she was a woman, it was obvious to her. It was in the way his lips softly curved up when Irulan was around. The way his eyes softened. The way he would always assume a position so that she would be in his sight.  
  
"Irulan......you know how much I love you," she said finally. "And to be honest, I think he is amazing. Hell, as a man he is wonderful. And he truly cares for you. If he were a mortal, I would do everything in my power to steal him from you!" Irulan smirked at that. "But he is no mortal," said Eowyn finally with a careful tone.  
  
"Why is that so important?" said Irulan with exasperation.  
  
"It may not seem important now. Now that you are running around like the crazy woman that you are, busy saving the world. Now when you are young and strong. Now when you don't give a damn what everyone else thinks. But Irulan....this will end - this or that way, it will end. You will tire and stop. You will grow old, Irulan - and probably into a more horrible woman than you are now, mind you. I must say that my heart goes out to that poor elf when I think of him and the older version of you."  
  
Irulan threw her a bleak look and Eowyn beamed back. Then she continued: "The point is, both cultures will disapprove. You will find place in neither. It will only be the two of you. Then you will grow old. He will always remain the same Irulan, exactly as he was on day one."  
  
Irulan looked back to the three men. They seemed to be walking lost in their own thoughts. "But worse," said Eowyn with a sad voice, "his people will leave, Irulan. They will sail off. You told me yourself, did you not? He will stay behind for you. And then he will be the only elf in the whole of Middle Earth; the remnant of his race and kind. What will he do when you die? Did you ever think of that?"  
  
Irulan massaged her face and took a deep breath. 'All my paths are dead ends,' she thought bitterly, 'where can I go?'  
  
"Even if you two were happy for all your lifetime, it is only a fleeting moment in his, and after that short happiness...what will become of him, Irulan? Will he live millennia of darkness for one sunny day?"  
  
"I don't know Eowyn," she said finally. "I truly, honestly, deeply don't know. No matter what I choose, I will lose. I can not leave him. I can not be with him. I have absolutely no single clue!"  
  
A silence set in and they kept walking, each lost in her own thoughts. "Then go with the flow," Eowyn said finally.  
  
"Go with the flow?" Irulan said, stunned.  
  
"Yes. Let it go, Irulan. You think too much. Right now, you both need each other, so be with him. If things change, you'll think of something else. Who knows what will happen tomorrow?" Irulan was truly baffled. But then, Eowyn was like that. She would say her mind no matter what, but support you even though you chose not to take her advice.  
  
"Besides..." said Eowyn with a sly smile, "other options might ride our way any day...who knows?"  
  
"Eowyn!"  
  
"Irulan, why do you blame me? You have so many admirers, it is downright ridiculous! I'll never understand what they see in you!"  
  
"Could it be the fact that I'm not trying to lead them to my web and suck their blood....unlike SOME I happen to know?"  
  
Eowyn laughed a beautiful life. Both knew that Eowyn was not like that. But she was fickle. And she had a liking for men that Irulan found often annoying. Eowyn was as tomboy as herself, and yet she had always remained a girl and turned into a beautiful woman. Irulan, on the other hand had forgotten all about being a woman due to the life she had led.  
  
At that moment Legolas approached them on Arod. "Lady Eowyn," he said and slightly bowed his head, to which the other smiled. He turned to Irulan then, "Would you like to accompany me, Irulan? I will scout ahead."  
  
Irulan smiled up at him, "Sure!" She jumped up to sit behind him and embraced his waist. They galloped off with Eowyn looking after them, a sad smile on her beautiful face. Then a sudden grin crept on her face and she turned around to see Aragorn smiling back at her in the distance. Eowyn gracefully turned around and began to walk towards him.  
  
***  
  
"Why are you so suspicious?"  
  
Legolas did not answer immediately, but kept scanning the horizon. He gracefully leapt to another rock and continued gazing in the distance. "It seems too easy," he said finally.  
  
Irulan sighed and shifted slightly on Arod. The fact that this trip was moving along without any interference from Saruman was indeed a little odd. After all...why would he not attack while they were unprepared, unprotected, right here in the open? She would never believe an Istari to be stupid. 'He is planning something for sure,' she thought, 'and it's probably not something we will like that much.'  
  
Legolas kept leaping from rock to rock and scanning the distances. Being restless about it, he took his time and often went back to a former spot and resumed his watch. After having made a full round, he came back to stand by Arod, a frown on his face. Irulan looked down at him and sighed. "Whatever comes, Legolas, we will have to face it," she said finally. He nodded gravely and cast a last look around. Then he looked up to her and smiled. "Come, let us walk a little, Irulan."  
  
She smiled back at him and let him help her gently to the ground. He did not let go once she stood, though. Holding her gently by the waist, he leaned in and kissed her softly but intensely on the lips. Irulan returned his kiss and slowly wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to pull her closer. 'I could indeed get used to this,' she thought. And then it hit her how absurd it was. She was a Darma Druid; one who was not supposed to feel love or passion. But she did. And not even to a mortal, but to an elf!  
  
She suddenly broke the kiss and pulled back a little. Legolas sighed softly and leaned forward, but she placed her fingers on his lips and stopped him. She could see the disappointment and confusion in his blue eyes, but he made no move to kiss her again. She pulled her hand back and swallowed softly. "Legolas, we have to talk," she said with a hoarse voice.  
  
He was silent for a moment, but then said "Certainly, Irulan." She pursed her lips and stepped away from him, turned around and began to walk towards the open plains, knowing that he would follow.  
  
A silence followed, but Legolas would not interrupt her. She had agreed to give him a chance. His entire life was devoted to making her happy now and therefore, he was the happiest elf in entire Middle Earth. Nothing Irulan would say could change that now. Whatever she said, he would fix it. Whatever was disturbing her, he would change it.  
  
"Legolas..." she said suddenly, not looking back at him, "do you remember the night I asked of you to make a promise? By the River Anduin?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"I want you to take it back," she said suddenly, turning to him and remaining still.  
  
Legolas was stunned. "Take it back?" he said slowly.  
  
Irulan swallowed softly and looked away. "Yes. It was...foolish and selfish of me. I should never have asked."  
  
Legolas looked at her for a long moment, then slowly approached her. "Irulan...what is the matter?" he said with a careful tone.  
  
"Nothing," she said with a tinge of nervousness.  
  
He stood before her, but Irulan avoided meeting his eyes. "Irulan..are you regretting your decision?" he said softly, and never had he feared the answer to anything like he feared hers now.  
  
"No! No, I don't Legolas," she said and looked at him for the first time. He could not help a soft sigh of relief.  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
"Just take it back!"  
  
Another silence. Legolas felt the yearn for her touch growing like a sharp pain in him. But he remained standing. "I will not," he said finally.  
  
Irulan very much feared that it would be his answer. She moaned softly and began massaging her face. 'Why does that elf have to be so stubborn, damn it!' she thought. "I ask you one thing, Legolas. This one thing. Please."  
  
Legolas looked down at her and his heart felt torn. He wanted so much to give in to her wish. To tell her that he would do anything for her. And yet...he feared to agree to anything that would put a distance between them. "Then tell me why, Irulan."  
  
Irulan swallowed softly and looked away. "I do not want you to remain behind for me," she said finally. He felt rooted for a moment, but then instantly decided that nothing could keep him away from her touch now and quickly stepped up to embrace her. Irulan could do nothing but embrace him back. "Legolas...you can not stay. You can not part from everyone. I would hate myself if I'd be the reason for that."  
  
"You ARE everyone!" he said finally and he sounded both desperate and angry. "Do not ask me for this ever again, Irulan."  
  
"But what will happen when I..when I die, you foolish elf?!" she said finally, angry herself, and tried to break the embrace. But Legolas did not let her. If anything, he held her stronger.  
  
"Then I will die with you," he said with a determined voice. Irulan gasped and tried harder to break free, but of course that was impossible.  
  
"Don't say that!"  
  
"Then do not ask!" A silence set in and finally Irulan stopped trying. She leaned on him and let him embrace her and stroke her hair. "You do not understand," he said and although the tinge of desperation was still there, his voice was much calmer and softer. "I can not blame you for asking, for you do not understand. My destiny is entwined with yours now, Irulan. It would not make a difference if I left or remained. I can not live apart from you and you can not change that. Please, accept it and let it be."  
  
"This is horrible, Legolas!" she protested, but it came out weak and sad.  
  
"No, it is not. It is the best thing that ever happened to me." He gently leaned back and looked at her. "I will try to explain," he said softly and taking her hand, pulled her along with him. Finding a comfortable spot, he sat down and pulled her to sit next to him. They sat there hand in hand in silence, both looking into the distance. Finally Legolas sighed and said "It is only inevitable. You see the world from your own eyes, as I see from mine. We can only TRY to understand each other, but our minds will never truly match. Yet, our hearts can."  
  
He looked at her for another long moment, then continued: "Elves do not feel about life as humans do, Irulan. We are not bound to it with the same passion that you are. True, we appreciate and admire it in every way or form, but the life in ourselves....does not hold as much value as it does for others." He looked away for a moment, trying to find the words, but from the looks on his face, failing. "It is natural to us, like water is natural to fish. We do not delve on its meaning or importance or glory...it is simply there, embedded in our being, a part of us. Perhaps it is because we are born never to die, I do not know. But life to us is not the simple acts of breathing or moving, eating or talking." He hesitated again and tried to read her expression. "It is not life itself that interests us, Irulan. Life is..there....it is simply there, and always will be. It is other things that make life worthy of living."  
  
A silence followed during which a cool breeze came up and washed over them. Legolas was once more looking into the distance, his eyes lost in the timeless vaults of his memories. "I have seen many who envy my kind for its immortality. And for many long years, I have understood their envy. I have observed and watched nature and my surroundings and found peace in it. I have believed to love and cherish life, to be ALIVE all those hundreds of years. And yet, even before we met, I noticed that I was not really living in the sense other beings live in this world. I have sensed a dullness, a repetition to it that I had not felt earlier, for life is not meant for standing by and observing, but for living, Irulan."  
  
He broke his gaze then and turning around to her, kissed her hand softly. "Ever since I have met you and since I have joined this quest, I once more feel a reason for my existence. I realize now that I had been alive, yet not much different from a tree. I had been standing silently and peacefully aside in the protective shade of my own kingdom, isolated from other beings, living only for the pleasure of sunlight on my face, or the soft earth around my roots. Every now and then a bird would touch my branches, or a squirrel would run down my bark. And alas...centuries would pass. I know now that many Eldar are like that. It is pleasurable, for sure, and tranquil, and you are connected with the living beings around you. But it is not the life I wish to return to, any longer. For I realized that I am more than a tree. That I am here to engage in life in a far more intimate way than I thought I should, before."  
  
He looked at her, trying to understand if she was following and Irulan nodded slightly. It was only obvious. Elves were living in their own secluded communities, in peace and tranquility. They had cut themselves off from the other races and cultures and events in Middle Earth. In their immortality, they were untouchable and often lacked the wish to make a difference in the world, since they had observed the endless repetition of history. There were exceptions of course.....like Elrond...or Arwen (those were the only elves she knew closer, anyway). But they owed their vitality and their difference in character to their involvement in human matters. Elrond was half human and apart from that, he had taken place in the Last Alliance, and still felt responsible for Middle Earth's future. Arwen, on the other hand, was in love with a human and cared about him and his race more than most elves would. The majority of elves, though, had given up on Middle Earth in their hearts. They would sail off and leave these shores and continue their peaceful lives in Valinor. Middle Earth was perhaps just a phase in their lives and it would end. This was as normal as the end of a season - they truly did not embark on its importance too much.  
  
One more time Irulan realized that, as adorable creatures as they were, she did not wish to be an elf. Their qualities were astonishing and worthy of envy....yet Irulan would rather live a short life with passion, rather than an eternal one without. At least in the human sense of passion. She would certainly disagree if she were an elf.....but being a human, her heart and mind, along with her desires and fears were just..different.  
  
"My vision has changed, Irulan. If I was asleep, I am awake now. I do not desire endless seasons in Valinor during which I can observe and admire the changing of the color of the trees or how the water of the streams grows colder and warmer with the coming of winter or spring. I would rather live with you the time I was granted and see as much of this world as I can, then depart as you will depart." He smiled suddenly. "If my people could hear me! Alas, I never thought I would envy mortality. And yet, along with all the qualities that come with it, mortality seems to be more tempting than eternal life ever was."  
  
"I can't believe you! I mean, it is a completely difference place, Legolas - I would be curious to death about Valinor," she said suddenly.  
  
He smiled down at her, and a moment later his smiled saddened. "I can not deny that the Call of the Sea is growing inside me. Though my heart resists it, this pull is invading me year by year." He looked to the distance and Irulan thought he would shudder - such was his expression. He looked disturbed by such a strong instinct that went against his true wishes. "But....it is nothing compared to the pull I feel for you," he said finally, and leaned down to kiss her again.  
  
Irulan shook her head and smiled. "Legolas, you are the strangest elf in Middle Earth. As I am probably the strangest mortal woman in Middle Earth."  
  
"Then we are a fine couple indeed," he said and softly embraced her. 


	10. The Mystery Of All Mysteries

Dear Scene Eleven; I would say that Irulan's dreams have an odd quality to them...maybe one can take them as some sort of foreboding. After all, if you check the story (which you don't need to, I know) both the more pleasant and unpleasant dreams seem to appear before a relevant event comes upon the company.  
  
Dear Tara, the action is not yet here. I have so much to establish between characters, I can not get enough of these days on the road! Sorry about that. Everyone else...thank you once more for those incredible reviews. I could not do it without them.  
  
And guys...I mean...is there NOTHING I write that makes you feel joy? Ha ha ha..I thought the last chapters were actually elevating and relieving. I have received so much mail saying they were sad and touching! I mean..alright, there is a sadness to it, since the clash of immortality and mortality can only lead to pain...but...is there....not even a LITTLE happiness? Sigh...have keep on trying, then.  
  
Oh....and:  
  
  
  
"Do you love me because I am beautiful,  
  
or am I beautiful because you love me?"  
  
  
  
Cinderella  
  
  
  
What legendary man can answer that question and survive? Lovely.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Gimli, we have decided to travel through Middle Earth after these darker times are behind us," said Legolas with his beautiful voice. Stars were dancing in his eyes.  
  
Irulan waved her hand in annoyance. "Legolas! I mean........'we'? I truly don't remember agreeing to that!"  
  
"I think you did. You just do not remember," Legolas replied, grinning and continuing with the braid. He was sitting behind Irulan, on a saddle, and softly combing and braiding her hair. Irulan was facing the fire, sitting in Indian style.  
  
Gimli chuckled. "Sounds tempting I'd say!" he mumbled finally.  
  
"Why don't you join us?" Legolas said with childish enthusiasm.  
  
"Indeed, Gimli!" added Irulan. "The company is not strange enough. We need a dwarf!" she laughed. Then suddenly she said "Hold on a minute! I have not agreed yet!" Legolas did not answer but smiled and continued braiding.  
  
"Travel with an elf and a woman? What do you take me for? Insane?!" he boomed, but he seemed oddly excited about it.  
  
"Gimli, I think this is an offer you should not pass," said a grinning Aragorn, not looking up. He was stuffing a pipe and seemed extremely happy to have finally found one.  
  
"Can I come?" said Eowyn and clasped her hands in a childish way.  
  
"Of all people, YOU certainly can NOT," said Irulan, smiling a cruel smile. "Who knows what evil you might inflict on us?!"  
  
"Why, Lady Eowyn would never do such a thing!" said Gimli and the blonde woman smiled at him with her most beautiful smile.  
  
"You don't say!" said Irulan with a low voice and turned to a chuckling Aragorn. "Aragorn, I would ask you to join........but I fear you will be attending to the boring business of being a king!"  
  
Aragorn smiled and shook his head. "I'm not sure, Irulan.......who knows? But I must admit; being with the lot of you this long has become a bit addictive."  
  
"Join us Estel!" said Legolas, "We need your company!"  
  
"Aragorn! You certainly can not leave me alone with this crazy couple! You MUST come along, my friend!" said Gimli  
  
"I still do not remember agreeing," said Irulan but everyone just ignored her.  
  
"If Master Aragorn comes, I should be allowed, too," cut in Eowyn.  
  
"No you can't!" boomed Irulan but Eowyn only replied with a sweet smile. 'That woman is unbelievable!' she thought. "You think Gandalf will come?" she added suddenly, and her eyes shone.  
  
"I would not have too high hopes about that," said Aragorn, "I suspect him to be pretty tired of us by now."  
  
"Ah nonsense!" said Irulan. She was suddenly completely engulfed in the idea of having Gandalf with them. "He was always a little grumpy, but he loves traveling!"  
  
"He is not the same Gandalf any longer, Irulan," said Aragorn. "His desires might have changed, too."  
  
"That, I refuse to believe!" she said in astonishment. A Gandalf who might settle down somewhere......impossible!  
  
"He might be tired of saving us too, of course," mumbled Gimli, and they all laughed at that.  
  
"Master Legolas, that is the most beautiful braid I have ever seen!" said Eowyn suddenly, "Could you braid my hair, too?" There was a sudden silence and everyone looked at her with disbelief. She looked from one to the other.  
  
"He can not!" said Irulan finally and leaned further back towards Legolas. A sly grin broke on Aragorn and Gimli's face and they instinctively turned to each other.  
  
"Why not?" said Eowyn slowly, looking from one to the other.  
  
"Indeed.......why not?" said Aragorn. Irulan shot him a warning look, but he just kept on grinning.  
  
"I don't think that would be proper, Eowyn," Irulan hissed and just because she had objected, Eowyn felt the need to press on, of course.  
  
"Why would it not be proper, then?" she said, pushing her chin up.  
  
"Because it would not!" Irulan hissed back with a growl. Gimli and Aragorn looked at each other with open amusement and both turned to a very stunned Legolas.  
  
"I think Master Legolas should have a say in that," Eowyn said finally and both women, along with the men, ended up staring at him. He looked from one woman to the other and back, unable to come up with an answer.  
  
"Legolas, the Lady of Rohan is asking you this simple thing. Will you turn her down?" said Aragorn, his grin becoming even wider - if such a thing was possible!  
  
"Well.......no........but," stammered Legolas.  
  
"What?!" said Irulan suddenly and jumped to her feet.  
  
Legolas was both amazed and at the same time very nervous at her reaction. "I am sorry," he said finally to Eowyn. "I should not. Perhaps Aragorn would do it?" As soon as he said it, he knew it was the wrong answer. Irulan's eyes lit up like two flames and she took a slow, deep breath. Legolas, unable to take his words back, slowly stood up himself and continued to watch her cautiously. He knew immediately that he was in trouble. And against all their fun, so did Gimli and Aragorn.  
  
"Is that so?" said Irulan with a velvet voice. Legolas swallowed softly and cast swift glances at Gimli and Aragorn, who looked a shade paler than normal, themselves. "Another innocent game, Master Aragorn and Master Gimli?" she said, and they quickly looked down.  
  
"What is going on?" said Eowyn, truly amazed now. None answered her. They just remained exactly as they were.  
  
"Nothing really," said Irulan with that velvet voice again, turning back to Legolas. "The usual foolishness! And honestly, I had enough of it on this trip, so I leave you to it, Eowyn. Perhaps you can find entertainment in it!" With that, she stepped out of the circle and walked off into the darkness.  
  
All three men looked at each other and began massaging their faces. A long silence set in during which Eowyn kept on staring from one to the other. "I think, I should.....go.......to finish the braid," said Legolas finally and he sounded as if he was terrified by the idea.  
  
"Are you insane?" said Gimli, "She will kill you!" Legolas looked at Aragorn, but he, too, looked back at him as if he agreed with the dwarf. Then he looked into the direction Irulan had disappeared to. Whatever the punishment, it could not be worse than remaining apart from her. He sighed and took a deep breath, then strode off. Gimli and Aragorn remained staring at each other.  
  
"Well......he has courage, I must give him that!" said Gimli finally.  
  
"Well Master Aragorn......will you braid my hair then?" said Eowyn and Aragorn suddenly began to cough wildly on his pipe.  
  
***  
  
"Legolas, don't you come near me!" she said and kept walking.  
  
"Irulan, I am truly sorry. Please forgive me!"  
  
"No! No forgiveness tonight! For the last time, STAY AWAY!"  
  
Legolas halted for a moment and debated with himself. Then he kept following her. "You know I would never do it on purpose. I just........I mean.......you said before it meant nothing to you! You said you were mature enough to not be affected by it!"  
  
If anything, that made her even angrier and she reeled around. Thankfully he was a safe distance away at the moment. "Nice!" she yelled, "Very nice! Now you are using my own words against me! Get out of my sight, you elf!"  
  
"Irulan, I truly don't understand your reaction. You most certainly know that I have no feelings for Lady Eowyn!"  
  
Irulan halted suddenly. And so did Legolas, still remaining a safe distance away. 'Why, sweet Irulan is jealous!" chuckled her inner voice. 'I am NOT!' she yelled back at it, baffled. 'Irulan......come on. You are plainly and simply jealous!' Irulan frowned. Indeed.......it felt very much like jealousy. And she had not felt this way towards anyone for such a long time now! And worse, if Legolas discovered it, he would keep on pressing until she would have to admit him her true feelings.  
  
She turned around instantly and thankfully still feeling that fire in her, looked at him. "It is not about Lady Eowyn, you fool!" she said with a trembling voice. "How can you propose........for Aragorn to braid her hair! Knowing what I am trying to do, Legolas! That is downright betrayal!" she said, happy to have found both a logical reason and an escape route.  
  
Legolas looked horrified. He took a small step towards her. "Irulan......I could not apologize enough. I made a terrible mistake."  
  
"You bet you did!" she shot back at him, knowing fully that her intense feelings were due rather to an image of Legolas braiding Eowyn's hair, than anything else.  
  
Legolas sighed softly and looked away for a moment. Then he turned back to her. "Tell me what to do. I will do it. I will do anything."  
  
"Well then," said Irulan with that dangerous soft voice again and approached him. "do as you said you would."  
  
Legolas blinked. "What do you mean?" he asked with a careful tone.  
  
"Braid her hair, Legolas!" she said a little too matter-of-factly.  
  
Legolas' eyes widened at that and he looked at her with pure disbelief on his features. "You ask me to......" he said, but could not finish. Irulan stood very close to him now and crossing her arms, pushed her chin up to look at him. Legolas swallowed softly, then looked at her again and finally turned to look into the distance. "If that is what you ask of me......" he said with obvious pain in his voice.  
  
"What?!" boomed Irulan and he literally flinched.  
  
They looked at each other for what seemed like ages. "I said......I will yield to your wish," he said softly, his eyes never leaving hers and utter confusion on his beautiful features.  
  
"You......you......." began Irulan and Legolas gracefully stepped back while she approached him. Her anger was truly taking a hold of her now, she would kill Eowyn. She would kill Legolas. And she most definitely would kill Aragorn and Gimli. She would. No, seriously. She would KILL ALL OF THEM! Suddenly she stopped her approach. Her eyes were so intense, Legolas felt literally a heat emanating from them, but he remained glued to his spot, unable to move away. "In that case, you can go and sleep next to Lady Eowyn tonight, Legolas" she said in the sharpest and coldest voice he had ever heard before, and turning around, disappeared stomping towards the camp.  
  
***  
  
Legolas appeared by the fire again. There were no words to describe the degree of confusion and distress on his face. Aragorn and Gimli did not look better. Lady Eowyn was not there. He sat by the fire, staring into it. None spoke for a while and a suffocating silence pressed upon the company mercilessly. Finally, unable to take the silence any longer, Gimli rumbled: "Well.......at least you are still alive!"  
  
Legolas shot him a look that made the mighty warrior dwarf flinch and then continued looking into the fire. Another long silence set in and this time not even Gimli felt capable of disturbing it. "I asked her what she would want me to do for forgiveness," the elf said suddenly and even his soft voice sounded too loud and disquieting at the moment. "She told me to braid Lady Eowyn's hair," said Legolas, not looking away from the flames.  
  
Both man and dwarf gasped and looked at each other. That was definitely NOT good! They swallowed softly.  
  
"What.......what did you say?" said Aragorn with a careful tone.  
  
Legolas this time shot him that rueful look and the king of kings hastily looked away. "I accepted of course!" he hissed.  
  
Man and dwarf gasped again. "You accepted?" said Gimli with disbelief.  
  
"What was I supposed to say? Turn her wish down?" said Legolas with exasperation and never did he sound more mortal as he did at that moment. Another silence set in. Aragorn and Gimli cast each other very careful glances.  
  
"And?" said Aragorn finally.  
  
"And...........and she told me to go and lie with Lady Eowyn tonight!" said the elf and he sounded completely lost.  
  
Both man and dwarf gasped.  
  
"Is it possible for you to stop doing that?" said Legolas with suppressed anger.  
  
After a final glance at each other Aragorn and Gimli shifted uncomfortably and, taking a deep breath, Aragorn finally found his voice: "Welcome amongst men, my friend," he mumbled.  
  
"I do not understand!" Legolas protested, once more sounding more mortal than elf. "Should I have said no?"  
  
"Of course not! Are you mad! She would have killed you on the spot!" said Gimli, looking uneasily around as if Irulan could appear any moment and actually try doing it anyway.  
  
"Legolas, do not blame yourself, my friend. There was no way for you to answer that question and win. You were bound to lose, believe me." He looked into the flames and said "Believe me.....I should know," with a sigh.  
  
"I have to admit........we were guilty in this matter. We owe you an apology," growled Gimli finally. He hated the fact that he should apologize to an elf, but at this moment, it was only too obvious that he had played a role in this. Although Lady Eowyn of course had started it......but nevertheless.......Aragorn nodded in agreement.  
  
"What must I do?" said Legolas finally looking from one to the other.  
  
Aragorn and Gimli looked into the fire, deep frowns on their faces. "What you are asking to deal with, my friend," said Aragorn finally with a low voice, "is the mystery of all mysteries. It is called a 'woman'. No man, and I mean NO MAN -no elf, human, dwarf or hobbit- knows the answer to that." He sighed and continued: "Perhaps she will be more merciful tomorrow."  
  
With that, they each lay down by the fire and tried to find sleep, although it very obviously evaded them. Legolas felt like crying. Crying, like a little child! In his mind, he went over and over the memory, failing to come up with a solution. 'My accursed tongue!' he thought bitterly. 'If I had not said that part with Aragorn!.......' But maybe Irulan would have found another reason to be angry with him.......such as.......and he thought about the various possibilities and the countless answers to those options. He remained awake throughout the whole night, aching for her warmth and feeling completely lost and helpless. This was torture! It was beyond punishment! How could she be so cruel as to punish him like this, by keeping him away from her! But nevertheless, he failed to feel anger to her. So he turned restlessly once more and tried to feel anger towards Lady Eowyn. Then Aragorn and Gimli. Finally himself. All options vibrated with a tinge of annoyance, yet failed to reach the heat of anger. Once again he thought about Irulan and how he could be lying with her now. What if she dreamt about those druids again? He certainly had to be there in case she did! But even Legolas had enough sense in him to know that going there against her wish was out of the question. He could not force himself onto her like that. And now that the nightmare issue had occurred to him, he felt even more anxious. He sighed with frustration and, turning once more, hoped the hours to pass faster, so that he could see her sooner by the morning. And in his entire life of three millennia, no night had been longer than that night in the open plains in Rohan.  
  
***  
  
"Irulan, are you awake?"  
  
Irulan had been drifting in a restless sleep and woke up with a start. She rose to sit and remained still for a moment, then she looked around. "Eowyn?"  
  
"Yes," said the other woman. "Did I wake you?"  
  
"Don't worry about it," said Irulan, "I am glad you did, actually. I don't sleep too well these days." Then she remembered suddenly the whole incident from a short time ago and annoyance glowed in her. Yet, the flare of the anger was gone. 'Damn! She thought. Why can't I keep a grudge for once?!'  
  
"I meant to talk to you," Eowyn whispered and swiftly sat by Irulan. Irulan took a look at her grinning beautiful face and rolled her eyes. Then she looked back and shook her head. "I should kill you, really" she shot at her.  
  
Eowyn smiled innocently. "I STILL don't know what happened! I tried to ask Aragorn, but he almost choked on his pipe. I decided to spare his life."  
  
Try as she might, Irulan could not help exploding with soft laughter at that. She instantly clasped her hand on her mouth and tried to be more silent. But the confused expression on Eowyn's face was not of much help. It took her minutes to overcome the laughter boiling up in her and to mercilessly drive it down. Tears rolled down her face from the very effort. Finally she calmed down and began to explain the funny tale of braiding to her dear friend.  
  
Soon both women were giggling like crazy, silently thrashing on the floor, trying to make as little noise as possible. Irulan felt so good! She had not felt this good for years! To be with Eowyn again! To talk about men and to laugh like this, brought back old and very fond memories. Oh how she had missed this! 'There is something really sick about laughing like this in the middle of a frustrating situation with weak people around us and a war before us!' she thought, but for some odd reason, that made her laugh even harder. A long time later both women lay there spent with laughter, blinking tears from their eyes. "I think I was a bit cruel," giggled Irulan, looking up to the stars.  
  
"You sure are devious when you are angry," giggled Eowyn back, her blonde hair spread around her on the floor like a halo. "Even I could not have come up with something like that, Irulan."  
  
"Well.....I didn't know what I was saying, really. I just didn't want him to find out about my jealousy. Saving my pride and all........." she said, waving her hand.  
  
"Oh, the expression on their faces was just too much!" said Eowyn and clasped her hands on her mouth again, refusing to give in to another fit.  
  
"They deserved that, alright. Those men are plain cruel, I tell you!"  
  
"Well I'm glad it turned out to be this way," said Eowyn suddenly, turning to her. "It has been long since we were alone and had such good time together!"  
  
Irulan turned to look back at her. "Indeed, Eowyn. These men have been distracting us far too long!"  
  
Eowyn sighed and rolled on her stomach, moving up on her elbows. "Do you remember how often we would do this in the past to all those nobles?"  
  
"I would never forget!"  
  
"It seems like another lifetime, Irulan. It has become so much.....darker," Eowyn sighed softly.  
  
Irulan propped herself up on her elbows, too. "Yes, it has," she said. "But that does not mean it won't be as it was before, once more."  
  
"You really think so?"  
  
Irulan nodded with a determined look on her face. A silence came between them. "Strange indeed," she whispered finally. "Who would have thought I would fall for an elf when I grow up?"  
  
"Honestly, I would. I mean........it was either that or the Dark Lord himself," she said and beamed to an annoyed Irulan. "You always had this.......outstanding.......taste in men, Irulan! I'm just glad that it is Legolas."  
  
Irulan shook her head. "You know, I hope one day you will meet a man and he will treat you exactly as you deserve, Eowyn. Meaning, he will be charmingly mean to you! I truly hope so. I will be there, laughing as you walk down in your wedding gown, your eyes blind with love to this immensely fine man who knows how to shut you up, my friend! Oh no......even better......he has to be a tough hero from Gondor!"  
  
"You must kill me if that happens!" said Eowyn with a grin. "I'd rather die!"  
  
"Not at all. I'll be on HIS side!"  
  
Eowyn continued grinning. "Well.......until those terrible days, we still have time for some fun, don't we?"  
  
Irulan grinned back. This felt so much like the old times. "What do you have in mind, partner?"  
  
Eowyn threw a look towards the direction in which the fire with the three men would be. "Oh.........the usual, really," she said with slight amusement. 


	11. You Have No Faith

I know I know...no, sleep is still evading me. And yes, I did write...actually I wrote extensive material and each took the story to another path. Finally this idea occurred to me and it made a lot of sense. It will be bending the original material...but who said that I have to remain utterly loyal to it in the first place (probably I did...but forget about that part now). The party is moving on and this is the third day. Wargs and Helm's Deep happen on the fourth day, remember? Or so it was in the movie. Anyways..some of the material I have written included more about the nasty tricks of the women, but I decided to cut it shorter for the sake of the story. Maybe once I'm finished, I'll just go back and revise and add in those parts, since many were as excited about it as myself.  
  
On to the show.....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I do not understand!" said a baffled Legolas once more. He seemed to have used that sentence more often during this last week than the last thousand years of his life. He kept looking at the two women walking ahead in the line, arm in arm, laughing merrily.  
  
"Didn't I tell you?" said Aragorn with open annoyance and defeat on his face. "NO MAN understands!"  
  
"The Dark Lord himself would be confused!" mumbled Gimli. "Sometimes I truly think they should have sent a bunch of women on this quest. No doubt they would have succeeded in a matter of weeks!"  
  
Aragorn scratched his chin again and turned to Legolas. "Well.......how was she to you this morning?"  
  
"I would compare her to the chilliest winter day........only it would be an understatement," the elf said in irritation.  
  
"She did not reply to my 'Good Morning' either. And I was so sure that would work! After all, I had never said good morning to her before," Aragorn said.  
  
Suddenly the women turned around and began walking towards them. As ridiculous as that looked, both Aragorn and Legolas slowed down and stopped, pulling Arod and Gimli -who was sitting on the horse- to a stop as well. They swiftly exchanged glances and remained still, very obviously nervous about what to do.  
  
"Do not panic! And do not give in! Under nor circumstances fall for their charm!" whispered Gimli urgently.  
  
Irulan and Eowyn walked closer and closer in a leisure walk, all the time talking and smiling to each other in the most normal way. Then finally they arrived and stood before the men. "Master Gimli!" said Eowyn with a beautiful voice. "How are you today?"  
  
Gimli looked baffled beyond words. So were the other two men, of course. Legolas looked up to Irulan, but she remained fixed on Gimli. He swallowed softly and turned towards the dwarf.  
  
"Eh.......I........I am well, ladies," Gimli said with a very nervous voice and looked at them as if they were two poisonous snakes.  
  
"Would you walk with us today?" said Irulan and she sounded like sweet music. Gimli's mouth dropped open. Legolas was about to say 'I do not understand!' once more, but the words froze in his mouth.  
  
"Well....I......." said Gimli and looked frantically at the man and the elf, but they were too baffled to help him now.  
  
"Aw come on........please?" said Eowyn and with a radiant smile and took the reigns from Aragorn, who very gladly let go rather than arguing with her.  
  
"Gimli, do not break our hearts!" Irulan said, still refusing to look at the other present company.  
  
Slowly Gimli's face lit up. "Well.......when you say it so........" he began and Aragorn shot him a very bleak look. Gimli looked from him to Eowyn and back and decided that Eowyn's face was worthier to look upon. He grinned widely.  
  
"We were hoping to hear some of your impressive heroic stories again!" said Irulan and that was just a blow below the waist. There was no way Gimli could resist something like that.  
  
"Aha! Certainly! Why didn't you say so before?" he boomed and the women gracefully pulled Arod along with them, moving up the line once more. The dwarf shot the men one last look that included both guilt and pleasure, and then he had already begun with his first story. Aragorn and Legolas remained behind, forgetting to move along with the convoy. They stood staring for an eternity.  
  
Finally Legolas said "I don't.........."  
  
Aragorn cut him short. "Spare me, Legolas! We have just lost a battle, that is all you need to know!"  
  
"A battle?" the elf said.  
  
Aragorn gritted his teeth staring behind the party of three. "Don't you see? They aimed to break us apart, to divide us. And they succeeded in a matter of moments! Now they will devour us one by one.....we are doomed!"  
  
Legolas' mouth dropped open. He slowly turned towards the women, who were now laughing along with Gimli. "Master Gimli was right. The Council should have selected a band of women!" he hissed and moved ahead with long strides.  
  
Aragorn shook his head silently. 'I can only be grateful that Arwen is not here. The three of them......' he dared not finish the sentence and shuddered instead.  
  
Legolas grabbed Irulan's arm from behind, careful not to hurt it too much. "We need to talk!" he said between clenched teeth and shot an uneasy look at Eowyn and Gimli, but the two just kept on with the conversation. Irulan looked at him with raised eyebrows, then said simply "Of course, Legolas." Legolas was so stunned by that, he actually remained for a moment, then came to his senses and guided her away from the convoy, once more climbing the small rocky hills that surrounded their path.  
  
Finally when they reached beyond the first hills, he let her go and turned around in desperation: "Irulan, how long will you torture me so?"  
  
"Torture?" Irulan said with amusement and began to walk in the same direction with the convoy, keeping a parallel line to it. She could not see it from here, for a line of small hills was between them now, but she knew it was moving along beyond the hill.  
  
"Irulan, would you like me to apologize to you each day first thing in the morning for our remaining years? I am more than ready to do so!" Irulan just looked at him. He looked away for a long moment with frustration and exhaled softly. An odd calmness overcame him then and he took a soft breath. When he looked back, that dangerous fire was in his eyes again and Irulan knew she should better stop........and stop soon! She cleared her throat and began to walk again, with Legolas keeping pace with her, but looking more like hunter than prey now. 'There is a fine balance to this, you stupid woman!' she scolded herself silently. 'You know how to light a fire but have no idea how to put it out!'  
  
"No.......that won't be necessary, Legolas," she managed finally.  
  
He placed himself before her, then and she involuntarily stopped. He slowly gripped her chin and pulled it up, forcing her to look at him. He looked at her for so long, Irulan thought that he was actually putting a spell on her. "Do you have any........idea......what you.......are inflicting upon me?" he said with a low voice. Irulan tried to turn her face, but Legolas' grip was iron.  
  
"I was angry with you!" she said finally.  
  
"In that case......next time be more merciful and deal me a stroke with your sword," he said softly.  
  
Irulan swallowed, and not knowing what else to do, reached out slowly to place her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Legolas obeyed willingly, and gave in to his own inner desire, forcing her in return to give in to him as he kissed her. He slowly pushed her until her back was against a large boulder, and let a darker side of him take control. The kiss seemed to have a mind of its own.......it was pulling him as much as he was pulling Irulan. Once more a battle erupted in him with the passion of the moment. A part of him screamed for him to stop, that he had no right, that he would ruin everything. It screamed for him to leave her alone, that she felt nothing for him, that he was pushing her to do things she most certainly did not want to. And all that it screamed was right and true. Legolas was known for his iron will power, it should be easier than easy for him to pull back right now. But to his utter horror, he could not. Her warmth was intoxicating. Her smell the strongest spell. Her taste beyond anything. He could not break free.  
  
Because another and new side was slowly taking control of him. 'I can claim her, can I not?' that Legolas thought. 'She is my lover now..she is mine. I have a right!' His emotions clashed - it was as if the elf in him crossed blades with another side of Legolas that seemed absurdly unelf-like. That kind of thinking was definitely not something an elf would be capable of. It was horrifying; he should pull back now, this very instant! But yet..it was not horrifying. Not nearly as horrifying as the night before. Not as terrible as that cruel torture. It was like breaking the surface of water and being able to breathe again.  
  
It seemed like centuries had passed when he slowly pulled back and broke the kiss, but nevertheless refused to let go of her. Irulan embraced him back and let him place soft desperate kisses on her neck. 'This is getting worse by the day!' she thought, knowing that letting Legolas coming to his own senses was the smarter solution at the moment. If she did it for him, he would most certainly feel that incredible guilt again. And well..she was as guilty in his desperation as he was. If there was any guilt to it, in the first place. She did not know of course that, although a part of him remained disturbed by it, another side of him had risen and seemed to be completely comfortable with the fact that Legolas was claiming her like this.  
  
'You go on and this will be the last you'll ever touch her!' warned the elf in him. 'There will be an eternity like the night before!' The thought made him almost nauseous. 'She is your lover, is she not?' the other one spoke up. 'She needs time!' said the first one. The second one completely ignored that statement. 'She is yours now,' he whispered. 'She will fear you Legolas. She will shun from you,' tried the first one desperately again. 'She better should!' replied the other one instantly. 'She should fear of treating you like this! She should see what it is doing to you!' Legolas sighed and stopped. He embraced Irulan with desperation and she embraced him back. 'I am losing my mind!' he thought ruefully.  
  
That was not true, of course. It was only the sharp cut of passion and frustration and both were actually normal when it was a mortal woman you were dealing with, not an elf. Not to mention that Irulan was a very, very difficult mortal woman and pushing every boundary in him constantly. She was definitely not an elven maiden who was bestowed with the wisdom, experience and maturity of her countless centuries in the world and the gentleness and sensitivity of her kind. And though Legolas loved her even more for that, he would also discover that in a relationship between elf and human, the elf would most certainly suffer the worst blows and submit to the most intense pain. Irulan had no way of understanding neither the fire of his love, nor his sensitivity and weakness towards her. She would continue cutting him, completely unaware of it. He would have to accept that and learn not to cry out with the cut. It was not that she was cruel or insensitive (though she had an amazing capacity for both), but rather that she was forced to learn to deal with something of this force in such a short time and under such circumstances.  
  
But then...she was learning nevertheless. Only a week ago she would have been terrified by this kind of a kiss and pushed him away for months perhaps. But so much happened in the last week! The most important of which was that she had learned to trust him, no matter what. And she had learned that if he broke a rule it was because she had probably broken a dozen before that. She was ignorant and naïve, true, and yet she had enough sense in her to know that an elf -especially one like Legolas- would not act like this for no reason. And she was objective enough about her own kind to admit that it was the weaker one in such matters compared to the Eldar. She just had to force herself to trust Legolas and his judgment even when it meant no sense to her, even when she failed to understand it, because even though she doubted everything, she never doubted the fact that Legolas would never do anything with the intention of hurting her. So naturally all controversial things were either an accident or had a very good explanation (that would probably point in her direction in the first place!).  
  
She sighed and embraced him tighter. 'No matter what I do, I end up hurting him. Why is it so difficult to give in to someone, even though you love him?' she thought with astonishment. "Legolas........" she said suddenly with a low voice, "I am sorry for what I did." A wave of confusion and wonder overcame Legolas. Suddenly he remembered Aragorn. 'Mystery of mysteries' he thought, baffled. He wished he had met Chemarit. From what Irulan and Gandalf had told him, he seemed to have known women better than any other. He would have helped him understanding Irulan. Legolas smiled with that thought.  
  
"Do not be," he whispered, still embracing her. "But..Irulan, I beg you not to do it again. Punish me in any way you wish, but do not push me away."  
  
Irulan sighed and taking his hand, resumed her walk. "Legolas, I clearly overreacted. This whole Aragorn and Eowyn issue is leaving me so confused!"  
  
The elf remained silent for a moment. "Lady Eowyn does not approve of us, does she?" he said softly.  
  
Irulan instantly turned to him. "What makes you think that?!" she protested.  
  
Legolas smiled back at her and remained silent. It was only natural that he was this observant. Irulan bit her lower lip and looked away again. "She thinks it will be painful for the both of us," she said finally.  
  
Legolas nodded with satisfaction. "That only confirms my opinion of her."  
  
"What opinion might that be?"  
  
"She is a good and reasonable person, Irulan," Legolas said and Irulan stared back at him with astonishment. "She truly loves you and she tries to spare you the pain as any good friend would. Why, just a short while ago I would have completely agreed with her on the issue," he said, shaking his head. "You must trust her judgment in the matter of Aragorn," he finished.  
  
Irulan did not look away for a long time. Finally she managed to say "I can't believe you said that! What about Arwen?!"  
  
Legolas turned and looked her in the eye. Suddenly she realized that he was not any young man, holding her hand and walking beside her. He was older than she would ever be. "Irulan, a virtuous man knows his strengths and weaknesses. Do you know yours?"  
  
She thought about it for a moment. "Chemarit always said I was too impatient."  
  
Legolas chuckled at that. "Your master was probably right. But I have a different vision. Would you care to know?" he said with a careful tone.  
  
She smiled at his attitude. 'He treats me as if I am a fragile piece of glass!' she thought in amusement. 'I only wish I was!'  
  
"Yes, please tell me."  
  
"You have no faith," he said finally.  
  
"Faith?" said Irulan, baffled.  
  
Legolas nodded and looked at her, trying to understand if she was angry or hurt. But Irulan seemed rather surprised and curious. "You always try to take matters in your own hands," he said finally. "I do not mean your own life...I mean concerning the life of others. And I know you do it with the best of intentions. Yet...it is my observation that everything turns out more beautiful and durable if it is natural."  
  
Irulan thought about that for a minute. She was about to point out that Legolas had been chasing her around for the last weeks, driving her crazy, but then realized that that was different. She was an intimate part of his own life, after all. And she had given him 'permission' (though she STILL could not remember that part). Aragorn, on the other hand, had nothing to do with her life. Of course, he was her friend and she loved him and Arwen fiercely...yet basically their relationship was actually none of her business.  
  
"I think if Arwen and Aragorn feel true love for one another, nothing can stand in the way of it. Likewise if they don't....nothing can stand in the way of the conclusion of their relationship. It is not like there is a misunderstanding that you would feel responsible of clearing up. They have known each other for many years now and both know their feelings to one another. Have you ever thought that this moment might be a dangerous bridge they are destined to pass in their relationship?"  
  
"You mean....like a test?"  
  
Legolas nodded softly. "Yes....like a....test. Let them pass this test on their own. They will be more blessed for it if they do."  
  
Irulan frowned and remained silent for a while. "But what about...Eowyn?"  
  
Legolas sighed and looked into the distance. "It is my belief that we walk on our paths, very much unaware of the greater picture, Irulan. Our paths cross and part again, so swiftly, it might just be a blink in time. And yet, we are each other's constant and most devoted teachers and pupils. We are tools of greater tests for each other; unconsciously forming, shaping, helping, building one another. You have to have faith in what you will encounter and where it will lead you." He remained silent for another moment. "Who can tell what the crossing of Lady Eowyn and Aragorn means? Perhaps she is there as test for his true love and perhaps he is there as a tool in her own development? My guess would be, both."  
  
Irulan stopped and so did Legolas. She kept looking at him with a stunned expression. "So you are saying...go with the flow?"  
  
A smile spread across his lips and slowly reached into his sparkling eyes. He nodded. "Not always, perhaps. But in this matter....yes..I would say that."  
  
Irulan approached him slowly, "Has anyone ever told you.." she began slowly and a slight confusion set in on Legolas' features, "...that you are the most astonishing and adorable creature in the whole of Middle Earth?" His eyebrows arched to that and he looked utterly but pleasantly surprised.  
  
"I think I would have remembered if anyone did," he said softly.  
  
Irulan kissed him gently and Legolas wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back. He had believed her to be the single source of pleasure and pain. But those feelings seemed to flicker and die so instantly and so strong in him, it seemed to become ever harder to pinpoint the difference. One moment ago she was cruel torture, now, only a moment later she was sweet pleasure. 'Mystery of all mysteries,' he thought again as he surrendered to her warmness. And it truly was - for all his cuts, all his burns and wounds mended with that single kiss. And there he was, feeling ready to face the same torture a dozen more times if it meant that only another kiss like this would follow.  
  
***  
  
"You love him," and it sounded too much like a question.  
  
She remained silent. Just replying that could make Eowyn go on forever.  
  
"You love him," said Eowyn matter-of-factly now. "But..he does not know?"  
  
Once more, Irulan looked into the distance and tried not to purse her lips.  
  
"So he does not know...hmm.." said Eowyn, and Irulan could swear that she could hear the little wheels in the brain of the blonde woman working and turning. "Why don't you tell him you love him?"  
  
Irulan looked back at her with surprise, then a moment later looked away. "I don't think...I think.." she sighed and stopped.  
  
"You are afraid!" whispered Eowyn with astonishment. Irulan looked away. "You, Irulan the mighty, are afraid of a statement? Why?"  
  
"Eowyn..I mean could you mind your own business for a change?"  
  
"Of course not!"  
  
Irulan sighed in desperation. "Whatever happened to going with the flow?"  
  
"That goes for you. I have a different philosophy," the blonde woman said. "Now tell me why you don't. He sure needs to know."  
  
"No he does not. Things are spinning out of control the way they are. I truly do not wish to risk another crazy element in the equation."  
  
"But the poor elf!"  
  
"Oh now he is the poor elf, is he?"  
  
"He ALWAYS was the poor elf. I mean, he is with YOU, Irulan!" Irulan became silent. She looked into the distance. "Tell him or I will."  
  
Irulan's head snapped around and she almost lost her footing. "Eowyn, this is no joke. Stop intervening, woman!"  
  
"Irulan, I mean if you are going to refuse Eomer, you better be decent enough to make the best of it."  
  
"Eowyn, I am DEAD serious," said Irulan and for the first time, she truly felt fear. "Everything is too damn complicated as it is! I will tell him when I feel ready!"  
  
"You will never feel ready," the blonde woman said, giving her a serious look now. "You are a coward. You will keep running Irulan. Like you ran until you ran into someone who was fast and tough enough to catch you."  
  
Irulan looked back at her with disbelief in her widened eyes. Eowyn just kept on going: "If Legolas had not chased you, dragged you and cornered you, you would have never come this far and we both know it. I bet he had to corner you even before he asked you if you would be with him. The point is....you will never tell. As a matter of fact, you are probably hoping that you will die before this whole thing gets further."  
  
Irulan was truly baffled, mad, surprised, angry, ashamed, disturbed and afraid. This woman had no shame! So what if she was right - it still did not give her the right to put her nose into other people's affairs like this! Irulan needed time, damn it!  
  
"So Irulan...you might encounter a dragon and feel no fear..and yet, you are afraid of sharing your feelings with the one man who would never use them against you."  
  
A very long silence followed. Irulan swallowed softly. Then she swallowed again. "Eowyn, don't you dare say a single word."  
  
"I won't," the blonde woman said with a cool voice, "If you will, that is."  
  
Irulan was boiling with anger now and she immediately turned to give her a fair answer, but Eowyn had her hand up already. "You have the rest of today."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"You heard me," said Eowyn with the coolest voice. "Tomorrow we will arrive at Helm's Deep. I am wise enough to know that the arena of battle is not proper for such a revelation."  
  
Irulan could not help it any longer. She actually turned around and grabbed Eowyn at the neckline of her dress. The other woman tried to break Irulan's grasp but found no way to do so and instead tangled her feet with hers and kicked her enough to make her lose balance. Irulan felt her feet give away (immensely embarrassing for her training..but then..she had never been so angry when she was going through training. 'Note to self: anger makes you lose concentration!' she thought). She did lose balance and at least did herself the favor of dragging Eowyn with her. Once more, the ladies rolled around on the floor but Irulan jumped up first, and this time, determined to win, she went over and buried her elbow into the stomach of a newly rising Eowyn. Eowyn's face fell immediately but due to some miracle, she managed to grab Irulan's elbow and twist it hard, which caused a pain to flow up her arm, and Irulan reach out with the other one and hit Eowyn on her back, and hit hard!  
  
And just when Irulan was about to give her a good kick and send her flying back, a set of arms grabbed her from behind and secured her like an iron grip. She tried to kick herself free, but the grip was too strong. Naturally it could only be Legolas. Aragorn was already by Eowyn's side, trying to pick the battered woman up.  
  
"Let me go!" Irulan screamed and attempted to attack Eowyn once more.  
  
"Irulan have you gone mad?" shouted Legolas with astonishment.  
  
Eowyn finally managed to rise with the help of a very disturbed ranger, and before any of them could do anything, she dashed ahead and punched Irulan in the stomach (thanks to Legolas, actually, who had been holding her arms back, not suspecting anything of that sort). Both Legolas and Aragorn's eyes widened with disbelief and Irulan felt the sharp pain traveling up to her lungs, claiming the air in them. In return, she kicked Eowyn and did what she meant to do in the first place - send her flying back. Both men broke through the trance and Aragorn once more tried to help Eowyn up, but this time was wise enough to hold her arm in case she had any funny ideas. And good thing too, for Eowyn tried to dash ahead again. Legolas swiftly turned Irulan around and placed himself in her path, to keep Irulan from another punch (not to mention Lady Eowyn from another kick). But fortunately Eowyn did not make it that far - Aragorn snatched her back instantly.  
  
"What has gotten into you two?!" yelled Aragorn, trying hard to keep a hold on Eowyn.  
  
"Oh now I will tell for sure!" yelped Eowyn to Irulan, completely ignoring the ranger.  
  
"You witch! You say a single word, I'll kick you from here to Helm's Deep!" shouted Irulan back. The convoy of people who were by now pretty much used to the strange company, just ignored them and kept on walking.  
  
"I don't care! It's worth it!" she teased like a little girl.  
  
"Shut up Eowyn!" said Irulan and actually managed to free an arm but Legolas swiftly snatched it back.  
  
"Cut it out, the both of you, or I will truly intervene!" said Aragorn and suddenly he was not the grinning, joking, friendly Aragorn any longer. Both women stopped their thrashing at the sound of his voice but kept on glaring at each other menacingly.  
  
"Coward!" hissed Eowyn.  
  
"Witch!"  
  
Once more the women struggled to break the grip of the men, but of course fighting off an elf and a ranger was simply beyond them.  
  
"As improper as this sight may be," boomed a foreign voice beside them, "I still welcome it."  
  
Irulan and Eowyn froze instantly and looked up to a horse that had suddenly appeared by them. Then their eyes went up to meet the rider.  
  
"For it shows that nothing has changed at all," said Eomer with amusement and took his helm off. 


	12. I Stand Firm

Behold, the latest chapter! People, try to scan through my introductions, here. I said that I feel no need to stay too true to the story, and added Eomer in. I know he is supposed to show up later in the movie. But in the book he was there. So this has become something more like a mixture of both.  
  
The battle of Helm's Deep is getting very close now. And yes, Haldir will be there. And yes, Irulan will be in trouble. As to the rest...we'll see. Oh, by the way, be prepared for perhaps an upcoming chapter with a bit more passion than the ones before. I don't think I will change the rating to R or anything, and don't worry, I'm not going to write material at the risk of messing up the careful balance of the story here...but I mean, we are talking about adults here. Besides, that's the way I want it, damn it. Let's see some sparks here some time soon!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Eomer was there. Normally Legolas should let go of her right then. But if anything, he actually seemed to hold on stronger. Irulan turned around and gave him a look and he slowly -and very unwillingly- let go of her arms. Aragorn had stepped aside from Eowyn a long time ago.  
  
Eomer dismounted his horse and stepped up to them and was instantly greeted by Eowyn jumping up to embrace him. He slightly staggered back and laughed a deep, beautiful laugh as he embraced her back.  
  
"I knew you would make it!" laughed Eowyn and despite everything, so did Irulan and Aragorn. Even Legolas smiled. Irulan suddenly felt a heaviness lift from her. For a long time now the thought of facing the army of Saruman without any help was gnawing at her. Eomer meant Rohirrim, and Rohirrim meant the hope for survival. She looked behind him to see Gandalf, but he was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Where is Gandalf?" she said with excitement, unconsciously rubbing her abdomen.  
  
"He is not with us," replied Eomer and Eowyn stepped aside. "I met him with my party of men a day ago. He told us about Helm's Deep and we came as fast as possible." He turned to caress his sister's cheek and smile at her for a moment. They had both feared for each other when Eomer was cast away by orders of Grima. And knowing Eomer, Irulan could guess that the thought of Eowyn alone with that evil creature in Edoras had probably cost him a lot of sleepless nights.  
  
"We were expecting more men," said Aragorn finally. Indeed, the riders seemed only to be a few hundred. That was far from enough. Once more a darkness threatened to sink on her heart, but Irulan shook it off. 'Have faith!' she told herself stubbornly.  
  
"When Gandalf reached us, I had already distributed my men. We had to divide in order to face the orcish attacks that are coming from many fronts now. Gandalf and a band of scouts will be gathering and bringing in the rest." He stopped to sigh with despair, looking away for a moment. Then he looked at Aragorn again. "I can only hope that it will be soon. I have received word that Saruman is gathering a very strong army. Stronger than we thought it would be. He will come for Helm's Deep."  
  
A silence set in on them and Irulan swallowed softly. Legolas looked down at her and held her hand. She squeezed his softly. 'Have faith, Irulan,' she told herself.  
  
"Well......at least you are here now," said Aragorn with a lighter voice. Eomer smiled and nodded curtly, then turned to his men and shouted for dispatch. Right at that moment King Theoden came riding towards them and Eomer, baffled at his sight, left to greet his uncle.  
  
Irulan returned with Aragorn and Legolas to Gimli's side to share the news. The convoy had halted briefly because of the arrival of Eomer's party and everyone seemed to be overjoyed by that. They sat for a long while feeling both glad and disturbed at this new news. Glad that Eomer had joined them with his couple of hundred men. Disturbed because, although it was an improvement, it was a very slight change in their situation, since it still was no guarantee that the rest would arrive in time.  
  
"What are we doing here anyway?" Irulan said suddenly. All three men looked up at her. "I mean," she began, "we were on a completely different quest. We should be with Frodo and Sam."  
  
A short silence set in. Finally Gimli said "To tell the truth, I think those two hobbits have a higher chance at making it to Mordor alone. This company has not been too helpful for them."  
  
Irulan was baffled. "That's not true!" she objected. "They would have never made it that far without us. And now they are out there..alone...I mean..we are talking about two hobbits who had never left the Shire before and MORDOR here!" Another silence. "We came for Merry and Pippin. But they are safe now. Should we not return to the other part of the Fellowship?"  
  
"We'll never find them in Emyn Muil!" said Gimli.  
  
"We can try," said Irulan. "I can still guide you."  
  
"You are willing to leave the Rohirrim and your own friends to their fates?" said Gimli with disbelief.  
  
Irulan sighed and massaged her face. "Of course not." She looked away and scanned the tired and weak people around them. "But how much difference will the four of us make in this war, anyway?"  
  
"Whatever difference it will make, will be a difference worth staying for," said Aragorn with a determined voice.  
  
Irulan shook her head softly. "Aragorn..you of all of us should not be here. You are destined to become something far more important than any of us. You should not risk your life for such a war."  
  
Aragorn looked back at her both angry and baffled. "Are you mad?" he said finally and it came out a little too loud.  
  
Irulan swallowed softly and looked away. "I can not trust myself with that Ring and Frodo, Aragorn, but I can trust you. You at least could go after them. You are a ranger, I know you could find them. And knowing you are with them, would make me feel much more confident about what the hell I am doing here," she said softly. "For it would mean that there is still hope."  
  
Aragorn jumped on his feet and glared her a long time. She knew he meant to say something, but that a part of him refused to break her heart. She stood up and walked over to him. Gimli and Legolas were watching them silently. "Aragorn," she said again, slowly, "forgive me." She took his hands into hers and he looked away in anger, grinding his teeth. "I did not mean to tell you what your path is. I just..have this dark feeling in me....that we can not win this war," she whispered. He turned to look at her then and his eyes were fire itself. "Why waste a life like yours here?"  
  
He sighed with desperation and finally took her hand and led her to her former place. He pulled her down to sit back and not letting go of her hands, knelt before her. Irulan was once more overwhelmed by him. Aragorn was such an amazing man. He was so gentle and yet so strong. He was reserved but then suddenly as close a friend as one could only make in years. "Listen to me, Irulan," he said softly and hesitated a moment. "I do not know if my destiny will lead me to a throne some day. I do not know if my line of ancestry and all the forebodings will be fulfilled. Yet I know one thing - I know that I can not be a true king if I run; even though it means running for a greater cause." Irulan opened her mouth but he cut her off softly: "You are young, Irulan. And you have led a very different life from mine. And we have shared a lot in these past weeks. Yet, when the time of parting comes and you look back one day and think of me, you may forget everything else, but I wish you to remember one thing and one thing alone - that I told you to follow your heart. It is the only true lesson I have learned in life and one I will heed for the rest of my years. My heart is here with these people and my friends." He turned to look at Legolas who smiled and placed his right fist on his heart; then he turned around to Gimli, who smiled and nodded softly.  
  
Irulan sighed softly. "Then you will lead, and I shall follow," she said with a low voice. Aragorn smiled and kissed her hand softly, then got up and returned to sit across her once more. Irulan knew right there and then that we would indeed become the king of kings one day. Suddenly it was not a foreboding anymore. She knew it with the certainty she knew that he was there at that moment, sitting across her. She looked into the distant hills. "I have seen the king of kings," she thought and smiled softly. "I have traveled with him for weeks. I have argued with him, shared with him, fought with him. I have known the strangest and at the same time most adorable elf in Middle Earth. I have fallen in love with him. I have befriended the most unusual and loveable dwarf of his times." She thought about the times she had felt frustrated with her dull life as a princess. "I thought I would go on a big adventure and be happy. I thought I desired excitement and danger. I thought I lacked the thrill of life. Now I know that I lacked friendship. No matter where I go and what I do now, it will never hold the same pleasure without the ones dear to my heart."  
  
Suddenly Gimli cleared his throat and broke her trance. "Well Aragorn!" he boomed, "I think you have added another title to your innumerable ones, you most adorable and astonishing man of all times!"  
  
Irulan moaned and shook her head as both Aragorn and Legolas began to laugh softly. "You men are cruel!" she said with frustration and leaned down to rip off some grass.  
  
"I mean, you must stop being this perfect, Aragorn!" boomed Gimli again. "Me and Legolas can barely keep up with you! You keep stealing all the nice compliments here!"  
  
"Ah be quiet!" yelped Irulan, but she could not help laughing along with them.  
  
"No way! I still have to do better than Legolas! I mean....'most precious gift', Gimli! Both you and me are yet far behind that," said Aragorn.  
  
Gimli cast a look at Legolas, who was beaming with pleasure. "True! Aragorn, we need to fix that! I can not stand that elf bloating much longer!"  
  
"Very funny indeed!" said Irulan bitterly, but she had to laugh anyway.  
  
"Irulan," sounded Eomer's voice suddenly in the camp. He approached her to sit by her side, "how have you been? Gandalf told me you were injured." The men stopped laughing immediately and went on with their business, pretending not to be aware of the conversation. Which of course meant that they were all ears.  
  
"Oh......." said Irulan with surprise, "oh no, I'm fine now." Eomer smiled warmly at her. 'He asked Gandalf about me? I doubt the old Wizard would throw something like that in between a conversation,' she thought with amazement. "Good to know someone cares. Your sister sure does not!" she added bitterly and once more touched her belly. Eomer chuckled at that and just kept looking at her with those fascinating hazel-green eyes of his.  
  
"You kicked me, Irulan! In the belly!" Eowyn said suddenly and broke the silence. She came and joined the circle. And of course, she sat next to Aragorn! Suddenly Irulan realized that Eomer was sitting between her and Legolas and that idea seemed very disturbing to her. Legolas had removed his bow and was cleaning it, not looking at the company. She caught Eowyn grinning at her and fought hard not to roll her eyes.  
  
"I am glad we met again," Eomer said, "we have a lot of catching up to do, Irulan." He smiled the most beautiful smile and slowly stood up to leave. She took a deep breath and glanced at Legolas, but he did not look up from his occupation. Which meant he was trying hard to look unaffected. She sighed softly and looked at Eowyn, who was looking back at her.  
  
"Are you ready for round two, you witch?" she growled and all three men snapped around to look at her.  
  
"I sure am, you coward," the other one hissed back. Aragon and Legolas jumped to their feet.  
  
"Oh no you won't!" said Aragorn.  
  
Irulan and Eowyn's eyes locked, both women slowly stood up. Then at the same instant, they began to laugh with booming laughter. The men literally flinched and Legolas had already taken a step towards Irulan when he realized that they were only laughing. 'Only laughing?' He looked at Aragorn in confusion and the other man looked back at him with a mirror expression.  
  
"Grow up Aragorn," said Irulan and waved her hand as she walked over to Eowyn. The blonde woman offered her arm and she took it. The party of men watched them walking away with agape mouths.  
  
"I.." began Legolas but he was cut off by both dwarf and man at the same instant: "....do not understand."  
  
***  
  
"Don't worry, Irulan, I won't tell," said Eowyn before the other one could even speak up. Irulan sighed in relief. "Are you mad? Things are beginning to get interesting now! I'd never tell!"  
  
Irulan almost grabbed the other woman by her dress again. "That's not funny, Eowyn," she said, unconsciously massaging her belly.  
  
"I'm sorry I hit you there," said Eowyn suddenly. "I really was not thinking. Does it hurt too much?"  
  
"No........I'm alright. I'm sorry I kicked you, too."  
  
Eowyn grinned. I know you did not kick me for real. It would have truly broken a few bones if you did."  
  
Irulan sighed. "What will I do?" she said in frustration. "I am running out of options, Eowyn. And I mean, fast."  
  
"If you were smart, Irulan, you would just go ahead and tell him. That would solve everything. But you are too much of a coward to do that." Irulan shot her a bleak look. "You are, Irulan. Prove me wrong and I'll shut up. Forever." Irulan gave her this time a look of disbelief. "Well alright.....maybe not forever......but for a LONG time anyway."  
  
"How do you say something like that anyway?"  
  
"Well......how did he tell you?"  
  
Irulan went on to retell their conversation to Eowyn, whose eyes widened with disbelief and shock as she went on and on. When she finally came to the 'wind and grass' part, Eowyn actually stopped and stared at her, agape. "That's how he told me," Irulan said finally, looking in the distance and remembering those moments once more. She sighed deeply. 'I am truly blessed,' she thought. 'How many people in Middle Earth are lucky enough to ever hear that?' She thought about her years as a princess and the dull lords and princes. All empty shells, all feeling only one thing - the greed for power. She thought about Hasmir and all the other husbands of the Darma Druids........kind, good, but utterly shallow. She thought about the soldiers of Gondor she had fought along. All engulfed in the rage and desperation of war. Legolas was so different from any other man in her life. Suddenly she realized that Eowyn was still looking at her with pure astonishment. "Well.....say something!" said Irulan finally.  
  
Eowyn raised her eyebrows and closing her mouth, shook her head gently. "I have changed my mind. I shall do anything in my power to snatch him from you!" she said in amazement.  
  
Irulan laughed softly. "That was a fast transformation!"  
  
Eowyn grinned back at her. "That was the most amazing thing I have ever heard! I mean......amazing.......that's all I can come up with right now."  
  
"Eowyn how will I tell him, woman?!"  
  
"Oh.......well.....I think you should do it the same way."  
  
Irulan looked at her stunned. "The same way? Are you crazy.......That is completely beyond me!"  
  
Eowyn laughed and waved her hand. "After I heard his part, I can tell you right now that you will make a complete fool of yourself. But......I think it is the only way to make him understand. It's the way he is thinking, Irulan. You have to revert to his way of thinking."  
  
"I am doomed!" murmured Irulan.  
  
***  
  
"I can not let you fight!" Eomer said with disbelief.  
  
"Eomer, I mean.........did I ASK you?"  
  
Eomer pushed his chin up slightly. "Irulan......I have no doubt you have perfected your abilities. You were lethal even when I last saw you. But I can NOT let you fight!"  
  
"What makes you think that I will listen to you? You are not my father. You are not my commander. And you most certainly are not my........" she stopped instantly, knowing that saying the word 'husband' would be most improper. True, she used to make that kind of jokes to him all the time before........but he seemed different now. And after what Eowyn had told her about his feelings for her, it seemed..........VERY improper.  
  
"I'm not what?" Eomer said with an amused smile creeping up his lips.  
  
'When did he become this damn handsome?!' Irulan thought with desperation. "The point is; I will fight. A wise commander would know that you need me in this. You need every extra man. I can certainly do much better than the fourteen year old kids that will probably take a part in this. Grow up, Eomer!"  
  
"Irulan is as good as any of us. As a matter of fact, she is even better," Aragorn said from behind them. Irulan bit her lip to keep from grinning. That was the second visit from Aragorn ever since she and Eomer had begun talking. If they were taking turns, Gimli would be next.  
  
"I do not doubt that," said Eomer, turning slightly to him. The fire was playing on his handsome features. Aragorn walked up to his bag and removed his pipe and his leaves for stuffing. Irulan mercilessly suppressed the need for a giggle. The three men had been encircling the fire like wolves for hours now. They had somehow come to believe that Irulan was THEIRS (Irulan firmly believed that men had a possessive streak and she was pretty sure that this was their line of thinking) and that Eomer was -for some yet unknown reason- a threat. Eomer stared at him for so long, Aragorn had to give in and pursing his lips, cast a last glance at Irulan, then left.  
  
Eomer turned back to her and sighed. Irulan grinned slowly. "Your friends have taken quite a liking to you," he said finally, with a tinge of anger. He looked around if their conversation was yet to be broken again, but no one was in sight. "In a way, I understand of course," he said softly and again, that look in his eyes!  
  
Irulan shrugged lightly and cleared her throat. "I am bound to them. They are bound to me. We have become very close," she said matter-of-factly.  
  
Eomer nodded softly and throwing a last glance over his shoulder, he moved to sit closer to her. Irulan tensed when their bodies touched and when he threw an arm around her back. 'Stop it! It's only normal! You slept with him and Eowyn in the same bed countless times!' she scolded herself. And yet........that seemed like a very different Eomer.  
  
"Too close, perhaps," he said softly and looked at her.  
  
Irulan swallowed softly and tried to pretend hard that she was unaffected. She knew though that she was doing a bad job. "Wh-what do you mean?" she managed finally.  
  
"Irulan," Eomer said and looked away for a moment, "we have always been.......friends......have we not?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"And we have shared long years," he said, stressing the 'years' part. Irulan nodded softly.  
  
"And you know I would never do or say anything to hurt you, my little thorn?" he said softly and Irulan almost jumped up at that. She remained frozen for an instant, then hastily nodded.  
  
"Then you must trust me now when I seek only to protect you once more," he said softly and cupped chin her gently to make her look at him. Irulan pursed her lips and tried to make her heart beat slower. Eomer waited another moment, then removed his hand. "I can see why you are taken with him," he said with a very careful tone. "But......he is not meant for you," he said finally and softly caressed her cheek.  
  
Irulan could not help it any longer. She jumped to her feet and walked away a little before she turned back to him. Eomer of course knew that she was nowhere that easy to be persuaded and he had expected her reaction. He took a deep breath and crossing his arms on his chest, remained seated, looking at her. "Eomer, I know you wish to protect me. And yes, I always trusted you and loved you. But.......I am not a little helpless princess any longer."  
  
"You never were, Irulan. My wish to protect you does not mean you are helpless. But often we have a better view at things when we are not sentimentally involved with them."  
  
Irulan smiled at him. 'Behold, a smart man,' she thought. Eomer always knew what to say and how to say it. "Eomer, you will have to trust me with this decision. I know you feel mistrust to him........because he is an Eldar. But if you could see beyond that, you would know that he is a perfect man."  
  
"Only I can not, Irulan. He may be perfect, but he certainly is not a man."  
  
"You know what I mean," she said and waved the argument away. "And spare me the part about elves and humans. I have listened to that from Eowyn far too many times already."  
  
"You may have heard it, and yet obviously you have not been listening, Irulan."  
  
Irulan shook her head. "I stand firm on this," she said finally.  
  
"As do I," said suddenly the voice of Legolas behind her. She could not help to jump at that. Eomer slowly rose to his feet. He looked unbelievable threatening at the moment, as he was gazing over her shoulder to the approaching form of Legolas. The elf slowly walked up to them, leaving the darkness behind him, and stood behind Irulan, gently encircling his arm around her waist. Irulan almost laughed out loud. 'Men DO have a problem with possession!' she thought and then decided that it was not that funny after all. At least at not this moment. She softly swallowed and looked back at Eomer who was glancing at them with open disapproval.  
  
"Does your kind always pry on private conversations?" he said finally with a dangerous voice.  
  
Irulan felt Legolas stiffen behind her, but he remained silent for a moment. "This is no private matter to me. And I have come to believe that many things that I find improper are deemed to be very much proper in the world of Man."  
  
Eomer glanced at his arm around her and took a step towards them. Irulan would love to see Legolas' expression, but of course that would mean little. He remained still, though. "If you treasure her, you will let her go, elf."  
  
"She is free to go any moment she wishes. I do not entrap women. Nor do I tell them what to do." He could have added "like you" but he really did not need to. The message was clear enough. Irulan gulped. Legolas was clearly not in the mood of giving in tonight.  
  
"She is not meant for you," hissed Eomer, "stick to your own kind."  
  
Irulan opened her mouth to put an end to this right then. Only Legolas embraced her a trifle harder and intervened with her attempt. "You must think truly highly of yourself, Master Eomer, if you mean to say that you know who is meant for whom."  
  
"I thought Eldar were smarter," Eomer said and took another step. He stood very close now. Irulan felt like some toy between two very stubborn boys. "She is young and naive. You are many times her age, yet I see you no wiser."  
  
Legolas smiled softly. "I think we are all fools in the face of love, would you not agree?" he said with a hint that was hard to miss.  
  
Eomer remained rooted. He looked at Irulan, then back at Legolas, then back at her. Irulan finally stepped away from Legolas and stood between them. "Enough you two! I can only take so much foolishness!" She looked from one to the other and the two men kept glaring at each other.  
  
"Irulan," said Eomer and turned to her. His voice softened instantly, as did his eyes, "you have known me for years, but him only a few months. Please, listen to me." Irulan felt sorry for him. She really did and the last thing she wanted to do was to hurt Eomer in any fashion. He was beyond precious as a person. And it was obvious that he had feelings for her. She never wanted to be a means for his pain.  
  
"I thought your kind wiser than to judge these things by time," said Legolas from behind her. "The concept of time truly holds no sway when an Eldar is in question."  
  
Eomer glanced up at him again and for an instant Irulan thought he would dash ahead or do some other foolish thing. She swiftly held on to his arm and threw Legolas an angry look. But the elf did not see her. His eyes were locked with the eyes of the other man. Eomer suddenly realized her touch and looked down at her. "Eomer......please," she said softly. He swallowed and casting a little glance at Legolas, turned back to her. He put his hand on hers and looked into the fire. "I know you are doing it with the best of intentions," she said softly and touched his cheek. Eomer instantly looked up at her touch. Irulan smiled. 'Precious little Eomer,' she thought, 'I hope you will find someone worthy of you.' "But please do not continue, for you will only hurt me," she finished. He clenched his jaws and looked towards the ground.  
  
Irulan glanced at Legolas who was watching them with an expressionless face, but two burning eyes. He slowly extended his hand to her, but remained still other than that. She turned back to Eomer who had been watching Legolas as well and likewise turned back now to look at her. A tense moment prevailed and to Irulan, it felt as if it went on forever. Finally she smiled at Eomer and kissing him gently on his cheek, slowly backed away from him, not looking away until her hand found Legolas' hand and he softly enclosed it in his long fingers. Eomer looked at her in pain for a moment, then slowly stood upright again and locked eyes with Legolas once more. The pain in his face melted away and his features became almost as blank as those of an elf. It was obvious that this issue was far from over. Irulan knew Eomer too well to fool herself into believing anything else. He was not captain of his armies for nothing. He had chased Eowyn and herself around for years; it would be naïve to think that he would give up on her this easily. Legolas softly drew her closer to him, and glancing one final time at Eomer, left the circle, pulling Irulan behind him.  
  
Eomer remained behind, not knowing which fire was more searing - the one he was staring at, or the one burning in his heart. 


	13. I Wish To Be Burned

"Why are you looking at me like that?"  
  
"How am I looking?" said Legolas. He was lying on his side, very close and facing her.  
  
"Like.......I don't know....like THAT," she said. "You know what I mean, Legolas."  
  
He sighed softly and continued playing with her fingers. "Do you have feelings for him, Irulan?" he said finally.  
  
Irulan's eyes widened. "What?" Legolas kept looking at her with an expressionless face for a long moment. Finally she continued: "Legolas, you really need to stop this. I thought we were done with this issue."  
  
He kept playing with her hand for another minute. "You have not answered my question," he said.  
  
Irulan rolled her eyes. "No. I mean yes, I love Eomer. He has always been a good friend and protector. But other than that, I have no feelings for him."  
  
He looked into her eyes and kept doing so, until Irulan felt like she had enough. These men were truly beginning to get on her nerves. True, she could end all that by telling the truth about her feelings.......but she needed time, damn it! "You just mean to torture me," she said and snatching her hand back, rolled her back to him.  
  
Legolas swallowed softly. 'Not again!' he thought with a panic rising in his chest. He gently threw his arm around her waist, but Irulan gave no indication that she felt it. "Irulan," he said gently, but she refused to answer. Legolas felt the fear in him growing. 'She dare not shut me out!' he thought, but it truly sounded desperate. Irulan would dare anything, of course. But then, he had deserved this reaction. She had stood up to him, had she not? As a matter of fact, he had been so surprised by that, he had lost often concentration during his 'talk' with Eomer. Irulan had stood by his side. She had refused Eomer....for HIM. Legolas hastily cursed himself for being selfish now.  
  
"Why do you doubt me so?" she said suddenly.  
  
Legolas was baffled. "Doubt you? I do not doubt you," he said. He wished he could see her face.  
  
"Yes you do, Legolas. Not in the matters concerning yourself - I know you have always been open and honest to me about your own feelings. But you doubt me when it comes to others."  
  
"I would never think like that about you," he said, astonished that she would believe him to be like that.  
  
"No, I don't mean to say..........you don't think I would play you. But being a mortal I guess, you think I will run off eventually. As a matter of fact, you said that yourself, did you not?"  
  
Legolas was silent for a moment. He had offended her, even though he had never meant to. "I have made observations, yes. And yet, I have enough sense to know that my observations are not a rule for every mortal."  
  
"Then why?"  
  
Legolas gently pulled her towards him until her body fitted perfectly into his. He encircled her waist again and softly kissed her nape. "Irulan," he said softly, "I fear to make a mistake with you. You are wrong - I do not doubt you, I doubt myself." He was quite for a moment, but then continued: "I wish you to be happy. This wish is beyond any other for me. Even if it means that your happiness will not include me." He pulled her closer by the waist and held a tight embrace. Irulan could feel his warm breath on her nape and his body behind her, like a protective cloak. "I will not blame you if you chose another. Nor will I........stand in your way," he said and then swallowed softly, for his voice failed him. He had no idea how to do that when the time called for it, and yet he had promised himself that he would not risk Irulan's happiness for his own selfish reasons.  
  
Irulan sighed and surprised him by sitting up. He sat up behind her and embraced her waist. "What is it?" he said softly, placing another kiss on her nape. Irulan did not answer but massaged her face softly. Once more he wished he could see her expression. She finally broke the embrace and stood up. Legolas jumped up to his feet and tried to establish eye contact. "Are you angry with me?" he said cautiously.  
  
"No," said Irulan and gently shook her head. "I just.......I......" she broke off and looked into the distance. "I need to walk a little," she said finally. Legolas looked down at her with a confused look. Then he looked around him. It was very dark, but the darkness was broken by campfires and the light of the full moon above them and his elven eyes could see clearly in this light. Yet, it was very late at night and everybody, except the watchers, seemed to be asleep.  
  
"Now?" he said softly, not knowing what else to say. It was perfectly normal, but.......why did she break apart from him like that? Irulan nodded. "Can I come?" he said and expected an angry glance, but to his surprise Irulan smiled and said, "Yes, of course. Join me." His heart made a leap at this pleasant offer. Irulan turned around and walked away, and he followed her.  
  
They walked for a long time under the moonlit rocky hills, climbing up and down. The world was washed in black and blue and seemed like a completely different place from the terrain they had been walking on for days now. 'I certainly will not miss Rohan for some time,' she thought ruefully. 'First the endless running....and now this constant walking! This country is cursed!' She sighed softly and continued, following Legolas. It was not as dark as many other nights. And yet, Irulan saw no reason to take a foolish step and hurt herself while she had a perfect guide with her. So Legolas led silently, and she followed.  
  
"You have something on your mind?" Legolas said finally. It was not a real question, for it was too obvious, but it was the safe way to approach the subject, he thought.  
  
"Yes, I do," sighed Irulan.  
  
A moment of silence set in. "Does it concern the Druids?" he said finally. "Or your dreams perhaps?"  
  
"No......no, it does not," she said. Another silence set in. 'Alright, how do I say this? I should have read those romance novels more carefully, damn it!' she thought.  
  
'Just say the words, Irulan,' said her alter ego. No, she definitely could not. Those three words were impossible to say. She had tried practicing before, but without success. 'You don't have too many options here,' said the voice in amusement. She sighed again. 'Don't worry, I am prepared for this,' she shot back, knowing that it was a lie. True, she had tried to think of some things, but they sounded incredibly stupid even in human standards. An elf would probably be terrified by them.  
  
"Legolas," she said suddenly, and swallowed softly, "do you remember how you told me about the........the wind and the grass?"  
  
Legolas looked back at her, smiling for an instant and then resumed his walk again. "I certainly do."  
  
"Well........I was......thinking about that," she stammered. 'Do not stammer, you fool!' she thought to herself. Legolas did not answer. He was obviously waiting for her to continue. Only Irulan was hoping that he would say something and thereby steer the conversation. She really had no idea how to continue with this. A moment of silence passed and she almost slipped on a piece of rock. "I was......I was thinking that maybe you were wrong."  
  
Legolas halted and looked back at her with raised eyebrows. He did not say anything, though. She stopped too, looking over the hills. "I mean......not wrong. I mean......confused, sort of."  
  
"Confused?" said Legolas, and his voice said very obviously that he did not understand at all.  
  
Irulan sighed with desperation. "Maybe you are the wind and I am the grass," she said finally. Her alter ego actually laughed and if it had a solid form, Irulan would most certainly beat it to death right now. She glanced up at Legolas and he was looking at her with an unreadable look.  
  
"Pray explain," he said finally.  
  
Irulan stepped around him and resumed her walk, knowing that he would follow. "What do I mean?!" she said in desperation. "That's what I mean!" He was supposed to understand, damn it! He was the elf! He should read the metaphors.  
  
"Do you mean to say that I am bending you against your wish, Irulan?" he said suddenly and she missed another step. Legolas caught her before she could fall, but she slapped his hand away once she stood again.  
  
"NO! What kind of interpretation is that?"  
  
Legolas blinked in surprise and remained still. She cast him another angry look and continued to walk. He followed behind. A long silence stretched. "I mean.......you know......you blow like that wind......and it blows right at my heart." She had to stop stammering! 'There! It can not be clearer than that!' she thought with satisfaction.  
  
"Your heart?" said Legolas with a frown on his face.  
  
"Yes."  
  
A long silence followed. "Irulan......do you possibly mean.......I talk or act without thinking and harsh......like I did back at the camp...and wound your heart?"  
  
Irulan moaned and turned around. "Legolas! What is wrong with you?" she said with frustration.  
  
He looked at her with painful confusion. "Forgive me Irulan, I do not understand."  
  
"You sure do not!" she said and began walking again. 'Stupid elf!' she thought, 'how much more obvious can I be?!' "Alright," she said a moment later and softened her voice, "bad example. Maybe I should put it in another way." She thought about it for a minute, then continued: "I think we are very much similar to Aragorn and Arwen. More than you probably think we are." She turned to ask what he thought of that, but suddenly Legolas was not right behind her. Confused, she turned around and found him looking at her, his head slightly cocked, from a few steps away. She walked back to him. 'Finally he understands!' she thought.  
  
"Irulan," he said in a hoarse voice, "do you......." he halted. Then he swallowed and forced himself to continue: "do you mean......to part from me?"  
  
Irulan groaned and covered her face with her hands. "Legolas, I will kill you," she mumbled from behind her hands.  
  
"I might actually desire that at the moment," he whispered deftly to himself, looking away, not knowing what to do.  
  
"You stupid elf!" she boomed suddenly. "What is the difference between me and you and Aragorn and Arwen?"  
  
Legolas swallowed and tried to think. Though he felt completely incapable of that at the moment. Irulan would leave him. She did not want him. He tried to breathe again.  
  
Irulan felt desperate now. Her inner voice was shaking with laughter and she just wanted to cut her own head off in hope that it would finally shut up, too. "They are in love with each other!" she yelled finally. Legolas did not look in the state of answering anyway.  
  
He looked up at her with pain in his beautiful blue eyes. "But I AM in love with you, Irulan," he said softly.  
  
"And I am, with you, you stupid man!" she boomed. All those metaphors, for nothing! She had tortured herself to death thinking of those. For nothing!  
  
Legolas blinked. If he would not know better, he would think his ears were deceiving him. She had actually said......but......she meant to leave him......and yet.........  
  
Irulan sighed and began to walk back to the camp. It was a long distance and she had had enough walking with this mindless elf who could not even understand the most obvious metaphors! Legolas grabbed her arm as she passed by him, and turned her to him. "You......are in love with....me?" he whispered, his eyes boring into hers. She was so taken aback by that look, she could only nod. Legolas let go of her suddenly and took a step back.  
  
A moment passed. An hour passed. A century passed. Something very odd happened, for this time the whole world DID indeed explode in him. A sharp pain along with unbelievable pleasure surged through him suddenly and never in his entire life, had he felt something even similar to this. He swayed softly and slowly walked up to the base of a rocky hill, turned around to place his back to the stone wall, then he glided down and sat on the soft grass, lost in a world of his own. He felt his heart actually painfully being squeezed. Suddenly he could not breathe either. Irulan was in love with him. Another mind blowing surge of sensation passed through him and he almost groaned at his weakness in the face of such a force. A part of his mind was desperately trying to understand his state and he could feel the soft pulse of fear trying to reach his consciousness, but another part of him had given up understanding and just lay there, surrendering to anything that would come.  
  
Irulan had been watching him from the corner of her eye and now she stared at him openly with widened eyes. 'What is going on here?' she thought with utter confusion. She re-winded the whole conversation in her mind quickly and replayed it, but STILL he did not make sense. He began to tremble slightly and she could not take it any longer. She ran up to him and remained rooted in front of him, not knowing if she should touch him or not. What if he was going through........what if he was sick? 'No, elves do not get sick,' she thought. Yes........but what if it was an elven sickness of some sort? 'An elven sickness?!' she thought baffled. No, that made no sense. But then.........neither did this whole thing.  
  
She slowly leaned over and tried to establish eye contact while keeping a distance to give him a comfortable space. Legolas' eyes looked glazed for a moment and she began to fear for real when he blinked and he looked himself suddenly. "Are you alright?" she whispered with urgency. He nodded softly. "Well....." she said uneasily, "you don't look alright." He waved his hand as if to say he was fine, but could not find breath to reply. Irulan hesitated for a moment, then slowly approached him and finally sat close to him. "Legolas, what is happening?" she said with a tinge of fear now.  
  
He laughed softly and it came out like sobs. "Nothing," he said finally.  
  
"Stop it!" she said, this time louder. "Are you in pain?"  
  
Legolas smiled up to her and nodded softly. "I am," he said with difficulty.  
  
Her eyes widened. "Wh-What? Why?" and she scanned him hastily for wounds, but though he seemed to be trembling, she saw none. "Where is the wound, damn it!?"  
  
He took her hand and guided it to his heart. "Right here," he whispered.  
  
Irulan looked up at him with irritation. "That's not funny, Legolas. Tell me now, you foolish elf!"  
  
He laughed softly at that again and closed his eyes to swallow hard. He felt so dizzy. Maybe he was dying indeed. "Open your eyes!" said Irulan with anxiety and shook him softly. Legolas opened his eyes to look at her. She looked worried beyond reason, and it was funny that she should be so and yet, he could not explain to her now why that was. It was an effort he simply felt not up to. Irulan scooted closer and touched his face. "Legolas.......please......what is it?" she stammered and she sounded about to cry.  
  
"I don't know," he whispered finally. "Wait a little while."  
  
So Irulan waited and moments passed like centuries. She felt like biting her fingernails with anxiety and constantly glanced back towards the camp, wondering if she should run off screaming for Aragorn.  
  
A few minutes passed and Legolas began to feel better. He felt the world returning to him and the painful intensity receding slowly. A few more minutes, and alas, the pain in his heart faded away and his pulse returned to normal. He felt air surging through his lungs.  
  
"Legolas, can you walk? If you can not, I will run and get help; wait for me here!"  
  
He softly shook his head. "I am well, Irulan. It is behind me now."  
  
She looked him up and down suspiciously, then touched his forehead again. It was as cool as ever. His trembling was gone, though. She took a deep, ragged breath. "Legolas.......do you have any idea how much you scared me? I thought I was going to die myself, you foolish elf!"  
  
He sighed softly and looked at her. "I love you, Irulan," he said, and it seemed to be an answer to everything.  
  
"And I love you," she said with a tinge of anger. "But you almost killed me!"  
  
He smiled and took her hand to kiss it. "I love you."  
  
Irulan closed her eyes and shook her head slightly. 'Men!' she thought. She moved forward and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. "And I love you," she whispered.  
  
He trembled slightly again and she felt panic rise in her. But it passed swiftly this time. "Why did you not tell me?" he whispered.  
  
"I was........afraid," she said and it sounded absolutely stupid. She knew now that she could have spared him a lot of suffering if she had told him before.  
  
Legolas looked at her, amazed. "Why?"  
  
Irulan shrugged and looked away. "I guess I am just a distorted creature, that's why," she said finally.  
  
Legolas slowly sat up and reached out to touch her cheek. "I knew you were meant for me," he whispered and took a deep breath. "A part of me was so afraid you would go for another. But another part knew you were mine. I have found you again."  
  
Irulan smiled slowly. "Have we met before, Legolas?"  
  
"Though I have no proof of that, I know we have and I know we will yet again.......as I know that I love you now." He swallowed softly and blinked away his tears. This overload of emotions was astonishingly painful and yet........... relieving. The fire in him, although subsiding now, was still a warmth, pulsing like a second heart. He realized suddenly that there was no difference to feelings. When strong enough, their boundaries melted and all became one. And that one feeling was nothing that words could come even close to describe. He closed his eyes and let it be. It did not want description, then there should be none.  
  
Irulan felt like crying. Legolas was obviously going through something and one moment it seemed good, but the next moment she feared for him, for he looked in pain. And she could do nothing about it! Her accursed kind was unable to reach out and share his sensations - much less dampen them. She just sat there in utter confusion and feeling helpless.  
  
"Don't you dare leave me!" she said finally. She had often thought that she would die, leaving Legolas behind, but him dying before her! That was impossible! Suddenly Irulan understood what he must have been feeling for her and her mortality. 'What kind of person can endure such pain?' she thought.  
  
Legolas opened his eyes and shifted slightly to sit more upright and more comfortable. "Leave you?" he said in confusion.  
  
"I mean.......Legolas, are you feeling better or worse?"  
  
Legolas thought about that for a moment. The onslaught of feelings in him was subsiding. And that was both good and yet......not that good. A part of him felt the desire for its continuance. "I do not know," he said softly and tried to understand his inner turmoil.  
  
"That's it! You are scaring me!" she said in exasperation.  
  
"Irulan, don't be afraid. I am well. It will pass," he said gently.  
  
Irulan did not know what to do. She felt like crying. 'What is going on?!' she thought with desperation again and suddenly, once more understood what Legolas must be going through with her most of the time. She remembered the day she had the nightmare in Edoras and suddenly decided that she should follow his example. She leaned in and softly kissed him. He looked back at her pleasantly surprised. "You must forgive me," she said slowly.  
  
"For what?" whispered Legolas.  
  
"For everything!" she yelped, and then added softer: "Everything. I have been so horrible to you!"  
  
He slowly sat up completely and leaned back. A smile spread on his lips. "There is nothing to forgive Irulan," he said softly. "I feel better already."  
  
"And I will do anything you ask," she said hastily.  
  
His eyebrows shot up at that. "Anything?" he said with disbelief. Irulan nodded softly.  
  
"I trust you not to ask me anything.....drastic, of course," she said with a tinge of unease.  
  
"Of course," said Legolas with a grin. A moment passed between them. "Come here," he said softly. Irulan smiled and moved to sit closer. Legolas grinned like a little child. "It will certainly take some time to get used to this," he said with amusement. "Come closer," he whispered a moment later, and Irulan obeyed. He softly grabbed her hair by the roots and leaned in to kiss her slowly and intensely. Irulan kissed him back and he deepened the kiss until everything else dissolved around them and only the kiss remained. Legolas gently pushed the doors to her soul and Irulan gave away under his touch, letting him in. He pulled her even closer and Irulan wrapped her arms around his neck, her hands softly combing through his hair. He encircled her waist with his free arm and embraced her firmly, at the same time, tilting her towards his lap and she pulled him along, their kiss still deepening. Finally when they broke it, they were both dizzy, and yet yearning to be united again.  
  
"I think........." Irulan said, still a little out of breath, "you feel a lot better."  
  
"Indeed, I do," whispered Legolas, smiling. He pulled her to his lap, her arms still around his neck and shoulders and his, cradling her. He leaned in and placed gentle kisses along her neck, moving down to her throat and her collarbone. Irulan closed her eyes with the sensation pulsing inside her. Once more a flame spread through her, but this time, she decided to surrender. "Legolas," she whispered as he moved up to her neck again. He kissed the sensitive skin below her ear. Irulan gasped.  
  
"Yes?" he whispered, not halting for too long and continuing.  
  
"Are you......trying to seduce me?" she said with effort, because it was becoming ever harder to hold on to reason. "I suggest you stop", she stammered. Legolas chuckled lightly and once more found her lips and engaged in a searing kiss.  
  
"I can not," he said, when he broke it. The fire in his eyes was enough to burn her to ash. It spoke to a deep fire within herself, luring it out. She shifted slightly, unable to resist a soft sigh escaping from her lips. "Let me touch you," Legolas said softly and kissed her throat. Even if she wished to say no, Irulan completely lacked the will power to form the words. Besides, suddenly she had this funny idea that his touch might actually cool the flame that was burning her body.  
  
"Yes," she whispered barely, burying her face into his neck as he resumed his path across her neckline. She began to kiss his cheek and his neck and Legolas moaned softly. For some reason, that moan ignited a passion in her, that she had been completely unaware of before. Legolas kept her in his grip with his arm cradling her back and freeing the other one from the embrace, slowly moved it up from underneath her tunic. A gasp shook her when his cool fingers touched the soft flesh of her smaller back. He caressed it and felt her give in with every soft caress. She softly kissed the rim of his sensitive elven ears and Legolas could feel something in him threatening to snap at that. He moaned again and removed his hand to reach the neckline of her tunic from outside and swiftly pushed it aside to reveal her shoulder.  
  
Irulan thought she might surely lose control with the touch of his hand on her back, but the touch of his open mouth kisses on her shoulder just drove her out of her mind. She arched instinctively towards him and clung to the fabric of his tunic as if her sanity depended on it. A blast of fire erupted in her, taking over with every minute. "Legolas!" she whispered again, and had no idea what to do. It felt as if she was only hanging to sanity by a thread. His hand found its way to her back again, and he pulled her closer and up, to trace his path from her shoulder towards her chest. He found the base of her throat and kissed her softly on the little valley between her collarbones. Irulan leant back her head and arched towards him. 'I have to stop! Now!' she thought, but the weakness of that thought was obvious. She wanted Legolas to continue. Continue forever!  
  
"Irulan," he whispered when he managed to break free, "do you trust me?" Irulan tried to think of something to say, but her mind was completely blank. She nodded softly. A moment later she was lying on the floor with Legolas gently lying on her, kissing her throat and approaching her other shoulder. His hand moved from her back to her stomach and he gently pushed aside the tunic from her abdomen. The cool touch of air sent a slight shiver through her. But that was nothing compared with the sudden feeling of his warm lips against her belly.  
  
Irulan was so stunned, she almost sat up, but Legolas continued as if she had not moved at all and she could only sink back and softly grab his hair. He continued kissing her waist, up to the point the belt of her tunic allowed. His lips, his soft hair, his hands on her made Irulan completely snap. She would give herself to him, damn the consequences! He could have her. Right here, right now. As a matter of fact, he should take her, for this fire was becoming unbearable.  
  
"I can not endure this," she whispered, wriggling softly under his touch. Legolas moved up again and kissed her gently. "Neither can I," he said with a hoarse voice. "But.......I would not take you like this, Irulan," he said finally. He closed his eyes and swallowed. His body was spinning, spinning and evading him and he fought the iron temptation to give in to it. He placed his head on her chest, and lay down on her, trying not to crush her with his weight. "Not like this," he whispered again, still fighting the urge.  
  
Irulan felt like screaming for him to go on and take her, damn the rest, but she bit her lower lip and embraced him gently. She had never felt this way before. Even though her relationship with Hasmir had been far more intimate, this sort of fire was never involved in that. She felt him panting softly with his own effort and embraced him harder. Vessun was right......feelings WERE dangerous! A passion like that......could do anything!  
  
After a long time, Legolas gently glided off to lie on the soft grass and encircling her waist with his arm, pulled her with him to lie on her side as well, facing him. They looked at each other for a long time. Finally he pulled her by the waist until their bodies touched and softly kissed her on the lips and on the cheek. "I have never wanted anything as much as I want you," he whispered to her ear.  
  
"Neither have I", she said, kissing him back. "It was like.....a fire," she sighed.  
  
"Yes," he said softly and caressed her cheek. "You are a flame. I wish to be burned by you," he whispered.  
  
Irulan sighed and buried her face in his chest. "The circumstances are not kind to us, Legolas."  
  
"But we have come this far. We shall go further," he said slowly and stroked her hair.  
  
Irulan sighed. "Maybe I should run, then," she said with the ghost of a smile.  
  
"Then I shall chase you," he said kissing her again. "and claim you as mine." Then he grinned slightly. "Or.......I might simply ask you......since you will do anything for me now."  
  
Irulan gasped and hit him on the shoulder. "You dare not!"  
  
"Oh yes, I dare!"  
  
"Where is the gentleman elf I knew?"  
  
"I do not know. He has deserted me," he said and held her closer to him. 


	14. A Night To Be Remembered

My dear readers and reviewers! I am so glad you liked the previous chapter. And I am of course very glad that no one is complaining about how long the story is and how the element of romance or the intricate relationships is weighing it down. I am receiving such supportive and kind mails, saying that they enjoy the depth of the story and that they do not mind the length at all! Thank you! It took actually..let me see...about 50 chapters for Irulan to admit her love...and you DID bear with me through all of this!  
  
I meant to thank everyone personally, but my internet connection is doing funny things, so instead I will post this today right away and prepare my 'thank you's for the next one. Now that Eomer has joined the company, I have one more ball to juggle. And you can bet that he will be a difficult one to juggle. I know that Boromir admitted to love Irulan before he died in Parth Gallen. But I trust you to have seen that although he felt a connection with her and a closeness to her, it was probably not true love. Not like a love Legolas is feeling for her. And also not like a love Eomer is feeling for her. I think rethinking Irulan's history with these two men (Eomer and Boromir) might help as well. One is her childhood friend, the other her brother in arms. Both shared a certain degree of intimacy with her because of their status in her life, but they stand very much apart and different from each other in their feelings regarding her.  
  
Sigh..what I'm trying to say is, I truly do not want to make it look as if every male she meets falls head over heels for her. There are many forms of love -probably as many as there are people in the world- and none really is higher or less precious than the other. Some find her interesting, some yearn for a closeness and sharing with her, others admire and respect her and then some truly love her for the person that she is. These are all very intricate feelings, but they might all come across as love occasionally in the story. Irulan is an interesting person, after all. And you have to think about Middle Earth as Tolkien has written it - the female gender there is expected to be very different from what she has chosen to be. It is only normal that men feel drawn to her, but it would be a mistake to assume that all are truly IN love with her. I think about Haldir, Boromir, Eomer, Legolas, Endor, Chemarit, Gandalf, Gimli and Aragorn and I see a clear difference to their feelings regarding Irulan, though all share the same thing: they do love her. In their own way. But I don't know if my story is revealing this as clearly as it is standing out in my mind.  
  
I think this is getting more complicated by the sentence. I will just stop. Tell me if you DO understand. Ha ha...so now..things in Rohan are heating up a little......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Legolas watched her sleeping, curled beside him and leaning against his chest. 'Nobody in this world knows,' he thought with amazement, 'but the world once more has changed forever.' Irulan loved him. As absurd as that might sound, it was true. He dared not think about it too much, for he feared to taint the fact alone by thinking about it.........but he could not help his mind going back to it......over and over again. He looked down at her. She seemed so fragile......so young. And yet.......she had the power to shake him with one look or a single word. "You are like the wind," he whispered softly and stroked her hair. She did not feel it.  
  
He thought about his life. Countless things passed before his eyes. Mirkwood stood in his memory, lush and gloomy, yet incomparable in its odd beauty. The people he left behind. Three millennia........such a long time.......and yet, nothing in those years was worth for a comparison to this mortal woman lying next to him. This woman he had known only for a few months in total. What were a few months against three millennia? What was one person against the hundreds, the thousands that adorned his memory? What was a mortal against the fair elven folk? And yet........she was everything in those millennia and more. And he knew that as long as he was with her, he would miss nothing from his former life. Nothing, if she was not ready to share it with him.  
  
Others had loved him, had they not? Valued him, treasured him? Even fallen in love with him? He had felt satisfied. He had felt proud. He had felt happy. But now Irulan loved him and he felt........so many things. He felt all those things and many, many more. He felt meaningful. He felt existing. He felt found.  
  
He felt the sudden urge to know everything about her. To open her up like a treasure chest and wipe the dust off of each golden coin, each diamond and each piece of jewelry and turn it over in his hands to understand what it meant. What was her favorite fruit? Her most beloved book? Every single detail in her childhood, every single detail in her youth........and everything in between. He wanted to know more about her kingdom, about how cold the winters were there and what kind of flowers bloomed in spring in the gardens of her castle. He wanted to know about the customs and beliefs of her people. Her family - he needed to know her family, for they had spent so much time with her. He wanted her to lie like this next to him and tell him everything about herself for months and months. Yes, he felt like he knew her better than he knew anyone else. He felt like he had known her before he even took his first step in this world. And yet, he yearned to know this new face, this new shell, this new name of hers.  
  
Legolas sighed. It would be worth devoting his life to......discovering the little details that made her the person that she was. And yet.........it was asking too much. Maybe he should pick up Irulan now and run off with her, leaving all this behind. He smiled at that idea. That would prove him to be an honorable warrior elf indeed! But, alas, the war seemed meaningless at this point. All this fighting and struggling made no longer sense. It was only a repetition of former events and a foreboding of later ones. The mingling of life and death. The turns of creation and destruction. The clash of good and evil. It was empty. Everything was so simple - he loved Irulan and Irulan loved him. Two souls had found each other and had dared unison. Suddenly it seemed like everything else was just the long and hard road for what they had accomplished. He and Irulan had already arrived at the destination. They were there. There was no need for all this.  
  
Irulan sighed and frowned a little. Then she trembled slightly. It was getting cold in the open and neither had their elven cloaks with them. He swiftly got up and very gently picked her up. She stirred a little, but did not wake. She was so light in his arms! 'Like a child,' thought Legolas. Then he recalled how humans were known as the Younger Children and elves the Elder Children. They co-existed in Middle Earth together, and even though both sides kept forgetting about it, they were just one big family of souls. He would protect Irulan. He would guide her and carry her through life. She was his responsibility now. Legolas began to walk back to the camp.  
  
This was a walk he would never forget. The world had truly changed. The cool breeze was caressing the rocks of Rohan, singing of love and time. The grass was hissing in harmony and bowing to them as the passed. The sky was dotted with a crowd of stars like never before - all curious about this infamous couple. Rohan was awake, watching them passing by, sighing with every touch of his feet on its ground. Who knows who would step on the very same rocks again, and what he would be thinking about? Would he know of an elf who had carried the most precious cargo one moonlit night? Probably not. Would he know the pain and pleasure this elf had gone through? Not likely. It was as if Legolas was dying with each instant and being reborn again. He looked behind, to the way he had come from. Already there was no more sign of his existence. There never would be. He looked ahead. There was no sign yet of his existence. He stood with his eyes closed, living the moment. 'When I die, this shall be the moment I wish to remember,' he thought. 'Right now, with Irulan in my arms, her warmth against my chest, Rohan beneath my feet in black and white.' And yet unknown to him, it would indeed be his last memory of Middle Earth.  
  
Almost twenty minutes later he was at the camp, laying Irulan gently down and covering her with both his and her elvish cloak. He kissed her cheek and she stirred again, but did not wake. He stood up and looked around. He felt no need for sleep at all, and though a part of him wanted to remain here with her, another part of him wanted to take a walk, to make most of this night as possible, so that it would stand out longer in his memory.  
  
He began to walk along the convoy, a little to the side of it, so as not to disturb anyone. He looked at the sleeping people. Normally he would feel alone. He had never been amongst so many humans. And especially not as the only elf. And yet, tonight everything had changed. He felt neither alone nor strange. After all, they were Irulan's kind. He looked at them under a new light and felt true curiosity along with sympathy. 'I WILL become a mortal!' he thought and felt like laughing. 'My friends knew me right!'  
  
He passed by guards and watchers.......mostly men from the newly arrived party and they eyed him with both respect and suspicion. Legolas cared for neither. They reminded him of Eomer......and well, Eomer was not such a nice thought at the moment. Suddenly he saw Aragorn in the distant dark. Few mortals could have seen him, but Legolas easily detected his friend amongst the dark rocks. The soft glow of his pipe, more than anything else, gave him away. He began to walk towards him.  
  
"What keeps you up at this hour, my friend?" said Aragorn, feeling his approach, although his back was turned to the elf. Legolas smiled to himself. Aragorn was the only person he knew who was capable of this. "Or should I have said, what keeps you away from Irulan?" said Aragorn and turned to him.  
  
Legolas jumped up to his side and sat on a close boulder. "She loves me, Aragorn," he said softly and surprised himself. True, he had meant to share it with him, but not like this - he certainly had not planned to blurt it out as the first thing.  
  
Aragorn looked at his slightly startled expression and for a moment thought 'This must have been how Legolas looked as a child'. "I know," he said with a smile.  
  
Legolas' features melted into real surprise. "You know?" he said slowly.  
  
Aragorn sighed and looked into the distance. "Yes, I knew for a long time, now. Perhaps even before Irulan herself realized it." Legolas stared back at him, baffled. "It is easier to see these things from the outside. Besides, she is a mortal. I have probably only read into a lot of things that flew by you, my friend."  
  
Legolas was silent for a moment. He had been suffering for so long now, simply because he had not seen this fact before, but unlike Irulan, it never occurred to him why Aragorn had not told him before. Such things were considered extremely private amongst his kind, and Aragorn, knowing the elven ways, had only acted very understandable. He sighed softly. "There is so much I fail to see about you," he said.  
  
Aragorn knew he meant humans. "It is only a matter of time, really," he said, "you have spent very little time in such an intimate way with us. We assume too much about the world. But when we meet people in person, it turns out so much different," he said. Then he grinned. "That includes dwarves as well!"  
  
Legolas laughed softly. "Indeed! I never thought I would respect and like a dwarf as much as I like Gimli! But Aragorn, this whole quest has taught me only that I am a very different Legolas from whom I thought I was and that the world is very different from what I believed it to be. I envy you now. You have strolled through it many times and thereby have reached a much clearer view concerning the true nature of things."  
  
"And I admire your wisdom," said Aragorn with a smile. "You certainly learn fast and adapt much faster. It would take another so much longer to appreciate what he sees. Yet, you have a keen eye and a keener judgment, Legolas."  
  
Legolas smiled. He knew that Aragorn was aware of his admiration for him. Like his other feelings, he felt no need to hide that, either. He respected this man more than any other mortal, and even more than most of his own kin. And to know that this respect was returned by Aragorn, was a true compliment.  
  
"Legolas........you are aware of Eomer?" the man said finally with hesitation.  
  
Legolas looked up at him and even in the darkness his disturbance was obvious. "I am. We had a mild conflict earlier this day."  
  
"Conflict?" asked Aragorn with surprise. He felt responsible for Legolas. The Rohirrim were a hostile folk even to other humans and Legolas was certainly very strange for them. But more than that, the elf was alone and different amongst so many men and very naturally did not understand their ways or their aims. Being raised by the elves, he felt half-elven himself and often thought of himself to be more elvenkind than human. Legolas here was like a brother in a foreign country. Aragorn would protect him from hurt -not physical hurt, certainly, since Legolas was perfectly capable of protecting himself in that area- even if it meant to make enemies amongst men.  
  
Legolas nodded softly and told him the conversation that had taken place between Eomer, Irulan and himself.  
  
Aragorn did not say anything for a long time. They both sat still, listening to the distant sounds from the convoy. "That man is trouble," Aragorn said finally. Legolas nodded and remained silent. "He is not like Boromir. You know Boromir had an affection for Irulan," said Aragorn and Legolas nodded again. "It was only an affection and a closeness he was seeking. Perhaps Boromir believed different, but I do not think he was truly in love with her. Yet.......Eomer is, Legolas. In his own way and fashion, he does love Irulan."  
  
Legolas looked away again. Aragorn continued: "And he is sane and calm. An adorable fellow, actually, in many ways. But he knows Irulan and he knows her weaknesses."  
  
"Weaknesses?" said Legolas stunned.  
  
Aragorn nodded.  
  
"But Irulan loves me. Why should I fear Eomer?"  
  
"I did not say you should fear him. And yes, Irulan loves you. But........" he chewed on his pipe for another moment, "many mortals are.......confused......compared to the elvenkind, Legolas. They do not know how to deal with their emotions or their thoughts. Irulan loves you, and she loves you so much that she would do anything to keep you from hurt or harm. Even if that means leaving you."  
  
Legolas was baffled. Fear rose in him. Suddenly he remembered how she had asked him to take back his promise concerning his leaving Middle Earth. It was true........Irulan saw things from a different perspective........and often a very narrow one, due to her age and inexperience. She might engage in something ridiculous simply because she believed it would do him good in the end. He swallowed softly and looked up. Aragorn was looking at him. "What must I do, Aragorn?" he whispered.  
  
"Whatever you do, do not let her run off and do not give up on her," Aragorn said.  
  
"But I can not stop her if she means to leave me," Legolas whispered with desperation. "  
  
"Oh yes you can," said Aragorn. The elf looked back at him in confusion. "I mean.........well, you just have to think of things in a different way, Legolas. This is love we are talking about. And just like in battle, there are no rules to be heeded in love. Don't expect everyone else to act as honorable as you in these matters. Especially when it comes to humans," he said.  
  
Legolas nodded deftly. Now that he had found her, he had no intention of losing Irulan. His elven side insisted that he should never steer her against her wish and intervene with her own choices; that he should respect her decisions even if they were not in his favor, but the new side of him was learning the rules of Men quickly and in their book, there was no such thing as intervention. They called it "help". And he most certainly intended to help Irulan when the need arose for it.  
  
***  
  
"Irulan, wake up," he whispered, lying beside her, propped up on his elbow. She stirred but did not move. He smiled. "Irulan, my love," he whispered again, "time to rise."  
  
"Legolas?" she mumbled.  
  
"Yes, it is me."  
  
"I just fell asleep!"  
  
Legolas laughed softly. "You have been sleeping all night."  
  
"No way!" she protested but unwillingly opened an eye. The sky seemed to be fainter in color indeed! "Oh no!" she mumbled and turned on lie on her back. She opened her eyes again. It was dark, yes, but soon the day would break. "Just leave me here," she whined. "I'll catch up with you guys later."  
  
Legolas chuckled again and leaned in to softly kiss her. "Are you tired my love?"  
  
Irulan felt already better. Being kissed awake was definitely a good thing. "I sure am," she said between kisses, "I hate the fact that you are not. You did not sleep, did you?" Legolas smiled and shook his head. "That is one elven feature I would really love to have," she said. Then suddenly she remembered the night before and quickly sat up to look around. "Legolas......how did I get here?"  
  
Legolas sat up across her and gently brushed her hair from her face. "You fell asleep and I carried you," he said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Oh no! ALL the way? Was I heavy?"  
  
He grinned. "I refuse to answer that question. I know it only means trouble."  
  
Irulan moaned and laughed softly. "You are becoming wise to our ways too fast!" she said. Legolas grinned and stood up. Taking her hands, he pulled her up. "I hate walking," she mumbled, "I hate running. When this is over, I want to sit for at least a whole month, Legolas. I mean, I want to lie and sit........nothing else!"  
  
"I can not imagine you in that state, Irulan."  
  
She gave him a sidelong glance. "Well......maybe not a month. But......alright a week." He gave her another bemused look. "No, a week is fine, really..........Alright maybe just a few days." Legolas laughed softly and then swiftly stepped aside as a very sleepy Eowyn almost ran into him. She looked confused for a moment, then recognized Irulan and snatched her hand, "Come on, Irulan, let's wash our faces."  
  
Irulan looked at her with irritation and snatched her hand back. "Eowyn, you really scared me. You appear like that out of nowhere in this dark.........you looked exactly like an orc!"  
  
Eowyn grabbed her hand again. "You think you look better? Come on......" and she began pulling Irulan along.  
  
"Let me go!" the other whined in irritation and glanced back at Legolas. But the elf remained standing and smiled back at her. "It is too early for this, Eowyn!"  
  
"Exactly, that's why you should come willingly. I am not in the mood for a fight this early."  
  
"I know why you are dragging me along. You are just curious about yesterday."  
  
"I sure am! I was biting my nails when you guys sat down to talk! And then........when Eomer came back with that face........I almost lost my mind, wondering what happened, Irulan. And then, when I could not stand it any longer, I came to wake you, damn the hour and all, but YOU WERE NOT THERE! I swear my heart almost stopped with curiosity. And.......neither was LEGOLAS! I mean.......I almost died right there and then! I barely slept last night!"  
  
Irulan could not help laughing. "Eowyn, this will be the very end of you. This whole curiosity, gossip and meddling thing. I think you should go back to sword practice to release all this energy in you."  
  
They had climbed over some rocks and stood hidden from the convoy now. Eowyn began pouring water for Irulan to wash her face and then gave her herbs to brush her teeth with, then Irulan did the same for her. It was so cool and the water was so cold, Irulan suddenly felt like she had not slept at all. When all was done and finished, she turned around at Irulan with begging eyes. "Irulan......please!"  
  
"Oh indeed!" said Irulan, grinning and crossing her arms. "Beg all you want, Eowyn, I'll never tell."  
  
"Irulan, we have been such close friends! I kicked Endor countless times for you."  
  
"Only because you enjoyed it as much as I did. And I scared off many of your unwanted admirers. So we are even."  
  
"Irulan, I beg you!"  
  
Irulan sighed and looked away. She was going to tell. Not because Eowyn begged or anything (even though it felt immensely good), but because she was the only one to share it with. And Irulan most certainly needed someone to give her a piece of her mind. These men were all crazy!  
  
"Are you going to continue meddling?" Irulan asked with a stern tone.  
  
"Of course I am!"  
  
Irulan sighed. "Eowyn, once more I pray to the Powers Above that you will run into a man who will make you pay for all this. I truly do!"  
  
"Fine, fine," said Eowyn hastily, "whatever. Now tell me!"  
  
***  
  
"Irulan.......I'll say this short: You are in trouble."  
  
Irulan's mouth dropped open. "What? I thought you said that telling him will clear everything up and solve all problems!"  
  
Eowyn pursed her lips and looked up to the sky. They were leisurely walking along with the caravan that was moving once more. "Yes, true. And it solves many things with Legolas. Yet........the issue of Eomer is worse than I thought. I mean, I knew he was fond of you. But when I saw you two together for the first time yesterday, and later when I saw his face after that conflict, I understood that I had underestimated his feelings for you."  
  
Irulan cast her an irritated glance. "So now what?"  
  
"So now........you will be in trouble."  
  
Irulan moaned. "What the hell will I do?"  
  
Eowyn looked at her. "I don't know. You have to keep a fine balance and let's face it, that was never your strongest point. As a matter of fact, that's exactly why you will be in trouble."  
  
"A balance?"  
  
Eowyn nodded solemnly. "Between Eomer and Legolas. If you push Eomer out completely, he most certainly will feel the need to do something drastic and wild. If you push Legolas out, he will fear losing you and do the same. Yet......if you get involved with either too much, again the other will do something very improper. It is a very delicate phase, really."  
  
"I don't understand this," Irulan said, throwing up her hands. "I mean, I am involved with Legolas. Everyone knows. I even told him I love him. We are LOVERS. Is it not normal for me to push Eomer away?"  
  
"Yes, normally, of course. But......" Eowyn finally sighed. "Irulan, this relationship is too complicated. Too many things are involved in this. I mean.........Eomer knows you since childhood and worse, he has always protected you; so now he thinks he has the right to do that again. He is convinced that you need his help in this matter and nothing you say will change that. Eomer loves you. So does Legolas. But you love only Legolas, yet you do not want to hurt Eomer. The fact that Legolas is an elf gives Eomer the perfect excuse to object to this. I doubt he would find a good enough reason if Legolas were human...........and so on, so forth."  
  
Irulan frowned and looked away. "I give up. I mean, this is far too complicated for me. I'll just come out and say things the way I have to. I rediscovered the fact that this is the only way I can make myself clear," she said bitterly, remembering last night and her foolish attempts.  
  
"Do as you wish. You are in trouble anyway," said Eowyn.  
  
And exactly at that moment someone screamed "Wargs! We are under attack!"  
  
Irulan looked at Eowyn with a stunned expression and Eowyn looked back, as surprised as she was. A moment later Irulan snapped awake and a moment after that, she was running down the line, against all the tumult, to reach Baron. It took her only seconds, yet that time seemed too long to bear. Suddenly she forgot everything else but the fact that they were under the threat and shadow of death - always had been, as a matter of fact, but she had foolishly allowed herself to drift away from that fact. She mounted Baron in an instant and softly dug her heels in. Being the gorgeous horse that he was, he bolted ahead in a moment. She had one last chance to glance back and pick out Eowyn in the crowd, but the woman was not looking back at her. "Be safe," she whispered and then Irulan was already galloping with half a dozen riders towards the hills, following King Theoden. 


	15. The King Will Return

Alright everyone...I know...it's sick how often I update! But well...this story has to come to an end some time..right? Thank you, thank you, thank you for the incredible reviews!  
  
Casey, lilangel-mellie, mickie, crystal, beliya, dove, strawberryblonde, xiamysticmoon, fraulain snuffles, Desdemona, alina Greenleaf, Donna (thank you), just2spooky, shakiya (of course), lucy, kirjava, Egyptian queen (ha ha), Elf Ears, passion lover (I agree), angel of the stars (oh wow..thank you), Nirselen, da bunny, Rachel, Mystic Elf (you are too kind), syrenwytch (it IS hot in here, ha ha), and EVERYONE else!!!!! You know who you are.  
  
Scene Eleven..girl where is your e-mail address? How can I reply when you do not add it in? Write back this instant!  
  
Mae Noelle...you never write too long. Stop worrying about it and let me read, girl!  
  
I am so glad that my idea of men and their love for Irulan is coming across just as I had hoped it would. And guys...do note hate Eomer. I mean, I love the guy. Actually he is the ideal man, come to think of it. And he does only what he thinks is right for Irulan. Put yourself in his place.  
  
Why am I not killing Haldir? I mean...yes, it's awful that he dies in the movie..but they really won't have too much interaction with him in the rest of the story, will they? It won't make a difference if he dies or not, from that aspect. But...his death might give me the chance of inserting some evil angst...he he he...we'll see, we'll see....As to the rest of the characters...I just realized that I don't have to stick to the story, which means I can kill anyone, right? Alright, women, calm down, calm down! I'm not killing anybody...yet. Not before Helm's Deep anyway. And for those who asked..yes, it mean it is his LAST memory. You don't expect Legolas to live too long after Irulan dies, do you? I mean..it is rather obvious that he will die of grief, the way Arwen does when Aragorn dies. That part is truly inevitable. I thought it was obvious. Damn...have to work on those writing skills some more!  
  
So...enjoy. Shakespearean scene coming up. Let's see if you'll enjoy it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They stood as a single line for a moment - all horses remaining at the top of the hill, their riders momentarily watching the approach of the wolves of Isengard. Only for a moment, and then the spell broke. Legolas hauled himself on Arod and sat before Gimli. His eyes hastily searched for Irulan, for he suspected very much for her to be there, and indeed, there she was, sitting on Baron and a slight astonishment on her face as the Wargs ran towards them. She glanced back at him then, for an instant her brown eyes meeting his blue and Legolas understood that the last blessed days of their lives were over now - once more they were reminded that they were in the middle of war, in the middle of loss and death. But more than that, with each passing day, the fact that Irulan was destined to fight by his side was becoming harder to bear. He instinctively wished for a means to tie her - to bind her and tuck her away from danger. His wish was not to be granted, of course.  
  
The moment passed and the Rohirrim along with the company of the Fellowship dashed ahead. Irulan drew her staff and once again extended it momentarily. She was not planning to Shift, at least not while she was in this position, riding a horse, but she did not need to. Shifting was a reserved art of fight, only to be used with extreme care, since it bore such a hard price. She was efficient enough with the staff - and hopefully that would suffice today. As a matter of fact, ever since the last incident in Parth Gallen, she kind of feared to Shift. What if she Shifted and the Fever took her instantly? Though she knew as a fact that such as thing was not possible, fear is not a logical thing. The fear of seeing herself like that again.....and of fearing such hate........she snapped out of her mind and concentrated on the present. The present was here, it was now. And it was rushing towards her with imminent speed in the form of beasts.  
  
Irulan docked to the right as an arrow flew by her. And seeing a Warg and its rider approaching from her right towards her, she quickly extended her staff even further and, having approached close enough, swung it out. It cut through the deft skin of the Warg smoothly. It would cut through almost anything in Middle Earth, really. It was made from a very special metal and crafted by herself over a period of three years - almost her entire time with the Druids. It was the custom of the Sisters to craft their own weapons during their training because this was the only way to construct a weapon that fitted perfectly to you and your purposes. Although they would never fight again, the Druids stubbornly preserved both that custom and the special alloy that was sharper and stronger than most metals in Middle Earth - excluding perhaps some special elven or dwarven alloys.  
  
Irulan of course had chosen the staff as her weapon of choice. True, she had become better with the sword, but she had practiced the staff for so long now, it was a part of her. She had tried making two more before this one, but they failed eventually, for it was an intricate work of wheels, locks, wires, beams and screws, inlaid in a manner that would allow the weapon to extend and shrink back instantly with a combination of certain slight movements of the wrist and the hand. Ingmar had been a true master in this art and she had guided Irulan in the making of her personal staff throughout that time. 'Why make this sort of thing and never use it?' Irulan had thought even back then and at this moment, she was more than glad that she had both made it, and later broken her oath not to use it in any form of combat.  
  
The Warg fell, losing its head in a matter of seconds behind her, and another arrow flew by her head. This one she did not even see coming and it only passed by her because she had stopped Baron to look back at the rider of the Warg. She swiftly jumped down and approached him, but he was already on his feet, recovering. Orcs were really not too talented in this sort of combat. Or perhaps they were, but after seeing Uruk-hai they truly seemed to hold no threat to her. She finished him off in a matter of moments and turned around just in time to see Gimli falling off the horse.  
  
And just when she was about to sprint towards him, seeing the Warg approach from a distance and for the first time considering Shifting anyway, the felt a hit on her right side and flew off to land on the ground. Luckily not having hit her head, she stood up to see another Warg and its rider, turning around to run her down now. Irulan slightly placed her feet apart and held her staff, waiting for the coming attack. When it came, she was more than ready for it, and swirling out her staff, once more dealt a lethal blow to its head, but remembered to jump aside so that it would not run right into her. This time the rider was dead before she got to it, smashed underneath the creature.  
  
Irulan killed five Wargs and received almost no injury in total, although one of those creatures DID run into her and she landed on the ground with a very nasty thud, but it was nothing she had not experienced before and nearly nothing as serious as that Fangorn Forest incident.  
  
Then suddenly there were not more Wargs. Considering the fact that she had not Shifted, this was pretty fast. But then.......she had the mot lethal company of warriors around her. She quickly scanned her surroundings and picked out Legolas, collecting his arrows from the fallen bodies. Then she found King Theoden, limping slightly but looking rather well except of that. Gimli was there, panting and walking around, looking himself if everyone was well, and Eomer was still standing. Yet, the loss of the Rohirrim was very high. The Wargs had lived up to their title, indeed.  
  
Suddenly she realized that she had not seen Aragorn and she quickly turned around once more, scanning the field hastily. Aragorn should be easy to pick out amongst the armor of Rohirrim.........and yet........she did not see him. She began to walk towards Gimli, all the while looking and still not seeing Aragorn. That's when she heard Gimli calling for him and realized that Legolas, too, was scanning the crowd to find his friend.  
  
Something evil and dark opened the door to the chamber of her heart and crept in, closing the door behind it. It was here now, with her, in this very room, but she could not see it in the dark. Her heart began to beat frantically and her limbs began to freeze. She turned around again. Then again. And once more. Aragorn was not there! 'No!' she thought. 'No, no, no! He can NOT die. He is here somewhere......you are too anxious to focus.......focus Irulan, focus!' she thought and turned again, slower. Once more. The thing in the chamber of her heart had the foulest smell.  
  
"Aragorn!" Irulan called, unable to hold it back any longer and began to walk along with Gimli, noticing neither him nor where she was going. "Aragorn!" She closed her eyes and halted for a moment. Then she looked up and did what she had feared to do before: very slowly she began to scan the fallen bodies around her. Her heart was literally out of control by this time. Every body was Aragorn. Every face was his face. She closed her eyes and opened them again, and tried again. She failed. And tried again.  
  
Suddenly Legolas was with her. "Legolas, where is Aragorn? Where is he?!" she said, with an almost pleading voice. He did not answer but held her hand, pulling her along as they began to walk quickly amongst the fallen, his keen elven eyes looking from one to the other, trying to find him. Gimli was close behind her and he was still calling out his name.  
  
They stumbled upon a dying orc. Irulan saw neither him nor his wound. She did not care for what he said, either. Until Legolas slowly fished out Arwen's necklace from his hand, that is. She looked at the elf, who looked at her with a blank and oddly stubborn expression. Legolas moved over to the cliff a few steps away. Irulan leaned down to the orc but he was dead already. "Gimli, what happened?" she asked with urgency. The dwarf looked at her with sorrow for a moment before he mumbled: "Aragorn......fell, Irulan. Off the cliff."  
  
The thing in her chamber grasped her neck with its long and sticky fingers. "NO!" she yelled. Gimli bowed his head. "No!" she said again, and ran up to Legolas, looking over the cliff. A wild river was soaring below them, banging on rocks and crevices. There was no sign of Aragorn. "No," she whispered, and Legolas looked around to her, with such pain in his eyes, that she almost forgot her own. "Legolas.......it can not be," she said, her voice failing her.  
  
Legolas was so stunned, he did not know what to do. Aragorn.......his best friend among men........gone? It seemed impossible. He would surely return. Like the grass returned with the oncoming of spring. Like the streams returned with the leaving of summer. It was only natural for him to find his back to them. The concept of death once more ringed in his mind. And once more, refused to be understood. Legolas slowly enclosed the necklace of Arwen in his hand. No, he would not pray for Aragorn's soul. For the king would return.  
  
Irulan kept looking at him, but Legolas would not answer. He seemed overly disturbed and shocked by the idea. Which only meant that the elf had accepted the death of Aragorn. Aragorn! 'Impossible', she thought. 'Not when we have come this far. Not like this'. And that is how she lost all reason. She suddenly ran back a few steps and turned on her heels. She would jump. If Aragorn had fallen in that river, she would find him. He was alive, she knew it with all her heart, because he could NOT die.  
  
Legolas turned around to look at her and in the blink of an instant realized her intention. He opened up his mouth to protest when Irulan took a first step........and was instantly hauled from the ground and turned upside down. It happened so fast and so unexpected, she actually cried out, thinking it was an orc. And it took her several moments to realize that it was no orc, but Eomer. Several more moments later she also realized that she was ungracefully thrown on his shoulder and carried away from the cliff.  
  
"Eomer! Let me go!" she screamed in protest, but he did not even miss a step. Irulan kicked in protest, but Eomer was well prepared for her struggles and had her legs secured underneath his arms. Irulan felt rage and helplessness rising in her. "NO!" she protested in frustration as the distance between herself and the cliff grew every moment. Suddenly she forgot all about Aragorn and felt a desperate yearning for Legolas and Gimli. No! He could not drag her away from her friends! Irulan knew of course that the bond of the Fellowship had grown drastically on her, and yet, she had never felt it burning in her like this before. It was as if Eomer was dragging her away from her own mother! Irulan struggled again.........and found herself on the floor.  
  
'This is certainly a day of surprises,' she thought absurdly as she rolled on the grass and came to a stop a moment later. She felt her arm lifted and was about to snatch it away when she looked up to see Legolas. And true, she loved Legolas as she had loved no one before, yet at that instant her love for him erupted in her. It felt exactly as if she had found her mother again! She clutched at his arm, letting him lift her up and refused to let go, in case she should be dragged away again.  
  
"You will not touch her again, son of Eomund!" said Legolas in a dangerously cold tone. Irulan finally managed to overcome the absurd fear of losing Legolas or Gimli and softening her grip on his arm, turned around to look. To her utter horror, Eomer actually drew his sword and not in all the long years Irulan had known him, did he look like he did at that moment.  
  
"Only a foe would attack me when my back is turned," he hissed and dashed towards them. Irulan's eyes widened with disbelief and suddenly she forgot all about how this whole thing had come to this point in the first place. She turned to place herself in front of Legolas, knowing that Eomer would only stop at that, but Legolas shoved her away so gently and yet so quickly, she staggered backwards and lost her footing and landed on the ground once more before her mind could register what was happening.  
  
And what was happening was not good, for the elf had his double blades drawn in an instant and parried the sword, then having succeeded in blocking the attack, left his defensive stance and moved in for an attack himself. "Are you mad?!" yelled Irulan and jumped up to her feet, running to the two crazy men. She literally jumped right between their blades, not caring if they would cut her by accident. At this moment, she very much preferred to be cut rather than seeing either one receiving a blow.  
  
"Irulan! Stay out of this!" yelled Eomer and tried to step around her, but she flew into his chest and tried to push him back. He did not even move an inch. Legolas, of course, having seen Irulan in his lethal range, stepped back right away, but did not sheathe his knives. The stunned Rohirrim along with a very anxious Gimli had finally woken up and began running towards them. Irulan thought 'Thank the Heavens!' and found herself sitting on the floor again! 'What in the name of....?' she thought and watched in amazement as the duo resumed their battle. Which continued with Legolas throwing Eomer a good distance and, swirling his blades in his hands, remaining still, waiting for the man to rise to his feet again.  
  
Irulan dashed ahead again, "Legolas! Stop this instant!" she yelled and this time, stepped in front of him, turning her back to Eomer who was already on his feet. The running party of men seemed still too far away.  
  
"Irulan! Step away from him!" she heard Eomer behind her. "The elf will die today!"  
  
"NO! Are you insane! You act like enemies! You are on the same side, here!"  
  
"He will not lay hands on you like that again, Irulan," said Legolas with a low growl and nudging her away once more, swirled his blades to approach.  
  
"Eomer stop! I swear I will lose it and kick you both senseless!" And then it actually occurred to her that she could do that! She stood up and prepared to Shift. The duo moved in closer to each other. 'Don't make me do this!' she thought. 'Don't make me do this you stupid lot!'  
  
"Do not worry, Irulan! I will free you of this creature, this very day!" said Eomer and Irulan let the calmness envelop her instantly. She almost welcomed the metallic taste in her mouth and the growing silence of the void. He fear slowly melted away when she realized that there was nothing to fear in here. In an instant she would Shift and end all this.  
  
Exactly at that moment the running party arrived and flooded in between the crazy duo, forcing them apart and pushing each further back. A part of Irulan yearned to Shift nevertheless, for the pull of it was growing and pulsing in her. Yet another part exhaled with relief and closed her eyes. She let go of the calmness and softly allowed sensations and sounds to return to her.  
  
Legolas let himself be pushed away by the Rohirrim, who actually were not pushing him, but rather blocking his way and slowly advancing on him, making him retreat. Even at this moment, their fear and respect were too great for them to push an Eldar around. He had engaged in a duel with their captain, but that was not an unusual or a low thing to do amongst Rohirrim. It was the legal and honorable way to kill someone, actually.  
  
He felt a pull at his arm and looked down to see Gimli holding on to him as if Legolas was a little child. A sudden urge to laugh almost overcame him, then, but he did not give in to it. His anger was too great at the moment. He stepped back, and continued doing so, then turned around and walked away. The Rohirrim remained behind when they realized that he meant not to insist in his intentions. Gimli, though, hung to him with a force that almost hurt, but Legolas let him be and walked off a little further. Then he remained standing and closed his eyes. A dark pulse was beating within him, and anger rustled the dead and shriveled leaves of his mind. He could almost hear the wind howling in his head, screeching with rage. And yet, he pressed it down, and further down, and yet continued pressing, until the rays of reason once more shone on the territory of his mind. Moments passed. His breathing returned to normal and the tumult in his head slowed down. He opened his eyes and realized that he was still holding his blades. Slowly freeing his arm from Gimli, who let go and stepped back a little, he sheathed them behind his back.  
  
He took a deep breath and turned around to look at the party. They had resumed their search for survivors. Eomer was far off, stroking the neck of his horse, his back turned to him. Legolas sighed. It had indeed been foolish for them to engage in something like this, but he felt no regret. Any man with pride would have reacted if his woman was carried off like that. 'His woman?' Legolas halted, stunned. True, what he did was normal for an elf as well as a human, for a man would defend his family and his kin - anything else was unthinkable. But........'HIS woman?!' That certainly sounded wrong. And suddenly he remembered Irulan.  
  
He looked for her and found her talking to King Theoden. Under normal circumstances she should have been calming him down and making explanations, but at the moment their positions seemed to be reversed and Theoden was obviously trying to comfort a very anxious Irulan. The distance and the noises in the battlefield prevented him from hearing.  
  
"Legolas, you are becoming a dwarf day by day!" said Gimli suddenly and chuckled at the confused expression of the elf. "I never thought I would see you acting as you did today, but alas, it seems like finally you have come to your senses!" boomed Gimli and actually laughed.  
  
Legolas shook his head and smiled despite himself. "Gimli, when this ends, I will certainly be elf no longer!" he said with a tinge of bitter amusement.  
  
"Good for you!" yelped Gimli and laughed again. Then his laugh died as he gazed at something behind Legolas and Legolas turned around to see Irulan approaching them. Only she looked extremely furious. Suddenly he wished he had not pushed his anger too far back. It looked like he was going to be very defenseless right when he was supposed to be his strongest - the incoming storm was mighty indeed. He turned around to look at Gimli and the dwarf sighed, saying "Let me handle this."  
  
She arrived by their side and looked like she was about to retrieve her staff and cut them both into half. She gave Legolas an extremely cold look and the elf found rescue in pushing his chin up and hiding behind a blank mask. He kept saying to himself that he did the right thing and alas, it really was true. But the problem was.......Irulan obviously thought otherwise.  
  
Irulan pursed her lips with the effort to shut up. Refusing to talk to him, she turned to Gimli and spoke with a voice that surprised even her with the bleak anger in it: "I will go," she said, and it sounded like velvet swishing over metal, "and do myself a favor and jump off that damn cliff. Don't you DARE stop me!"  
  
Legolas' eyes widened and he swiftly turned to look at Gimli, but Irulan had already moved ahead and she was walking towards the overhang. Gimli motioned him to be quiet and hastily followed Irulan. Legolas strode a small distance behind. "We will not stop you, do not worry, Irulan," he said, panting with the effort to keep up with her long strides. "But I certainly hope that the water is not too cold. If I am to die, I might as well die a little more comfortable!"  
  
At that, Irulan slowed down to look behind. "What are you talking about?" she hissed, but did not stop walking.  
  
"Why, you truly don't think that I will let you jump off there alone now, do you?" he said matter-of-factly.  
  
Irulan stopped a few steps away and looked towards the cliff. She hesitated for a moment. These men were crazy.......what if........"Gimli, stay out of this," she said finally, unable to come up with something better.  
  
"Stay out of this? STAY OUT OF THIS?" He boomed and looked angry for the first time. "Oh no my fair Lady! I am a part of this Fellowship. And so are you! Where you go, we will follow!"  
  
'They dare not!' she thought in amazement. She turned to look at Legolas and he was standing behind Gimli, a very determined look on his face. 'Alright, maybe they dare after all. Damn!'  
  
"I can not swim. Not that it would make a difference with this heavy armor, but.........nevertheless, I am ready, Irulan. Go ahead, jump," he said and held his axe with two hands, as if he meant to go to combat. And he looked very much like he actually meant to do it!  
  
"A member of this Fellowship is down there, and I will find him!" she bolted suddenly, her anger taking a hold on her.  
  
"And who is stopping you?!" boomed Gimli back.  
  
A tense silence stretched during which Irulan turned to look at the cliff again and felt frustration rising in her. These stupid, stupid men! They would jump after her! And most certainly she would only end up killing all of them. "If Aragorn were here now, he would do the same, and you know it," Gimli said suddenly, with a much softer voice. That broke her last damn and she could not help the tears from falling any longer.  
  
"Aragorn," she whispered and felt herself falling over that cliff over and over again. "No.......not him." She felt Gimli holding her arm and Legolas came around to embrace her gently. And though she wanted to push him away, the thought of accepting Aragorn's death dulled that anger for now. "I can not accept it," she said, still crying, "I simply can not. It is beyond me." They stood like that for a long time and hung on to each other. But with Aragorn gone, she felt the Fellowship crumbling in her head. His absence was a throbbing pain. They could never be the same without him. So they stood, trying to find comfort in each other and each one failing badly. Moments became minutes, minutes stretched further and further. His face was before her, floating in her mind and it was torture itself.  
  
Irulan only found the strength to let go when she heard King Theoden's voice nearby, commanding for departure. She broke the touch and went off to the side, sitting on the ground and resting her back to a rock, not wishing to talk to Theoden at that moment. She heard Gimli and Legolas talking with him. They would continue to Helm's Deep. A part of her stubbornly resisted. She would not go! Now that Aragorn was not with them, it was pointless and stupid anyway! She would not leave this spot. She wiped away the tears and tried to take a deep breath. She had to find reason again! Her mind was obviously spinning out of control, here.  
  
A few minutes passed. Suddenly Gimli and Legolas were by her side again. "Irulan.......we must continue," said Legolas softly and knelt beside her.  
  
Gimli put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. "We can not desert them now, Irulan," he said, "Aragorn would wish us to continue. Otherwise, his loss would be in vain."  
  
Irulan nodded softly and slowly stood up. She did not want to think about Aragorn, because a strong side of her simply refused to believe in his death. He was destined to become king! He could not die! 'Have faith,' she told herself silently and actually felt a little better at that idea. 'Have faith in destiny! He can not die for he will become king!' She sighed deeply and decided not to share this idea.......in case they might attempt to chop it down, simply to make her accept reality or something silly like that.  
  
With the pain of Aragorn receding in her and a self-constructed, yet very real hope returning, other things began to blink in her mind once more. She looked up at Legolas with a very bleak look once more. He, of course, knew instantly what she was thinking and halted in his attempt to touch her. "Legolas, if you think I have forgotten your little show today, you are very, very wrong!" she hissed.  
  
For an instant uneasiness washed on his features. But a moment later it was gone and to her surprise, Legolas pushed his chin up and clasped his hands behind his back with a very cool expression on his face. "I did nothing to be ashamed of," he said.  
  
Irulan's mouth dropped open at that. She looked at him with disbelief, but he just stared back with that cold expression. "What?!" she managed finally, "I can't believe you said that!"  
  
"Stop it, Irulan! You know the lad is right!" Gimli intervened from her left.  
  
She stopped walking. "Has everyone gone mad? Are you under some spell that perhaps only affects men?!" she said in disbelief.  
  
"Yes and you certainly don't understand it. It's called 'pride'!" boomed Gimli. Irulan gave him a very sharp look, but to her surprise, Gimli remained unaffected as well. Nobody seemed to take her seriously today. "I mean, that Eomer fellow! How DARE he?! He offended you, Irulan. If Legolas had not intervened, I would have doubted his honor. And then, I would have intervened myself!"  
  
She remained speechless. 'I must have hit my head,' she thought, 'I am lying somewhere in that battlefield now and dreaming all this.'  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?!" she boomed, "He meant to stop me from jumping!"  
  
"Oh but he did not merely stop you, Irulan. He grabbed you like a sack of potatoes and ran off with you!" He turned to her suddenly, "Did you really expect Legolas and me to remain behind, watching that?"  
  
"Eomer is my friend, Gimli," she said finally with obvious irritation and warning in her tone, "he meant nothing further."  
  
"I suggest you wake up, Irulan!" the dwarf boomed. She glanced at Legolas, but he was walking silently to her right, his face unreadable. Irulan turned to Gimli to reply, but he continued, completely unaffected: "Either accept the truth and act on it, or do not blame others for acting on what is obvious. No man should walk up to you now and drag you away while Legolas is here. Eomer ignored your man on purpose and Legolas reminded him, for all I care. Any man with pride would have done the same thing."  
  
'My man?!' she thought, truly baffled now. 'What the.......' But then she suddenly realized that Gimli was only talking in the terminology of his own culture. "Is that so?" she said with a bitter tone and turned to Legolas, who was still walking in silence. "Would you have acted the same way if it was Aragorn, Legolas?"  
  
Legolas looked up at her with a cold look. "Of course not. Aragorn would never do that to you in the first place. He would stop you, yes, but he would leave you to me. Estel has enough manners to step aside when I am present, and he always has done so." Irulan realized that Legolas was talking about Aragorn as if he was still alive and she felt glad for that. Then she forced herself to remember the stupid conversation at hand. Only........now that she was thinking back......Aragorn had indeed never attempted to 'handle' her while Legolas was around to do it. Yes.......he had dragged her out of Moria once.......but Legolas had not been nearby to do it then.......and afterwards........he had left her with him. Now that she thought about it, Legolas had always been the one to carry her, stop her from fighting or pick her up. 'Men have a secret understanding about possession!' she realized suddenly. 'I belong to Legolas now, is that so?!' she thought with rising fury and dismay.  
  
"Not to mention that Aragorn never had the intentions about you that Eomer has, Irulan," Gimli said suddenly and broke her train of thought.  
  
"That is still no reason to fight like a madman with your own ally!" she shouted finally. "I can understand a kind intervention........." -and she stressed the 'kind' part........although it was a fairly ridiculous idea considering the situation and Eomer- ".......however drawing knives and battling like orcs is certainly not the way to solve things."  
  
"Kind intervention, huh?" said Gimli with impatience. "Let me see.........so Legolas was supposed to run after Eomer while he was carrying you like a dead donkey, but not interfere, mind you, and try to reason with him? Or perhaps beg him to let you go? And I suppose Master Eomer would have come to his senses at that instant and lowered you gently to the ground? Legolas," he said and turned to look at the elf, "why did we never think of that option, lad?"  
  
She was about to say something really ugly but Legolas spoke up with that calm voice again: "Irulan, I did what I deemed was right. If it were to happen again, I would do it again. Master Eomer has to accept the truth about us, even though he may not like it. And although he may be a formidable fighter, he is only a child compared to me. I could have killed him easily, if that had been my intention."  
  
She looked from one to the other, one to her right and the other to her left. They both kept walking as calm and relaxed as if this was a picnic party. 'The sensible one has obviously left the Fellowship!' she thought bitterly. Although, now that she thought about it......Aragorn would have probably done the same thing! Irulan barely kept herself from moaning. 'Why deny it, Irulan.......they make sense,' said that accursed inner voice. As always, it knew exactly when to show up. She shook her head with disagreement and irritation. 'If Eomer had accepted and respected you and Legolas, he would have stopped you, but then stepped back. As a matter of fact, you should be angry at him, for refusing to listen to you and not respecting your choices in life.' Irulan sighed bitterly. 'He did it only to save me,' she protested. 'Grow up, Irulan,' the voice shot back with amusement. 'No doubt that is true, but you see only what you want to see. There is obviously much more to this picture.' Irulan felt anger growing in her again. 'So I am an object now? I BELONG to Legolas, is that so?' The voice laughed softly. 'You might find that annoying at the moment, but you certainly had no problem with that idea when Eomer was carrying you away from him.'  
  
Irulan felt anger and embarrassment mixing in her and hitting her cheeks. They had arrived by their horses that had found each other and had been waiting for their riders. The party of Rohirrim was leaving and galloping to reach the safety of Helm's Deep. She looked back one last time for Aragorn, as if the man might appear suddenly behind the rocks, then sighed and turned to mount Baron. Legolas was standing before her, with Baron's reigns in his hands. His face had softened, but the determination was still obvious.  
  
"Irulan," he said, and hesitated, looking into her eyes, trying to make her understand. She looked still very angry with him. "I know you are angry with me and I know you do not agree. But I would not let him handle you like that. Neither would I let him play with your honor or mine." He stood looking at her and then raised his hand to caress her cheek. Irulan turned away with mild anger. Legolas paused for a moment and pain appeared on his face, but then the moment and the expression was gone and he reached behind him to draw one of his knives. He held it horizontally on the blade and offered it to her.  
  
She looked down at it with surprise and then back up at him. "What are you doing?"  
  
"I told you," he said with a calm voice, "I would prefer you to deal me a stroke rather than for you to shy my touch."  
  
She looked at him with disbelief. "Legolas, you are mad! All of you!" she protested and tried to pass by him to mount Baron, again.  
  
He stopped her again. Irulan looked at the blade in his hand, feeling nervous about its presence alone. Suddenly she thought whether he was actually mad enough to cut himself if she refused to do it. She glanced up at him, but his expression was unreadable once more. He slowly took the blade by the handle and sheathed it. Then he stepped up to her and kissed her softly on the lips. Irulan did not withdraw but stubbornly refused to kiss him back. Legolas broke the kiss and looked into her eyes. "Irulan, forgive me," he pleaded with a whisper. A long moment passed between them. 'Don't you even DARE to consider forgiving him!' a part of her said. 'And let him turn this into something even more terrible than it already is?' she shot back. 'Forgive him and he'll keep on doing it!' it reasoned. 'He'll keep on doing it anyway. I might as well forgive him,' she replied with a tired sigh.  
  
Legolas leaned in carefully and kissed her again, and this time she did respond. He felt the darkness threatening to suffocate him instantly fading away and embraced her tighter, seeking rescue in her kiss. He absolutely could never go on if she would refuse him now, if she would shut him out again. Legolas felt the pain of recent loss and the fear of other upcoming losses stalking him, rounding in on him now like terrible beasts. But they were powerless in the fire of Irulan. As long as she allowed him to remain in this circle, he knew he would be safe.  
  
***  
  
Eomer was watching them from a distance and words could not describe the fury in him. That elf was forcing himself on her! He was threatening her! Legolas had tried to caress her cheek, but Irulan had refused. And what did the elf do? He had very openly refused to let her mount Baron and then even had dared to draw his knife on her! And then he had kissed her, even though Irulan seemed unwilling to do so. And he had forced her to accept his kiss....So this was the true story behind their relationship! Irulan was forced to remain with him because this creature had been threatening her from the beginning. She was obviously too afraid and confused to seek for help. This creature had been forcing himself on his little thorn! He thought back to the night Legolas had approached them by the fire. The way he had encircled her waist as if she belonged to him. The way he had extended his hand and expected her to walk back to him!  
  
Eomer closed his eyes and tried to overcome to urge to ride there this minute and kill Legolas instantly. How dare he! How dare he treat her like this! He swallowed softly and tried to take control of his feelings again. At that moment Eomer swore to himself that no matter what happened, he would not let Irulan lead this life of a slave and prisoner. He looked at Legolas. "I will kill you," he whispered and rode off towards Helm's Deep. 


	16. We Can Grow Old Together

I know, I know! But I slept last night! And I can not say that I regretted doing so. It felt good, damn it.  
  
Alright, next chapter is up. So little time and there is still so much I wanted these characters to go through with each other before the war in Helm's Deep! So I took the freedom to borrow some time. I mean, I once again follow my own timeline of the story. I hope that once you read it, you will agree that there was no way for me to leave the stuff written in this chapter out. I know a lot of you are waiting for the battle. And it will come, no doubt. But sometimes I wish I had yet another week just to insert a lot of interaction between these people. Sigh..a wish not to be granted. Well...it'll take as long as it'll take, I'm afraid.  
  
Thankfully many more have written, saying that they like the pace. As I have said before..I am truly blessed the best and most patient reviewers and readers in this world. Thank you!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Irulan, please stop crying!"  
  
"You started this! You have been crying for an hour and now you want me to stop? I will cry all I want, damn it!"  
  
Eowyn sniffed and wiped away her tears. "Alright.......I stop," she said with a hoarse voice. She pursed her lips and sat on the stone steps, drawing her knees to her. Irulan swallowed hard and tried to regain her own composure. They had to pull themselves together! This was a bad picture for anyone to see (not that anyone was around to see at the moment), they had to be strong! Then she saw Eowyn's defenses break again and the blonde woman closed her eyes as tears began to roll down silently once more.  
  
"Eowyn, stop crying, woman!"  
  
"I can't," the other one whined. "How can he die, Irulan? How?!"  
  
Irulan pressed her palms on her eyes to stop the tears. "I don't believe he died," she said stubbornly, taking a deep, ragged breath.  
  
"But......."  
  
"No! I refuse to believe it!" Suddenly she took away her hands. "Gandalf did not die! And he fell into an abyss in Moria.........with a BALROG, Eowyn! Besides.......the cliff was not really that high," she lied smoothly and once more wiped away her tears.  
  
"Really?" said Eowyn, suddenly sounding much better.  
  
"Yes, really. As a matter of fact, I was about to jump off myself, to look for him. You think I would jump if it was dangerously high?"  
  
Eowyn looked at her with sparks in her eyes. Then she nodded slowly. "A fall like that would not kill Aragorn."  
  
"Definitely! Why, that man fought an entire band of Uruk-hai in Parth Gallen! And a Cave Troll. And orcs of Moria. That fall........" Irulan waved her hand dismissively, "he might be on his way right this minute. And finally having bathed, too!"  
  
They both laughed at that. And it felt so much better to laugh. "Then maybe you should have jumped, Irulan. You could have found him," Eowyn said a minute later.  
  
"Yes," sighed Irulan, "only I would have missed the breath-taking and glamorous fight of Legolas and Eomer."  
  
Eowyn's eyes widened with disbelief and surprise. Irulan nodded in dismay and began to explain what happened.  
  
Eowyn had clasped her hands over her mouth and was listening with a shocked expression. She remained like that even when the story came to an end. "Eowyn, these men are insane! I propose to run off hand in hand with you right this instant! I mean........let's go and ride through Middle Earth as two sane grown-ups, damn it!"  
  
Eowyn exhaled for the first time and smiled deftly. "That sounds like a very good idea, actually. Only I doubt that we could evade Legolas and Eomer for too long."  
  
"True," thought Irulan with dismay, "Legolas would find us in a matter of hours. That is, if he hasn't stopped us from riding off in the first place!"  
  
"Yes.......and then they would believe to have gained the right to tie us down and feed us themselves for all eternity, Irulan!" Eowyn sighed with frustration. Irulan shuddered unconsciously at the thought and remained silent. "I feel for you," said Eowyn suddenly and touched her shoulder. "You are really going through a terrible thing."  
  
"People fall in love and find peace, Eowyn. They find a little hut and live there for the rest of their lives, planting tomatoes and going to picnics. Not that that sort of life is tempting or anything...........but, I mean, I could really use some rest."  
  
"And I thought you always wanted some action in your life!" said Eowyn with amusement. Irulan shot her a dark look.  
  
"We have been looking for you!" boomed Gimli's voice from behind them and both women jumped up to their feet. A bemused Gimli and Legolas were standing behind them.  
  
"Gimli! Is Legolas teaching you how to move around stealthily? You almost killed us, you dwarf!" Irulan shouted in irritation  
  
"Why I was always stealthy and silent!" he said and Eowyn and Irulan smiled at each other. "I remember Haldir saying otherwise," Irulan said with amusement and watched the dwarf's expression grow sour at that.  
  
"Who is Haldir?" said Eowyn.  
  
"Eh.......some elf!" said Gimli with displeasure and waved his hand. "Lady Eowyn! Your uncle is asking for you. I'll take you to him."  
  
Eowyn smiled and let him lead her away. Legolas and Irulan watched them disappear with Gimli trying to explain the Haldir issue and the way he told it, it sounded much different than what Irulan remembered about it.  
  
A silence set in. Finally Irulan forced herself to look up to Legolas and he was looking back at her. He had changed, she could tell that, though how, she did not know. Or maybe this was just the warrior male side to him that she had not met before. But he was an elf, damn it! Why had he suddenly stopped acting like it? Alright, so he was still wiser and gentler and kinder than most men....but there was a dangerous and wild streak to him that just evaded her understanding. Legolas slowly walked up to her and held her hand. Gently lifting her chin, he looked her in the eye. "Are you still angry with me?" he said and kissed her hand.  
  
Irulan ignored the effect this was having on her and gave him a somewhat sour look, then sighed and shook her head. "Really?" said Legolas and kissed her hand again, this time prolonging the touch of his lips on her skin.  
  
"I'm not angry," said Irulan and shifted slightly to shake off the effect. "I am just..........upset.......about Aragorn," she stammered softly.  
  
Legolas looked at her for long moment, then closed the distance between them and softly embraced her. "Irulan, if you were not with me now, I doubt that I would be able to overcome his loss," he said with obvious sadness in his voice. "But, I will not pray for his soul yet. I have prayed too many times and found out that it had been unnecessary on this quest. I can only hope that he will return to us."  
  
She leaned back a little to look at him with surprise. "You mean.........you believe he could?"  
  
Legolas gently wiped away the strands of her from her face and leaned in to kiss her softly on the cheek. "I do. As a matter of fact, from now on, I shall not believe anyone to be dead until I see a body!" he said with a lighter tone, smiling down at her.  
  
Irulan could not help from grinning. "I think I might have played a part in this mistrust," she said.  
  
"You certainly did, my love," he said and embraced her again. The fact that Legolas was this expressive about his feelings for her was still something Irulan had to get used to. True, he would not embrace or kiss her in public and always remained reserved when others were present; but once they were alone, he would instantly seek a physical connection with her and she often found that amusing and curious. Elves were sensitive about touch and would not even touch each other, other than a kind handshake if they had no reason to. Of course she had no idea how things were between an elven couple. 'Maybe I should ask him about that,' she thought deftly.  
  
Besides, Legolas was not the typical elf. Actually, now that she thought about it.......Aragorn was not the typical human. Gimli most certainly was an extra-ordinary dwarf, Gandalf was not a typical Istari, Irulan herself was far from a typical woman and the hobbits were very untypical hobbits.......since they had left the Shire for an adventure in the first place. This whole party -except perhaps for Boromir- was consisting of very unusual people. So......an elf who loved to touch her was probably normal as well.  
  
"I, too, believe that he may yet be alive," said Irulan slowly. "Or perhaps I WANT to believe that. And........well.......one must have a little faith," she said finally and grinned.  
  
"Yes, one must," he whispered and turned her head to kiss her softly. Irulan sighed when he broke the kiss. This was becoming something harder to refuse with every hour. She was supposed to feel angry, sad, and afraid......but she felt neither with Legolas by her, and seeking his intimacy was becoming more and more a search for shelter from all those terrible feelings. It was interesting, but while he was with her, while he embraced her or kissed her, or even only stood by her and held her hand, the real events of the world faded and diminished into the background. Yes, they were still in the middle of war; yes, the Ring issue was still a disturbing matter; Aragorn was gone, Boromir was dead and the Fellowship was broken; and yes, the Shifting was yet a problem unsolved.........but as real as they were, they seemed not as threatening and ultimate all of a sudden. They were important perhaps.......but as little sense as that made, her connection seemed to be more important. Or in other words: she stopped caring once she was with him. And she had no idea if that was a good or wise thing to do.  
  
She lay her head on his shoulder and leaned in on him. "Legolas," she said softly, and hesitated a moment before she continued: "I think I should talk to Eomer." She felt him tense but he remained still other than that. A moment passed, then another. Irulan brought up her head and leaned slightly back to see his expression.  
  
"Why would you want to do that?" he asked with a cautious voice.  
  
"I don't want anything like today to happen again," she said slowly and looked up to see if Legolas needed further explanation, but he looked back at her and nodded softly.  
  
"Perhaps I should talk," he said then.  
  
Irulan's eyes widened at the suggestion. "No way! You two would kill each other off!" Legolas looked away but she could see that he -though unwillingly- agreed to that. "Besides, he is my friend, Legolas. He deserves to hear this sort of thing from me." A long silence stretched. Of course, she could just go ahead and do that without even letting him know or asking him....but she forced herself to think as a couple now. She should not keep acting as careless and as individualistic as she used to. Alas, old habits were hard to shed and she had to remind herself that Legolas deserved an explanation about her actions and motives. Besides, things were too complicated as they were, she did not want to upset either of these crazy men and end up losing one of them.  
  
"I don't like it," said Legolas finally with dismay.  
  
"Legolas, stop being like that," she said finally.  
  
"What if he hurts you, Irulan?"  
  
"Eomer would never hurt me, Legolas," she said with disbelief.  
  
He looked her in the eye and softly caressed her cheek. "Yes, but what if he.......should seek to convince you?"  
  
Irulan laughed at that. "He most certainly will. In that case, you will have to trust me, and my love for you," she said.  
  
And it was exactly the answer Legolas had feared. He did trust, Irulan, of course........but the conversation with Aragorn from the previous night came back to him. If Eomer could succeed in persuading her that it would be in Legolas' best interest, Irulan might do a lot of things. He sighed and looked away. "I trust you, then," he said and ignored the pleading of his heart. If Eomer tried and succeeded in anything of that sort, he would just have to fight and reclaim Irulan. And he was more than ready to do that.  
  
"I knew you would," she whispered and tightened her embrace around his neck a little. "And Legolas, no rescue mission this time."  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked, stunned.  
  
"You know what I mean. I mean no interference from you or anyone else. No walking in on the conversation or anything."  
  
Legolas looked away in irritation. "It better not take too long, then," he said.  
  
"Legolas," she said with a warning in her voice, "it will take as long as it takes."  
  
"And how long is that?"  
  
"You are an elf, Legolas! You are supposed to be patient beyond anyone. A few hours should be nothing to you!"  
  
"A few hours?!" he said with horror.  
  
"It's just a fleeting moment for you," she said with amusement.  
  
"Not when it is a time you are not with me," he whispered and kissed her again, this time with passion. "In fact," he said and moved down along her throat, kissing her pulsing vein, "it is beyond torture to remain apart for such a long time."  
  
'Oh no.......not the seduction again!" she thought and to her utter horror, felt herself giving in with each kiss. Irulan broke the embrace and quickly retreated from him, a little out of breath. She swallowed softly. "Well.......the sooner I go, the sooner I come back," she said.  
  
Legolas smiled with amusement. "I shall be waiting for your return," he said softly and Irulan walked away, trying hard not to sway with the dizziness of her emotions.  
  
***  
  
She found Eomer amongst his men, checking on their weapons and giving tactical orders for the watch that night. He saw her approach and immediately an expression of guilt set in on his features. He clasped his hands behind his back, pushed up his chin, and waited for her.  
  
"Eomer," said Irulan softly once she arrived, "how are you?"  
  
Eomer seemed surprised for a moment and swiftly looked her up and down. "Fine......I'm fine, Irulan," he said. A moment of silence. "How are you?" he said gently.  
  
"I have seen better days," she said and sighed to look away. Eomer kept looking at her with suspicion. She turned to him and said "I thought we could talk a little?"  
  
Eomer nodded softly and began to walk alongside her. He hesitated for a moment then offered her his arm, smiling, like he used to do when they were younger and Irulan grinned and accepted it. They walked in silence for a while.  
  
"Irulan, I want to apologize for my behavior," he said finally. 'Finally someone who thinks it was NOT such a nice thing!' she thought with relief. "But I do not regret it," he said and Irulan almost moaned with disappointment.  
  
"Eomer, how can you say that? I was so worried today!"  
  
Eomer stopped suddenly and turned to her: "For me or for him, Irulan?"  
  
She looked up at him baffled. "For both of you, you fool!"  
  
Eomer pursed his lips and continued to lead her away from the crowd. "Why are you with him, Irulan?"  
  
"I love him, Eomer." He stopped in mid-track and looked down at her with disbelief. A long moment passed. "No you don't," he whispered finally.  
  
Irulan rolled her eyes. "Eomer, you know me well enough to know that I would not say it if it was not true. I DO love him."  
  
"Even though he treats you like that?" he said with a tinge of anger in his voice.  
  
Irulan looked up confused. "What do you mean?" she said with a careful tone.  
  
Eomer strode ahead and Irulan caught up and took his arm again. "Spare me, Irulan! I know you are not well treated. Nearly not well enough as you deserve." She thought about saying something, but then decided against it and let him speak. "You deserve the best, Irulan. I have not saved you from all those no-good suitors so that you can live like this..and fall for...for HIM!" he spat.  
  
"Eomer!" she protested, but he refused to listen.  
  
"No, Irulan. This is not for you. This creature.." he began, then stopped.  
  
Irulan felt so bad. Eomer did not understand. He refused to accept that she could indeed love Legolas and that he could love her. She sighed and looked away. It was not surprising, really. Very few people would understand and support her. She looked around her and suddenly realized that they were all alone now. Eomer was standing still and looking at her with a very peculiar expression. One that did not look too friendly. She hastily removed her hand from his arm and stepped back a little.  
  
"Eomer," she said with a careful tone, "if you really value me, you will respect my decision. Mistake or not, I have made a choice and I truly think that this sort of interference is wrong." She looked up at him, he stood where she had left him, a beautiful smile on his lips. "I mean.." she began, "I mean..where does this stop? Are you going to tell me whom to marry, too, Eomer?" Alright maybe that was a bad example right there. She winced and looked up to see Eomer smiling even more obvious now.  
  
"Maybe I will, Irulan," he said softy and took a step towards her.  
  
Irulan gracefully stepped back a little. "Eomer...you know what I mean," she said, a little nervous now. Maybe this whole talking issue was not such a good idea, after all. "I really think..." she began, but could not get any further.  
  
"You could marry me," he said softly.  
  
Irulan closed her eyes. This was definitely NOT good. A long silence passed between them. "Very funny indeed, Eomer," she finally managed to say and dared to look up. Eomer had never been the joking type.....but there was always hope, was there not? Eomer looked very serious, though. The smile was gone. He looked nervous, actually.  
  
"I am not joking, Irulan," he said finally. Irulan's mouth dropped open. Alright, she could accept the fact that Eomer liked her. Hell, she could even accept the fact that he loved her, in his own way. But marriage?! Now that sounded truly over the top.  
  
"Wh-what are you talking about?" she said with horror.  
  
Eomer took another step towards her. "Irulan," he said softly and hesitated a moment, then chuckled lightly. "This is a very bad time, I know. I was not planning to ask you now. But....now that I did, I might as well go on." Irulan watched in horror as he pursed his lips and looked down for a moment, then looked back up in her eyes again. "I love you," he said softly, "but I think you know that. I have always loved you. Yes..it was a different love before..but times change, people change, and so do feelings." He looked up and smiled at her. "I thought my infatuation would fade away in time. And I thought I would fall for a very different woman," he said and laughed softly again. "But..in every woman I was with, I could not help myself trying to find you."  
  
Irulan swallowed hard and looked away. This was definitely not going the way she had expected it to be. An intervention from Legolas would be lovely at this point. But she had told him not to come! Damn!  
  
Eomer sighed and looked away once more. He seemed to be lost his own thoughts. "I am no elf, Irulan. I am only a simple man. Perhaps I do not have much to offer you, either. And I know you might think that I will not be right in many ways...but I am ready to change. For you, I will change. I can learn to be what you would rather have me be, Irulan."  
  
"Eomer," she began and swallowed again. Fortunately he began to talk again, for she had no idea as to what to say.  
  
"Irulan, I have known and come to accept you for a long time now. I promise to do so until the end of our days. I know.." he said and nervously looked up at her, "I know you do not feel for me the way I feel for you. But...your feelings may change in time and I will not rush you in any manner. We have always been close. We have always been good friends. I believe that we can be a very good couple and overcome many things together."  
  
He was silent for another moment and once more looked away. "I know that I have not shown it too much with my behavior....but I respect you, Irulan. A LOT. We can rely on each other...and...grow old together," he said, looking into her eyes again. No doubt, he meant to hint at Legolas with the growing old part. Irulan looked away and swallowed.  
  
"Irulan," he said softly and approached her a little more, "I KNOW you. And you know me. I will not expect you to be the princess that you never wanted to be, the princess you ran away from. Theodred's death has left me as the heir, yes...yet I am willing to give up that title for you, because I know you would not be happy as a queen. Once this war is over....we can go wherever you want and do whatever you wish."  
  
A long silence entered once more. Irulan felt like fainting right then and there. This was so wrong! Eomer! She loved Eomer, yes, but not like...not like this. And yes, he had changed a lot and was not the man she remembered him any longer....but....but....And suddenly she realized that there was actually no reason why this should not work. As a matter of fact, they were more proper for each other than Legolas and Irulan would ever be. A single reason kept them divided: she was in love with Legolas, not him. That single reason stood on the scale against countless reasons that said Eomer was the right choice.  
  
She felt his fingers caressing her cheek and came back to the present. "Irulan," he said softly, "please do no answer now. I...I know you have a lot on your mind. I don't expect you to shove all that aside for me at the moment. But know this," he said and took another step towards her, "all you need to do is call for me. I will come for your rescue, Irulan. I will help you and protect you. You have nothing to fear, my little thorn." He leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek. Then, with one last look, turned around and walked back. Irulan remained behind, massaging her face.  
  
***  
  
"Lady Eowyn, is there something troubling you?"  
  
Eowyn laughed despite herself. He had not even turned his back and she had truly tried to be silent. But of course she was nowhere near fooling an elf. "Master Legolas, it is you who looks troubled."  
  
Legolas did not move. Neither did he give any indication that he had heard her. A moment later he turned to glance over his shoulder. He had a very warm smile on his face. "Perhaps we both are, then," he said and his voice was like music.  
  
Eowyn smiled herself and moved down to stand beside him. Those intense blue eyes settled on her for a moment and she felt as if he was looking at all her secrets, her childhood memories, her future hopes and darkest fears. Then he turned to look towards the distant horizons of Rohan, once more. They remained silent for a while. Finally Eowyn overcame her nervousness and said "Your troubles concern my brother," and she succeeded in making it not sound like a question.  
  
Once again he gave no indication of hearing her and remained unblinking as he was, for a moment. Then Legolas spoke up and he sounded both determined and oddly sad. "You are right, my lady," he hesitated another moment, then said "Irulan has told you what happened today," and it did not sound like a question, either. Eowyn nodded softly. Finally he turned to look at her. "I fear that this might be considered as ungratefulness towards the hospitability you have shown me. That was never my intention."  
  
Eowyn smiled. "No........not at all. We have great respect for both you and your friends. Do not worry.......we would never come to such conclusions. Especially after what you have done for my uncle and Rohan." He smiled back at her and Eowyn understood why Irulan thought him so charming. He truly was grace incarnate. "Master Legolas," she began with a careful tone, "perhaps this might sound disturbing to you........and you should feel free not to share anything if you deem it improper.........but I am curious about your feelings concerning Irulan." She swallowed softly. Eowyn knew so little about the elvish culture.......she might be offending him at the moment.  
  
Once more he remained expressionless for a while, but then turned to her with another smile. "I was expecting this conversation between us, Lady Eowyn."  
  
She was surprised. "You were?"  
  
He nodded softly. "Of course. You are a true and very close friend of hers. I would be surprised if you had not asked me this question."  
  
She smiled with amusement. Another interesting side to him. Very likeable, too. A short silence followed, but Eowyn waited patiently and did not turn away from him. He was more interesting to watch than the distant rocky hills. "My love for Irulan," he began softly and once again, she felt the odd sensation of listening to a song rather than a speech, "evades words. And the few words I find evade the abysses of culture and race. I have witnessed things that strike similar chords in me throughout my life. I have seen the birth and death of such marvelous creatures, cursed with a life that holds only a single day of yours or mine. I have seen other creatures that have been in this world before any other and probably will remain long after many are gone. I have seen unparalleled sacrifice - lives devoted to the exploration of such small things, perhaps no one else realized their existence before and perhaps no one else ever will.........My eyes have witnessed the growth and exploration of feelings -of friendship and trust; dedication and compassion- for centuries between the people of my kind. Then I have been surprised to see all these feelings expressed with much more beauty and preciseness in only a matter of moments amongst other kinds. And after all this time...I have discovered that for three millennia I have been looking at the wrong things. For almost three thousand autumns my eyes have been resting on things of neither importance, nor value...for finally I have seen HER." He turned to look at her and Eowyn felt herself incapable of breathing. "Amazement may be the word, Lady Eowyn, though it reflects so little of my feelings for her." He sighed softly "I am ready to devote the remaining of my entire existence only to be amazed by her."  
  
Eowyn swallowed softly and this time decided to turn to look away. "Master Legolas," she began very carefully, "I have opposed to your relationship with her before. I have even tried to........persuade.......Irulan to give Eomer a chance." She looked up quickly to see if he was angry, but he was looking down at her with a soft expression.  
  
"I know," he said.  
  
"You know?!" Eowyn was once again very much surprised. He had never shown any indication of that knowledge.  
  
"You did what you deemed right, my Lady. In your position, I would have done the same. As a matter of fact, I have, in the past," he finished with a soft and somewhat bitter murmur.  
  
Eowyn looked at him for a long time. Finally she brought herself to take a deep breath and continue: "Then you must also know that I have realized that I was wrong in the matter." He turned to her with arched eyebrows. Eowyn nodded silently. "I could no longer be blind to the change in Irulan. You see......Irulan has always been confused and restless. From the moment I have known her, she was unhappy and unsatisfied with her life. But now.......although she might have greater problems than she did in the past, she is none of those things. I know that we have you to thank for that."  
  
Legolas blinked and turned a little further to look at her. "I could only hope to be the cause of such a change in her, Lady Eowyn."  
  
"Oh but you really are," laughed Eowyn softly. She sighed softly. "I know that Eomer loves her. And I also know that he would do anything in his power to make her happy. Yet.......he would never succeed in having that kind of effect on her, Master Legolas. It would be foolish not to accept that."  
  
He looked at her, impressed. "Your brother does not agree," he said a moment later, his eyes never leaving hers.  
  
"No. He never will, perhaps." Eowyn bit her lower lip. I do not blame my brother for his feelings, very much like I do not blame you for yours. But it is our actions that divide us and set us apart from others. Irulan might disagree, but what you did today was the right thing."  
  
Legolas laughed softly. "She disagrees, of that you can be certain."  
  
Eowyn nodded. "She had very little interaction with people. Even in her youth, she had chosen a life devoted to Chemarit or the library of the castle rather than one that would bring her social experience. She has a pure heart, but knows very little about relationships and the way the minds of people work. I would fear for her....if she were not with you, Master Legolas," she said softly. "Many might try to confuse her, or trick her or persuade her to do things that are not for her own benefit. But you have wisdom enough for the both of you. Do not hesitate to take matters into your own hands if the need arises," Eowyn finished and smiled with amusement.  
  
"This is a dilemma I have been facing more and more often," he murmured a moment later. "It is not the way of my people to interfere. And yet....often I see no other way."  
  
"Perhaps it would be wrong amongst the Eldar, for you are all endowed with the same maturity and insight. But Irulan is no Eldar. Do not be afraid to treat her like a mortal would, when the time comes. It might be the only way to make her understand."  
  
He turned to her then and Eowyn felt his presence like she had never felt it before. She saw through his façade and realized with certainty that he was not a young man standing before her, but an Eldar...someone who looked similar to a human, but was very far from it. A strange fear pulsed in her...a fear that one feels when one confronts something mighty. No, not fear....but awe. He was a walking mystery. He was three millennia, compressed into a man of utter beauty. And surprisingly, the time had not made him bitter, impatient or selfish as would be the case if it had been a human that lived that long. After all that time, he was still understanding, gentle and devoted. A sudden urge to kneel came over her, as she would kneel in the presence of a king or a mighty ruler, or perhaps a man with overwhelming power. She forced herself to remain standing, mainly because it would look odd and probably ridiculous.  
  
Legolas smiled at her. No wonder Eowyn was Irulan's best friend. She possessed a wisdom that he had not observed in men many times her age. Humans were such an intriguing race. He slightly bowed his head and she snapped out of her trance to reply in the same fashion. "Thank you for this, Lady Eowyn," he said softly. "I shall never forget your kindness. "  
  
Eowyn swallowed softly. "And I shall never forget you," she said. She watched him walk away and then disappear. And that day in Helm's Deep would prove to be the day when Eowyn broke her prejudice against the Eldar and instead of fearing them or shunning them, began to admire them for what they were. She would meet many elves later on in her life, and true, they would all turn out to be marvelous and remarkable. Yet, Legolas would always be remembered and told by her to be the most remarkable of them all...for in his eyes she had seen the love for another being and it was a sight never to be repeated in that ardor again. 


	17. A Greater Cause Unites Us

Irulan was once again standing before Chemarit's hut. The moment she realized that, a great fear came over her and turning her back to the hut, she quickly scanned the surroundings. No one was there. But what she saw made her swallow with horror anyway. Everything had changed. The trees other than the great tree by the hut were burned or chopped off. The castle could under normal circumstances not be seen from this distance because of the tall forest in between...but now it was very visible. Only it did not look like a castle any longer. It was a heap of black, burnt ruins, looking like the remnants of a blackened tooth sticking out of the ground. Most of the walls or towers were gone...it looked completely destroyed.  
  
Irulan felt nauseous. She felt dizzy. She backed away until her back was resting on the door of the hut and continued looking with teary eyes. Those beautiful trees.....the entire forest, burnt to ashes! Her castle, gone. The city most probably destroyed. A chilly wind blew at her face and Irulan realized that the season was no longer summer, either. It was winter...or fall. There was no snow on the ground but dark clouds overhung the sky and it was bitterly cold. The circle enclosing Chemarit's hut and the tree looked truly absurd in this view, for nothing in the circle had changed. The grass was still green and very much alive, the tree was lusciously beautiful and the hut looked as always.  
  
Irulan hastily looked around once more, expecting Hetaire or someone else to show, but when no one did, she carefully pushed the door of the hut....and it gave in under her touch. She closed her eyes and swallowed softly. What if Hetaire was inside, waiting for her? Anger rose in her. 'That woman has no business in Chemarit's hut! I'll kick her out if she is in there!' she thought suddenly and pushed the door wider and stepped in quickly, closing it behind her.  
  
Irulan was standing in the open and it was springtime. She was so stunned at the effect of that, she remained baffled for a moment before she hastily looked back and yes, there was the old wooden door, behind her, standing alone with no walls around it. She backed away from the view in front her and slightly leaned on it, fearing that the door would disappear, but it seemed as real as the rest of this world. A sharp scent of grass came with the soft, warm breeze and she instantly recognized the place...she was standing in no other place than the valley of grass! The one she had seen as a vision with herself and Legolas in it!  
  
Her mouth dropped open at the realization and she walked slowly away from the door, further into the valley. She looked up at the gigantic blue-white rocks surrounding her as she walked into the soft waist-high grass that caressed her with every step and gently flowed around her like a green river. It looked exactly as she remembered it to be - even the moment was the same, for once more the sun had begun to set and its soft orange glow was melting on everything around her.  
  
She had only walked a few steps and her confusion had already begun to turn into pleasure, when she heard a voice behind her. "Is it not peaceful?" it said. She jumped up at that and turned around, fear gripping her heart. Fear was instantly replaced by astonishment when she saw Boromir. He was standing a small distance away in the grass, as she did, his eyes closed, his head slightly tilted up, as if he was smelling the wind; his hands stretched out, palms down, to feel the touch of the grass as it moved around him.  
  
"Boromir?" whispered Irulan despite herself. She had no doubt that it was Boromir, but he was so unexpected a sight, she did not know what else to say. He looked a little different, too. He was wearing a linen and soft tunic of darker greens and browns with matching leggings. The front of his dark greenish shirt was covered with the white tree of Gondor, and it shone with a misty pearl color. Irulan found herself looking at it with amazement, so beautiful was the work of that image. She then looked up to see that Boromir was looking back at her. He looked..exactly the same age as he was when he had parted from them in Parth Gallen...and yet there was a freshness and youth to him that she could not pinpoint. He smiled and it was so soft, Irulan could not help to smile back.  
  
"This is such a beautiful place, Irulan," he said softly, looking at her with admiration, "I am truly happy to be here."  
  
"Boromir!" she shouted and jumped up to hug him. He laughed and embraced her back. She felt her feet leaving the ground and Boromir patted her back, keeping her in his embrace. "I have missed you so much!" she said and could not help the faltering of her voice. She wanted to cry out of sheer happiness, but fought it down in fear that it might startle him now. He laughed again and embraced her tighter before he gently lowered her down.  
  
"I have missed you too, Irulan," he said, smiling down at her. She could not remember him ever smiling like that. It looked like his entire soul was smiling, so peaceful and happy was his expression. He looked a very different man from the one who had fought all those years for Gondor and who had died fighting for yet a greater cause. They stood like that for a long moment, feeling the sharp happiness of seeing each other again descending on them and Irulan felt more like crying with every moment.  
  
Suddenly another voice boomed from behind Boromir. "Irulan! What is wrong with you, woman! This grass is too tall and too dense! Why not a nice riverbank, I ask you?!" Her eyes widened with the realization even before Boromir smiled and moved aside to reveal the man who had spoken. She clasped her hands on her mouth and this time nothing could keep her from crying.  
  
"Chemarit!" she yelped and threw herself on the old man sitting in the only piece of furniture in the entire valley - his old, dilapidated armchair. He laughed softly and caressed her back while she remained like that, crying with all her heart, as if she was a little girl again. "Now now, Irulan....what's with the crying?" he said softly and she cried even harder at that. She heard both Chemarit and Boromir softly laugh and she hugged Chemarit even harder, trying to feel his presence before something happened and she woke up. He felt so real!  
  
"Irulan, a mighty warrior you are indeed!" Chemarit chuckled after many moments and she finally forced herself to pull back a little, wiping away her tears and laughing along with them.  
  
"I have missed you so much, Master!" she said, crying even harder with those words.  
  
Chemarit patted her shoulder. "If you still miss me, you have found nothing in your life to keep you too busy from missing old, dead men, Irulan!" he said mocking irritation.  
  
She laughed at that, then cried some more, then began to laugh again. She sank back on the grass, leaning towards the armchair and looking up at him. Boromir had moved behind the armchair, standing next to it. She looked from one to the other and giggled as more tears ran down her cheeks. For long minutes neither spoke, and the two men looked back at her with that peaceful smile while she tried to etch every single thing into her memory. Chemarit, too, looked exactly the same, yet much fresher. As if he had been tired in life but was fully rested now. His eyes were shining with pleasure and content.  
  
Another breeze came up and once more the grass around them swished and bowed down. Irulan looked towards the end of the valley and she felt the peace and contentment she had first felt here with Legolas slowly washing over her. Once more the satisfaction and tranquility of the moment overcame her and she felt a deep sense of belonging set in. 'This must be what true happiness feels like,' she thought, smiling to herself. She felt Chemarit's hand on her head, softly stroking her hair as he would do when she was very little and she leaned her head back on the armchair, letting go. She realized that the sun should have set by now, but that the light had not changed at all.  
  
"I wish to stay," she whispered suddenly. She turned around to look back at Boromir and Chemarit who were looking down at her. "I am so tired. I wish to rest."  
  
Chemarit sighed but did not answer. Instead, Boromir talked with his distinctive Gondor accent: "And we wish you to stay....but it is not your time yet, Irulan."  
  
She looked back at the valley and then back at them. Her heart literally hurt with the thought of leaving. She had not felt such bliss and contentment in all her life. "I don't want to leave," she protested with dismay.  
  
Chemarit chuckled at that. "Your greatest weakness prevails, I see, Irulan," he said. "You have grown no more patient in all these years!"  
  
Boromir held out his hand to her and she slowly took it, letting him help her up. "Irulan....would you really desert our friends at this grave time?" He said softly, "That is not the Irulan I have come to know."  
  
She looked at Chemarit, who had stood up as well and he smiled sadly at her. She felt like crying again. "But...but..." She stopped, swallowing softly. Boromir tugged at her hand and she began to follow him, Chemarit walking along with her. "Don't be foolish," Chemarit said softly, "what is the rush? Have you learned nothing I have taught you?"  
  
She threw him a sidelong glance. "I'm afraid I haven't Master," she said finally. "And after you, I have learned even less!"  
  
"Boromir told me otherwise," Chemarit said, grinning. She turned to look to Boromir and he smiled down at her. "I knew you would make me proud, Irulan," Chemarit said then and her surprise faded into embarrassment. She swallowed softly and looked at her feet. Boromir laughed at that.  
  
Suddenly both men halted and pulled her to a stop as well. She looked up and very much as she had expected, the wooden door stood right before her. She felt tears rising up again and the pain of parting burned in her. "I do not want to go," she said softly.  
  
Boromir gently placed his hand underneath her chin and forced her to look up. "Irulan," he said softly and another breeze came up from the valley, combing through their hair, "we are not going anywhere. We will be here when you return. We are here to show you that you have nothing to fear."  
  
She wiped her eyes and looked at Chemarit who was smiling and nodding at her. "Whatever you face out there, the worst that could happen is for you to end up here with us. Therefore, fear nothing, child," he said softly.  
  
She nodded, knowing that she had to leave, even though every part of her wanted to remain here forever. She thought about the world outside the door. She thought about its ugliness and devastation. Then she thought about Hetaire, the Uruk-hai, Sauron and Saruman...Irulan looked over her shoulder towards the valley and taking a deep breath, felt the fear of those things flowing away from her. She opened the door wide and looked up. A very large crowd was looking at her, standing outside the circle that remained of Mirkwood, on the burnt remains of the forest. She smiled at Boromir, then at Chemarit and both smiled back at her. Suddenly she realized that her staff was in her hand. "I shall join you later, then," she said and looking at them one last time, stepped out to meet the countless Irulans, waiting for her with extended staffs.  
  
  
  
"Irulan?" said Legolas gently. She stirred and woke up at his voice and turned to look at him.  
  
"Oh..." she stammered. "Oh...I..sorry, I was...thinking...must have fallen asleep." She was lying in one of the very few rooms in Helm's Deep, that had been used for other purposes before, but now stood reserved for the Fellowship, since all three felt uncomfortable remaining parted from each other for too long. Walking back from a very confusing talk with Eomer, she had found her way up here, to think without anyone interrupting, and lying on her mattress, she had given in to the fatigue of the day, completely forgetting that Legolas was waiting for her.  
  
He remained silent for a moment, then said: "I looked everywhere for you. I was worried." He closed the door behind him and crouched next to her, touching her forehead. "Are you well?"  
  
"Sorry Legolas. I am well...but I seem to have fallen asleep."  
  
He smiled and lying down next to her, embraced her. To his surprise Irulan threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down for an intense kiss. She kissed his cheek then and buried her face into his neck. Legolas gently stroked her back. "What is it, my love?" he whispered. Irulan did not answer and remained in his embrace for a while. Then she lay back on her side and Legolas gently pulled her closer, looking down at her, propped up on his elbow. "Tell me," he said softly, very slowly combing through her hair with his fingers. He knew that it had a very relaxing effect on Irulan.  
  
Irulan remained silent for a moment as the dream slowly left her and reality began to return. A reality in which Eomer had proposed her. She thought about telling him about the dream, but decided against it. It might not be a very good thing to say at the dawn of war. Even telling him about Eomer was a better option. Only....Saying it seemed to be a very bad idea. Legolas might react very drastic, saying that Eomer is disrespecting him or her again. But then...not saying it was worse. It would be...a betrayal of some sort. They had built this trust between them...and if she hid something of this sort now, it would truly gnaw at her conscience. Also.....what if he heard it from someone else? What if Eomer told him? Oh no....that would really be awful. She sighed softly.  
  
"It did not go the way I was hoping," she murmured, feeling herself slipping with the touch of his fingers in her hair.  
  
Legolas stopped suddenly and she looked up at him. "Did he hurt you?" he said with a mixture of disbelief and anger on his face.  
  
"No, Legolas," Irulan whined and gave him an annoyed look. Legolas sighed with relief and resumed his combing. Then suddenly he tensed again. What if he talked her into something...she seemed so disturbed. His heart made a flip.  
  
"Tell me what he said," he said, hoping that his anxiety and curiosity would not show too much in his voice.  
  
"Only if you promise you will not react," she said.  
  
Legolas literally blanched. Then it WAS something disturbing. His mind raced over the worst possible things Eomer might have said and Irulan might have agreed to. He had been thinking of those for the past couple of hours, anyway and now they all stormed into his mind. He swallowed softly.  
  
"Irulan," he whispered, "tell me now."  
  
She shook her head. "Promise."  
  
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. This could not be good. Damn that man! "I promise I will not react foolishly," he said finally, hoping that she would be satisfied with that.  
  
"Legolas," she sighed and shook her head, "It is nothing to worry about. But I think you and Eomer filled your day's share of fighting."  
  
He nodded softly. That didn't mean that he could not fight tomorrow. "Irulan gave him a suspicious look and said "He asked for my hand in marriage," with a very careful tone. Legolas gasped with disbelief and sat up instantly. She sat up too, softly holding his hand in case he might decide to bolt away to kill Eomer or anything of that sort. "Don't make me regret I told you, Legolas," she said with a serious voice.  
  
He looked away and gritted his teeth. That infamous blue fire once more returned to his eyes. "How dare he!" he hissed and for a moment looked as if he meant actually to get up and find Eomer right then. Irulan grabbed his arm and shook him slightly to make him look down at her. Legolas stirred and did. He looked both very scared and furious.  
  
"Irulan, this can not be right. Do not expect me to sit and wait while he courts you!"  
  
"He does not court me, Legolas!" Irulan said with horror.  
  
"And what would you call that?"  
  
Irulan sighed and looked away. "Look, this is..you have to trust me on this. Eomer is not stalking me or courting me or anything of that sort. He just..asked me. He did not even want me to answer now."  
  
"He can NOT ask you!" he protested and then decided to soften his tone to make her understand: "Irulan, what would you think of me if I walked up to Arwen now and asked for her hand? She is involved, is she not? It may seem innocent, but it would be a highly improper thing to do."  
  
Irulan shook her head. "I know. But the point is, Eomer does not accept the fact that we are involved. And no matter what you do, you won't be able to change that. Neither will I."  
  
"I certainly can try!" he said with that icy tone again.  
  
"Legolas, if Eomer asked you to give up on me, would you do so?"  
  
Legolas looked down at her, baffled. "Of course not!"  
  
"Then you have to understand him," she said softly.  
  
He seemed to relent for a moment, but then shook his head softly again. "Irulan..that is different. I can understand that he loves you. Yet, you have chosen me. You are involved with me. He should never make such an attempt."  
  
Irulan sighed with frustration and sat back a little. She was becoming angry indeed. "Legolas, I'm tired of this whole issue! While you fight over your precious little toy here, I am trying very hard to find solutions for far more important problems! I am beginning to think that you two are very selfish and just so that you know, I will NOT put up with this foolishness any longer."  
  
He remained stunned for a moment, then looked down and slowly reached out for her hand. "Forgive me, Irulan. Once again, I have been foolish, indeed. My feelings are steering me very wrong in this matter. You are right..I am sorry to have troubled you with this issue."  
  
"Legolas, it is not just Eomer," she whined and covered her face with her hands. "We will get this reaction from almost EVERYONE. I feel so tired. How will I fight so many people? I fail to find the strength," she said and felt herself on the threshold of crying once more. Though she resisted this time stubbornly - so much crying for one day was enough indeed!  
  
Legolas sighed softly and pulled her even closer to him, stroking her hair and her back. "I know, my love," he whispered into her ear. "But..you do not have to find the strength. I shall fight for the both of us, if you but only let me." She took a deep breath and leaned in on his chest. "Irulan, do you want to be with me?" he said softly.  
  
She looked up with disbelief. "More than anything, Legolas."  
  
He smiled down at her with pure joy. "Then let go of this burden," he whispered. "Let me fight for you. Let me stand up for you. Lean on me, my love and let me ride." He leaned in to give her a soft kiss.  
  
"But I love these people. I do not want them to get hurt, Legolas."  
  
He looked away for a moment and remained silent, pursing his lips. "However, Irulan," he said softly and stroked her hair again, "you may have to make choices. Being with me might push you away from those you love. And though a part of me pains with that thought, I do not know the remedy or the solution. For another part of me refuses to let go of you....ever." He sighed and caressed her cheek again. "I wish I could spare you this conflict. I wish I could go through it for the both of us. But it is beyond me, my love."  
  
She looked up at Legolas and her love for him truly engulfed her as it had never before. Yes, she wanted to be with him. Yes, it could be forever. And even after that, she wanted to be with him some more. And he was the only man Irulan felt truly giving in to. She felt the urge to lean into his arms and let him handle everything and everyone around her. She trusted him, did she not? As a matter of fact, often she trusted his judgment more than she trusted her own. True, he was jealous and lately a bit possessive of her and no matter how old he was, Legolas was still capable of fury and anger and their due expressions. Yet...who was not? Was she not, herself? Irulan felt tired of conflicts, combats, fights and struggles. She just wanted to rest and be with Legolas and it seemed like this was too much to ask for.  
  
She smiled and pulled him down for a kiss. "It is a price I am more than willing to pay to be with you," she said and Legolas felt his heart making a flip. No matter how many times she showed it to him or told him or he told it himself, the fact that Irulan loved him hit him right at his heart every single time as if it was the first time. "So you will fight off the dragons for me, will you, my valiant knight?" she said with amusement, breaking the kiss.  
  
Legolas gasped with the loss of her touch. "Each and every one," he whispered, intoxicated by her warmth. "I fear neither beast nor man, Irulan. I fear only the loss of you. I fear that they may break us apart. Never before have I wished not to be an elf. But now I wish it. More than anything."  
  
She looked up at him with disbelief. "Don't say that," she said finally. "You are perfect the way you are."  
  
He continued combing her hair with his fingers. "But am I perfect for you?"  
  
Irulan lay back on the mattress and Legolas resumed his former position, looking down at her propped up on his elbow, combing through her hair. "Well, to tell the truth...you have quite many flaws...but..I can deal with that," she said a moment later, unable to keep a slight grin from her face.  
  
"My princess is being too modest," he said and smiled with amusement. "Perhaps I can pay compensation for some of those?" he whispered and instantly jumped to his feet, snatching Irulan with him. She shrieked despite herself. "Not again! Let me down Legolas!" she protested, still laughing.  
  
He began walking towards the door and a moment later he was outside, striding purposefully down the hall. "Legolas! Where are you taking me!" she tried saying as serious as she could, but laughed again.  
  
"To wake you up, of course. I remember passing by some very large water barrels this way," he said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Oh no! No!" she protested and tried to break free. "Legolas, please, please, please my love!"  
  
He looked at her with arched eyebrows. "My love?" he said with amusement. "Oh now I know how to treat you, Irulan!" And he began walking even faster.  
  
Irulan shrieked again and although she knew that it was beyond her, she tried breaking free again. Legolas laughed at her attempts. Suddenly an idea occurred to her and she leaned in to kiss his neck. Legolas suddenly slowed down and turned to look down at her. "Please?" Irulan whispered with a sly smile.  
  
He looked at her a moment longer, then said "I don't think that would be enough to persuade me."  
  
Irulan smacked his shoulder and he laughed, striding even faster. She struggled some more, then leaned in to kiss the rim of his sensitive elven ear and this time Legolas did stop. "You're not playing fair," he whispered, not looking down at her.  
  
Irulan laughed softly and kissed his neck again. "I am human, after all," she whispered.  
  
"And I am not," he whispered back, his blue eyes boring into hers, "therefore..far more resistant to your temptations." He began running this time and Irulan was truly shrieking now. "Legolas! Let me down this instant! I will kill you!"  
  
"I liked the begging better," he said in amusement and turned a corner.  
  
"I beg you!" she laughed, utterly giving up on pride now.  
  
"What about my flaws?"  
  
"You have none!" she yelped.  
  
"So I am..?"  
  
"You are perfect! I give in!" laughed Irulan, not caring who would see them in this state. For all she cared, she might be dead tomorrow. Suddenly Legolas stopped and it took a moment to realize that the reason was not the water barrels. She turned to see Eomer standing in the hall with anger flashing out of his face. She instinctively looked up at Legolas and he looked angrier if such a thing was possible. A very long moment passed in utter silence. She slightly shifted in Legolas' arms and braking out of his trance, he slowly lowered her to the ground, but then turned around to lock eyes with Eomer again.  
  
"The Irulan I know would not give in to any man," Eomer said with a low growl. "Unless she is forced to, of course."  
  
"Eomer we were just.."  
  
"I don't think we have to explain ourselves to Master Eomer, Irulan," Legolas said with an icy tone. She swallowed softly and held his hand, hoping that the touch would bring him back to his senses.  
  
"Why won't you let her speak, elf?" Eomer spat and took a step towards them.  
  
"I speak for the both of us," said Legolas dismissively.  
  
"You are forcing yourself on her!" he shouted and Irulan jumped up with the tone of that voice.  
  
Legolas blinked with surprise for a moment, but soon his surprise turned into anger. "I suggest you apologize, Master Eomer," he said with a very dangerous tone.  
  
"For discovering the truth?" the man said coldly, pushing up his chin.  
  
"What are you talking about, Eomer?" said Irulan with urgency. "Legolas would never do that."  
  
"Irulan, you do not have to take this." He held out his hand, "come with me."  
  
Irulan looked at his hand with disbelief.  
  
"Irulan has made her choice," said Legolas.  
  
"It is not the right one."  
  
"I told you before; that is not for you to judge." Legolas looked down at a very frustrated Irulan. He gritted his teeth and looked up again. When he spoke up this time, his voice was softer. "Master Eomer....I do not want to fight you. I understand your feelings for Irulan. Yet, you must understand mine." He remained silent for a moment and pursed his lips. "Under other circumstances I would offer to settle this in the way of the warriors. But I know it would only hurt and disturb Irulan."  
  
Legolas was truly doing his best to remain calm. That arrogant man had said that he was forcing himself on Irulan! That was an unbelievable insult for an Eldar. It was an unthinkable thing to do! But he kept repeating to himself that Eomer was in love with Irulan, that his mind was clouded and that he was a mortal with very few years of experience, after all. He took a deep breath. "I suggest we end this....at least until the battle is behind us. Perhaps we stand at different ends in this, but there is a greater cause that unites us." With that, he took a final step and extended his hand to Eomer.  
  
Eomer remained baffled for a moment. He looked at Irulan, who was looking back at him with true surprise on her face. He looked up at Legolas and the elf had once more an unreadable look on his face. A moment passed. Then another. Finally Eomer took a step himself and very slowly extended his hand.  
  
"I accept that suggestion," Eomer said and for a moment Irulan saw him as the new king of Rohan. He was a man sculpted for that title. She also thought that a look of respect crossed his green eyes, but whatever it was, it was gone the next instant.  
  
Irulan watched with amazement as the two arch enemies stiffly and very carefully shook hands, never looking away from each other. Then another moment passed and Eomer, casting a last glance in her direction that most certainly spoke of confusion, walked passed them and turning the corner, disappeared. Irulan stood looking after him, then slowly looked up at Legolas, who was still frozen in the same stance. He exhaled softly and looked down at her, a soft smile on his lips.  
  
"Legolas!" she whispered and glanced back to where Eomer had disappeared, "If you don't stop acting like this, I will truly and utterly fall for you."  
  
Legolas smiled even wider with amusement. "Have I discovered the weak spot of the mighty dragon?"  
  
She smiled up at him. "I thought I was the princess."  
  
Legolas sighed softly. "I think you are all the characters in the story, Irulan. Sometimes I feel like I have to slay you to save you from yourself."  
  
She laughed softly. "I really, truly love you, Legolas." He looked up at her, his expression changing into that of a little child, with stars in his eyes. She leaned into him, accepting his embrace. "And I beg you to have mercy on my soul," she murmured. "Can we forget about the water barrels?"  
  
Legolas chuckled softly. "Are you still tired?"  
  
"More than you can imagine!"  
  
He gently lifted her up and began to walk back the way they had come. "With all your skills, Irulan, you have no stamina," he said, smiling down at her.  
  
"I am only human!" she protested, laying her head on his shoulder.  
  
Legolas laughed out loud. "Only when you feel like it."  
  
She kissed his neck warmly and smiled when he gasped. "And I am a woman."  
  
"Indeed," he whispered and strode faster through the deserted corridors that led to their room. 


	18. Circle Of Light and Love

Alright everyone...I am STILL alive. I know that many of you might be asking yourself that question now. My insomnia prevails, but now I am changing jobs and well...things are a bit hectic out here.  
  
Thank you for the amazing mails. I have seen some newcomers who have recently joined the Irulan quest and so nice that they have liked it! Should I be proud of myself? Nah..  
  
I know that last sentence would drive you girls crazy! Ha ha...but then...don't you think it would be kind of...weird..to assume that Legolas and Irulan would just go ahead and get crazy in Helm's Deep under such circumstances? I think they'll wait for more proper times..and keep the passion under control while there is a chance of anyone walking in on them any moment.  
  
As the battle of Helm's Deep draws near, so are of course my options as to how to continue with this story. I have to say that going along with the books is not a good idea. First off, I myself have read them ages ago and I think many of us did. There are even some who haven't. The point is: We have all seen the movie and the action, landscape and events there give us a basis that would take so many many more pages to form if it were not visual. In which case: Irulan will have to die at the end of this. OR she could live and join the wonderful events that happen in ROTK, such as the big war, the defeat of Saruman and the slaying of the witch-king by Eowyn and of course the continuation of her relationship with Legolas. But this would mean for us to wait for the third movie. And as irritating that might sound, considering that the only other option is to end the story here, I might give it a chance. Why, there are many series of books out there and I'm sure that all of us had to wait for one or the other volume for months to continue with the story. Frankly I have been DYING to see the sequels of the Matrix for YEARS now and that surely does not make it less exciting in my eyes. Does it make it less appealing? No. Does it make it torturous? Yes. Sigh...perhaps we should write other things to keep us busy meanwhile. Anyway..these are just options for now, I really don't know which one to pick, yet. We'll see.  
  
Oh...you all probably know this but Aragorn's elvish name is Estel and it means "hope". Just a tiny note for the story.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Legolas," she said out of breath, "are you planning to kiss me senseless?"  
  
He leaned in to place gentle kisses along her neckline. "It has crossed my mind," he whispered softly.  
  
Irulan sighed. "Legolas..are elves always this..passionate?"  
  
He chuckled against her skin. "No. Not always."  
  
"Are you?"  
  
He pulled back slowly and looked her in the eye. A moment passed. Irulan kept staring back at him with raised eyebrows. "Am I...disturbing you with my behavior?" he said finally.  
  
"No," said Irulan matter-of-factly, "I only want to know how you have been to others."  
  
"Irulan," he said cautiously, "these are considered very private matters amongst my kind."  
  
"Indeed?" said Irulan with amusement at his discomfort. "Then I should have the right to know. This is a VERY private relationship, is it not?"  
  
Legolas leaned back even further and began to play with her fingers again. He felt uncomfortable talking about this, mainly because he did not know how Irulan would react. What if she asked him one of those questions again...the questions where every answer was a losing answer? He glanced up at her and she was still looking at him. "If you must know, no. I have not felt such passion to anyone, before," he said slowly and it was true.  
  
"But you were in love?"  
  
"Not like this." Legolas could only hope that his answers would not get him into trouble.  
  
Irulan waited for a moment, then said: "Who were they?"  
  
Legolas sighed and swallowed. Good thing elves did not sweat. "Elves...from Mirkwood."  
  
Irulan bit her lip to prevent herself from smiling. "I bet they were beautiful," she said.  
  
Legolas saw that spark in her eyes and it was just NOT good. "They were incomparable to you," he said and kissed her softly.  
  
'He sure learns fast,' she thought with mild admiration. "How long?" Legolas blinked and looked up at her. "How long did they last?"  
  
"Not long," said Legolas dismissively. It was true, in elven standards, anyway.  
  
"How long the longest?"  
  
"About 200."  
  
Irulan's eyes widened. "200 years?!"  
  
Legolas felt like moaning. "Irulan, believe me, it's not a long time in elven standards."  
  
"It sure is a long time to spend with someone," she said with a dangerous tone.  
  
"No. We rarely saw each other during that time. And elves...are normally very slow and cautious in these matters," he said and glanced up to see the effect.  
  
She was silent for a moment. '200 damn YEARS!' she thought. 'I don't care if you stroll through gardens all the time...it is a LONG time!' She remained calm from the outside, though. "Well..why did it end?"  
  
Legolas sighed. He knew it was only his perception, but suddenly it seemed so hot. "It was only infatuation, Irulan."  
  
"You discovered that after 200 years?" she said with a tinge of bitterness.  
  
"No. I mean, yes. But I told you..we did not see each other very often during that period. I thought I felt for her. But..we had little in common..and less to share. I realized that I had talked myself into believing that I loved her."  
  
Irulan gave him a suspicious look, but actually she knew that Legolas would not lie to her. She closed her eyes and let him comb through her hair again. Legolas felt instantly relieved. There was no way he could compare any of those women with how his heart felt about Irulan, but he feared that she would not see that. Elves were so different and sometimes it proved to be real effort to convert to the human way of thinking. Which brought up an interesting subject..."What about you?" he said suddenly.  
  
Irulan opened her eyes to look at him. "What about me, what?"  
  
"You had relationships before, did you not?" he said with slight hesitation.  
  
Irulan smiled inwardly and put on a very relaxed outlook. "Of course I did."  
  
Legolas instantly looked up at her at that comment. A moment passed. "Hasmir?" he said with a careful tone.  
  
"Yes, him too."  
  
Legolas' eyebrows arched slowly. He remained silent for a moment during which he kept telling himself that she loved him now; him and no one else. Jealousy was such an irritating thing! No matter how much he tried to shake it off, it remained sticking to him. "And why did they not last?"  
  
Irulan waved her hand and said "Too much passion," with a tired sigh.  
  
He looked at her with utter shock, then he blinked and behold, the blue fire was back. "Too much passion?" he whispered and kept drawing lines in her palm, his eyes never leaving hers.  
  
"Yes. I could barely find the energy for anything else," she said and smiled sweetly.  
  
As absurd as that was, he was about to snap. It was only natural for Irulan to have lovers before. How could he feel jealous of people she had known before they had even met? And yet....his feelings knew no reason. He gritted his teeth and tried to divert his thoughts, but the question of how passionate such a relationship could be came flying back into his face, filling his mind with very disturbing ideas. He could barely deal with the thought of Irulan and Hasmir in the same house for three years...but 'too much passion'?!  
  
"Really?" he said dryly. "I would have imagined you otherwise."  
  
She raised herself on her elbows and shot him a very curious look. "Why is that?"  
  
"I would think that someone like you would be busy doing other things than being involved in...such...relationships," he spat and looked away.  
  
"You say that as if it is a bad thing, Legolas," she said with mild amusement.  
  
"Indeed! Passion without love is not what I would call admirable," he said coldly.  
  
"Who said it was without love?" she said with innocence.  
  
Legolas instantly let go of her hand and sat up. He remained like that a moment, then he mumbled "I should go," and was about to stand up when Irulan laughed and held on to his hand.  
  
"No!" She laughed, "No, don't go. I was only joking, Legolas!" She fell back, laughing at the horror on his face. He looked down at her with confusion and disbelief for a long minute during which she could not help herself laughing and giggling with delight. It was perhaps cruel, but his expression was just too much to bear.  
  
"Joking?" said Legolas finally, dumbfounded.  
  
"I'm sorry," said Irulan, still chuckling. She sat up herself when he did not move. "Legolas, don't be angry with me. You looked so..." she smiled with amusement, "jealous."  
  
He leaned in very close to her. "I was." He looked at Irulan for a long moment, during which she could not bring herself to look away. "I am not fond of sharing," he whispered finally and leaned in to give her an intense kiss on the lips. Then, he pulled himself back, and softly stroked her hair before he said "Tell me about the passion," with a velvet voice, looking into her eyes.  
  
Irulan tried to smile and shake off the intensity of his gaze, though it was impossible to do so at the moment. "There really was none," she said and looked away. Legolas moved in closer to her and pulled her to him. "Do you mean to say, no man kissed you like this..before," he said softly and planted an incredibly warm kiss on her throat. Irulan gasped and shuddered slightly. She shook her head. "Like this?" Legolas said and moved towards her shoulder and that kiss seemed to be even more incredible if such a thing was possible. She shifted uncomfortably and swallowed. "No," she said with a nervous voice. "Perhaps like this?" whispered Legolas and planted another one on her collarbone. "No," she said, out of breath, trying not to feel dizzy.  
  
Legolas leaned back a little and smiled to her. He softly touched her cheek. "Good," he said a moment later and embraced her gently.  
  
"Legolas, sometimes you are scaring me," she said a moment later.  
  
He chuckled lightly. "Why, Irulan my love, I was just thinking the same thing about you."  
  
A slight knock sounded on the door. A moment later Gimli walked in. "Where are you two? I have been looking everywhere in this damn place!"  
  
Irulan and Legolas laughed. "Sorry, Gimli," said Irulan. "Come join us. I fell asleep and Legolas came to wake me."  
  
He walked in and leaving the door open, sat by them. They remained silent for a moment. Suddenly Irulan said "I know how you feel." They both looked up at her. "Being the only dwarf and the elf in this......not so hospitable......company."  
  
"I must say that I sometimes get tired of being admired," said Gimli a moment later, "but other than that.......it's not too bad. What's with you, Legolas?"  
  
Legolas smiled with amusement. "I agree, Gimli. Being the only elf draws all the wonder and awe on me as well......but I try not to take too much pride in it."  
  
Irulan laughed out loud and soon the others joined her. All three felt alone and strange amongst the Rohirrim. Irulan herself had spent a lot of time amongst the warriors of Gondor......but they had believed her to be a man. It was different now. And even though a woman was not a very usual sight either, a dwarf and an elf had it probably so much more difficult than herself. Without Aragorn, they felt like they were lacking the bond that tied them to these men and this war. "Do not worry," she said finally, wiping her tears, "I shall protect you!"  
  
"I fear you more than I fear the lot of them!" boomed Gimli and Legolas laughed softly at Irulan's expression of mock irritation and hurt.  
  
Right at that moment a young boy ran in. His face was all red and sweaty and he looked so out of breath, it actually took him several moments to calm down and form a coherent sentence. "King........Theoden..........sent.......me," he gasped. The trio looked at each other and began to stand up.  
  
"Well, let's go and see him then, shall we," said Gimli with a tired sigh.  
  
"Your.......your........friend........has returned," the boy finished finally and looked like he could faint any moment.  
  
A moment of silence and confusion hung in the air when all three froze. "Aragorn," whispered Legolas finally and broke the spell that bound them to the floor.  
  
***  
  
"Legolas! What do you see? Is it him?"  
  
The elf smiled with amusement. "It is indeed, Irulan. The king has returned," he said softly.  
  
Irulan screamed so loud, both Legolas and Gimli flinched. She attacked one and then the other, kissing them on the cheeks and hugging them with all her force. "I knew it! I KNEW IT!" Then she turned and kissed them some more. "Legolas! We were right!" She embraced him and he laughed softly, embracing her back.  
  
"Irulan! You are insane, woman! You almost broke my bones here!" complained Gimli, but he, too, was laughing in delight, looking at the approaching figure that was now distinctively Aragorn riding a horse.  
  
"Legolas," she whispered, "Aragorn is back! HOPE is back, Legolas!" she said, pulling back to look at him and he was smiling at her with pure joy and love. Suddenly her eyes widened. "I have to find Eowyn!" she said and before either man could say anything further, rushed down the stone steps.  
  
Dwarf and elf looked at each other, then back at the figure of Aragorn who had almost arrived at the gates. "For a moment there I was actually afraid we had lost him, lad," Gimli murmured.  
  
Legolas slightly squeezed his shoulder. "We are complete once more."  
  
***  
  
Irulan looked frantically for Eowyn, but the blonde woman was nowhere to be found. 'She turns up whenever she's not wanted but now that I need her, she has disappeared for good!' she thought ruefully. Then she remembered that Eowyn might be down in the caves, preparing them for a possible usage. But there was simply no way Irulan would run down there now to find her. Aragorn was here! He must have already made it into the castle. She turned around and ran towards the gates.  
  
"Aragorn!" she shouted when she saw him standing with Legolas, a little distance away and ran even faster. Legolas had barely time to step away, avoiding being crushed as Irulan flew into Aragorn and almost knocked him down. She threw her arms around his neck and embraced him so hard, he actually winced. "You're back!" she whispered and closed her eyes. Then it occured to her that actually she had not even looked whom she was hugging and she hastily stepped back.  
  
Yes, it was Aragorn and he looked as terrible as ever, if not more. He had a grin on his face, but the exhaustion and pain was visible in his eyes. She grinned back at him with utter love. First Gandalf, now Aragorn! 'Who cares about the war?' she thought with pleasure.  
  
Her eyes wandered to the wound on his shoulder. "Oh......you are wounded........" she began and Aragorn sighed in relief, expecting a gentleness and caring after that rather orcish embrace. But to his utter surprise, he received a very hard smack on the other and unwounded shoulder. His head snapped up at that and he got the chance to glance at Legolas who was staring back at him with widened eyes. "How dare you! Playing the hero like that, jumping over cliffs and all! Injuring yourself, you arrogant block of a man!"  
  
"Well.....I," he began, but got no further as Irulan jumped up and hugged him again, kissing his cheeks again and again.  
  
"Aragorn, I was so worried!" she whined. "But I knew you were not dead, my heart knew it!" she said softly.  
  
Aragorn dared to lift up his good arm and gently stroked her head. "It's alright now, Irulan," he said. Just at that moment she stepped slightly back again and to his utter confusion, once more she looked very angry.  
  
"Aragorn! I mean........you careless, reckless troll!"  
  
Aragorn's eyebrows shot up and he cast another glance at Legolas who just shook his head and held up his hands in a gesture saying 'Don't look at me. YOU are the human!' He licked his lips and tried again: "Irulan, I........"  
  
"But you are here now," she said with a failing voice and once more gently embraced him. Aragorn sighed in irritation, but embraced her back and shot Legolas another look. The elf just stared back in amusement.  
  
"Aragorn.......I meant to jump. I really did. I knew you were alive. Only this dwarf here...." she hissed and pointed at Gimli who had just arrived, ".......and the elf...." she said, looking at Legolas whose grin faded instantly, "threatened me, Aragorn!"  
  
She buried her face again in his shoulder and Aragorn once more gently stroked her back, grinning at dwarf and elf, who were just looking back at him with irritation. "They did, didn't they?" he said with amusement. She nodded softly.  
  
"Aragorn!" murmured Gimli, shifting slightly, "Don't you ever leave us with this crazy woman alone again! We had to risk our own very lives to stop her, I tell you!"  
  
Suddenly Irulan stepped back again and smacked his good shoulder once more - this time even harder. Aragorn barely protested with a weak "Ouch!" not daring to say anything further under the confusing circumstances.  
  
"You HAD to do it, didn't you?!" she said with anger. "I mean.......you men just NEED the attention! I faked my death and behold.......everyone is envious! First Gandalf, then you! I hope you enjoyed it, Master Aragorn, because it was your last act! Legolas and I have decided never to believe in another death until we see a body from now on!" she said and crossed her arms on her chest.  
  
Argorn looked at Legolas with raised eyebrows and the elf looked back with a look that spoke volumes.  
  
"Well......what can I say," Aragorn said with a tired sigh, "you are right. Ever since I heard your tale, I was dying to try it out myself. And when the opporturnity presented itself, I said to myself 'Aragorn! This is your chance! Grab that Warg and fall of that cliff! Nevermind the rocks and the wild river below!' And, well, here I am, Irulan!"  
  
She grinned and embraced him again. "I am so glad you came back!" she said softly and offered her arm to guide him to King Theoden. Aragorn grinned and accepted it, and they walked away.  
  
"Is this a.........normal........conversation amongst humans?" Legolas asked, looking after them in amazement.  
  
"Legolas...I haven't seen ANYTHING normal for a very long time now. Especially humans!" rumbled Gimli. He shot the elf an annoyed look and they sighed in unison, following the duo to the king.  
  
***  
  
'Ten thousand?!' Irulan thought baffled and once more failed to grasp the number. She sighed in despair and looked around. No one had found her yet. It had been hours now and Legolas must have been gone insane with worry. But she needed this time alone. To say farewell to life. She looked up at the sky dotted with thousands of stars, trying to imagine each to be Uruk- hai. How could that be? In such short time.......how did he manage? 'He is an Istari, Irulan.......he does not need time for such things,' she told herself ruefully. But ten thousand? And Gandalf was not there. Whatever hope she was holding on to, was slipping through her defenses.....slowly but steadily.  
  
And of course, with the idea of such a battle, came the idea of Shifting. Irulan swallowed softly and looked away. 'So this is the end!' she thought with dismay. And there were still so many things she wished to do! She would have to part from everyone. And from......Legolas. A wave of pain hit her and Irulan fought hard to blink away the tears.  
  
Right at that moment she heard Legolas' soft voice beside her and she jumped up with surprise: "Do not despair, Irulan". She almost laughed out. He had found her again! Irulan nodded and remained silent, not wishing to speak in fear that her voice would fail her. She felt Legolas deftly stroking her back. 'Such a shame that I have to give up on this!' she thought. 'He was right. Those five years were years I could have spent with Legolas, not with those stupid Druids!' But then.......in that case she wouldn't have been here.....she would probably have never met neither Arwen, nor Aragorn.......or anyone else on the Fellowship. Not Boromir.....nor the hobbits.....and she would not be here to make whatever difference she was making for the world.  
  
She heard steps behind her and turned around to see Aragorn and Gimli approaching. They stood beside her and all four watched the horizon under the cool and damp breeze. Irulan wished it would never end, but moments and minutes seemed to fly by her even faster now. "How much longer, Aragorn?" she whispered deftly, but the ranger heard her.  
  
"A few more hours," he said. The excitement of battle vibrated softly in her. 'Well at least I am not afraid anymore. Why, the worst that could happen is for me to end up with Boromir and Chemarit. And that is far from bad,' she thought and smiled despite herself. She remembered the soothing touch of the breeze in the valley and sighed softly. 'I am ready to die,' she thought.  
  
"We are ready when you are," Aragorn said suddenly. Irulan blinked in surprise and for a moment she thought she had said that last sentence out loud and that they had heard her. But when she looked at Aragorn, she realized that he was not talking to her, but to Legoals, who was standing on her other side.  
  
"We are ready," said Legolas and all three men turned around to look at her.  
  
"Irulan, come with us," said Aragorn and took her hand to pull her along.  
  
She froze instantly. "Wait a minute! Where will you take me?" she said with fear. Were they going to lock her up? What if they intended to tie her down?  
  
"You will see, Irulan," said Gimli.  
  
She looked from one to the other, but their faces remained blank. "No," she said suddenly and snatched her hand back. They turned to look at her with arched eyebrows. She planted her feet on the ground, facing Aragorn and Gimli. "What are you planning?"  
  
"Irulan, you must trust us. We mean no harm to you," Legolas said softly from beside her.  
  
"No! That sounds very suspicious!"  
  
Aragorn sighed with frustration. He looked at Legolas and before Irulan understood what that meant, the elf had already picked her up and was following the man and the dwarf into the fortress.  
  
"Legolas! Aragorn! Stop it!" she tried in frustration.  
  
"Irulan, stay still, woman! Just hold your horses!" Gimli boomed.  
  
"Legolas! No, please," she begged.  
  
"Do not fear, my love," he said softly and then remained silent.  
  
"I will not let you do this! You can NOT shut me out! Not now! Aragorn, please!" None of the men even gave the slightest indication that they had heard her. Irulan covered her face with her hands and did not dare to uncover it again out of sheer fear what she would see. She listened to the trio walking through corridors after corridors, then descending some stone stairs, and walking through corridors again. Frustration burned in her and ignited fury. How dared they! She was a part of this fellowship! She had come with them this far! How could they shut her out like this now?! Leave her to her own destiny? Irulan decided that she would Shift and break away if they had the slightest intention of locking her in somewhere. She truly would! There was no way she would remain behind, biting her fingernails and waiting for them to die out there!  
  
Finally the company stopped and she felt herself lowered gently to the ground. Instantly she stepped away and hastily looked around. They were in one of the basement rooms, lighted by the dim light of a single torch, utterly alone. Her heart sank and once more, she felt fear pumping through her veins. The men were standing around her, their arms crossed. Nobody spoke. Irulan pursed her lips and looked at each for a long time. "Why are we here?" she hissed finally.  
  
Aragorn turned to Legolas, ignoring her. "Legolas, how did they do it?"  
  
Irulan hastily looked to him. He was standing to her right. He looked back for a moment, then turned to Aragorn: "In the dream she told me, the Druids and her shared blood, by slicing their wrists and holding hands," he said softly.  
  
Irulan was baffled. The Druids? Then she remembered how she had told Legolas about that ritual of the Darma Druids that night in Rohan. She had had to explain it while telling him her dream concerning Hetaire and how her wrists had bled in that dream when Hetaire had said that they would be Sister for all times.......but......what had that to do with anything?  
  
Aragorn remained silent for a moment. "Very well," he said then, and took out the elvish blade Cereborn had given him. He gently sliced both of his wrists and a slight trickle of blood began to flow. Irulan's eyes widened at that and she could not look away for a long moment.  
  
"What are you doing?!" she yelped in confusion and took a step towards him. Aragorn threw her a blank look and gave the blade to Gimli, who did the same.  
  
"Irulan," said Aragorn with a soft voice, gently pressing his veins to keep the blood flowing. "You may be a Sister to the Druids. But you are much dearer than that to us forever. We share something far grander. We are the Fellowship." He looked into her eyes as she stared back with surprise. "Tonight we will share this bond and nothing, NOTHING will ever break it." Irulan's mouth dropped open and she watched as Gimli gave the knife to Legolas, who followed their example.  
  
"Wh-What?" was all she could come up with. Her mind was still busy with the part where they would lock her away and run out.  
  
"Ah come on, woman!" boomed Gimli. "I don't want to bleed to death until you finally grasp it!"  
  
Finally Legolas handed her the blade and she kept looking from the knife to him and back. He had a thin cut on each wrist. "Irulan, go on. My wounds will not hold too long," he said softly, a lovely smile on his lips.  
  
She took the knife in her hand and hesitated for a moment. The cuts from that ritual had completely faded in the five years. And yet, the memories of the three years following that act were very much alive even that day. It was ironic that she was facing the same thing now, once more. And there was something very odd about it as well...........the three women were replaced by three men. The local, ordinary housewives had given room to a heroic dwarf, an elven prince and a human ranger that happened to be the king of kings. It was not a deserted alley, but a dusty basement of a fortress. It was not daytime, but evening. And it was not the beginning, but the end of things.  
  
Irulan smiled at the irony of life. 'These crazy men!' she thought and quickly slid her wrists, before she could rethink it and change her mind. As blood flowed from her old wounds, she handed the blade back to Aragorn, who took it and sheathed it. Irulan shook her head. Little boys - that's what they were!  
  
Suddenly Aragorn approached her and held out his hands, palms down. Irulan hesitated once more, then held out hers, palms up. He softly grasped her above the wrists, and she held him back. Their bloods mixed and flew gently into each other. "Irulan, from now on we share blood and destiny. I am honored," he said. She looked at him with widened eyes and then swallowing softly, looked at her feet. "As.......as am I," she stammered after long moments, hoping that it would do her feelings justice.  
  
Aragorn smiled warmly down at her, then stepped back. Gimli repeated the same thing with the same sentence, and she answered him with the same words - this time not stammering, but blushing a deeper red. And after him, Legolas approached her and Irulan felt so ashamed and honored by their thoughtfulness, she failed to look into his eyes. By the time he was finished, she was sure that she was as red as a ripe tomato. Then they formed a circle and held hands, including her as well. They remained like that for many moments, during which Legolas spoke softly in Elvish.  
  
"Praised be this Fellowship," he said finally in the common tongue. "We are friends no more. We are the same spirit, in different containers. Cursed may be the night life separates us and blessed the morning death unites us again."  
  
And for the zillionth time since she had joined this quest, Irulan began to cry like a little child.  
  
***  
  
The Uruk-hai advanced on the fortress like darkness itself - a blanket of hate, threatening to suffocate everything that held life. A water of evil, aiming to drown anything that reflected good. Their march was like the beat of a bleak heart.......the pulse of dark blood. It resonated and jumped off towards all directions in Middle Earth, perhaps fading in strength of noise, but never in evil. Yet that evil crashed and vanished on a tiny circle that was standing in the basement of a small fortress in the whole of Middle Earth. For even though the evil seemed overwhelming, it was still powerless in the fire and light of love that had bound four creatures of such different histories to a single one. Against the entire darkness, an undying candle was lit. And simple and hopeless as it may look, it was destined to defy the night and herald the coming morning. 


	19. This Is An Emergency

My dear readers,  
  
The job situation has kept me from adding a new chapter this last week. But I intend to go on, for anyone who is wondering. Even if I decide to stop (and it looks like I will, for reasons that I will explain later in more detail), I will not do so before the end of the movie of TTT, so we still have the war of Helm's Deep before us.  
  
I know many of you guys have been waiting for this very moment. Let's see if it was worth it and if you will like it.  
  
The curtain opens..and act 20 begins...  
***********************************  
"Promise you will return to me!"  
  
"You know I can not promise such a thing," she whispered and embraced her stronger.  
  
"Promise, Irulan!"  
  
"I can not," she whispered again and gently stroked Eowyn's back.  
  
Eowyn crushed her with her embrace. "And I can NOT lose you again, Irulan!"  
  
Irulan had to use a lot of strength to break free. She looked at Eowyn who had tears rolling down her face. "I thought you were done crying," she said, a sad smile adorning her lips. Eowyn turned her head, but did not stop crying. An old woman passing by them, entering the caves where the women and children had sought refuge, looked at them with open curiosity. "You are Shield-Maiden of Rohan. You can not afford to be sentimental, Eowyn", Irulan said.  
  
"I don't care!" the blonde woman bit back. "You better come back to me, Irulan! You said we would roam Middle Earth!"  
  
Irulan laughed softly. "True. I might have to reconsider dying tonight, then," she said. Eowyn's face fell again. "Ah stop it!" Irulan said with exasperation. "You were always the strong one. You still are. What should I do when you are in this state?" She stepped closer and gently squeezed Eowyn's shoulder. "Eowyn.......we shall be united......either way."  
  
Eowyn shook off Irulan's arm in fury and turned on her heels to leave. She did not look back. Irulan sighed. The terrible fact was that if she died.....if all who were fighting out there died.....it only meant that Eowyn and the rest of the women and children in the caves would die too. Perhaps their unification was to be earlier than thought.  
  
She slowly walked up the stone stairs that Eowyn had ran up. Everyone seemed to be rushing back and forth constantly........it seems like the whole place was chaotic already. Women, men and children were flowing by her, but Irulan saw none. She was lost in thoughts. She felt oddly distant and disconnected from this battle. She wished to be as involved as Aragorn was. He was king and he acted like one. But although Irulan, too, was human and she too had royal blood, she felt no such responsibility or attachment. Gandalf had not come and as much as she tried to deny it, her hope was fading. It was a war that they simply could not win and there were moments she just wanted to scream and protest at the ridiculous effort, and it took all her strength to keep silent.  
  
Irulan sighed and looked at the Rohirrim rushing past her. She had come to the realization that during this journey she had shed some of the things that were binding her to her own race, only to form different attachments. She was human, yes, but her honor and allegiance was to the world in total. Having spent so much time with such company, maybe it was normal that she had become protective of both elves and dwarves and hobbits alike. She was not the Black Knight fighting for Gondor anymore. She was Irulan.....fighting for things that were far greater than that.......and even though they would pass and change in time, as Galadriel had said, it did not mean that she would have to like that change.  
  
She found herself back in the room where the rest of the fellowship was waiting. They were getting ready for the battle, trying on their iron vests, sharpening their tools for the last time. She would do neither. "Irulan, perhaps you should consider wearing one anyway. It is heavy but very protective," tried Legolas again.  
  
She just glanced back at him. "Legolas, you know as well as I do that these things are simply not practical. You don't wear them. Why do you expect me to drag myself around in this nonsense?"  
  
"Not to mention that they are tailored rather poorly! Mine is just too tight around the waist!" mumbled Gimli and she turned to see him surrounded by a pool of iron vest, that was made for someone at least twice his height.  
  
"Ah Gimli!" she said and grinned in amusement, "These things are made for skinny humans. No one considered a dwarf with your muscles while making them!"  
  
Gimli grinned in pleasure. "Hah! Irulan, you are just my kind of woman! You have a keen eye!"  
  
At that moment a horn echoed and Legolas and Aragorn turned to look at each other. "That is no orc horn!" said Legolas and a smile crept up his face. He ran ahead, closely followed by Aragorn. Irulan helped Gimli out of the vest and they ran after the two men to see what the tumult was about.  
  
They rushed into the open to stand with Eomer, who stood looking at an incoming party of........'Elves?' thought Irulan stunned. She had not seen them in their war attire before........and yet they were distinctively elves. She looked down to a very stunned Gimli and they both turned to continue watching the incoming elven party. "What is going on, Eomer?" Irulan said softly, her eyes not leaving the view in front of her.  
  
Eomer turned to her and he had a wonderful look of hope on his face. "Elves, Irulan......they have come to assist us!"  
  
She looked back, baffled. Then her surprise turned into joy. "I knew it! I knew Middle Earth was better than this!" she said with enthusiasm. "Our own kind did not come, Eomer, but elves did!" Eomer looked stunned himself for a moment. Then he softly nodded, with distinctive confusion on his face. "True," he said a long time later and Irulan barely picked it up. "Irulan, your friends speak with the captain, further down the line. I can see them from here," he said.  
  
Irulan raised herself on her toes to look. "Where? Oh......yes......I see them. But that looks like........" and she was gone so quickly, Eomer did not even realize that the woman running in the shown direction was the very same woman who had been talking to him a moment ago. Him and Gimli exchanged looks and decided to join the rest.  
  
"You were right!" her voice sounded above the tumult and Aragorn, Legolas and Haldir turn towards her, "We DID meet again!"  
  
"Irulan!" said Haldir with surprise and a beautiful smile spread on his lips. He looked even more handsome in battle gear! "Your presence alone would have drawn me here, if I had known!" He said and bowed softly.  
  
Irulan giggled with amusement and quickly ran up to him. She decided to skip the protocol this time and hugged Haldir heartily, to which he -to her surprise- reacted quite warmly and hugged her back with the same enthusiasm. "You look so handsome in this thing!" she said with sparkling eyes.  
  
"Do not divert my mind, Irulan! How can I concentrate on such a grave matter when you dazzle me with your kind words?" he laughed warmly and took her by the hand to look her up and down once more. "I should leave Lothlorien more often," he said finally, "your kind is too beautiful a sight to miss!"  
  
She heard someone clearing her throat behind her and remembered that they were surrounded by a large number of men.......not to mention her fellowship stalkers! And yes.....each and every one of those was looking at her and Haldir........and with a rude stare, too. "Welcome, captain," said Eomer, and it looked like he meant to break the silence rather than show friendship of any sort at the moment, "I am Eomer, captain of Rohan. We are greatly indebted for such a gesture. You were much needed."  
  
Haldir smiled and bowed slightly. "As I have said to your King before, it is us who are honored, Master Eomer. We came willingly and with pleasure to fight by your side."  
  
Irulan looked up at him with adoration and a moment later he returned that look with another breath-taking smile.  
  
"Irulan, you must have a lot to tell me," he said softly. "I am fairly sure that your voyage was a very adventurous one. And even though we have a battle ahead of us, I can think of no better way to spend this dreadful time."  
  
Irulan grinned with pleasure. "Ah.......I still owe you for that city tour, Haldir! How can I EVER refuse?!" She laughed out loud and forgetting about everything and everyone else, took his offered arm.  
  
"Master Aragorn, King Theoden," Haldir said to both men who, too, had obviously forgotten about the battle and had been watching the duo with narrowed eyes, "my men await your orders. Please excuse me now." With that, the couple walked away, Irulan already telling him about what had happened after they had left Lothlorien.  
  
Legolas remained rooted with his mouth hanging open. That impossible elf had just smoothly taken his woman and walked away as if he was going for a trip in the forest! 'She is not YOUR woman!' he scolded himself inwardly once more. And once more another part of him was about to argue that she was, when he heard someone clear his throat next to him. He turned to see Eomer standing right next to him.  
  
"Who is that........elf?" the man said, his eyes still following Irulan and Haldir as they walked away, his voice trying desperately to sound not interested, but very badly failing to do so.  
  
Legolas pursed his lips and looked in the same direction. "Captain guard of the Lothlorien elves," he hissed a moment later. If Eomer intended to mock him, he would just kill the man on the spot right now! He was furious at the fact that his.........that is, Irulan, had chosen to walk off with that elf without so much as a backwards glance in the first place!  
  
"I know that," said Eomer with displeasure. "I meant, who is he......to HER."  
  
Legolas snapped around and looked at the Rohirrim, who was staring at him sheepishly without blinking. "Nobody, of course!" he said with a careful tone.  
  
"Pray tell me then why they look so.......comfortable with each other?" Eomer's eyebrows shot up and to Legolas' surprise he looked as angry as himself. But then......he might just be misreading the expression of the man as he so often tended to do with mortals. Instead of answering, he looked over Eomer's shoulder to Aragorn and the ranger was looking towards Irulan's direction himself (along with all the other present men and probably most of the elves). He locked eyes with Legolas and approached, Gimli following close behind. Legolas' eyes diverted back to Eomer who still staring at him with that odd angry expression.  
  
"They met in Lothlorien and became......friends," said Legolas, pushing his chin up and trying not to show too much how this conversation was disturbing him due to more than one reason.  
  
A silence prevailed and Eomer did not leave, although he was standing with the Fellowship now, and that had made him always uncomfortable before. "I do not like it," he said finally and he actually managed to sound matter-of- factly.  
  
Legolas cast him a sidelong glance. "Neither do I." Then he realized that he had spoken out loud and the next part came out with obvious irritation. "But we could hardly interfere, Master Eomer, don't you think?"  
  
Eomer pursed his lips and once more turned to look him in the eye. Legolas realized with surprise that Eomer was probably the only mortal he had met who could look an elf in the eye with so much anger and threat. His eyebrows softly rose in recognition of this fact. "So I assume that you will just stand here like this?" the captain of Rohan finally said, crossing his arms on his chest.  
  
"Haldir and Irulan are friends," said Aragorn, looking from one man to the other and trying to understand why they were having such an odd conversation. "I am certain that........"  
  
"What if he asks her permission to braid her hair?" boomed Gimli suddenly from below him. Legolas literally paled and even Aragorn's eyes widened. Eomer looked from one to the other and then back, very well aware that he was missing something.  
  
"What does that mean? Speak a language that I can understand, dwarf!" he said finally, unable to keep it in any longer.  
  
The dwarf gave him an annoyed look that obviously judged him for his ignorance. "To put is shortly, what if he intends to become more........intimate with her?" he said finally.  
  
"Irulan would not allow him to do such a thing," said Legolas with determination and looked away hastily, hoping that none could see his anxiety. True, Irulan would not. But then.....Haldir looked like the sly kind of elf. 'He is an elf! He would not attempt such a thing now,' he told himself......but his heart refused to calm down!  
  
"The Irulan I knew would not have allowed many things," Eomer said dryly and looked Legolas up and down to make his point. "I would not be too sure about such matters anymore."  
  
"Legolas is right, Master Eomer," said Aragorn hastily, trying to calm down the company, "we could hardly interfere with her friendships. It would not be......proper," he finished.  
  
"Proper?!" Eomer exclaimed a trifle too loud and turned to look at the stunned ranger. "Should I assume that you are truly concerned of doing everything in the proper way?!" He watched Aragorn looking down at the dwarf with a confused expression and the other simply pursing his lips and staring into the distance. "You have disappointed me greatly......all three of you!" Eomer said finally and clasped his hands behind his back, looking into the distance.  
  
"Disappointed you?!" boomed Gimli with shock.  
  
Eomer shook his head with displeasure, not turning towards him. "I was beginning to think that you were doing a good job at protecting her." He slowly looked each of the three baffled man up and down as he proceeded: "I was tempted to believe that she was safe with you; that I did not need to worry for her any longer. But.......I was obviously wrong!" he spat. "A man offers his arm and walks away almost dancing with her and all you three do is stand back and watch!" The silence seemed to go on forever. The fellowship stared back at each other with both confusion and disturbance growing on their faces. "And you!" Eomer suddenly hissed at Legolas whose eyes widened with surprise at such an attack, "You were all protective and possessive when Irulan cared to talk to me -and I am a much older friend, mind you- so now you happen to be 'understanding' and 'civilized' while she follows someone she has only known for a few days?!"  
  
Legolas' mouth dropped open and he found nothing to say. He slowly turned around and looked towards the direction the couple had disappeared, not really seeing anything.  
  
"We can possibly not lock Irulan away!" said Aragorn finally, trying not to show how much he felt disturbed by this whole issue, himself. Irulan had this tendency to forget herself in the presence of elves. And the fact that Haldir had asked her before for a braid.....was not good AT ALL. He glanced at Legolas, but the elf was lost in some inner battle.  
  
"Who is talking about locking her away?" said Eomer with a cool voice.  
  
Gimli shook his head and looked up to the Rohirrim. "I understand that you have known her through many years?" he said, careful not to appear too interested. The man nodded. A moment passed as Gimli exchanged glances with Aragorn, then Legolas. "I presume that you must have a lot of experience in the matter, then?" Eomer almost rolled his eyes with annoyance. "Well......what would YOU do?" the dwarf spat finally.  
  
Eomer threw another look into the distance then turned to the company at hand. Man, elf and dwarf were observing him with obvious curiosity now. "I see that you all have a lot to learn about women! And even after that, you have much more to learn about Irulan if you want to succeed in the art." He sighed and made eye contact with each, again. "Under the circumstances, we can not go and interfere. We can not call Irulan or Haldir, either. It would make her furious, to say the least." He waited a moment longer, then turned around and scanning the crowd behind him, beckoned to one of the younger boys lined up there amongst the men. The lad came running, pleasure in his eyes to be called to an errand by the captain himself. "What is your name, boy?" he asked gently.  
  
"Gemor, sir!" the boy said with a loud thunder.  
  
"Alright, Gemor, listen carefully. You know who Lady Irulan is?" The boy nodded with enthusiasm. "Captain Haldir and Lady Irulan have walked off into that direction. You will go and find them. But do not seem hasty, understood?" The boy nodded again. "Instead, I want you to pretend surprised to see her, once you find them. Then approach her and ask her if she does not mean to join the rest of her friends who were leaving the fortress to scout ahead for the incoming army. Can you pretend to be surprised?" A moment of doubt passed on the features of the boy, but then he hastily shook it off and nodded once more with determination. Eomer smiled. "Alright. Under no circumstances tell her that you have talked to me. Just say that you heard our conversation about this and that you thought she knew. Off you go!" Gemor bowed solemnly and then rushed off into the darkness, soon disappearing from eyesight.  
  
The four men stared after the boy, not speaking for a while. Finally Gimli sighed and threw an unreadable glance at Eomer. "That was pretty foxy, Master Eomer!"  
  
Eomer felt like grinning, but swiftly suppressed the urge. He had no intention of becoming too close with this party. "I hope it will work."  
  
"I know it will," said Aragorn, grinning, "we have a lot to learn from you!"  
  
Gimli shifted with discomfort. It was true that Eomer had just surprised him with his talent in the area, but he did not feel like flattering that man too much. The silence was not comfortable either, so he chose to change the subject. "That elf is simply too bold!"  
  
"Who can blame him? Irulan is a wonderful person. And a very attractive woman," Eomer said flatly. "You better get used to this," he added a moment later, casting a brief sidelong glance at Legolas without turning his head.  
  
Legolas was barely holding himself in check as it was. He would rather stride out there and grab Irulan by the hand and drag her back. But then.......he knew well enough that he could not and certainly would not isolate her from all her friends neither now nor in the future. The problem was........these were not really her friends......in the sense Aragorn or Gimli were and certainly not in the sense Eowyn was. These men were encircling her like vultures, always trying to get a piece of her attention, a little while of her time. And they were not fighting with honor, either! And true, she should never be treated like some prisoner, stuffed away from the interest of others......and yet.......Legolas just could not help it. He knew that Irulan loved no other. But he was jealous of everything when it came to her. The slightest look of admiration on her face; the smallest sign of interest was just enough a spark to light the fire of jealousy in him. For he wanted ALL that concerned her just for himself. He wanted to be the sole object of all her admiration, interest and liking. It was raw, it was barbaric and highly disturbing, but it was the truth. He could hide it, he could pretend about it.......but it would not change his heart.  
  
"I am prepared to fight for her," he replied Eomer with a determined look.  
  
Eomer nodded with approval. "I certainly hope you are," he said, and it was obvious that he really meant it. True, her being with Legolas was not a very nice option in itself.....but at least the man was a respectable creature! As insane as it was, the idea of Irulan being with Legolas was far better than Irulan being with that Haldir guy.......or some other stupid man like Endor or her other past suitors. Eomer felt growing discomfort for the fact that he was actually a partner in crime with these men now and even more than that, for the fact that he was beginning to like and respect them. "I am more than tired of saving her, Master Legolas," he added a moment later absent-mindedly. "Irulan has an astonishing number of admirers and not all are......" he stopped himself before he could say 'like you' in a complimentary fashion and swiftly added ".......decent".  
  
Confusion engulfed him. 'What is happening to me?' Eomer thought with frustration, 'I could possibly not side with these......horrible men.....' he glanced around at the members of the Fellowship encircling him, 'but I have actually begun to like them!' He took a deep breath to calm himself. 'This is an emergency," he told himself over and over again, "that's all it is..an emergency." He was about to turn on his heels to leave, when he saw Irulan running towards them and decided to remain.  
  
Automatically all four men turned away from her and ignited a hearty but silent discussion about leaving the fortress in the dark and scouting ahead. It felt so natural and so easy, given enough time, they would have believed in the act themselves.  
  
"What do you think you are doing?!" she yelled at them when she was close enough and they turned, pretending that they had just seen her.  
  
"Irulan........I thought.......you were busy," said Eomer with mock discomfort and glanced over her shoulder to see a somewhat disappointed Haldir walking towards them. He barely kept himself from grinning.  
  
She threw him an angry look. "You can not go out there!" She said and pushed her chin up. "It is dangerous!"  
  
"Irulan, we know these details," said Gimli with irritation, looking her up and down, "now go and let us talk!"  
  
She pursed her lips in anger and strode towards them. "If you are going, so am I!"  
  
"Please Irulan, we have not come to a decision yet. But it certainly would not include you. As you have said, it is too dangerous," Legolas said softly and for some reason he looked extremely happy. She thought that odd for a moment, but then quickly pushed it away, trying to solve the matter at hand.  
  
"Legolas, cut it out! Do I need to remind you of a certain BOND?" She turned to Aragorn then. "Aragorn, I have a right to attend!"  
  
Aragorn looked at her for a long moment. He then turned to the other men and then slowly looked at her again. "Well my friends," he said finally, "she is right. But I can not risk her life. If she wishes to come, I would rather not go myself. We can still not see them.........but we will have to wait. The Uruks must be close now."  
  
Eomer resented this next part, but he knew that he would have to do it, for the sake of the act. He frowned. "Perhaps not all of us have to leave. Legolas here has a keener sight. He may go and......."  
  
"What? No! Legolas can NOT go. It is way too dangerous to scout ahead in a time like this!" interrupted him Irulan with pure anger. Legolas' eyebrows arched and he glanced at Aragorn who was doing his best not to grin openly. Gimli though, whose back was turned to Irulan dared a wide grin and looked up at Eomer with pure admiration on his face. The captain of Rohan saw him, of course, but being trained in this art, gave no indication of doing so.  
  
"Irulan be quiet. Master Eomer has a point there," pressed on Aragorn.  
  
"I can go," said Legolas and it sounded terribly heroic.  
  
"You can NOT!" she said with frustration and grabbed his arm. "Please, Legolas!" she begged a moment later.  
  
The elf looked down at her with pure love, but remained not moving. Instead he forced himself to throw a questioning look at Eomer and Aragorn. Irulan, too, turned towards them. "What is wrong with you?" she hissed with anger. "I thought you wiser than to send someone out at this stage! You know it is downright suicide!" The men stared back at her with blank expressions. "If he goes, I will too," she said finally and it was obvious that no force in this world would dare to challenge that statement.  
  
"But Irulan," tried Legolas softly, but she cut him off.  
  
"No, Legolas. These men are out of their minds! I will not allow it!"  
  
Gimli turned to look at Haldir, who was standing close by and watching the exchange with a blank expression. "Master Haldir, we thought.....your conversation would be longer."  
  
"As did I," the elf said bitterly, "however, this news has excited Irulan very much."  
  
"Irulan, how rude of you! I think you should continue your conversation with our guest! We can handle this," said Eomer with a cool voice.  
  
Irulan just looked back at him with narrowed eyes. "Haldir and I can converse later, do not worry, Eomer," she hissed. "I think I will not dare to leave you men to their stupidity again!" With that, she held Legolas' hand and pushed up her chin to Eomer.  
  
The captain of Rohan felt a pang of jealousy and anger wash over him, but glancing in Haldir's direction once more, managed to suppress it. 'Suddenly there are too many elves for my taste in Rohan!' he thought and looked down. "Then I must agree with Aragorn. We will not go. Now if you'll excuse me.......I have other matters to attend to," he said and hastily strode away.  
  
Irulan looked from dwarf to man, from man to elf. She finally settled on Legolas, who was looking down at her with incredible joy. "You were going to leave without me?" she said with a dangerous tone. The smile vanished from his face. He swallowed softly. He did not know what to say, so he said nothing. Irulan thankfully turned to Aragorn and Gimli, who had obviously not foreseen this part either and looked uncomfortable themselves. 'Eomer was right!' thought Aragorn with desperation, 'we still have a lot to learn about women!'  
  
Just when they thought that nothing could save them from the coming flood of accusation now, Irulan blinked and smiled with pleasure. "Haldir, don't go anywhere! There's someone I would like you to meet," he said hastily and walked off. The men, following her gaze, saw Eowyn standing next to Eomer and watched Irulan walk towards her friend. Aragorn sighed with relief. 'If that was not divine intervention, I don't know what is!' he thought.  
  
"Her hair is braided!" said Haldir suddenly with utter surprise, still watching Irulan striding away. They all turned to look at him and he looked very confused. A smile crept on Legolas' lips.  
  
"How very observant of you!" mumbled Gimli.  
  
"I.......did not see it before," Haldir managed to say after a long and, by the looks of it, painful moment.  
  
"I am surprised it has failed to catch your keen eye, Master Haldir," Legolas said coolly.  
  
"Perhaps because the work of our Woodland kin can not be really considered a competition to ours," Haldir said a moment later and the three men gasped.  
  
"I think it is defeat that makes your tongue so sharp," said Legolas, ironically sounding much, much sharper himself.  
  
"To accept a defeat, I must be allowed an attempt myself," Haldir said with that irritatingly cool expression of his. Aragorn dared to glance down at Gimli who was watching the two elves as if he expected them to grab each other's hair any moment now.  
  
"You dare not touch an already braided hair! I would think higher of you than that," said Legolas icily, very expressive about the fact that he was in fact not thinking higher of Haldir at all.  
  
"Braids can be undone. Others can be woven," replied the other with a shrug.  
  
"Neither the hair nor the braid belongs to you. I suggest you withdraw your intentions this instant and leave!" Legolas hissed.  
  
Haldir, though, remained calm and unmoved by the act. "The pin belongs to me. It is obvious to me that my gift is valued."  
  
"Haldir! Meet Lady Eowyn, my best friend!" Irulan said suddenly from beside him and Haldir turned around to look at the most astonishing creature he had ever laid eyes on. 


	20. Life Is Only A Dream

Battle and angst is upon us! Though not for long, of course. But anyway, there was so much I wanted to establish between the characters before this begun....but I fear that we have come to the point where the urgency of battle sucks us into events and denies us for further delay. In any case, I have dared one last chapter. The one after this will be delving directly into the battle.  
******************************************************************  
An awkward silence set in and would not leave. Irulan's smile faded into confusion and she glanced to the other present company to understand whether she had missed something. She turned to look up at Haldir again, but he was focused on Eowyn, and the blonde woman was becoming more and more uncomfortable under his constant gaze.  
  
Finally she could not take it any longer and Irulan slightly cleared her throat. The noise woke up Haldir. He blinked and swallowed softly, then turned to look at Irulan, as if remembering her presence for the first time. "Oh.......forgive me," he said softly a moment later and turned once again to Eowyn who was trying to figure out if there as something odd or terrible about her looks that day. "I lost speech, for I believed you to be an angel, Lady Eowyn." Haldir bowed slightly and Eowyn and Irulan snapped around to look at each other with widening eyes.  
  
Finally Eowyn chuckled lightly (it came out a bit more forced than she wished it would, but this elf had truly surprised her with his odd behavior), "You are very kind, Master Haldir," she said, "but I know that I must look terrible at the moment."  
  
Haldir seemed to have regained his coolness. Or so he looked to Irulan. She glanced quickly at Legolas hoping to see an expression on his face concerning the oddity of the matter, but the elf was just watching the scene before him with amusement. "You could not look terrible even if you intended to," the captain guard said softly, his blue eyes boring into hers.  
  
Eowyn smiled and laughed a beautiful laugh. "Such kind words from an Eldar! I am certain that your eyes have settled on far brighter beauties."  
  
Haldir did not blink. "I am certain that they have not, my lady," he said with a soft whisper.  
  
Another tense silence. Irulan's eyebrows shot up at Haldir's open boldness. But then.......he had become close with her and like all elves, he seemed to be a fast learner. Besides, Haldir might have been accused of arrogance and coldness, yet never had he shown a lack of boldness or daring. Actually compared to Legolas, he was very straightforward and confident in his actions. She came back to the present when Gimli cleared his throat. Eowyn, too, jumped with relief, for she seemed to be very lost as to what to do with Haldir staring down at her like that. "I should return to check on the caves," she said hastily and smiled at the rooted company. Her eyes lingered a trifle longer on Aragorn, as always, and the man smiled back warmly.  
  
"The caves?" said Haldir softly, the presence of everyone else seemingly forgotten to him.  
  
"Yes. We are guiding the women and children into the caves. And I have to oversee that enough food and water is stored as well. We do not know how long this battle will last."  
  
"I would very much like to see these caves," said Haldir with mild interest, "would you let me accompany you, Lady Eowyn?"  
  
Eowyn blinked in surprise. "Certainly," she said a moment later and glanced at Irulan, then at Aragorn for guidance, but there was really nothing neither could do at the moment.  
  
Haldir moved a step towards her and gently offered her his arm. "A tour of the city it is, then?" he said with a smile that only an elf could be capable of.  
  
Eowyn seemed to be taken aback by his interest in her, but she grinned nevertheless. "My pleasure, Master Haldir," she said and took his arm, guiding him away towards the caves. Both did not turn to look at the rest of the company who could have passed for trees in their silence and stillness as they watched the elf trying to persuade Eowyn that she should call him only by his name, since it was the most beautiful pronunciation of his name that he had ever heard in his entire life.  
  
"Well......that went well," said Irulan finally, simply for the sake of making a comment.  
  
"It was.....surprising to say the least," Aragorn mumbled, scratching his chin.  
  
"Hah! What is it with elves, I ask you?" said Gimli and he sounded a bit jealous. It was only normal, since Eowyn had always shown him close friendship and true interest in his life and tales.  
  
Irulan smiled down at him. "It's only because they are taller than the rest," she said to him. "A real woman has enough sense in her to look down for greater treasures, Gimli." Gimli looked up at her for a moment and blinked with wonder. Irulan grinned back at him. "You should not go for someone less than that anyway, my friend."  
  
He nodded with satisfaction. "Damn right! Elves! Hah!" He looked up at Legolas, who was smiling down at him with amusement, "Blocking the sun is all they do!"  
  
"Irulan, you might have forgotten to mention the beauty and wisdom of my kind," he said, a grin spreading on his lips as he continued looking down at the dwarf.  
  
"I see nothing that overshadows Gimli here," she said and leaned down to kiss him heartily on his cheek.  
  
Legolas watched them with his grin spreading even further and his eyebrows arching slightly in surprise. "Should I feel jealous, I wonder?" he said softly.  
  
"For more than one reason!" boomed Gimli and they all laughed at that.  
  
Irulan looked out into the night. "How much longer?" she said. Legolas stood by her side. "I neither see nor hear their approach yet. It must be still a few hours further."  
  
"The later they come, the better," Aragorn said from behind them. "It will buy us time for Gandalf's arrival."  
  
They remained silent for a moment. Finally Irulan said "Should we take our positions now?"  
  
"No, too early yet," said Aragorn with a sigh. "This is stolen time. I suggest you use it until the very last moment." With that, he strode off, lost in thought once more.  
  
Gimli sighed and walked off in the opposite direction, probably wishing to be alone, himself. 'Perhaps he will bid a silent farewell to his memories and his own family,' she thought watching him.  
  
She felt Legolas taking her hand and turned to look up at him. He smiled and tugged her along, guiding her towards the fortress. "Let us go up to our room, Irulan," he said softly, "I want to talk to you."  
  
She let herself be guided away from the sounds of swords and armor. An odd wish erupted in her........and she wished Legolas would continue walking and take her away from all this. She wished he would guide her away from the fortress, through Rohan, away from all lands that were on the threshold of war. Unfortunately their trip once more ended in their room. Legolas gently led her to the mattress and she sat down, her back leaning on the wall, and he sat next to her, holding her hand.  
  
He caressed her cheek for a while, smiling at her. "How are you feeling?" he said finally.  
  
Irulan sighed and played with his hand in her lap. "Not like I thought I would," she said softly. "Except feeling tired, of course."  
  
Legolas grinned. "Again?!"  
  
Irulan rolled her eyes. "I have not really rested, Legolas."  
  
"Pray tell me then.......what will happen when we travel through Middle Earth?" he said in amusement.  
  
"IF we travel, Legolas," Irulan said and she sounded a little desperate.  
  
"Of course we will!" he whispered and kissed her hand. "Tell me, how does your heart feel?"  
  
"My heart?" said Irulan with surprise. Legolas nodded. "Well........I don't really know."  
  
Legolas thought about how to put it, and then tried again: "Do you feel confused?"  
  
Irulan laughed. "Torn and confused.........always, Legolas!"  
  
"Is your confusion in your heart or in your head?" he whispered.  
  
Irulan thought about that. "In my head, I think," she said finally.  
  
Legolas nodded and kissed her hand again. "That is good, for it means that your heart has healed a lot, my love," he whispered and touched her chest where her heart was. He sighed softly and then chuckled, shaking his head.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I just wished for more time. And then realized that I had never wished such a thing before," he said and caressed her cheek again.  
  
"I wish that a lot, actually," said Irulan, her eyes glazed and not seeing.  
  
"It is a needless wish," Legolas said then, "for we shall have it. We shall have many years together, Irulan."  
  
"I certainly hope so."  
  
Legolas leaned in and kissed her softly. It was not a kiss of passion. Nor was it a kiss of desperation. It was a kiss of tenderness and devotion. "I love you," he whispered, taking her face into his hands. "No matter what happens tonight, I can not lose. For I love you. I will find you again."  
  
"Yes," she whispered back, "you must. In this life or another, Legolas. I do not wish to be anywhere else but with you."  
  
"Even if I die, Irulan, I shall part oceans of time and find you again. I have done it before. I will do it again."  
  
"Yes, I know. Yet, I certainly hope you'll recognize me earlier the next time," she said with amusement.  
  
"Yes," he whispered and kissed her again. "Tell me," he said a moment later, "how did Eomer propose you?"  
  
Irulan sighed and looked up at him. Odd enough, he did not have the blue fire in his eyes. "He just.......did," she said, trying to read his expression and failing.  
  
"Yes, but what were his words?" he said, playing with her hair.  
  
"Legolas, don't you think that is kind of private?"  
  
"I am only curious. I have never heard a proposal amongst humans."  
  
"No two proposals are the same, really. There is no certain code to it," she said, a little disturbed by the issue.  
  
"You have received many, yes?" he said. She looked but he looked perfectly calm, still playing with her hair absent-mindedly.  
  
"I have received my share," she said dryly and looked away again.  
  
"So tell me," he said a moment later.  
  
"Well......it's basically 'I love you.......will you marry me?' sort of thing," she said finally.  
  
Legolas blinked in surprise. He looked at her for a long moment. "And mortal women accept such........soulless........offers?" he said and the last word came out with open distaste.  
  
Irulan laughed heartily at his expression of utter horror. "Legolas," she began, but could not continue and waved her hand, still laughing.  
  
His expression changed from confusion to amusement and he smiled. "Why are you laughing?" he said softly, intrigued.  
  
Irulan laughed some more and waved her hand again. "Nothing. I just......." she sighed and calmed down, and added with a big smile, "I don't think there's much else to say, really."  
  
It was Legolas' turn to laugh and her own turn to smile with curiosity. "What?" she said, mocking irritation.  
  
"I can tell you this," he said softly with amusement, "such a proposal would be considered a calamity amongst my kind." He began playing with her hair again. "We value the bonds between people very much. And we value the bond of marriage most of all. It is no light issue."  
  
"Of course it is not," she said and then looked away with irritation. "Though I do not see the point of it."  
  
Legolas looked at her for a long moment and then sat up slowly, not turning away. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Well.......if people are together, they are together. I mean what's the point of an 'official' bond? I think people should just be together. I don't understand why the marriage issue means so much."  
  
"It has official reasons, for one. But more important than that.......you took an oath with the Druids. Then you took one with us. Did you not feel the connection......the difference?"  
  
"Well yes, I did........" she said, thinking about it.  
  
"That is because words make a difference, Irulan," he said softly. "They have power over the spirit. They are not mere utterances.........not compilations of sounds. It is a magic that is at work every day, in the smallest of conversations all around the world. Yet many never realize its impact on them." Legolas looked into her eyes and tried to understand if she followed. "Words weave spells, words break spells, Irulan. Words give courage to fight impossible battles; they give consolation to those who have lost all hope; they can reach out and change the view and therefore, the live of some forever. Either written or spoken, used in the right way words can take you to places and amongst people that you have never seen and these things can move you more than perhaps actual experiences." Irulan smiled, thinking about her times in the library. She was sitting with a book in her lap, but in fact she was fighting evil dragons with mere swords; she was walking amongst elves, or sailing in uncharted territories.  
  
"Yes, you are right," she whispered, lost in her memories.  
  
"I have long thought about the words I wish to say to you," he said finally and Irulan woke up. She hastily sat up a little and took a slow breath.  
  
"Legolas......maybe we should go back now," she said and to her surprise he only laughed softly and kissed her hand again.  
  
"Do not worry, Irulan. I will not ask for any kind of commitment from you. I know how much you fear it." Legolas watched her features giving in to relaxation. 'At least not tonight,' he added to himself in silence.  
  
She slumped back a little. "Legolas, I........" she began, but he touched her lips with his fingers and hushed her.  
  
"I thought about us and our future," he said finally, "and all the things I would love to do with you." He sighed and remained silent for many moments. "And I realized that there was nothing specific that I wanted to do.........as long as I do it with you."  
  
Irulan smiled down at him. "Perhaps you should start planning, then. I certainly would not want to perch on a tree branch for all eternity, Legolas. Or rather, wait till after the battle," she said with amusement.  
  
Legolas sat up again and looked her in the eye. "Irulan, do not stray far from me when the battle starts," he said and although he tried to sound calm, the worry in his voice was obvious.  
  
"I'll try, Legolas. But you should know that I can not make plans or promises for such a thing. Besides..........if I am to Shift, I should be outside the fortress, if you ask me."  
  
"Outside?!" he said with horror.  
  
"Yes. You know.........in case......." she said and looked down.  
  
"In case of what?" Legolas said coldly.  
  
"Just in case," she added a moment later. "It would be better if I were surrounded ONLY with the enemy."  
  
Legolas cupped her chin and forced her to look up. "Irulan, you will not fall. Your heart has changed. Your mind has changed. The shadow on you has lifted. You have given up being a Darma Druid for being a part of this Fellowship. You are not the same woman any longer. You can NOT fall."  
  
Irulan nodded gravely. "That may be true. Yet, even if I do not fall to the Fever, I can die, you know that."  
  
"Yes, I know. We all can," he said matter-of-factly.  
  
"If I die, Legolas," she said with a careful tone, "I want you to do something for me."  
  
Legolas stiffened and looked away. "I do not wish to talk about such a thing at the dawn of battle," he said. 'Some warrior elf, indeed!' thought Irulan with irritation. 'Isn't he supposed to be less sentimental about this?'  
  
"Legolas," she said with a tired sigh and tugged at his hand. He did not turn around, but kept staring at the wall ahead. "Fine. I'll say it anyway. It is my wish. Do it or don't do it - you'll decide for yourself." She glanced at him again, but he had not moved a hair. "I want you to go wherever the fellowship goes. Wherever Aragorn goes, Legolas." He pursed his lips and turned his head completely, hiding his face from her. "I want you to continue fighting for Middle Earth till the end. And if you remain after all is done, I want you to sail to the Undying Lands." Irulan rolled her eyes and tugged at his hand again, but he refused to turn around.  
  
"I would not live that long, either way, Irulan," he said finally after a long silence.  
  
"Well just in case," she said softly and smiled.  
  
Legolas turned around then and he looked both incredibly furious and at the same time deeply saddened. "I will do as you wish. However, then you must promise to do the same if I should fall."  
  
Irulan's eyes widened. "Don't be foolish. You can not fall," she said with irritation.  
  
"It is a battle. Anyone can fall today," he said matter-of-factly, his blue eyes boring into hers. "Will you follow Aragorn and continue to serve this cause?"  
  
Irulan felt sickened by the idea. Legolas........dead? She tried to imagine it, but failed bitterly. She tried to imagine one day without him by her side. She tried to think of herself waking up the next morning without Legolas, with only Gimli or Aragorn (or worse, even without them!), continuing this war and her duties towards the fellowship even after he was gone........gone forever. Irulan swallowed hard. "I can not," she whispered with horror. She tried to think of what she would do, instead, and that, too, evaded her. There would be absolutely no reason to continue living. Her eyes widened with the realization of that. She would rather die and join Legolas and the others in death, than continue living with the painful memory.  
  
"Then NEVER ask me of such a thing again, Irulan," Legolas said with fury and embraced her fiercely.  
  
It was then that the horn sounded, alarming them of the appearance of the Uruks. Irulan did not move away. Neither did Legolas. The remained in that embrace for long moments, denying the deep brass sound of the horn filling the air again and again, denying the sound of hasty footfalls on the stone corridors; the shouting and panic around them. Finally Legolas stood up and gently helped her up and they went to the high window, overlooking much of the scenery below. Indeed, even Irulan's eyes could see the flicker of distant torches that the Uruk army was carrying. Legolas did not let go of her hand as they stood watching for many more moments. A part of her felt elevated. Her body responded to the cry of battle with a feeling that she could only describe as lust. Another part of her wanted to stay here hand in hand with Legolas as long as she was given the chance to.  
  
"Life is but only a dream, Irulan," Legolas said softly, and turned to smile down at her. She could see that he, too, was prepared for battle now. A calmness and a sense of surrender had settled on his features. "Neither the beauty nor the foulness of this world truly exists," he added a moment later, his arm reaching out and gently including the view from the window in one graceful move. And odd enough, as she was standing there, holding his hand and following his gaze into the night, Irulan felt that indeed, nothing held value and nothing penetrated reality. For an absurd moment, she DID feel as if she was dreaming and that death would only wake her up. "Nothing is real, Irulan," she heard Legolas whisper and once more he turned to smile down at her, "except for the imprint these things leave on our eternal souls. I fear neither images nor visions or dreams, for what you have given me, none can take away."  
  
Irulan smiled up at him, the sensation of a soft surrender claiming her. "Legolas," she said with a sly grin, "you took the words right out of my mouth."  
  
Legolas grinned back in amusement and not looking away from him, she turned and led him out of the room. 


	21. Master of Prowess and Time

The darkness fell faster and faster and wiped out the stars from the heavens. A very unwelcome rain began to pour down then, beating softly on the metal armory as if holding the rhythm of the battle. Irulan did not look away from the incoming army of Uruks. They were very close now, and she could almost see their faces.  
  
Gimli was mumbling next to her again, failing to see the view because of the wall in front of him that reached actually only up to Irulan's waist. "Damn it! What does it look like, Irulan?" he asked in desperation, and once more she had to fight the grin from spreading on her features.  
  
"Not very charming, I can tell you that," she said matter-of-factly. Now that the battle was here, she felt the usual Irulan receding back into a safe chamber, beyond the reach of the tumult of the world. The Black Knight had been invoked. Soon, the Sister in her would join him. For now, her eyes scanned the army in front of her, as it had scanned the incoming orcish raids in Gondor, many times. She did not feel fear or sadness any longer. She was here to fight, and fight she would. If she died........well then she would be dead and beyond questioning that incident. So........all was well. She even fell back to the light hearted carelessness of the Black Knight.  
  
"I can't decide.........are they uglier than the ones we killed in Parth Gallen, or is it my eyes deceiving me? What do you think, Legolas?" Legolas, who was standing on Gimli's other side threw her an amused smile.  
  
"Let them come! Too long have I gone without blood on my axe! I was beginning to rust, I tell you!" boomed Gimli and Irulan laughed at the sick delight in his voice.  
  
"Is that why you have been squeaking like an old wheel, my friend?" she said and Legolas could not help to join her in laughing. Luckily, Gimli was too far gone in his war fervor.......or perhaps he was too used to their ways and gave no indication of anger.  
  
"Irulan, you will fight with us?" Haldir said from beside her suddenly, mild surprise in his melodious voice.  
  
Irulan grinned at him with mock innocence. "Never! Just enjoying the view, Haldir."  
  
He looked her up and down with a perplexed expression. "I heard about your skills, and certainly if you were not capable, you would not be on such a mission. And yet........"  
  
"Spare me, Haldir," she said curtly, enjoying his suspicion. She had seen it on thousands of both elvish and human faces today as she walked to resume her position with Legolas and Gimli. Even King Theoden had opposed gravely (although he had witnessed her skills against the Wargs) and Eomer had hoped to persuade her for one last time. Yet, Irulan had only laughed and walked by them, not really delaying herself for an explanation. The Fellowship had done that for her. Aragorn and the rest of them had followed her around, stopping for every such interference to explain that Irulan had not only great skill but also much more experience than many and that she was a part of the Fellowship and therefore, belonged with them. They had even told them about her Black Knight identity, and both Theoden and Eomer had stared at her from afar with serious shock on their faces. They would have doubted it, if they had not known that Irulan was one woman crazy enough to do such a thing. And of course, as always there had been other curious ears to hear that and the gossip had spread like wildfire amongst the men.  
  
Even now, she felt the eyes of both the Rohirrim and the Lorien elves on her, their looks speaking of doubt and yet respect; of mocking and yet awe. 'If we win this war, this gossip will spread even further. And who knows.....maybe other women like me will find the courage to spring to their feet and do something with themselves, hearing it,' she had thought, and the idea had given her immense satisfaction.  
  
None were told that she was a Darma Druid, of course. Not because it would strike fear, but rather because most probably no one here knew of their legendary existence and it would just require too much explanation for which none of her friends felt up to.  
  
"How is Eowyn?" Irulan said suddenly, a deft smile adorning her lips as she turned to Haldir once more.  
  
Haldir's gaze glazed and he too, began to smile. "How? She is.....perfect. She is simply the most charming woman I have ever seen, Irulan. She is graceful and lovely, intelligent and strong, she is........"  
  
Irulan laughed and Haldir woke up, looking at her with confusion. "I did not mean that, Haldir. I meant........how does she feel?"  
  
"Oh........she is disturbed and afraid of course," he said a moment later, a little caught off guard at this.  
  
"You like her," Irulan said softly, trying only to be heard by him, but knowing that Legolas would pick up every word.  
  
Haldir sighed. "I like you........very much," Haldir said and smiled down at her. "And I am most impressed by you, Irulan. But my feelings towards Lady Eowyn....Alas, I do not know what I feel yet, myself!" he said and the last part sounded a bit desperate.  
  
"Do not worry, Haldir. As you yourself have said earlier, these are strange times. And what you are going through is not nearly strange enough compared to the things I have seen on this trip."  
  
Haldir smiled in amusement and cast a sidelong glance at Legolas, who was looking ahead, pretending not to listen. Which of course meant that he was all ears. "Perhaps we will have to discuss this issue in privacy with you, Irulan," he murmured into her ear. Irulan bit her lip and tried very hard not to look at Legolas' direction. She gave Haldir a slight nudge in the ribs, though. The elf seemed delighted by this and leaned even further. "And I promise a far more beautiful braid, as well," he whispered and Irulan had to fight with all her strength not to giggle.  
  
Finally though, she could not help it any longer. "Begone, elf!" she said, chuckling and gently shoving him away, "you will start a battle IN the fortress if you continue with this mischief."  
  
"Well it was worth a try," he said with cool amusement as the locked eyes with a very annoyed Legolas.  
  
Suddenly Aragorn was with them, peering into the dark. "How are you all?" he said, not really looking at them.  
  
"Some of us bold, some of bored, some of us.......short," chirped Irulan and Aragorn followed her gaze to look down at Gimli who was still hopping desperately to see over the wall before him. Aragorn looked at her with a blank expression for a moment, but then grinned softly and a moment later chuckled along with Irulan. To her surprise, both elves joined them.  
  
"Irulan," Aragorn said, shaking his head, "your sense of humor certainly grows sharper in battle."  
  
"Humor?!" yelped Irulan, "I was merely telling the truth."  
  
"I remember being called fairer things by you!" boomed Gimli.  
  
"Ah well.......I told you I was not myself when I said those," she teased and grinned more openly.  
  
Another horn sounded. "Your friends are with you, Aragorn," Legolas said suddenly and both Irulan and Gimli joined him, turning around to look at the ranger. He nodded with respect and gratitude shining in his eyes.  
  
"Let's hope they'll last the night," Gimli added a moment later, being the ever pouting and grumpy dwarf that he was and Aragorn squeezed his shoulder before he strode away again.  
  
"Well, are you men up for a challenge?" Irulan sighed leisurely.  
  
"What kind of challenge?" said Gimli.  
  
"Let's see who will kill the most Uruk-hai! I'll even give you a fair start. How about fifty?" she said, grinning.  
  
Both elves and the dwarf looked back at her with annoyance written over their faces. "Fifty?!" snorted Gimli, "I'll give YOU that fair start, for it will be a number you will need many times over to come even close to my killings!"  
  
"No need for a fair start for me, gentlemen!" she said in amusement. "But let us settle a prize for the winner."  
  
"What would you wish to have?" said Legolas softly, smiling at her with sparks in his eyes.  
  
"I wish you all to serve me......for an entire day!"  
  
"Serve you?" said Haldir from beside her, intrigued by the whole issue.  
  
"Yes. Do anything I please. You know.........fetch my boots, serve my meals.......ah.......and constantly praise my skills and strength. You know.......throw yourselves at my feet and such things."  
  
The men's eyes widened at that. "What?! Never!" yelled Gimli and shuddered with the bare thought of it.  
  
"Then I assume you already accept defeat?" Irulan said slyly.  
  
"I accept the bet," said Haldir suddenly, "only if you will do the same for me."  
  
"Deal," smiled Irulan.  
  
Legolas and Gimli grinned at each other. "That is certainly something I would like to see," said Gimli and turned to her. "Deal, woman!" he added a moment later, laughing with delight.  
  
"Deal, Irulan," said Legolas. "You said anything, is that correct?"  
  
Irulan was so carried away by the lightness of the moment, she almost stuck her tongue out to him. But then remembered the many men and elves surrounding them and only smiled back cheerfully. "Correct, Legolas."  
  
"Well.......I certainly want to hear a lot of flattering, on my behalf," said the dwarf and seemed lost in the thoughts of what those might be.  
  
"Perhaps you will braid MY hair, then, Irulan?" said Haldir with suppressed joy and even Legolas laughed at the thought of that.  
  
Irulan only chuckled and shook her head. "ANY of you beat my number, I shall do these willingly. However, I will beat all of you many times. And I will be so fast doing it, there will be enough time to think of YOUR services to me before you are finished, I assure you!" She made a mental note to herself to remember counting even while she Shifted and hoped that she would be able to do that.  
  
"Hah! Let the war begin!" yelled Gimli and they watched the army of Uruks halting a few hundred feet away from the tall walls of the fortress. A silence set in amongst the humans as they gazed on these creatures, growling and moaning in the darkness. The Rohirrim and the elves looked at this evil that was composed of claws and teeth, of anger and hatred. Irulan allowed her eyes to dance along the army and found no end to their number. They were like a plague, ever-devouring in their hunger and greed. She knew instantly that they had no way of warding off so many. Their only hope would be to hold on till Gandalf arrived. At least the fortress was known for its strength.  
  
The Uruks had found a hateful rhythm now and were openly teasing the owners of the fortress. Yet, Aragorn bade them to hold their fire. Gimli was jumping up and down again. "What is happening out there?" he mumbled with frustration.  
  
"Shall I describe it to you?" said Legolas with open amusement, "Or would you like me to find you a box?"  
  
Irulan laughed out loud at that and glanced at Legolas. "A box!" she said and laughed harder, Gimli joining her. The Rohirrim around them raised eyebrows, but continued staring out. A moment later a frightened man accidentally shot an orc. And then the Uruk-hai charged.  
  
For a brief moment, Irulan closed her eyes and tried to engrave this moment along with the many other memories of battle that she had witnessed. She smelled the sweat of the soldiers around her; the fire that was adorning the torches; the rust on the metallic armors and swords.......she heard the cries of battle that had an odd melodic ring to it. She felt the cool rain falling down on them, not caring whether the drops hit an orc or a man; an elf or a woman - nature doing its job, completely ignoring everything else.  
  
When she opened her eyes again a moment later, arrows were flying into the darkness of Rohan, like pools of fish, dancing in the dark ocean. She hear the soft swishing of their trails and felt the slight breeze as the passed her, darting out like a strange aura from Helm's Deep.  
  
Battle was here. And Gimli was right........long had it been since she had felt the thrill of it. She felt like an old, forgotten toy, left in the attic and now pulled out into the sunshine again. Her system was beginning to creak and slowly rewind, preparing itself to do what she was made for. Hormones were dancing in her body, surging through her bloodstream, filling her mind and her heart with the urges that had been lost to her. And with all this, came the instant wish for Shifting.  
  
But Irulan repressed it, as she stood motionless, watching the ladders slowly being erected towards the walls, arrows still dancing around her. She took out her staff and gently extended it. The throbbing lust of slaying was beckoning to her, haunting her like some exotic animal, luring her ever farther into the dark forest. She was but captured in the deed, unable to resist the temptation. Her feet felt restless and itchy, her arms stinging painfully to be moved, her muscles burning with the desire to pull, push, bend and break. When the first Uruk-hai climbed from the ladders and joined the Rohirrim, she almost greeted them as if greeting long awaited lovers.  
  
So a dance began again, and Irulan danced once more. Though she tried to avoid Shifting as much as she could, knowing that she would need the skill as the battle raged on, she nevertheless could not help herself from tentatively testing her ability in that field tentatively.  
  
The calmness was like a shadow to her, dancing around her, engulfing her and then falling back to her feet, but never leaving too far. She draped herself with it momentarily and forced the world to stop - and the world obeyed her wishes like the most submissive of servants, and halted. It did not halt of course, but only slowed drastically, but the movement seemed so frozen, it might have halted altogether. She swung her staff, cutting through the dense armory and flesh of the Uruk-hai, moving among them gracefully with the rhythm of the dance, ever careful not to misplace a single step, not to arch with a single unnecessary blow.  
  
Something was different, but her mind would not linger on what that was. She felt light and feather-like. She felt like she could jump off the high fortress wall and glide down like a soft leaf falling willingly from a tree and kissing the humid earth of Rohan. Swish, pang, twirl, cut...........Irulan hacked with grace and stroke with glamour and could not help herself gently touching the cheek of a Rohirrim soldier she passed by and combing her finger through the hair of another, who was about to receive a sword into his abdomen and most probably die, but who was saved from that very act for this instant.  
  
She killed three, five, eight, twelve; then felt like bowing with the end of the dance as she stopped herself and forced to leave the void. Turning on her heels as the world clashed back onto her, she gracefully moved through the cut path, looking at neither the falling Uruk-hai nor the soldier who was awarded with the sword in his abdomen and gliding to the ground with unseeing eyes. Instead, she went on hacking the newcomers, murmuring welcomes as they climbed from their ladders to their death.  
  
Then suddenly, both her actions and her feelings seemed odd to herself and she stopped, despite the ongoing battle around her. The feeling was eerie........as if she was drunk and she was experiencing reality, and yet a different and twisted aspect of it. She was here and now, but her mind flirted with her, joyously stepping away, then returning to glide around her, drawing circles and giggling. Irulan swallowed and frowned. Death and life were erupting around her, but she remained blind to it. Her mind was racing through the past moments, trying to grasp what was avoiding her fingers. Trying to understand what the strangeness was.  
  
"Irulan!" said Legolas from beside her, instantly releasing another arrow, then glancing at her again as he was placing the next one on his bow. "Irulan, what is it? Are you well?" he said and turned sideways, aiming to prevent any attack to her or to himself. Irulan turned to look at him with confusion, but did not answer. Neither did she wake up, the frown settling deeper on her beautiful features. Legolas sent another arrow flying and as his hands replaced it, he once more dared a concerned look at her. "Can you hear me?" he said in desperation. She nodded softly and Legolas' eyes widened at the approaching figure that had raised his sword to her, but before he could swing his bow to shoot it, a felt a soft gush of wind (or he might have imagined feeling it - so soft it had been), and Irulan was not there any longer. A few droplets of the blood of the Uruk-hai landed on his pale cheeks and once more, the hair on his nape rose and sang in cold anticipation. He frantically looked around and found Irulan a good distance away from him, standing with that odd look in her eyes again, not really looking, but killing everything around her. Her body seemed to be moving with a solitary move, needing neither the focus nor the contribution of her mind at this stage. Her hands caressed the staff as it whirled in her arms, her legs bent and arched as she paced and orcs fell around her almost as if falling with an invisible spell. The path between them was adorned with orcs falling into heaps of hacked flesh even as he was standing. She looked like a blazing comet that had left a burning trail behind her.  
  
'I touched that man's cheek!' thought Irulan suddenly and something cold trickled down her back even as her right arm shot out and she turned her legs to stab another in the chest. 'How can I do such a thing in the void?' She paced ahead, turning her torso and this time bringing the right end of her staff sharply up so that it would cut another Uruk-hai lengthwise into half. Even as the blood of that creature gently splashed against her cold skin, she had danced away, still in deep thought. 'I can not do that. I should not be conscious in the void!' she thought in dismay. She should be unable to think, to feel. Yet she could remember feeling distinctive amusement and pleasure.  
  
'Twenty-one,' she thought and Shifted once more, moving back to Legolas at the far end. The elf seemed to be frozen in the act of shooting, his bow drawn, his hair the remnant of sunlight, floating around his features that bore concentration and mild disgust. His blue gaze directed at something that Irulan could not see from this angle. She ducked under an arrow in her path, slowly and painfully inching its way towards the Uruk-hai and continued her hacking. Swish, cut, twist, crunch........ah the irreplaceable sound of steel on flesh, of metal on bone! The distinctive smell of blood and sweat! It had been long indeed! Suddenly she was next to Legolas and her right hand darted out while she watched in fascination, gently tracing along his shoulder blades as she glided to his other side. 'Twenty-eight' she thought and Shifted out.  
  
She remained calm, leaning leisurely on her staff when a moment later Legolas became aware of her closeness and a moment after that, became aware of her identity. "Irulan!" he shouted almost with shock, and his head made half a turn, as if he meant to look back where he had last seen her only just now. But his mind was faster and he stopped himself before he completed that movement. He grabbed her arm, softly then, leaning in closer to be heard above the clatter of battle. "What is wrong?"  
  
"I do not know," she said calmly and still a little confused. Again, she denied the battle around her. Legolas' eyes darted around, trying to locate every movement in their periphery, but Irulan's glazed looks remained fixed on him. Yet, he knew that she was perfectly alert and this alone scared him deeply. "It feels........different, Legolas," she said finally, swiftly leaning towards the wall and dealing a hefty blow to an orc, who fell back into the depths before he could hold on to the wall. Irulan used her staff to tilt the ladder back and it dropped on the orcish crowd below. She turned back to him, her face still alarmingly calm and unaware.  
  
Legolas let go of his grasp on the bow and hastily placing it around his arm, he grabbed and shook her by the shoulders. "Different like what, Irulan?" he said in frustration giving up on any caution at the moment. She looked up at him then and the glaze in her eyes lifted ever so slightly. "I do not know. Also.......I do not feel tired or exerted," she said softly. "Perhaps that is a good thing," she said a moment later and extended her staff even further, unconsciously.  
  
Legolas knew not what to say. He looked her a moment longer, then released her and grasped his bow again. He pulled an arrow of a dead orc and placing it in on his bow, said "Perhaps. But do not trust it. Try not to Shift too much, my love." With that, he leaned in and placed an urgent kiss on her lips and Irulan almost jumped up with surprise. Legolas had darted by her when she realized what just happened and a part of her woke up to that.  
  
She ran after him, trying to keep close and at the same time cutting her way through the dense forest of orcs that had grown in this part of the wall in her short absence. "Legolas!" shouted Gimli suddenly, "Two already!"  
  
Legolas smiled with amusement "I'm on seventeen!" she shouted back and continued his killing, enjoying the glimpse of shock on the dwarf's face.  
  
"Do not flatter yourselves, I have thirty-five," said Irulan as she gracefully passed by them and managed a smirk before she continued her dance. "And I am only warming up!" Both elf and dwarf stared at each other and then at her retreating form.  
  
"You think she would lie?" shouted Gimli finally with irritation, hacking the arm of an orc.  
  
Legolas softly shook his head. "No."  
  
"Damn that woman!" Gimli said and sprinted away.  
  
Irulan was a killing machine. She knew of course that no man here could rival her. Even Legolas was only a skilled fighter compared to her. Whereas she was beyond a skilled fighter. She was a Darma Druid. She was a master of prowess and Time. She was a weapon forged so strong, it would outdo any other weapon, except perhaps another Darma Druid. Yet, her skill was not without a price and it was not unlimited. She was still made of flesh and bone, of blood and tissue and both her concentration for Shifting and her intensely fast physical movement that was undetectable for another eye required immense energy. An energy that was gently oozing out of her. The battle had yet new begun and the dawn seemed centuries away........but Irulan knew that she would have to use her skills sparingly if she wished to continue all throughout the night.  
  
She had fought many battles that had consumed long hours without Shifting as the Black Knight. True, these Uruks were more skilled and certainly better prepared, yet she could and should continue to try not to Shift if she could help it. She forced her curiosity down and decided not to give it another try for at least another ten minutes or so. And then maybe prolong the time intervals even further if it would help. She knew that she would eventually have to Shift. Irulan was not naive, neither was she inexperienced and she knew the odds of this battle too well. But for now, it could be helped.  
  
Swish, bow, crunch, twirl........  
  
Suddenly Aragorn was by her side, stalking the upper walls of the fortress, slicing his way through them. "Irulan," he shouted over the commotion when he was close enough, "how are you feeling?"  
  
"Wonderful!" Irulan said and laughed back, not missing a beat of the action around her, "I am winning in our death-toll bet and soon you will see two elves and a dwarf throwing themselves at my feet for my every wish!" Irulan glanced at him for a moment, "Care to join the bet, Ranger?"  
  
Aragorn threw her an irritated look. "I still have sense in me, woman!" he said and grinned with amusement before he moved away towards Legolas.  
  
'Forty-three' thought Irulan and kept on extending and retracting her staff with minute movements, trying not to stray too far from Legolas. Death was blooming around her like an eerie flower with a sickening, thick smell. This was battle - there was no point of thinking of the Uruks as something else than what they were...but what they were....was alive, after all. And Irulan happened to be the reason they died this night, leaving this world forever.  
  
She was so engulfed in her own thoughts and so lost in her own world, she did not see the anxiety of Legolas and Aragorn as an attempt to breach Helm's Deep was made. Neither did she realize their futile attempts to stop it. She was moving towards them with darkly grace, handing out death as if handing out a cool and refreshing drink in the heat of the summer, when she felt a soft hum beneath her feet that was instantly replaced by the loudest noise she had ever heard and even before she could register that to be a sound, she felt herself both crushed and at the same time lifted to be thrown away with great force.  
  
Irulan hit the stone hard and her mind went dark. Her eyelids fluttered, but she was nowhere near waking. A cool liquid seemed to envelop her, first biting at her with its iciness, then her body growing accustomed to the lack of heat and responding with a dull throb. 'Irulan, wake up,' said a voice in her head, but Irulan was lost to its call. The cold liquid ran along her body, growing in intension and depth, gently reaching up to engulf her. 'Irulan, open your eyes!' the voice repeated, echoing in the empty halls of her mind. She felt herself pulsing with cold anticipation of the frosty touch on her, growing and growing. Neither memory nor thought bothered her here. She only felt confusion and the remnants of physical pain, but even that seemed distant. 'Open your eyes!' whispered the voice again and she sensed the tense anxiety in it, 'Rise! Now!' But the cool liquid was so tempting.....'Open your eyes!' it shrieked with such unexpected intensity, her eyes flew open on their own accord. She drew a ragged and slow breath, her brain jumping from notion to notion, trying to understand who she was, where she was and what she was doing.  
  
And suddenly she remembered. She closed her eyes again, and mustering all her strength, forced them open once more. There; everything seemed clearer now. She began to hear the voices around her again, but they seemed soft and distant. Wondering if she was hurt beyond movement, she tried to stir, and to her surprise, her muscles obeyed almost instantly. She moved to sit up and almost collapsed face down as a slight dizziness overcame her. She closed and opened her eyes again and completed the movement.  
  
Suddenly she was hauled from the floor and turned upside down. Her eyes grew with the realization of an orc attack, and she tried to find her staff, but it was gone. Irulan moaned with the effort, but she was unable to lift her head as the world swam and jumped around her. Just when she was about to wonder what kind of attack this was, she felt herself lowered to the ground again, her back coming to rest on something and helping her to remain sitting. Irulan blinked with surprise as Legolas' face appeared before hers, worry and fear written all over it. He anxiously touched her forehead with his cool fingers and then moved on hastily checking her body for wounds.  
  
"Legolas," she said and it came out much better than she thought it would, "I lost my staff."  
  
"I have it," he said and Irulan followed his swift gaze to the floor where her staff was lying.  
  
She almost sighed with relief. "What the hell happened?!" she said with anger and sat up.  
  
"They have managed to breach the outer wall, Irulan," Legolas said and he looked like he was about to cry. He was still gently checking her for broken bones. "I have failed to stop the attempt!"  
  
"You mean you were unable to kill ten thousand Uruks?" said Irulan and actually managed to snort.  
  
Legolas looked up at her with pain in his eyes. "The fortress will fall, Irulan," he whispered, and for the first time in all their time together she heard his voice shaking.  
  
"Help me up, Legolas!" she hissed and Legolas felt himself moving unconsciously with the tone of command in her voice. He moved in to help her, but she actually stood up herself.  
  
"You are not wounded," he said, gently gliding his fingers on her forehead, his eyes locking onto hers.  
  
"Don't you despair on me now!" she said with a dark voice. "And don't you DARE thinking of taking responsibility for this defeat!" Legolas blinked, but did not look away. She tested her staff and then moved in to kiss him. Legolas could only remain as he was when she gently grabbed his tunic and pulled him down to her. His surprise melted into relief within moments. Calmness and sanity returned to him as her lips seemed to push everything else into the background. The war was raging around them; orc blood was running into elf blood, which was trickling into pools of human blood. Arrows were penetrating flesh, swords cutting bones, spears delving into skin. But all that vanished from his mind as he found Irulan amongst the incredible chaos that had threatened to overcome his mind moments ago. It was as if Irulan had approached him with a small box, a coy smile on her beautiful lips. She had slightly lifted the cover, her eyes never leaving his, and behold....all reason, all hope, all the strength required to continue rested in there and everything returned to him in the blink of an eye.  
  
"We are not done yet," whispered Irulan and with exactly the same smile on her lips now, beckoned him along as she sprinted towards the fallen ruins of the wall. And although only mere moments had passed, a completely different Legolas adjusted his quiver and fell in behind her. 


	22. Dance With Me, Sister

My beloved readers!  
  
Another chapter. It seems like Helm's Deep is taking longer than I thought it would be. I do not know how much longer this will continue..but I think at least two more chapters would be a fair number.  
  
As usual, I have received incredible mails, shouting of support and love. It is beyond any other feeling to know that my attachment and love for this story is shared by so many! I will not let you know of my decision until the end - since it would give away too much. For now, just read the story and enjoy the moment! And once more, though I wished to write personal thanks and answers to everyone, I had to choose between doing that and using that time to write the story itself. Needless to say that I chose the other. Perhaps I will have more time for the next chapter and find the opportunity to try to reply to your kind mails. Thank you once more. The number of the reviews has reached incredible limits and I know that this fact alone is drawing many new readers amongst us. I have received mails from them, too, and I consider them nothing else but new additions to our wonderful family.  
  
The battle rages, angst continues. Ah...and the Haldir issue! Sigh...I HAD to kill him, my friends. And don't think I enjoyed it, cause that bold elf had earned my love, believe me! But think of it...his survival would bring a LOT of confusion to the issue of Eowyn and Faramir. After all, she will end up marrying the captain of Gondor. So why did I put in that small romance right there? Well...I am trying to establish something between mortals and elves and it might become clearer with later events. So, try to be patient. Besides, as much as we all loved him, Haldir would play no further part in this story, so as I have said before, his death does not change anything in the flow of the story. I, too, wish that they had granted a greater part to him. Alas....we are all like falling leaves, immortal or not, we fall and vanish.  
  
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When they reached the site of the incident, her heart sank. The outer wall was indeed breached and the Uruks were storming in. Nothing would prevent the inevitable now. Nothing, except perhaps Gandalf. Her eyes scanned the dark horizons unconsciously, hoping to see his appearance. He had said that he would come at dawn on the fifth day. Maybe there was a chance that he would join them sooner than that? The dark seemed infinite and Gandalf's white glamour was nowhere to be seen. 'I guess he won't, then,' Irulan thought darkly as she sprinted towards the ruins of the wall.  
  
Hope was leaving her like the tide leaving, kissing the rocks it has crept on for the last time and returning to the ocean. She would join Chemarit and Boromir, after all. And even though a part of her was sickened by the thought of it, Eomer, Eowyn, Theoden, Haldir, Aragorn, Gimli, Theodred, Legolas and Haldir would be with her. 'This day, a great many great men and women will leave Middle Earth never to return. This world is cursed!' she thought bitterly.  
  
Irulan threw herself into the darkness and ran faster, ending lives to save other lives. This game of life and death had taken a very different turn ever since she has been on this quest. Where would the killing stop? When would the hate end? Nowhere and never. The world had witnessed countless battles before her. Millions had died for this or that cause. It would witness others after her memory was long lost. What was the point of fighting? What was the point of trying?  
  
Unknown to her, Legolas was sharing very similar thoughts as he was trying to keep up with her while she disappeared and re-appeared, leaving him behind ever further. He was in Rohan, this very day, in a battle in Helm's Deep. Yet in his mind, Legolas was recalling all his seemingly endless years back in Mirkwood and all the other places he had been to. The battle did not taste the same. The slaying had no edge to it. Where was the purpose? What was the retribution? The world seemed to fall apart under his very own fingers and he was incapable of putting it together! And why should he? It obviously did not mean anything to anyone else.  
  
Once more the wish to leave overcame him. He could not remember this desire calling out to him before as often as it was now. He felt the urge to throw away his bow, take Irulan's hand and run off with her somewhere where they could be alone and careless. More than that, he felt like sailing off with her from this very world itself. For it bore no peace any longer. It was not a good enough place for the precious bond they were sharing. This world had forgotten love and devotion - it did not welcome such values any longer. Maybe they were better off gone from it altogether.  
  
"To the Keep!" shouted Aragorn over the tumult and brought him back to the present. He sighed unconsciously and once more postponed the fulfillment of his wishes. Maybe after this chaos he would get his chance. Irulan, too, heard Aragorn and turned around to see the last of the men running back. Her eyes locked with those of Legolas and she pointed in Gimli's direction, and yelled for him to take the dwarf back to the Keep. Gimli was so lost in his frenzy, he obviously had no intention of retreating. Even if he was still calm and sane, he would not retreat. Legolas nodded and jogged towards the dwarf. He found someone else to help him drag Gimli towards the Keep.  
  
Irulan was just about to join them, when she caught Haldir with the corner of her eye and turned halfway to repeat Aragorn's words to him. But she never got that far. Haldir fell slowly and gracefully on his knees in front of her eyes and at that moment, Irulan could swear that she saw life leaving his beautiful eyes. For the first time ever, she Shifted without intending to or without being aware of it. One moment later she was by his side, spotted by the blood of the Uruk-hai who had dealt him the killing stroke that who now was falling to pieces behind her.  
  
"Haldir," she said gently and caught him before he would collapse backwards. His head fell slightly back, no sign of pain or conflict on his features, only perhaps a slight confusion. "Haldir," she whispered again, her voice shaking with a mixture of feelings that were simply too much for her to comprehend at the moment. He blinked and turned to look at her. Despite all, he was beautiful - gifted with a grace that was simply a part of him. A flower amongst ruins. A flickering flame against the cold and dark tide.  
  
"Irulan," he whispered and brought up his fingers to caress her cheeks. "Why are you so sad?"  
  
"Haldir..I beg you..do not leave me!" she said hoarsely, feeling weak and useless in the face of Fate. She wished she could fight Fate. She wished she could confront this fickle creature with her staff and fight a decent battle. At least she would have a chance. But Fate, it seems, would not bother to change her ways for a mortal woman tonight. Oh no..Fate was only concerned about a grander scale of things; about a universe in which neither Irulan's name, nor the name of any other meant anything. A universe which was given birth to for much greater purposes...for things that surpassed all that would die here today and all who would continue to live. Fate had no intention of delving into as light matters as the life or survival of insignificant beings, or even their entire species.  
  
"And I beg you...not to join me," Haldir said and he actually smiled. Irulan closed her eyes and touched his forehead with hers, begging for time, begging for a second chance, begging for a single way to change things. No, Fate was not interested. She felt the slight tremors of pain rising up in her, shaking her like some stupid leaf, left alone in the entire tree and refusing to fall to its inevitable destiny.  
  
Irulan felt his soft cool fingers touching her cheek again and she snapped awake to look down to him once more. Only then did she see that Aragorn had joined them, crouching beside the elf he had known for far longer and trying to understand how such a thing was possible at all. "Irulan," said Haldir and smiled again. He looked like someone who would fall asleep soon, not someone who would die and thereby do something that ironically his entire kind was never meant to do. "Our ways part here." She continued her silent crying, tears rushing down to wet her tunic. "Alas, we shall meet again. You must take care of Legolas, Irulan," he said then, and surprised her by doing so. She swallowed softly and nodded, knowing not what he meant but only that she was in no state to talk. Haldir smiled, and she felt the odd sensation that he would have grinned if he could have. "I have never seen a more fitting couple."  
  
"Aragorn," he said to the ranger, to which the other replied by leaning in closer.  
  
"Yes, my friend?"  
  
"You must return to this world what has been taken from it." The elf locked eyes with the king. "All who gaze upon you shall find it, Estel."  
  
And with that, Haldir was gone. His body was still there, lying suspended in Irulan's arms, still warm from the battle. But the essence that had made him who he was, was gone. It was taken from them to be replaced to a far better place. Irulan cried harder, still not making a sound, and refused to let go of him. She clung harder and gently placed her forehead on his again. 'No,' said a voice in her, 'I will say no more farewells! I simply refuse to!'  
  
Aragorn grabbed her forearm, first gently, and then harder when she did not react. He pushed himself up, his eyes scanning his surroundings for incoming attacks as his brain was still trying to grasp what had happened here in the blink of a few moments. Irulan, he realized, was not following. He pulled her harder, until she looked up, her brown eyes smudged with fury. "Get up, Irulan," he said gently, trying not to do anything that would push her into a drastic reaction. He unconsciously knew that if she decided not to follow him, Aragorn was incapable of making her do so. Irulan possessed a power that was far beyond his. The only thing that kept her tied to his will was the little bond she had established with him and her love and respect for him. It was the only reason she had stubbornly bent to his will.  
  
Aragorn looked into her eyes and realized a sudden truth that he had been blind to, before. This was not a lovable, trustable, respectable girl. This was not the funny, adorable and often quite confusing princess that he had come to know. The truth was, before him a Darma Druid was kneeling. She was a legendary being. The only Darma Druid that had agreed to attend battle since long forgotten centuries. She was a bundle of dark and mysterious powers. And she was not bound to anyone. Irulan could shake him off this instant and walk away, and Aragorn -though he might try- would definitely fail to stop her.  
  
Her eyes softened suddenly and she rose. "Aragorn," she whispered, looking back at the body that once belonged to a friend Aragorn would miss very much in the upcoming years. She swallowed softly and tried again. "Aragorn....so much death....so many partings. My heart will not take it any longer."  
  
Aragorn walked up to her then and taking her face into his hands, surprised her by kissing her forehead. He looked like he was about to cry, himself. Irulan suddenly remembered the last time they had cried together, in the open and harsh plains of Rohan, under the setting sun, with the memory of a dying Arwen and Legolas haunting them. Uruk-hai, elves and men were in battle around them, but for Irulan, that had all stopped. She was painfully aware of the moment, and yet also distant from it. "Your heart is stronger than you think. It will take this and much more," whispered Aragorn and his words were like steel.  
  
He took her hand then, and began running towards the Keep, pulling her behind him. Irulan did not resist or fight. She glanced back to see Haldir one last time, but in the frenzy of war, he was lost to her eyes. She ran with Aragorn, not really knowing where he was taking her. A new feeling was slowly swirling in the dark abyss of her torn feelings. She felt Rage raise her beautiful head, the red flames of her hair dancing with the winds of a silent storm. Irulan loved Rage. Rage was good. She was not treacherous or fickle like the other feelings. She was plain, open and clear-cut. Rage made her forget everything else and that was always good. Rage would lift the veil of desperation and sadness that had been threatening to suffocate her and Irulan would breathe once more.  
  
Aragorn let go of her hand when they reached one of the smaller walls that encircled the inside of the Keep. Unconsciously her eyes danced around her .. 'So few made it,' she thought, not feeling really bitter or desperate any longer. She gritted her teeth and set her jaw.  
  
"What is it, my love?" said Legolas from beside her and shot another deadly arrow. He could see the clouds in the dark skies of her irises, floating by and blocking the sun in there. That was not a good thing. If there was anything he found more painful a sight than Irulan's hurt, it was her despair.  
  
"Haldir has parted from us," she whispered and turned to lock eyes with a stunned Legolas. They exchanged a long unreadable glance with each other, during which Legolas seemed to have forgotten all existence of the bow in his grasp, drawn to shoot. Finally he tore his eyes away, looking down to the Uruk-hai who were once more attempting to raise their ladders to the wall they were standing on.  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled softly. When he turned to look at her again, the stern and unforgiving look of war had replaced it. No doubt, Legolas was stabbed by the news, but had carefully blocked that route and would only let himself delve into that thought after all was over. Irulan smiled with admiration. Though she might have superior skills, Legolas was obviously much more experienced and he displayed it with every move.  
  
She extended her staff and leaned over the wall to look down. The dark tide was coming back. It knew no wall, no barrier, no obstacle strong enough to stop its advance. No doubt that this wall would not hold it back, either. 'Eighty-two,' she thought absent-mindedly. 'I am far from reaching the number I have desired for this night!' Rage smiled and looked her in the eyes. Irulan smiled back. 'Oh no...I am VERY far from it,' she thought with sick amusement.  
  
Suddenly she saw Aragorn and Gimli down there, amongst the Uruks. Her eyes widened with disbelief and she grabbed Legolas' arm so fast and so strong, he quickly turned to follow her gaze, to see what the matter was. "How the hell can they be outside?!" she yelled and it came out more like a desperate cry of fear, rather than a question. Legolas, too, looked pretty amazed at that.  
  
He blinked and a moment later leaned closer to say "They are buying time for the men to repair the fallen gates, Irulan!" Irulan followed the direction his arm was pointing at and realized that he spoke the truth. Obviously the gates were breached.  
  
"How dare they?!" she hissed between clenched teeth and shoved a raised ladder back so hard, it fell backwards, to the utter horror of the many Uruks perched on it.  
  
She moved as to walk towards a closer spot, above Aragorn and Gimli, but Legolas grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him. "Irulan!" he shouted and slightly shook her to make sure that his message is reaching her. "Do not attempt anything foolish! Aragorn knows what he is doing. Let us find a rope to pull them back." To his surprise Irulan blinked and seemed to wake up. She nodded softly, a moment later again her arm shot out to turn the staff and slash another ladder leant against the wall. Legolas followed her movement, but did not delve on it too much, in fear that it would break the focus between them. He tentatively let go of her, but she did not run off. "I will find a rope. Stay here, Irulan!" he said and gave her another suspicious look. Irulan looked back with a blank expression and as much as he had come to hate that look on her beautiful face, it was still better than her wild side taking control of her senses.  
  
He dared not linger longer and dashed away, leaving her alone with the rest of the men and elves on the wall. Irulan returned to her fight and tried to ignore the unbelievable urge to jump down and join the ranger and the dwarf who were right beneath her, now. She swirled her staff and kept hacking while she also tried to follow their state. An admiration rose in her. And pride. As ridiculous as it was, she felt like bloating with the thought that she was a close friend and actually a part of the fellowship these incredible men belonged to.  
  
Suddenly Legolas was beside her and he threw the end of the rope down. Irulan stabbed another Uruk and sent him flying down before she cut through his ladder enough to make it collapse back. It had no use...for one ladder she sent down, three more were raised. She looked back over her shoulder and saw Aragorn trying to reach for the rope. However, the Uruks seemed to have grown wise to the intention of the two men and were charging now more persistently, determined not to give them the chance to escape. She observed Aragorn letting go of the rope once more, and returning to the battle. He grabbed Gimli by his armor and tried to pull him back again, but the incoming Uruks were upon them too quickly once more. Finally, the third time, Aragorn lifted up Gimli and decided to risk a jump.  
  
Too late. The Uruks had already almost encircled them completely and he received a nasty punch on the side of his head before he found the chance to make the jump. His eyes widened with the anticipation of the coming blow of steel and his feet felt rooted, unable to move any longer. He felt Gimli squirming in his arms, trying to break free. And he was about to let go of the dwarf, surrendering to the moment, knowing that he would never find the time to raise his sword in defense, when something very odd happened. Suddenly the Uruks encircling him turned into a sprinkle of warm blood, that landed on his forehead, gently trickling down. Then another sprinkle hit him, and by the third one, he was so stunned, he forgot all about the jump.  
  
A woman was standing before him a moment later, and she looked nothing like Irulan. Yes, she had Irulan's appearance and her attire..yet, her eyes spoke of a different spirit. The understanding grasped his mind, rather than the other way around and Aragorn shivered for no apparent reason. She had her staff on her left hand, held leisurely, while her right hand came up, palm facing him. Irulan took a step towards him, as if meaning to press him back, but remained with a safe distance between them. At the corner of his eyes he could see the front line of Uruks hesitating to continue with the attack in the face of what they had witnessed. Aragorn felt the sick need of laughing at the confusion on their ugly faces. 'They must look exactly like I do,' he thought. "Go," said Irulan, then, and her voice sounded flat and foreign. Instantly he remembered when he had heard it before...it was at the Falls of Rauros, right after Frodo had left. She had turned to him and said 'Lead, king of kings, and I shall follow,' and she had sounded like an inanimate object having found the power to speak.  
  
"Leave!" said Irulan and the tone of command made his body move, although his mind shrieked for him to remain. He found himself leaping and his hands swiftly enclosed on the rope, with Gimli dangling from his arm. A part of him woke up then and screamed for him to instantly jump back. 'Fool!' it yelled to him, 'Fool! You left her behind! Go back, NOW!' He tried to turn his head to see her, but with his current position found that it was impossible to do so. His head went wildly up and down and he found Legolas at the end of the rope, pulling them in. The elf did not look better than Aragorn himself. His hands were frantically pulling the rope, working with others around him, but his blue eyes were glued on Irulan and the expression on his face spoke books.  
  
"Let me down!" thundered Gimli and thrashed some more, "Aragorn! Irulan is back there, damn it!"  
  
"I know!" was all he could find to yell back.  
  
"Aaaarrggghh! That damn woman!" Gimli boomed and tried again. Fortunately they had almost reached the top of the wall and Aragorn forced his mind to stay clear as his arm encircled the dwarf even stronger to prevent his fall.  
  
Irulan watched her friends being pulled away and only then did she slowly turn to face the Uruks. The fear and confusion that had set in on them was more delicious than any thing that she had tasted before. She had Shifted, yes, but in the tumult of the battle, not many had seen what was happening then. Now that she was the only person among them, her talent had become apparent and even orcs feared what their minds could not comprehend. Facing them, she turned her back to the fortress and shut it off from her world as if shutting off a distant memory. There were only herself and the Uruks, now. Her eyes glided over them, seeing their dense mass, but her brain did not wish to comprehend the number, any longer. It meant nothing. It was over. She could not escape. She would not die trying. She would Shift and face whatever came with that. She heard Legolas shouting her name frantically over and over again, but it was so distant and so unrelated to the moment, she quickly shut that voice off as well. The calmness caressed her like a gentle breeze, whispering pleadings for her to let it in.  
  
'It is time, Irulan,' said the voice in her head then, 'and I can not deny that I have long waited for this moment. Your Fate awaits you.'  
  
'I have dreamt of this,' Irulan said softly, reverting once more to a dialog with her alter ego.  
  
'So you have,' it said back, 'and for far longer than you think. I remember, Irulan,' it whispered with slight excitement, 'since the very first day you have been given this gift, you have yearned for its loss. Since your first pace on this road, you have wished for the last step. Since the moment you broke your oath to the Sisters, you have desired the punishment. It is finally here. We shall have what we have come to find.'  
  
'Yes!' she said softly and smiled an evil smile. The Uruks in the first row shot her another uneasy look.  
  
'Ah, the pleasure of being complete! The lightness of reaching an ending! So much was denied us, Irulan! Now is the time to rise and shine for what we are.'  
  
Irulan held up her staff horizontally in front her. 'Let the dance begin!' she thought with amusement and excitement taking a hold of her.  
  
'Dance with me, Sister!' said the voice in her, and it sounded exactly like Hetaire.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
THE EDGE  
  
The woman is perfected.  
  
Her dead  
  
Body wears the smile of accomplishment,  
  
The illusion of a Greek necessity  
  
Flows in the scrolls of her toga,  
  
Her bare  
  
Feet seem to be saying:  
  
We have come so far, it is over.  
  
Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,  
  
One at each little  
  
Pitcher of milk, now empty.  
  
She has folded  
  
Them back into her body as petals  
  
Of a rose close when the garden  
  
Stiffens and odors bleed  
  
From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower.  
  
The moon has nothing to be sad about,  
  
Staring from her hood of bone.  
  
She is used to this sort of thing.  
  
Her blacks crackle and drag.  
  
. Sylvia Plath 


	23. Everything Worth Saying

My dear readers;  
  
It seems like many have taken the last part of the former chapter to be Irulan's fall to Fever. It was not meant to be so. She merely decided to Shift till the end and face whatever came with that. Let's not forget that she is outside the fortress, alone, facing thousands of Uruks. It is only normal that she would think she will not make it.  
  
As to the process of healing and Shifting. No doubt that the healing had an incredible effect on Irulan, for both the quality of her Shifting and her stamina in that field has changed. Yet, healed or not, how much can a human body take of such a tiring process before the mind begins to sag behind? And perhaps we would have to think of healing not as a prevention of Fever, but as a possibility of its reversal. Well...so much love and dedication is bound to make a difference - as you will see in this chapter. It is not the last one, so I will save explanations for the next one.  
  
Alas, once more thank you for reading, reviewing and sharing. Don't think that I am exaggerating when I say that the world seems to be a brighter place for it!  
  
Act 24 - the curtain opens and war continues. This chapter was partly written to Requiem for a Dream from the TTT soundtrack.  
  
. ****************************************************************** .  
  
The first thing Aragorn did when he reached the top of the wall, was to fall on Legolas and try to hold him with all his strength, because he knew exactly what his old friend was going to do. To his surprise, Gimli seemed to understand it as well, for he, too, threw himself on the blonde elf's legs and hung on as if his life depended on it. Needless to say, that they had no effect on Legolas, whose elven strength surpassed them both easily. He shook them off, like swatting away flies and made for the wall, ready to jump down. Aragorn dashed ahead and once more, embraced him from behind. Legolas did not even turn to look at him. His entire focus was fixed on Irulan. Aragorn did not follow his gaze in fear of seeing something horrible happening to her. He wished to jump down himself, but not like this! Not this way!  
  
"Legolas! We will join her! But you can not jump alone!" he yelled into his ear, but Legolas was deaf to him, even though he must have heard the ranger perfectly well from this distance and with his sensitive hearing. He gave Aragorn a soft but effective nudge in the stomach with his elbow and Aragorn felt his hands slipping off the elf as the breath left him momentarily. Legolas had reached the wall and he would jump any minute. Once more, Gimli got hold on to one of the elf's legs and hung on. Suddenly Eomer was on Legolas' left, holding him and trying to drag him back. It would have been futile, of course, but to Aragorn's surprise, Legolas' right side was now full with other men, holding the prince from leg, arm, waist, tunic and neck, trying to drag him back.  
  
Legolas blinked and woke up from his trance, realizing that he was being hindered in his aim far more strongly than to his liking. He began to thrash and struggle, trying to break free, but as soon as he knocked a man down, another was there to hold him. The Rohirrim simply followed the lead and command of their captain and Eomer looked like he had absolutely no intention of sending Legolas to his death. "Irulan!" screamed Legolas, his arms held in iron grasp on both sides, now. "Irulan!" he tried over and over again, but Irulan would not hear him.  
  
It took seven men and a dwarf to drag Legolas away from the wall. Aragorn had never seen him like this. His eyes were heavy with something that the ranger could only describe as madness. Suddenly a thought occurred to him. 'Good thing we are fighting Uruk-hai, not elves,' he thought. They would never succeed against the elven kind. Knowing that the others were capable of holding him now, he swiftly walked around and stood before the elf. But instead looking at him, he turned to look down, towards Irulan. And so did the rest of the company, all struggle forgotten. He heard someone murmuring a prayer and even though it should have been extremely odd, it was not. It was only normal to seek refuge in divine powers when one faced something like this.  
  
The stone path that led to the gate was no longer made of stone. It was made of heaps of dark flesh and even darker blood. Steel weapons and pieces of armory were scattered on it, glittering like jewels in the mud. It was not battle. It was massacre. Irulan was standing a good distance away from where they had last seen her, and she was continuing to advance, though it was an advance that was undetectable by the eye. As far as they could see, she was a blur, disappearing and reappearing, but never in the act of slaying itself. Mostly she looked as calm as she had decided to take a stroll in the park, frozen in the act of walking, her staff dangling from her hand, her hair softly stroked by the breeze and flowing in behind her. And as she walked, the Uruks seemed to fall apart around her.  
  
Aragorn had been all over Middle Earth and his eyes had witnessed some very strange and disturbing things. Yet he knew that what he was witnessing now would stay with him till the end of his life. In fact, unknown to him, he would wake up many nights from nightmares in which he was reverted to his current post on the wall of Helm's Deep, watching the unthinkable happening right in front of his eyes. And with that instant, came the realization of what Darma Druids were. They were not human beings. How could they be? How could this be of human doing?  
  
His eyes swept over the stone path, up to where she was standing. He had turned his back to her for only moments and yet, how many did she slay? Hundreds? Several hundreds, for sure. Even the slaying itself was brutal and cold, for the Uruks were very seldom stabbed or cut. Mostly they seemed to fall down in heaps and pieces, like a child's toy falling apart. A chill went down his spine once more, as his mind tried to grasp the battles the Darma Druids had led along with the elves against Sauron. Even the Dark Lord stood no chance against something like this...no wonder he was defeated over and over again and forced to escape to the Ash Mountains the last time. And here she was - a remnant of those times, killing once more the evil her people had faced many times before her.  
  
Aragorn turned to look at the rest of the company and he was not surprised to find them frozen as well, staring out at the scene before them. Their eyes were widened with disbelief, their mouths hung slightly open. Only Gimli, who had approached to stand next to him, looked oddly sad.  
  
"Irulan," said Legolas again, but this time it came out like a desperate whisper. 'She will not fall. She can NOT fall. She is healed,' he told himself over and over again, as if repeating those words often enough would indeed cast a spell and make it happen. This woman...this slayer....standing there in the field of lifeless meat....could it be Irulan? Memories flooded back to him. How gorgeous she had looked under the giant tree by Chemarit's hut, with her dark hair pinned up, the white linen dress flowing around her on the green grass, while the sun was throwing golden patches on her! How beautiful her voice had been when she had asked for his promise at the River Anduin that he would not leave Middle Earth before her time! How her eyes had glowed in the moonlight that night and how soft and yet strong her embrace -the very embrace that had changed him forever- had felt! How desperate she had looked at Parth Gallen when he had dared to embrace her broken spirit, leaning against a tree, her knees drawn up, her face a mask of sorrow - the child of terrible power. How tired she had seemed when she had joined him to sit at the cliff, dangling her feet down, to share his sleepless moments and how soft her lips had been when he had kissed her, confessing his feelings. How sad her torture had been when he had failed to understand her by the river in Rohan, and had only ended up trying to soothe her by stroking her back as she lay in his lap. Irulan...the majestic beauty who had called him the most precious gift in Fangorn and who had made him the happiest of all elves by leaning back on him on their ride to Rohan. Irulan, who had shared her bed in Rohan with him, holding his hand when he had been weak and ashamed of himself. Irulan, who had walked with him on the rocky hills of Rohan and who had felt and tasted like the very flame from which all other flames had sprung forth. Irulan, who had said that she loved him and thereby, given him a gift beyond any - beyond immortality itself. Was that her now? He blinked back tears. 'I will not lose her!' he screamed silently. 'Not now! I can NOT lose her!'  
  
"What...what is she doing?" whispered Eomer and swallowed softly as he tore his eyes away from her to look at the ranger.  
  
"She is saving our lives," said Aragorn softly, not wishing to look back over his shoulder again and instead, seeking refuge by locking eyes with Legolas.  
  
"She is lost to us," whispered Gimli suddenly, his eyes washing over the figure of Irulan, as she advanced further and further, forcing the Uruks into a retreat. "The Fever has taken her from us."  
  
"No!" said Aragorn suddenly and all looked up at the voice of a king unlike any Middle Earth had ever seen before. The rage and desperation in Legolas' eyes lifted for a moment and hope flowed into Gimli's fallen appearance. Aragorn looked from one to the other, ignoring the confusion that had set in on the rest of the company. They both nodded back. "She is ours. Nothing can take her from us." Everyone held their breath for a moment as Aragorn's eyes swept over the company, returning once more to his friends. He pushed his chin up and motioned for Eomer to let go of Legolas. The Rohirrim blinked and slowly obeyed. Legolas did not sprint away. He stepped closer to the ranger and looked down at Gimli. None looked back to Irulan. "If the Fever has her, we shall take her back!" said Aragorn with a low growl and strode away towards the Keep. Legolas and Gimli exchanged blank looks and immediately joined him, still refusing to check back on Irulan in fear that they would change their minds and jump off anyway. Their movement set everyone else into motion and the men hastily followed them, as the Uruks jumping from their ladders finally conquered the last wall of Helm's Deep.  
  
***  
  
Irulan did not know how long she had been fighting. It could have been only moments, it could have been centuries. Never had she Shifted so often, though. Even her rather scary experience in Parth Gallen had lasted much, much shorter than this - she was sure about that. And yet, she felt the exhaustion only now creeping slowly into her system. She should have been done, she should have fainted with the effort, but she felt as raw and unused as she had first Shifted. Her staff was like a black adder in her hands, striking and killing instantly, cutting through the dark wall before her with the ease of cutting through water. And just like water, soft liquid beads and droplets of orcish blood landed on her face, immediately cooling in the cold, crisp air of Rohan.  
  
'Perhaps I am healed,' she thought suddenly. She could still think and feel in the void and although it had irritated her in the beginning, now she felt a little bit more secure for this ability. If she could keep conscious throughout this whole incidence, it meant that she would not end up doing something that was beyond her conscious and beyond her control. For Irulan feared nothing more than losing control. The idea that she would lose her sanity and never know about it woke unspeakable terror in her.  
  
'Perhaps I can truly not fall any longer,' she thought and hope bloomed in her like a single flower in endless plains. Just then, she felt something heavy enclosing her, like a cloak. She continued hacking, but remained focused as to what this feeling was. Ever since her experience with Legolas, Shifting had become a strange and new experience for her. Not that she knew what the Fever exactly felt like, for obviously she had never fallen to it before. And yet, she could recall the empty dullness that had enveloped her in Parth Gallen and she knew that Fever itself had probably not been too far. Perhaps it had brushed by her, gently caressing her. She shook off the memories and tried to concentrate on the moment. Physically, she did not need to. All her training, all her education came to life before her eyes. Her body reacted with a preciseness she would not have expected herself to be capable of. But her mind....  
  
Yes, the heavy cloak was there. It was like a second bubble of calmness, dampening and dulling the outer world even further. And yet, Irulan still did not feel tired or done. Yes, the effort was pulsing through her system, and she was absolutely sure that she would have to sleep for at least a week when this was over ('IF this will be over, Irulan,' corrected an amused inner voice instantly), but for the moment, she felt like she could continue doing this on and on. And that's when she saw a figure at the corner of her vision. She instinctively turned to look, but found only other Uruk-hai. Her heart did a flip. Her body kept turning, reeling, sprinting and bending, killing with every move, but her mind forced her eyes to look around again and again. She had seen someone there, she was absolutely sure of that....and yet....it could not have been.  
  
So Irulan continued Shifting in and Shifting out. With every step she took away from the fortress, the distance between herself and her past was growing. She was not aware of it, but memories and feelings of that other Irulan were waving her goodbye even now, standing like a solitary figure back at the walls from which she had jumped minutes ago to save Aragorn and Gimli. Her past was fading from her mind, as Irulan was once more turning into the cutting blade itself. The reason why she was here right now this very moment was forgotten. She needed no reason. She was here and doing what she was supposed to do. The people she had been fighting for since many hours now were losing name and form as she continued to slay.  
  
A hazy mist came over her mind, slowly cooling the fire of recognition. Unknown to her, Irulan was so far gone, she would not have recognized her own mother if she had come face to face with her this moment. And again unknown to her, she had Shifted far more often and with far more depth than any Sister in the entire history of Darma Druids. Irulan, who was quickly ceasing to be Irulan, had finally arrived at the base of the wall that was bordering the known lands. No other had made it this far. If she had stopped right then, if she had dealt another stroke and then ran back to the Gates in the void, she would have returned home having accomplished something that no Druid would have imagined possible. She would have ended with the rest of the fellowship once more, having killed hundreds, but having found sanity and refuge in the end. Because her healing had given her the unique chance to go beyond the endurance of any Sister before her.  
  
But Irulan did not stop. Instead, she sprinted on the wall itself and then landed softly onto the earth that belonged to a strange and new territory. What she found there, though, was more familiar to her than anything she would have expected to see. There would be no return, for the idea and thought of return faded from her mind as well, and Irulan stood facing what she had come here to face.  
  
She turned around to see the same figure, walking the perimeter of her vision. This time she managed to catch a glimpse before, once again, the figure darted away from her vision with incredible speed. 'No,' she thought as icy desperation shook her body. 'No....I will not fall.' Even as she was thinking, the figure of the woman danced back into her field of vision and disappeared behind the tall Uruk-hai that stood before Irulan, frozen in the attempt to defend themselves. Irulan hacked away the first row and Shifted out to see more clearly. There! She caught sight of the long brown hair as it seemed to float amongst the orcs. Irulan Shifted again and killed three more, all the time her head frantically turning to see more. There...the tip of a staff with silver blades! She swallowed and charged, cutting away all the orcs that stood in her path, as well as those that were desperately trying to run around her, towards the Gates.  
  
Moments later she saw the woman's complete figure and turned to lock eyes with her. Yes, it was her. The woman smiled back at her as she continued her running and disappeared to her left. Irulan frantically Shifted and turned a full circle, trying to locate her like a dog trying to catch his own tail. Uruk-hai were falling around her like leaves catching fire before they even hit the flame itself, yet Irulan neither saw nor cared. Suddenly she saw the woman again, off in the crowd, this time standing calmly, her legs apart, both hands on her staff that was resting right in front of her. The tall and dark bodies of the orcs surrounded her, but she seemed oblivious to them. Irulan hacked her way towards her, but once she arrived there, the woman was gone.  
  
"Show yourself!" she screamed, and her voice echoed painfully in the void, thrown back to her again and again, until she felt like she had been asked to do that by someone else. "I am here, show yourself!" she yelled again, all the time trying to see both ahead of her and over her shoulder, while Shifting in and out of the world. "I am here," echoed her own words back at her, "show yourself!"  
  
"I am here! YOU show yourself! Coward!" she screamed back, slicing through dark meat as if slicing through inanimate, lifeless and soulless beings. Fury began to bubble up in her, finding ever more strength from her frustration. No matter how hard she tried, she failed to see more than little glimpses of hair or clothing or staff. "YOU show yourself!" rang back the echo of the flat voice, "Coward!" it screamed at her, followed by deep, amused laughter.  
  
Then the woman was right in front of her, oddly holding an orcish blade, meaning to bring it down to her right shoulder. Irulan acted immediately and ducked, whirled and sliced through her. She regained her posture with deep satisfaction blooming in her, expecting to see the woman falling into half right before her eyes, but instead, only another Uruk-hai fell, still holding the blade that was meant to kill her. Stunned, she walked up to the fallen figure and ignoring the tumult before her, momentarily bent down to pick up the creature's head. Disgusted, she dropped the head of the orc back and another wave of fury hit her as she Shifted again, to charge. "I am here!" echoed a voice in the void, "Coward!"  
  
Irulan felt both fear and fury dancing in her, one replacing the other instantly, and now that the Shifting itself had changed, neither left her even when she was in the void. "Who are you?!" she screamed in desperation, knowing the answer perfectly well, but fearing it more than she had feared anything else in her life.  
  
"Who are you?" whispered the echo back and it sounded so close to her ear, she shrank back, instantly turning around to see if the woman was there. She was alone, surrounded by frozen statues of orcs, lost in a forest of foreign creatures. Her sense of direction set in and she quickly ran up in the void to cut the Uruks that seemed to have passed by her, heading towards the direction she had come from (it was the direction of Helm's Deep, of course, but Irulan had long ago forgotten about the fortress). "Who are you?" the whisper came back once more. Irulan's heart was pounding painfully now, her pulse speeding up to frightening limits. Although the feeling of pain and effort was still masked in the void, she felt them lurking behind the door. The moment she opened the door, they would clash into her.  
  
"I am Irulan!" she screamed back, fury burning her nerve endings with such intense fire, it literally hurt. She could hear a chuckle then and did not know which direction it came from. She felt already dizzy from all the turning in circles, her futile attempts to glimpse the Other. "*I* am Irulan," the woman whispered back and appeared right in front of her, another orcish sword hanging limply from her right hand, a smile adorning her lips. Irulan grinded her teeth and approached her, her staff buzzing in her hands, ready to slay.  
  
"No, *I* am Irulan," she hissed and attacked. Once more, an instant satisfaction and joy set in as she felt the blades of her staff slicing the head off the creature. And once more confusion gave way to fury when she turned around to find an orc in the place of that damn woman!  
  
"Coward!" she heard her voice suddenly and looked up to see her standing once more amongst the first ranks of the orcs, once more oddly oblivious to their existence. "I am here!"  
  
"Show yourself!" said another exact duplicate of the Other, appearing right next to the first one. Their staffs flickered, disappeared, then flickered and were instantly replaced by Isengard swords.  
  
Irulan remained rooted for a moment. Suddenly her senses returned for a brief blink of an eye. She realized that she was only fighting mirror images of herself..that they did not exist..that she had begun to see things and react to the echo of her own words as if they were spoken by someone else. Without knowing how, she knew that she should never give in to the temptation and fight them, for they would keep luring her away from...from...from where? She frowned as she tried to remember, but failed. She looked up, confused, all the world halted in motion - that is, all the world except the two twins before her. They smiled at her, the corners of their lips turning upward in perfect unison. "Who are you?" they said, their voices so perfectly overlapping, that it sounded like a single voice and a single utterance.  
  
A hate like no other overcame Irulan. She did not fight it, but even if she had, she was sure that she would not have succeeded in suppressing such a force. All shriveled and died at the sight of such fervor. She inhaled its sharp scent and felt hate raging in her, like an airborne disease that had found a new host. Her past and her future melted away. The moment remained. Nothing mattered any longer. Hate needed neither reason nor motivation. Its being alone provoked such energy, that it HAD to be put into motion. Irulan felt it boiling in her, burning her like hot water burns a vessel.  
  
She Shifted out and impaled an Uruk, forcefully driving the staff into the ground. The creature and the staff stood erect, bound to remain like that like a grotesque monument. She reached and pulled the sword from behind her back, its slender form and comfortable weight odd in her hands. "Very well," she said and walked towards the Uruk-hai who were partly falling back from this frightening creature before them. Irulan was so lost in her own battle that she did not see that more and more Uruks were slipping past her now, and once more returning to their task of invading Helm's Deep. She had killed countless, and yet even with her healed state, this much Shifting was bound to unearth unwanted guests. The Uruk-hai before her began to fall, while others closed in on her. Darma Druid or not, a single person was no match for an army like this.  
  
But Irulan was not engaged in this battle any longer. Her body killed orcs left and right, but her mind was fixed on her twin sisters before her, waiting calmly and with amused looks for her to come closer. The blade in her hand sang of long forgotten songs as she swung it. "Very well," she said again when she was close enough and looked up to see a third Irulan joining the duo before her. "Dance with me," she said and the other three joined her words in perfect unison, their voices exactly her own voice, "Sister."  
  
***  
  
Legolas held Arod's reins as the horse softly neighed and backed away from the gate that was opening before them now. "You better bring her back, elf!" said Gimli from below and he looked down to meet eyes with the dwarf.  
  
"I will, Gimli!" he said and his voice was cold determination itself.  
  
Aragorn appeared by them, then, on his own horse, his sword in his hand, his other hand holding the reins. Legolas could see Theoden and Eomer right beside the ranger, their eyes locked to the gate, their own swords drawn. Aragorn gave elf and dwarf one last look and then dug his heels in. Legolas mimicked him instantly and bolted out momentarily. Gimli glanced at their receding forms for another moment, then ran up to blow the horn. The dawn was breaking and he told his heart stubbornly that it would not be the last dawn he would witness.  
  
Legolas was greeted by the soft bluish light that spoke of a very near dawn. The air was cool to the touch, but it felt comforting, for a fire was burning in him. The idea of Irulan occupied his mind like something he had never encountered before. His world swam, his feelings drowning, floating like dead bodies on the ocean that was her. Memories flooded back to him, mercilessly beating down on him again and again and again. "Irulan," he thought. "Irulan, be safe. Be well. Stay with me." His anxiety was the storm beating on the dark ocean in his mind. Thunder cracked the sky; the salty waters slapped him like sharp blades. He had never seen the ocean itself, but only drawings of it in books. Yet, it was as vivid as if his own eyes had observed it. He blinked away the water in his eyes to see Irulan. They rode on and on, and although they encountered a few Uruk-hai running up to the gates, it was nothing compared to the bodies lying on the floor, growing cold with the lack of life. So many! So many! 'She is healed,' he told himself once more, 'She can not fall.' And yet...so many!  
  
Suddenly he saw her staff, driven through an Uruk-hai from shoulder to leg, forcing him to remain erect even in his death. He should have been terrified. He should have been disgusted. But he felt nothing but the salty clash of waves on him. With one swift moment he pulled the staff out of the creature and continued his riding, for he had glimpsed Irulan ahead, swinging her narrow blade. There was a clumsiness and oddness to her movements that had not been there before. Legolas felt eyes on him and turned to look at Aragorn. "We will protect you, Legolas," the ranger said and rode ahead to engage in a battle with the Uruks who grew ever more in number now, as the stone path had become wider and as Irulan seemed incapable of stopping all from flowing by her. Legolas jumped from Arod and ran up to her. He was perfectly aware that Irulan might not and most probably would not recognize him any longer. He should have jumped off that damn wall! He should have gone to her while he still had the chance. And yet...he felt no fear. If Irulan would slice through him now, he would feel only relief. He would not live to see her failing and falling. He would not live to see her pain. As sick as it was, happiness surged through him with the thought of death at her hands and he ran faster.  
  
***  
  
Irulan was surrounded by images of herself. The thought of orcs and Uruk- hai had faded from her mind as had everything else. The world did not exist. She was under blankets of silence and heat, pushing down on her like natural forces. Her blade met other blades, crossed them, parried them, attacked them, then cut through flesh and bone. And yet, her sisters kept re-appearing again and again. She looked up at the uncountable mass of Irulans, dancing around her and though she should have felt fear, she felt nothing but hate. Her muscles ached and even in the deepness of the void she had begun to feel the wounds that were bleeding mercilessly. And yet, she did not care. Even if her blood would flow out of her now, she knew that she would continue hacking, for hate would replace her life energy and would drag her on. She charged again and again, she Shifted again and again, not really paying attention any longer.  
  
Then something very strange happened. Suddenly the world stopped completely. She was forced to a freezing halt herself and even though she could not move her head, her eyes took in the other Irulans, arrested in utter surprise and shock as well. A pain flew through her and it felt as if the source for this pain was somewhere behind her, and as if the fire erupting from there licked through her entire existence, hitting her back and leaving her face. Then another wave of pain hit her, and then another. At the same moment she heard a strange sound - it sounded like a mixture of breaking glass and the howling of a gust of wind as it surged through a hole in the wall. She felt something around her collapsing and tried to instinctively bring up her arms to cover her face, but failed doing so for she was still frozen. Instantly the howling wind turned into a storm and Irulan watched in amazement as it blew away all the other Irulans around her, throwing them off into the air. A moment later, all had disappeared, and with them vanished the pain as well as the wind itself and her own stiffness. She stumbled a few steps ahead, completing the motion she had meant to before the spell had taken a hold on her and immediately turned around to see the source of this tumult.  
  
It would have been a mistake to say that Irulan felt surprised to see Legolas standing before her, for surprise was not the feeling. Neither was it astonishment or shock. It was not relief or understanding either. Her mind failed to grasp what her eyes were perceiving; much less did she realize his identity. All she saw was a man looking down at her with impossibly blue eyes, and embedded in a light that was painful to behold. Her eyes watered with the intensity of it, so she turned to look away, but found herself locked to the blue eyes of the man, who stepped closer. Time was frozen. Irulan took a step back. She neither saw the Uruks around her, nor the elves or men fighting with them. She was not aware of Rohan or Helm's Deep or the battle for survival. The blade was forgotten in her hand, and slid from her grasp, meeting the stone floor, along with her own name and every other memory she had once possessed. She was as empty as a blank piece of paper, waiting to be written upon. The man was right in front of her in the blink of an eye, and the light that seemed to pour from him seemed almost painful at the moment. She tried to step back again, but he grabbed the front of her tunic and jerked her to himself so hard, she almost lost her footing. She felt his lips meeting hers and it was only then that Irulan felt surprise.  
  
Only bare moments had passed since Legolas had spoken the words embedded in Irulan's mind...the only words that would wake her up. His own voice seemed foreign to him when he had said them and when she stopped and turned to face him, he had no idea how to proceed. He had often tried to imagine the moment, had often thought of what to do. He knew he had only very few precious moments before the darkness would set in on her mind again and take Irulan from him forever. Images of himself grasping a shocked Irulan and binding her hands and feet, then hauling her onto his shoulder to run back had come to him. He had dreamt of images of himself knocking her unconscious and then once more carrying her back to safety. Yet, when he stood there at the break of dawn, facing the woman he loved in that state, he forgot them all. And he did something that he certainly would have believed to be foolish if he had thought of it before - he grabbed her and kissed her. She remained stunned for a moment, then he felt her trying to fight him off, but Legolas quickly discarded the staff in his hand and pulled her into a tighter embrace, deepening the kiss. His love, his anxiety, his fear and concern for her exploded in him and he could not help himself holding her stronger and claiming her lips, even though she resisted him as if he was a complete stranger.  
  
She could just go on and kill him now. He did not care. The world meant nothing without her. For three thousand years he had been experiencing it, day in and day out, and he felt absolutely not the slightest regret at this moment as he let go of the wish to continue this habit. He thought of neither Mirkwood, nor his father, Aragorn or the Ring as he surrendered - though these thoughts and people had a much longer history in his mind. Irulan was the sole object in his mind, she was the only flame. If she meant to burn him as well as herself, he would join her gladly.  
  
He broke the kiss, but held her shocked figure even stronger, afraid of losing her. "I love you, Irulan," he whispered and it was the only thing he could think of. It was the only thing worth saying. Those three words said it all. Let the world end here and now - for everything that needed to be said was said. Moments passed. Then more moments passed. And yet she did not strike. Moments passed again, and Irulan remained in his arms. Her breath was warm on his cool skin, gliding down his cheeks and his neck. She felt so small, so much like a child. And yet, this was no child. He desperately tried to think of something else to say, for love could certainly not be expected to draw a response from a Darma Druid. And yet..what worthy words could be said in a matter of seconds? "I love you," he said again and closed his eyes, waiting for her blow.  
  
But the blow never came. Irulan stood in his arms, stiff and alert, not knowing what to do as memories flew and hacked through her mind. A storm of the past was here, hurling every single detail and every word of every conversation back at her in a matter of instants. And she only realized that she had forgotten them when she perceived them again, now. A lifetime had been taken from her and was granted back to her. A lifetime blessed with so much love, so much sacrifice! So many had shared it with her, so many had touched her heart and spirit. And in the middle of all was standing Legolas.  
  
Legolas, who had loved her despite all her imperfections. Legolas, who had waited patiently through her immaturity, who had dealt lovingly with all her blows; who had accepted all her mistakes, even though she had stubbornly repeated them again and again. Legolas, who had always been ready to throw everything away, for a single embrace from her. Legolas, a creature worth everything she had to offer, and so much more. "Legolas," she whispered, as her eyes fluttered, her mind trying to slip away into the darkness.  
  
Legolas tensed immediately. He knew that he had heard her whispering his name, and yet...it was so unexpected, it was so miraculous, he dared not believe it. He felt her giving in to his embrace, then and could not prevent the tiniest of hopes from glowing in his mind. There was no return from Fever. There was no undoing Fever. Yet....she had whispered his name. "Legolas," he heard her again, weaker this time and he hastily leaned back to look at her. Irulan felt limp in his arms and she sagged against his chest when he drew back. Panic seized him.  
  
"Irulan," he said softly, trying not to scream with the anxiety. He did not know what else to do, so he quickly lifted her up and she leant her head on his shoulder, not looking up at him, but encircling his shoulder with her right arm. "Talk to me, Irulan," he said, but she remained silent. Irulan lifted her head to look around, the assault of consciousness and memories slowly taking mercy on her now. They were standing in the battlefield, with Uruks fighting Rohirrim on horses. The absurdity of their current situation would make her smile if she had had the strength for it.  
  
Suddenly Legolas gasped. "Irulan," he said softly, not looking down at her, "Gandalf has come, Irulan." Her head snapped up at that and her eyes hastily looked for the beloved sight of the Wizard. And indeed, there he was - riding down from a hill towards the east, like a god. Rohirrim were following his lead, drawing ever nearer to the dark army of Uruks below. The sun came up then, and the golden light washed over the valley of Helm's Deep. Instantly it was Rohan again and the dark territory of the battle arena that would remain in their minds for many years to come, disappeared as the daylight brought back hope. Elf and woman remained frozen, watching the tiny shining figure of Gandalf reaching the Uruks and delving into them like a white lightning. "Gandalf is here, Irulan," Legolas whispered again and looked down at her face that was lost in the amazement of the moment. He watched her for a long time while she watched Gandalf, trying hard to keep her eyes open. "I love you, Irulan," he whispered again and she frowned and looked up at him.  
  
"Legolas," she said then, and her voice was a soft brush in the clatter of battle, "take me from this place." Legolas looked at her for another moment, suddenly not knowing whether she meant the battlefield or Middle Earth altogether. Finally, still not sure but knowing that in either case he would have to take her back to the fortress first, he nodded and walked over to Arod, mounting the horse in one fluid movement, with Irulan still in his arms. He looked up in time to see the remaining Uruks turning around and running off, accepting defeat. So many were lost, and yet good had won over evil this night. He gently placed Irulan sideways on the saddle, holding her back with one arm while he reached out to the reins with the other. Suddenly he realized that both his hands were covered with thick blood. He brought his free hand up in confusion, looking at the warm red liquid gently dripping from his wrist down on the white mane of Arod.  
  
"Irulan!" he said with haste now, and shook her gently. "Are you wounded?" Irulan did not answer him. She seemed to be sleeping. He quickly traced his hand up her torso and found a rather large wet spot on her side, right above her right kidney. Legolas slightly pushed himself back to take a better look at it and the sight took the color from his face. The bleeding was strong, for his entire tunic was covered with the blood that was slowly spreading and now even penetrating his inner shirt. His red hand shot up to tilt up Irulan's pale face, leaving markings on her chin. "Irulan!" he said, but her eyes remained closed and unmoving. Taking the reins once more, he dug his heels into Arod probably a little more painful than he needed to and the horse dashed towards the fortress in surprise. 


	24. Interlude III, I Give You Life

My beloved readers;  
  
I know that this took rather long to write, but I think it is always more difficult to write the last chapter. As most of you have already guessed, I have decided to wait for the third movie to come out to continue the story. Why? The movies give me the visual background that I need for the story. This way I can build the story without going too far into the description of the events and places. Besides, everyone has watched the movies and it is certainly a much easier common reference point.  
  
The story has grown on me as much as it has grown on you and it has become obvious to me that I will have a hard time not writing it as you, my one and only readers, might have a hard time not to read it. If I find something to strike my inspiration, I will certainly write other fanfics, but I need to work on the idea for now.  
  
You can be sure that I will continue right after ROTK comes out. Even now I have a couple of rather good ideas how to conclude or continue certain things and I think that the third part of Irulan will have even more action and depth to it. I think it will also be much more interesting and mature, since she will continue to grow and change along with the others around here.  
  
Until then, I will simply have to bow and ask permission to leave. At least for this story, since other stories might ignite in my mind any moment. The show it over and the curtain opens for the last act until December. I can only hope that I will find you then, once more. I will turn now and do what I meant to do for a long time - reply your wonderful e-mails and read other fanfiction. If any of you feel like writing to me in the meantime about anything, I will be happy and honored to converse.  
  
Darma Druid  
  


  
***  
  


  
Irulan remained in a critical state for three days. Her breathing was so low, Aragorn and Gimli often suspected the worst, and trying hard not to show any panic in Legolas' presence, they crept closer to the bed in an attempt to check on her. Legolas, though, needed no checking. Her breathing was rather obvious to him. As was anything else about her. Every bead of sweat that formed on her brow, her moan, every slight tilting of her head was evident to him. Though Eowyn, Aragorn, Gimli, Gandalf and even Eomer approached him many times, saying that they would look after Irulan, that he should go and rest, he refused. He also refused to eat or sleep during that time. Even for an elf, it was a tiresome thing to do.  
  
But Legolas felt not tired. He only felt afraid. Those three days he thought about many things. Most of those were about himself and Irulan. He thought and re-thought every moment they had had in each other's presence, starting from the day her hand had landed on his shoulder as a gift of the gods, until the day they had together watched Gandalf flowing down the hill like a foaming river. Then he always found himself looking at her blanched face, tucked in beneath blankets, thinking about what it would feel to lose her. First the idea cut him like a sharp edge and he hastily darted away from it. But in time he found the strength to face it and although it hurt no less, it became at least possible to take it into consideration. He told himself over and over again that she was mortal. That he was bound to lose her sooner or later in this or that way. But in the glare of his emotions, reason fell into heaps very much like the Uruk-hai Irulan had cut. So he remained alone in the room, counting her breaths, fearing that even if he left or slept for an instant, he might return to find her gone from this world. He was not ready to say goodbye. And by the looks of it, he never would be. Minutes dragged by and turned into hours. Hours swayed into days.  
  
Gandalf came in many times, checking on Irulan and trying to replenish her strength that seemed to flow out of her, no matter what they did.  
  
"She seems...utterly exhausted, my friend," the wizard had said, a frown on his face, "her body can not find the strength and stamina to recover itself. Yet....she is alive and we must have faith in that." Legolas had only nodded and had tried to smile despite his pain.  
  
Eowyn would come in, sitting in a chair across his, looking more worried about Legolas than Irulan. He had been unable to keep himself from making a comment about that one time, and she had smiled and said "The Irulan I know is strong. She has defied death many times, you tell me. I am so sure of her, I need not worry. Yet you, Master Legolas....." Ever since that incident, it became a ritual between them and whenever she started that particular sentence Legolas would feel both annoyed and yet amused because he knew what would follow: a long monologue about how Irulan would oppose to his behavior and what good it would do if he joined her in her state and how he should pull himself together -being both the man and the elf- and at least TRY to eat. Legolas would nod and smile to her, as he did to Gandalf and she would leave soon afterwards, accepting defeat - temporarily, of course.  
  
Aragorn and Gimli knew him too well to ask him for such a thing. So they just joined him in his silence, occasionally talking about the incoming news and about the latest word from both Gondor and Mordor. They were a necessary, yet painful reminder of the fact that the world was still turning, and that it would not stop for the love of an elf and a human. Both men were extremely amused by the fact that Irulan's fight had turned into an unbelievable legend, traveling from mouth to mouth, igniting disbelief and shock. Very few humans were aware of Darma Druids, so that never came out. Instead, ironically, her identity as the Black Knight was revealed and her fight -as amazing as it had been- was even more exaggerated. She was very fast becoming a myth in Middle Earth, and a very popular one, favored by both women and men.  
  
Eomer came in, too, regularly, looking like he wanted to cry, but always managing to keep his feelings at bay. Especially in Legolas' presence. Their common worry for Irulan was so strong that for the moment, the hostile feelings between them had vanished. Or at least pushed under the rug. The captain of Rohan had even started conversing with Legolas and to the elf's irritation, as their conversations went on, he had turned out to be a rather respectable human being. When Eomer had reached the point which he believed to be close enough, he had swallowed uneasily and then, rather nervously, asked Legolas what he thought about her situation. Legolas had stared at him for long moments, not understanding his question. Eomer had wriggled some more and then finally croaked "You know..being an Eldar...do you think....she will make it?", and stubbornly avoided eye contact.  
  
"I do not doubt it for a moment, Master Eomer," Legolas had said with a soft voice and watched the man taking this information to heart and very apparently relaxing. After the few minutes, the Rohirrim had left without a word and Legolas had allowed himself an amused smile.  
  
So he sat there and watched Irulan's face painted in black in white when the moon joined his watch, and then the drastic colors softening and slowly merging into different hues when the sun came up again. He watched her face underneath every angle of the light, in the light of fire or in total darkness, as his elven eyes could still see her clear enough. Often he sat by her side, caressing her cheeks as she was burning with fever and whispering comfort and support to her in his native tongue. He paced in the room, sometimes remaining at the window and looking out into the world, all the while his ears never missing a single breath coming from her.  
  
And this is how, on the later hours of the fourth day, Irulan's eyelids fluttered and fought a battle, and finally enjoying a brief victory, remained open, to drink in the sight of Legolas as the first thing in many centuries. He dared not breathe or move as she blinked and, not looking away, tried to shake off the daze and the glaze in her sight. After many moments, Irulan came to the conclusion that one, she was not dreaming and this was Legolas sitting across her; two, she was lying in a bed in a room, all memory of the past days erased from her mind for the moment; and three, she was not dead. After all, given the incidence at Fangorn Forest, Irulan had grown wise enough to know that she would not feel weak or in pained in death.  
  
A frown settled on her face very slowly, narrowing her eyes. "Legolas?" she whispered, or rather tried to whisper, since the dryness of her throat was astoundingly painful and her lungs would not deliver enough air to utter the word with justice. Only then did Legolas smile softly, his eyes shining like jewels and very gently seating himself next to her, held her hand, never looking away. "Yes," he whispered, as if he feared that a louder tone would disturb her, "I am here, Irulan." Then she surrendered to sleep once more and Legolas left the room right afterwards for the first time in days, barely keeping himself from running and found Gandalf to report. Aragorn was with the Wizard and they both followed him back, Gandalf checking on Irulan's pulse, a satisfied smile on his lips. Legolas locked eyes with Aragorn and to his surprise, saw the ranger blinking hastily to suppress tears. Once more amazed by this man he was fortunate enough to have as a friend; he placed his hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed it.  
  
Aragorn did not look at him and never shed those tears. Yet, to Legolas it made no difference. He sighed sadly, remembering his comments and discussions about the ranger's relationship with Arwen. Once more, shame filled him. He had not been too different than Eomer, himself. He had thrown foolish and hollow reasons at his friends, finding satisfaction in their inability to reply. How blind he had been! How ignorant! Thankfully Gimli ran in then, thundering with excitement and in his agitated state, even managed to wake up Irulan once more! The fellowship laughed despite themselves, a dark cloud passing in the sky and finally revealing the sun once more. The sun that was Irulan, who lay there, looking confused but nevertheless extremely happy to see her friends at her side.  
  
And after that, she began to heal. Slowly at first, but then faster and faster - as it became obvious when her voice was heard yelling again in the Hall. Irulan had defied Fever -which was known as an impossible thing to do- and she had defied death. Yet she, once again, failed to defy Legolas and the Fellowship, who naturally assumed complete control over her state - 'for her own benefit'! Legolas never left her side and that was good -especially since she seemed to have developed a new and rather childish fear of the dark (she never told him this, of course, and thankfully he needed no asking for his presence)- but when he took the role of her nurse, Irulan knew she was in for trouble. She knew how to get rid of Eowyn. She knew how to step on the very nerves that made Gandalf throw up his hands and leave. She even knew how to smile warmly and convince a stubborn Eomer. But Legolas....  
"Legolas, I am NOT hungry. And I assure you, I am old enough to know it!" said Irulan and her yet still husky voice had a distinctive edge to it.  
  
Legolas, though, never missed a step as he smiled and gracefully lay the tray on the bed by her side, sitting beside it, himself. "Yes, my love. That may be how you feel. Yet you have to force yourself to eat."  
  
"But I have!" she said and against all her control, it came out too much like whining.  
  
"Irulan, that was hours ago. You promised that you would eat if I did. And I have."  
  
"So have I, damn it!"  
  
He had already delved the spoon into the soup and was looking at her with a warm expression on his face, spoon at hand, waiting. "Are you becoming a child again?" he said finally, his lips breaking into an amused smile.  
  
"You treat me like one, that's why!" she said and almost stuck out her lower lip, but immediately stopped herself from doing so.  
  
"Very well," the elf said with satisfaction and before she could say anything else, gently shoved the spoon into her mouth.  
  
Irulan swallowed and grimaced with fury. "Can I at least have the dignity to eat myself?!" she blistered.  
  
"No," said Legolas curtly and filled another spoon under her watching gaze. Seeing that she was beginning to be difficult again he sighed and said "Irulan, you know you can not. You spilled the whole soup on yourself yesterday and almost burnt yourself."  
  
"That was yesterday! My hands were shaking. I feel better today, Legolas," she said and for a moment forgot that it was rather absurd to be begging him for permission in such a matter.  
  
He placed the spoon back into the bowl and turned to her, eyebrows raised. "Show me your hands, then," and that irritating blank expression was back on his face again. Irulan pursed her lips and put her hands on her laps, staring back in defiance. "Irulan," said Legolas with a warning tone, "I meant lift up your arms."  
  
"I am a Darma Druid, for Heaven's sake! I am the Black Knight! I can certainly lift up my arms!"  
  
"Let's see it then, love," Legolas said with incredible calmness.  
  
She bit her lower lip and looking down on her hands, tried to lift them. Lifting them was not the difficult part, of course. It was keeping them there. Only seconds had passed when her fingers began to shake gently and the tremor moved up to her hands. Irulan dropped them back before it reached her arms. She turned her face away with frustration and anger. Legolas remained silent for a moment, then gently leaned in and kissed her. "The sooner you eat, the stronger you will become," he whispered, placing a loose strand behind her ear. Irulan refused to look back. "Or would you rather sit here while we leave for Gondor?" Her head snapped around and she locked eyes with his unwavering blue gaze. Then, sighing in desperation, Irulan nodded ever so slightly, trying not to scream and cry with fury. Legolas leaned back again and picked up the spoon once more.  
  
And so the torture continued. But deciding to be wise, Irulan began to give in when necessary. Not only did it make Legolas extremely happy when she did, but she also feared that they might indeed leave her behind, now that she was injured. In truth, the Fellowship had not the slightest intention of letting her out of their sight for a single hour, but they had come to the conclusion that threatening Irulan with this option was the only solution. And it worked. She obliged, and although there were times when she simply could NOT be submissive any longer, she eventually cooled down and picked up the struggle once again.  
  
Legolas soon took her out to walk outside. Edoras was windy and he kept saying that she might get ill, especially now that she had become so thin and weak, but Irulan assured him that she would certainly die if she remained in that bed for another day. Being an elf, he knew what enclosed spaces could do to the psyche and finally nodded in understanding. But just when she thought she had for once actually won an argument, he told her to wait and disappeared. A few minutes later he strode back in to meet her with garments stacked up on his arms. Irulan watched in horror as he dressed her in a manner that would have made her sweat easily on Caradhrass, but for the sake of going out, bit her tongue and shut up.  
  
She did not tell Legolas about her restless sleep and how she kept having nightmares in which she confronted herself over and over again in Helm's Deep, because she did not want him to fuss over her more than he already did. But maybe she did not need to. For Legolas remained with her during the night and seemed not surprised when she woke up from those images, panting and gasping, her eyes widened with the horror. When it became truly unbearable, Irulan asked him to lie with her in the bed, and Legolas obeyed with apparent joy. 'No doubt that he has been dying to do just that!' Irulan thought with amusement and decided to leave the matter at that.  
  
Since it would be utterly uncomfortable for him to lie on the covers while she was feeling cold even underneath them, he had to join her under the covers. And it felt so incredible to fall asleep with Irulan lying in his arms, that Legolas immediately began to think how dreadful it would be once she was healed and this permission expired. As it had been with every achieved closeness with her, he immediately grew so fond of it, the idea of parting with it literally pained him.  
  
But he forced himself to push these thoughts away and enjoy the present. And the present was better than it had been in a very long time. Irulan was healing. She was also suspiciously obedient - which was an extremely good thing, of course. She had overcome the Fever. The fellowship was with them. Their journey would continue. Legolas sighed and leaned back on the pillow, gently embracing Irulan's shoulders as her head rested on his chest.  
  
Irulan, on the other hand, felt secure and comfortable in his presence. She found the courage to think about things that she had not dared to consider before. Such as the Fever and the Shifting. As impossible as it was, she had overcome Fever. But Irulan was not naïve. She knew well enough that she had done nothing. In fact, Legolas had overcome the Fever. Her only luck had been that she had loved him back. He had healed her heart. He had chased her and forced her to face her feelings. Even more important, he had made her accept the fact that love DID exist and that it was not something to run away from, but something to be cherished and lived till the very end. He had risked his own life by approaching her. Had it not been for Legolas, she would have never come this far. And that's why no other Darma Druid would. For how many Sisters were loved by such a man - if loved at all? And how many were capable of returning that love? Little did Irulan know that the Druids were not out of her life, yet, and that she would confront them in the most unthinkable of circumstances not too far in the future.  
  
Those nights would always stand out in their memories. Failing to sleep, Legolas and Irulan talked long hours, content just to be in each other's arms. They talked about the things that they had not found the chance to share during this journey. The hectic running and fighting had stopped for the moment and both took advantage of this interlude to delve into each other's spirit and past as much as they could.  
  
Thanks to Gandalf, Irulan's wound healed almost completely. Even the scar faded quickly, leaving behind only a little scratch. That scratch though, remained on her throughout her life, sometimes oddly pulsing with pain and throwing her mind unwillingly back to the very night she had faced both madness and death and had overcome them with love.  
  
The Fellowship remained by her side always. They were torn about how to treat her, so they treated her in every way and fashion and Irulan became used to their chaotic relationship. After all, she had killed hundreds in front of their very eyes, so she was definitely not a little girl. And yet, although they respected her by heart, her wounded state made it impossible for them not to be a little overprotective when it came to her.  
  
Middle Earth was not finished with Irulan, though. Neither was Irulan finished with Middle Earth. In the days and weeks to come, her incredible journey and affiliation with the people that constituted the cornerstones of their times in this world would continue. And unknown to her yet, she would face events of such horror and glamour that her current memories would look weak and diminished compared to those. Her story had barely begun. She was walking on the path she had chosen, not aware that it would turn her into something unparalleled and wondrous, something that was worthy of a myth, destined to ring in many hearts and minds for time after time.  
  
For now, though, Irulan was only a rather unusual mortal woman, walking with Legolas in the moonlit wheat fields of Rohan, her arm secured in his. It was a not so chilly night, and the air felt dry and clean. Irulan reached out to touch the wheat stems swaying in the soft breeze and smiled to herself, remembering the valley of wind and grass. So many unthinkable things had happened in such a short time, such miracles had unfolded before her eyes....once again she thought how blessed she was.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" said Legolas and she turned to find him smiling down at her.  
  
"Everything," she said, smiling back herself and taking a deep breath, feeling the soft and sharp scents of nature mingling in her lungs. "All that has happened. Things that will happen."  
  
"Does it really matter?" he said softly, not looking away from her profile.  
  
Irulan blinked in surprise. "Does what matter?"  
  
"The past. The future."  
  
She thought about it for a moment, as the only sound remained the wheat stems brushed away or gently crushed beneath their heels.  
  
"Are those things not what make us who we are?"  
  
Legolas shook his head and looked up at the moon that was standing out in a cloudless sky, brilliant to the eye and a cooler, yet nevertheless no lesser beauty to the sun. "Sometimes I think that we are but the same -that we are one- and that those things only make us different."  
  
"Maybe different is good. WE are different, Legolas."  
  
Legolas nodded and smiled again. "Yes we are. But we are united." They had arrived by the apple tree in the middle of the wheat field. Irulan and Eowyn had often walked through these fields, talking about love, loss and longing, ending up under the shadow of this very tree that stood like the last remnant of his race - a single green patch in the middle of yellow fields. Legolas stopped and bent to pick up a fallen apple. Irulan watched him as he used his knife to cut it open, then carefully taking out a black seed, threw the rest away. "I have a gift for you," he said as he held her hand and turned her palm up to place the seed into it.  
  
Irulan smiled with amusement and looked down on the single dark speck in her palm that was washed with the bluish light of the moon. The apple tree above them shook gently in the breeze and its smell filled her nostrils. "You give me an apple seed?" she said and looked up at him with wonder and intrigue.  
  
Legolas looked at her for a long moment with that intense gaze that looked right into her soul. A look that spoke of a love so deep, it was and would always remain beyond Irulan's understanding. Only when her limitations were shed with the loss of her current physical form, and when her spirit broke free in death, would she be able to grasp it. "I give you life," he said softly, his voice like an unwritten melody, "In your hand you hold an entire tree. Every branch it will shoot, every fruit it will bear, every hue of every petal of its uncountable flowers that will adorn it spring after spring is there." He smiled and began to encircle her with soft steps that made no sound at all. Irulan looked down at the seed as his voice filled the entire world. "The sour-sweet taste of each apple is there, Irulan. The intoxicating fragrance of its flowers is there. The moss that will crawl on the tree's bark; the birds that will touch it; the people that will pass beneath it, looking up at it and thinking of love, beauty, perhaps of sorrow and desperation are there."  
  
Legolas completed the cycle and stood before her once more and for no apparent reason, Irulan felt under a spell. There was an entrancing aura to the night and to this place. "It is all in your hands. The possibility of all that becoming real depends on your one simple movement. You could throw it on hard and bitter soil, and each of those things will vanish instantly, never to be. Or you could lay it on fertile earth and watch it grow."  
  
Legolas took her other hand then and gently kissed her palm. Even though they had shared much more intimate moments, the kiss made her heart catch fire. "Irulan," he whispered, once more looking at her. In the moonlight and under the swaying branches of the tree, he looked even more out of this world than he ever did. "There is so much we can become. So much we can make possible. And all is only in your hands. You are a goddess. You will choose life or death. You will choose being or not being. Your will is above all."  
  
Irulan just stared at him agape, not knowing how to break free of the spell, much less what to say. Legolas looked up at the tree then and remained like that for many moments. Irulan enclosed her fingers on the tiny seed in her palm and felt its rough surface against her skin. Even now, she imagined it pulsing with possibilities, with countless awe inspiring things. Even now, it was striving to be given a chance - a single chance to reach to the skies.  
  
Suddenly Legolas reached out with his free hand and touched the bark. "Do you know what I think of you?" he said, his face dancing the dance of shadow and light. Irulan shook her head, still dazed in the strangest way. "This tree," he said softly, "has stood here for many years. Its existence meant nothing, Irulan. With all its beauty, its effort to hold on to and continue life; with all the intricate things happening in its nature every moment, it had no value. Not until one night you decided to take this path and lay eyes on it."  
  
Legolas sighed, lost in a world where only elves could roam. "Alas, then suddenly all the storms it had withstood; all harsh droughts it had passed through; all bitter winters it had survived gained depth and meaning. Finally it found its place among the countless interacting living and breathing things in life. Perhaps it stood three thousand years before you came," he said and turned to her, stepping closer as his warmth enveloped Irulan like a protective blanket. "But it was not alive till your eyes gazed on it, even if momentarily. It was worthless until it became a single detail in your life."  
  
Irulan shook her head and looked up at him, slowly encircling her arms around his neck. "Who am I to stand in the way of such a force?" she said finally.  
  
Legolas pulled her to himself and kissed her under the single apple tree in a field of wheat in the land of Rohan under the watching gaze of the moon and the stars, as the seed of love sprouted between them.

****


End file.
